E4 Clash of the Cousins

RETREAT, an audio fiction comedy. These are some takes from our workshopping. Please subscribe.  RETREAT is an audio comedy series set in Knocknahay, a small village on a stoat-infested lake, somewhere in Ireland, home to the Kathleen O'Mara Residential Centre for the Arts. Six 20-minute episodes, written by female comedy duo Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi. RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, Irish-Americans, ecology, DNA, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Also turnips. Trailer sound production by Saoirse McCann-Callanan.

Knocknahay, IRELAND- The Kathleen O'Mara Residential Centre for the Arts.  We meet the NORA, the cook and housekeeper who was hired by the late, beloved, Hollywood film star, KATHLEEN O'MARA herself--  and her younger assistant TERESA,  in the kitchen. The agency sent a new KITCHEN TEMP, who is silent but an ace at chopping turnips. Teresa strikes the gong calling residents to the dining room for dinner.  SHANNON, an Irish-American textile-artist has just arrived in Ireland. She saves a seat and is ecstatic to soon be meeting her cousin BRIGIT, a Druidic poet and Celtic healer-- but Brigit is running late and dinner is being held-up by her.  DAMIEN, a famous, radio personality turned historian-- wants to find out more about MARY's A.R.S.E. (Artist's Residency Society Exchange)status. ARSE is a clannish, worldwide artist’s organisation, founded by James Joyce himself and shrouded in secrecy.  GUNTER is an audio soundscape artist and eco-warrior. His mission to collect audio samples of the king stoat's mating rituals is not going well.  BARNEY, the British-born residency director is worried about funding to keep the place from ruin.   AGNES, an aristocratic French artist who refuses to be categorized-- doesn't care about much unless.. it involves her hero: OLIVOFF SMIRNOFF, a famous Russian dissident artist-- whose location is unknown.  MALACHY, the residency groundskeeper-- receives a call from his childhood playmate, SKYE JETJETSKI, a corporate image consultant, niece to the late, film star Kathleen O'Mara and thwarted heiress. The conversation doesn't bode well for the artists. Barney announces that MEGACORP, a scandalous, worldwide corporation, is backing much-needed renovations and will build a new exhibition hall. With much opposition to the plan from Mary, the plans are debated. Dinner is waiting for Brigit to arrive.  Brigit finally arrives, the cousins unite and dinner is served. The night is almost over but not until she delivers her Druidic blessings. 🍀 Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.

The artist-cousins get an early start and head off to the local fairy fort. BRIGIT moans about her sleepless night at UNA's B & B. They meet MALACHY on the way. SHANNON is smitten. A helicopter arrival prompts MALACHY to run off. SHANNON deserts her cousin and follows MALACHY.  The helicopter is transporting SKYE JETJETSKI, the would-be heiress returns to her family's former estate. BRIGIT is on the run from DAMIEN's unwanted attentions.  GUNTER begins his audio art installation in a secluded, old, hedge school under the bushes.  When a storm breaks BRIGIT seeks shelter and is beckoned by MARY to into the hedge, with the other residents... including DAMIEN. The residents gather for dinnertime. SKYE JETJETSKI makes a grand entrance. But once again, OLIVOFF SMIRNOFF, (that's right, the famous, Russian, dissident artist) cancels.  The GHOSTS make themselves known. TERESA is convinced but AGNES is having none of it.  BARNEY announces the residents are now required to record daily audio logs of their creative practices in the new Diary Room, offered by Megacorp-- in exchange for renovations of the house and grounds. The residents don’t all agree to the terms. SHANNON is impressed by SKYE and tries her best to get friendly. BRIGIT reveals to DAMIEN the reason why she is single. BRIGIT and AGNÉS agree to swap lodgings.BRIGIT will come to the big house and AGNES will go to UNA'S disgusting BnB.  The cousins,  (BRIGIT and SHANNON), try out their artistic collaboration in the diary room-- but instead of working, they talk about the awards they will get for the work they can't ever seem to begin.  SHANNON prepares her award acceptance speech and thank you list.  SKYE is secretly listening in on the cousins. She commands MALACHY to pursue SHANNON to make her into an unwitting pawn for an underhanded MEGACORP takeover bid. 🍀 Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.

