The Creature Report

 

See you next week, Anchor.  ___________________________________ The Creature Report Documentation & Archival Assistant! What would you like to access? >recent files loading files...... Password protected area. Proceed with password: ************************ [Access Granted!] >TCR-VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_0820_SUBJECT1740ARBY_MISSING >TCR-VPAL 27_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_0829_SUBJECT1731TARTARUS_MISSING >TCR-VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_0829_SUBJECT1428GRAWL_MISSING >TCR-VPAL 28_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_0917_SUBJECT1742REPLACEDJEFF_FollowUp >The Creature Report: Episode 29, Utopic Dormihi - ARCHIVE ONLY 10/02 >TCR-VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_1003_SUBJECT1752UTOPICDORMIHI_MISSING >TCR-VPAL_MMReport_RECORDING_1009_MULTIPLESUBJECTS >TCR-VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_1016_SUBJECT1666PETERWHY_MISSING >TCR_VPAL-ARCHIVAL_RECORDING_1023_SUBJECT1733CHARLES_SUBJECT964ADDISON_MISSING< >play _________ Content warning: implied missing persons throughout episode Written By Val Petrone & Em Murphy Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone Em Murphy as Kyle Culkin Sound FX found on Freesound.org

Something is coming, something is leaving. Some things stay the same. But Anchor, dear, why don't you come near? Let us begin our game. The Creature Report Documentation & Archival Assistant! What would you like to access? >Security Password protected area. Proceed with password: ***************   >Footage & Recording loading files...... Password protected area. Re-enter password: *************** [Access Granted!]        >Recent >10092021_AM_autosave >10082021_PM_autosave >10082021_AM_autosave >10072021_PM_autosave >10072021_AM_autosave >10062021_PM_autosave >∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎ >∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎∎ >10052021_AM_autosave  >10072021_PM_autosave< >play -------------- Content warning: implied kidnapping/missing persons throughout episode In order of appearance: Andy Randolph as Mincus Von Smurdlehoff Nova Wolfhardest as Nova, Creature Matchmaker Ronnie Palmieri as Ron-- We mean, Conrad Growler Alice Kyra as Alice Harry Shapiro as Harry Shapiro, of NPR (National Paranormal Radio) Brianna as NPR (National Paranormal Radio) Intern Marty L Graves as Martin Legosi Graves Mae Murphy as Mae Val Petrone as Val Petrone Additional sound effects and voices provided by freesound.org tiy qeibfws gun,

After the past few weeks of airing unintentional audio, we're back to posting INTENTIONAL episodes! That's right! No more personal notes being leaked, we hope! Either way, this week we're SO excited to meet Selina, our first ever creature AND guest combo (that we knew about before going into the interview)! Tune in as Selina tells us all about life in the swamp, her cousin Sylyna the troll, and what it's like to motivational speak on being a rejected Pokemon design. Plus, do we hear wedding bells for this creature and one of our camera men? Tune in to find out! Content Warnings: Conversations about vaccines, hard drugs, the government, and cartoonish animal cruelty  Credits Madeline Maye as Selina Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone Sound FX found on freesound.org /4f4jzm6t

 The Creature Report Documentation & Archival Assistant! What would you like to access? >recent files loading files...... Password protected area. Proceed with password: ****************** [Access Granted!] >TCR-VPAL 23_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 24_AdditionalNotes >TherapeuticSession_07152021_Specimen1746 >TCR-VPAL 25_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 26_AdditionalNotes >InternalDiscussion_"Specimen209" >InternalDiscussion_"Specimen1749" >TCR-VPAL 27_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL_individualreview_TrainingVideo< >play ----------------------------------------------- CW: random/jarring audio glitches throughout, implied paranoia  written by Nova Wolfharder performed by: Mae Murphy as Mae Tim Woerner as the Intern Val Petrone as Anchor Val Training video music by Arthur Vale rap beat & sound effects from freesound.org

