Speaking for Myself

Most people who worry about their drinking never get anywhere near help. In this episode I think about why, through four walls I lived behind myself: stigma, friction, intimidation and isolation.I talk about how each one showed up for me, and what finally moved me past them, which was much quieter than a crisis. I also say why I don’t think any of the walls has to come down before you take a first step. You only need a gap in one of them, wide enough to say a first true sentence to somebody, or something.Towards the end I explain how I built Sol with these four walls in mind, and why a slip is information to look at with curiosity rather than a catastrophe.A question to take away: what if the best way to start something really difficult isn’t a big announcement, but a quiet, honest conversation, just for you?You can meet Sol at talktosolomon.app. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.davidhenzell.com

This is a cheeky bonus episode, a direct lift from a conversation I had live on BBC Radio Leeds.I talked to the host about my own drinking, the decade since I first walked through the door at Forward Leeds, and how that experience eventually became Sol. We get into what that first appointment actually felt like, why I ended up working there myself, and what it taught me about what actually helps someone who’s struggling.It’s about 10 minutes. If a radio chat isn’t your thing, skip ahead to the next proper episode, no hard feelings.Talk to Sol, at talktosolomon.app. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.davidhenzell.com

For nearly nine years I’ve spoken publicly about recovery, what it took, what it cost, what it gave back. Somewhere along the way, without quite noticing, I stopped being someone who’d recovered and became Recovery itself. The proof of it. And proof has to be maintained.This episode started with a video from Lauren Kennedy West, who lives with schizoaffective disorder and documents her life with it honestly on YouTube. When her symptoms briefly returned after a long stable stretch, she asked a question that stopped me in my tracks: who am I when I’m not proving anything?That question sent me back to a cold evening in Warsaw in early 2018, something I’ve never fully explained to anyone, and to a truth I don’t talk about much: being recovered and still carrying unfinished business aren’t in conflict. They’re just both true. Grace isn’t armour. It just makes you more honest.You can watch Lauren’s channel, Living Well with Schizophrenia, where she shares the honesty that gave me permission for mine. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.davidhenzell.com

On the day I launched Sol, I expected to feel relief. What showed up instead was doubt, and a fear I hadn’t felt since the early months of recovery.In this episode I try to work out why. Building something alone, it turns out, is a bit like building a ship in a bottle - Completely safe while you’re inside it, and quite another thing once you have to let it go. I talk about what launching Sol actually stirred up, how it echoes the early days of getting sober, and what Viktor Frankl’s idea of meaning has to do with any of it.It’s not a tidy episode. It’s a look at what it feels like to put something you care about out into the world and wait to find out if it holds. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.davidhenzell.com

There’s a version of me from a few years ago this episode is really about. Someone who knew something was wrong with his drinking and had told absolutely no one. This is who I built Sol for, and why.In this second episode of Speaking for Myself, I properly introduce Sol, who he is, what he actually does, and why I built him the way I did rather than just pointing people at a chatbot. I talk about what it means to have something there at any hour with no judgement attached, and where the line sits between what an app can hold and what still needs a person.You can meet Sol at talktosolomon.app.Back to normal business next week - I promise! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.davidhenzell.com

For years, everyone in my life asked about my drinking. How much, how often, why I couldn’t just stop. Nobody asked the one question that would actually have helped.This is the first episode of Speaking for Myself, where I think out loud about drinking, recovery, and living well without the glass. I go back to that missing question here, what it was, and what changed the day someone finally asked it. It’s part confession, part explanation: why I drank, what I genuinely thought it was doing for me, and the slow, unglamorous realisation that I’d spent years answering the wrong question.This episode is also where Sol comes in, the AI companion I built because I know exactly what it’s like to need somewhere to say the unsayable thing before you’re anywhere near ready to say it to a person.Talk to Sol at talktosolomon.app This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.davidhenzell.com