4. When I Was A Chav

I had no plans with this episode, i just needed to vent as I've been feeling really low lately. I usually edit it all together to make it flow but this one is unfiltered and real (something that's really lacking in this world). I talk about feeling depressed, social anxiety coming out of lockdown and lust for life. I cry a little bit in this episode too, IT FELT GOOD!

After a little pause I'm back with new music and a brand new project launching at the end of July! Let me tell you about that! I talk about music, social media breaks, safe gigs for girls and sexual harassment at shows, finding my own voice AGAIN and making music for myself. 

Learning to scream and learning to sing, how I found my raspy tone and advise from all the singer teachers - something along the lines of 'stop before you break yourself' to which I didn't stop and also luckily, didn't break myself. Also the intro song is so happy, what's wrong with me!

Sh*tty school bands, bitchiness and the last performance i'd give at school due to me being um, banned. I tell you a story about that, about learning to not giving a f*ck anymore when everyone seemingly hates you, everyone of corse except your ever supportive nan. 

I talk about how I started out my music career on Youtube in my early days and building my following. People wanna ask me how I did it and the answer is simple, work hard and don't stop working hard. The internet is scary and you've gotta be careful who's hitting up your inbox, this was the beginning for me and what I know now I wish i'd known then, boundaries are everything. 

I talk a little more about depression and it's impact on your life and how it differs from a physical illness and easily leads you to self sabotage and hate yourself. You are not your illness and you are not defined by how you are feeling right now, what you are experiencing is a reaction to your surroundings and it's important to remember everything you are feeling is normal, that out there in the world many people feel as you do and YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS! 

This is the beginning of my podcast. I'm nervous, i'm rusty... I wrote my first theme tune and now I'm preparing to get my lips lubed ready to talk about everything and anything starting with the word 'VAGINA' for luck! Join me as I talk about growing up, pressures of being a kid, puberty monsters, bullying, self hatred, depression, anxiety and learning to like yourself. This podcast is gonna get deep but for now join me on a trip down memory lane and see where all of this started - SCHOOL! 

Depression hit me hard in High School as I lost all my friends and became one of the very few alternative kids. I was living in my fantasy bubble, searching for God, searching for answers, searching for something to pull me out of the darkness I was feeling at that time. Learning to accept and take responsibility for my negative thought patterns, music became my best friend as I went on to discover myself as an artist in the darkest moments of my teen years. It goes up from here I promise you but we've gotta go through the bad before we get to the good stuff!

Socks for boobs? Ah, the embarrassment of puberty. How hard it hits! Little me would kill me for telling all of you this because for many years it was her biggest secret. Time to expose and get it out in the open, this is only the start of truth telling in my podcast as I warm up for greater things. Enjoy!

Primary school - I LOVED. This was the beginning of my rebellion, acting out, being a naughty little shite, the start of my career as an entertainer. The transition of growing up hit me hard. I wanted to play Barbies in my room forever. This episode is all about Primary school before the nightmare years of high school began!