What's wet, hungry, and made entirely out of either many, MANY tongues or one LARGE tongue? It's this week's Creature Report creature! We're joined today by Constance Community College student and local little guy Mincus Von Smurdlehoff as we explore Constance's Jar Museum and learn a thing or two about what Panic! At the Disco and Jonathan Frakes have been up to in the past few years (spoiler: it's not great news!). Hell, we might even get a roomba reference IF you're lucky. Content Warnings: slight body horror, mention of Brendon Urie  Credits Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone Andy Randolph as Mincus Von Smurdlehoff Sound FX found on freesound.org 36.150893664496635 -95.99267550070147 36.10292499634998 -95.97540469540479  36.13368231023964 -95.93994189355078  36.161146838480484 -95.9051818088947 36.141080694170014 -95.88625249540375 36.09102929671055 -95.92178839540514 36.10525815759564 -95.8506074088962

The Creature Report Documentation & Archival Assistant! What would you like to access? >recent files loading files...... Password protected area. Proceed with password: ****************** [Access Granted!] >TCR-VPAL 19_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 20_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 21_AdditionalNotes >TherapeuticSession_05302021_Specimen905 >TCR-VPAL 22_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 23_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 24_AdditionalNotes >TherapeuticSession_07152021_Specimen1746 >TCR-VPAL 25_AdditionalNotes >TCR-VPAL 26_AdditionalNotes < >play  (written and performed by Val Petrone)

Sneaking into places where you shouldn't be going? Not always great-- but today, we're heading to a house that is more than open to let my guest and I go bump in the night. That's right! New Creature Report, with expert of ghost hunting, colin jost'busting, podcasting, and arting, Martin Legosi Graves! Join us as we enter in the house of Martin's boss, decipher if this creature is actually a duck, and finally know what it means for your hungry, hungry eyes to be bigger than your stomach. ALSO, not a creature nor a joke, Marty is saving up for TOP SURGERY! So PLEASE help out if you can at Marty's fund, which can be found at https://gofund.me/3796bb2b. Every little bit helps!  Credits Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone Marty L Graves as Ghxstbuster Martin Legosi Graves Sound FX found on freesound.org He xnt'qd cdbhogdqhmf sghr sgzs ldzmr xnt rgntkc cnmzsd sn Lzqsx'r sno rtqfdqx etmc! H lhfgs ad zm zkk rddhmf dmshsx sgzs Uzk gzr mn hcdz zants, ats sgzs cndrm's ldzm H cnm's rtoonqs sqzmr qhfgsr! gssor://fnetmc.ld/3796aa2a

Out for a day in the park, you'll never know who you'll find- or what you'll find! Take Thorenguard, for example. Thorenguard was minding her own business when suddenly, approaching them came anchor Val Petrone and, guest of the episode and the official creature therapist of Creature Report, Jess Lynne! Get to know our new friend with us as we talk what might legs be (conceptually), how those eyelashes get to look so good, and one (or two) of the many misogynistic men of the 90s (and no, it's not Dame Judi Dench). Credits Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone Jess Lynne as Creature Report therapist Jess Lynne Sound FX found on freesound.org Park ambience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAdQWF5Dg78 Content warnings -brief discussion of gross bodily fluids (mucus) Kds'r vzsbg rnldsghmf snfdsgdq, qdonqsdq.  Ld, zmc xnt, zmc gdq, zmc sgd sgdl. Kds'r rhs snfdsgdq. Kds'r knnj snfdsgdq. Rnnm, qdonqsdq. Rnnm, khrsdmdq.  Sgd cduhk'r hm sgd cdszhkr. 

Did you leave out the chickie tendos again? Great- now we know where they went, at least. This week, we're analyzing the Tender Angel, a beautiful creature with *checks notes* translucent wings, eats with it's backside, and a huge donger. Thankfully, we're not in this alone, as we're joined with one of the leading experts of the crypto-field, codename Professor Einstein Erudition! So join Val, the Professor, Tender Angel, and Bjork for a fun night time hang in the kitchen! Credits Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone Aron Brown as Professor Einstein Erudition with special guests.... Mae Murphy as Mae/The Tender Angel (catchphrase only) Leo Garcia as Bjorkish (singing) Sound FX found on freesound.org Nighttime ambience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cwc0cVOFu10 Content warnings -discussion of genitalia (in a lighthearted manner)  Pcnmprcp, mf pcnmpr- Qmml ctcpwmlc ugjj ilmu  Wmsp qcapcrq ugjj zc pctcyjcb Dpmk jmle, jmle yem. bm wms ctcl pckckzcp, bcyp pcnmprcp