The High Conflict Blueprint | For Stepmoms Dealing with a Toxic or Narcissistic Ex

At first, you’re angry with the ex. She sends the ridiculous message. She changes the plan. She threatens court. She drags the kids into it.But after a while, you start getting angry at your partner.Because she sends the message, but he answers it. She changes the plan, but he agrees to avoid an argument. He lets the kids be rude to you and says nothing.You’ve explained it to him. Probably many times. Sometimes he even agrees. And you think, finally. He gets it. Until the next thing happens. And there he goes again.And now you resent your partner more than his ex. If you’re at this point, you probably feel like the answer is obvious. He needs to change. And maybe he does.But he’s not changing. And this is where you’re getting stuck. You can keep trying to make him change, and resent him for not changing. Or you can leave. Those aren't great options. But they’re not the only options you have.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

There's a common trap you might recognise. You might even be in it right now.I call it 'Invisible and Blamed'.Essentially, you do all these things for your stepkids – you remember the sports uniform, you sort dinner, you help with homework, school pickups, washing, schedule changes. And nobody really notices what you do. It becomes invisible.Until something goes wrong. Or, more accurately, until the ex complains that something went wrong. Then suddenly everybody notices. And apparently it's your fault.It wouldn't be so bad if your partner wasn't in on it too. He just seems to go along with whatever the ex says, to “keep the peace". So you decide "Well fine, I'm not helping anymore. Do it all yourself". Or you just quietly seethe.But neither of these is really working is it.So what do you actually do? I'll show you today.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

What do you do when your stepchild comes back from their mother's and is suddenly cold towards you?The kid was fine when she left. Now she's barely speaking to you. She doesn’t want a hug. She seems irritated by you just being there.And now you're thinking, “Is her mother turning her against me?”It’s the hurt of being rejected. The fear that her mother is brainwashing her. The fear that your partner can’t or won’t do anything about it.And often, the things we do to try to fix it can actually make the situation worse.Today I’m talking about what could be going on when your stepchild comes home like a different child, and what actually helps.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

Have you ever looked at something the ex has done and thought...“What the f*ck??”She makes decisions without your partner and then complains that she has to do everything. She bangs on about how much the kids hate you when they’ve been perfectly fine with you.It makes no sense. But today I want to show you that a lot of her behaviour actually does make sense – if you know the story she's telling herself. The story about who she is, who you are, who your partner is, how she’s been wronged…Because this story connects together everything she does. And if you understand what it is, it can make dealing with her a whole lot less frustrating.Today I’ll show you how to find that story.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You know that feeling when you're going somewhere you know the ex is going to be, like a school concert, or a birthday, or a handover. And you’re already dreading it.You wonder if she’s going to come over. Will she start an uncomfortable conversation? Accuse you of something? Or will she ignore you. Or act friendly, then twist things later. So then you decide maybe it’s easier not to go at all. So you don’t have to deal with it. Or maybe you try to tell yourself that it’ll be fine, that you’re being ridiculous. But that doesn’t stop the dread at the thought of seeing her. Today, I'll show you how to handle this on your own terms. Because you don't need to know what she's going to do, you just need to know what you're going to do.👉 Episode Show Notes👉 Get the 30 Minute Reset: highconflictblueprint.com/reset🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You know that moment you've been triggered and you just react. You say or do something you later regret. Like you're at pickup, and the ex says something in front of the kids, and before you know it you’re having an argument with your partner on the way home about it.And then you spiral into all these thoughts. Thinking about what she said. What you should have said back. What your partner is thinking. You lose the evening arguing with your partner. You lose sleep. You’re distracted at work.And later you’re thinking, “how did that happen? I don't even want to be doing that.” But it’s like you just can’t help it. Most of us only recognise that we’ve been triggered once we’ve already reacted, when it's too late to stop it. But your reaction doesn’t come out of nowhere. You have a trigger pattern. Once you can see it, you can catch it earlier – before the spiral completely takes over your day.👉 Get the 30 Minute Reset: highconflictblueprint.com/reset🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You helped with school pickup – and you were criticized for overstepping. So you stopped – now you're accused of not caring about the kids.Eventually you start wondering what you're doing wrong. Because you're just trying to fit into this family, but everything you do just seems to make things worse.Welcome to the world of the no-win stepmum, where no matter what you do, it's wrong. Most stepmums dealing with a high conflict ex find themselves here. So what exactly are you supposed to do? I'm going to answer that question today.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You've decided to meet with the high conflict ex. That means you’ll be sitting across from someone you don't trust, in a conversation where you have no control over what she says or does. It’s enough to send you into a spiral. If this was a meeting with a reasonable person, then you could just turn up, have a normal conversation, and leave. But dealing with someone with a history of conflict is different. You can't assume the conversation will stay on topic, remain respectful, or end when it's supposed to.Most stepmums make the same mistakes. They don’t prepare, they get caught off guard and set themselves up for trouble. This episode is your preparation – so you can walk in steady, stay in control, and leave on your terms.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

So... the high conflict ex wants to meet with you.She says “it’s not unreasonable to want to meet the woman who’ll be living with my kids.”And it’s not unreasonable... if it was coming from someone reasonable. You immediately know this is a loaded invitation. Now you feel trapped between two bad options – meet and risk being interrogated and having your words twisted, or refuse and risk being painted as rude and uncooperative. So is saying yes the right thing to do? Does saying no make you look like the problem? Today I’m going to show you what’s really behind this meeting request, and how to decide whether to say yes or no. 👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You're suspicious. Of course you are. The ex has been hostile for months. And then one day… she’s suddenly being nice. It's weird. She must be up to something. But no one else seems to think so. Your partner thinks things are settling down. Maybe your friends think she's finally coming around.And now you wonder –  am I just cynical?  Today I'm going to show you what's really behind this weird ‘nice’ behaviour of hers, and what to do the next time it happens.👉 Episode Show Notes🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questionsHeads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.