The cousins finally start on their collaboration at the mystical fairy fort, that Brigit calls ‘the original diary room’. It starts raining again. SHANNON is rescued by MALACHY, so she deserts BRIGIT.  BRIGIT takes shelter at Una's B & B. She finds the newly, chain-smoking AGNÉS, sculpting her latest masterpiece: The Madness of Ireland. It's a lopsided stack,  fused with dog hair, and not unlike Ireland: broken into two. But where's Una's dog? SKYE and MALACHY plot to take over the retreat. GUNTER picks up their voices on his hidden stoat cams. He learns of the plans to evict and send the artists to a workhouse dormitory, their artistry algorithmized, the local staff to be replaced so that the first batch of wealthy, art-collector tourists can come for the grand/opening exhibition and thrills.  This may be the end of their creative haven. But... GUNTER has a hard time communicating the threat to the other bickering residents. If only OLIVOFF SMIRNOFF the famous, Russian dissident artist were around to help. At dinner, SHANNON tries to impress SKYE and suggests a star-rating system for artists and unwittingly falls into SKYE's trap. And what about the ghosts?...  Still lurking.  🍀 Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.

The cousins start recording in the diary room, but fall-out when MALACHY turns up and SHANNON is more interested in him than their Druidic healing quilt collaboration. MALACHY flirts to manipulate SHANNON to confess on record that she and BRIGIT have done nothing but gossip during their time at the rural Ireland arts residency--- and that none of the other artists here are working either. They are all in breach of contract. BRIGIT starts a protest against the imminent destruction of the fairy-fort by climbing up a tree.  Meanwhile, the other artists still won't listen to GUNTER who actually knows what's going on.  Then SKYE moves all the residents out of the grand home and into Una's delipidated B & B so that her elaborate renovations of the residency can begin. She promises them an exhibition for the grand opening.   Meanwhile, SHANNON is devasted to learn from DNA tests that she doesn't have any IRISH heritage and so she and BRIGIT are not cousins after all. 🍀 Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.

After a fresh from the dumpster, freegan breakfast at UNA's BnB, the artists and staff march to the KATHLEEN O'MARA RESIDENTIAL CENTRE FOR THE ARTS to confront SKYE. But SKYE is one step ahead and has used SHANNON’s diary recording to revoke her grandmother's will and intends to turn their residency back into private ownership. Hers. DAMIEN is exposed when FREDA, his ghostwriter and former roommate is discovered lurking about in a daze. MALACHY reveals he was using SHANNON all along with Skye’s knowledge. SKYE won’t talk to SHANNON anymore and fires BARNEY, NORA, and TERESA. The gang retreats to UNA's leaving SHANNON behind. BRIGIT is still levitating up in a tree.  SHANNON understands and is remorseful. She takes off her fake nails and gives TAENG, (her Thai fabricant and positivity guru) a ring. She wants to learn how to sew.  The guy from the kitchen turns up with BRIGIT to the B & B and reveals his true identity as OLIVOFF SMIRNOFF, the famous, Russian dissident artist and he has a plan. MARY calls SKYE to grovel. GUNTER joins in the groveling too. Together they persuade SKYE to let the artists return to the big house, take part in the exhibition to meet all the Megacorp big wigs and art collectors for their careers. They agree to sleep in the new dormitory. They have nowhere else to go. The plan seems to be working.  🍀 Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.

DAMIEN is in his element as the MC for the grand exhibition. He welcomes SKYE on stage who welcomes the MEGACORP big shots and eager art collectors. GUNTER shows his stoat cam footage proving that MALACHY and SKYE plotted to steal the residency from the artists. They also reminisce about murdering Kathleen O'Mara's only son Mickey. The police arrive.  SKYE fires MELANIE her loyal assistant. GUNTER calls in his loyal stoats.  TERESA reigns in the stoats after they invade the hall with a toot of her tin flute. NORA hands in an envelope of TERESA's DNA. TERESA is the granddaughter and heiress to Kathleen O’Mara's estate.  Meanwhile, SKYE and MALACHY are arrested. AGNES sells "The Madness of Ireland" sculpture with Una's decaying dog inside to a London hedge-fund investor for millions. SHANNON's lopsided healing quilt comes in handy for UNA.  BRIGIT's poetry has been published and the cousins are cosmically retethered. Whoa. OLIVOFF SMIRNOFF, the famous Russian dissident artist,  does an interpretive dance in front of underground footage that proves MEGACORP is running an illegal cloning operation using DNA gathered from clients using their genealogy and ancestor website. MEGACORP board members in the audience try to make a run for it but are stopped by the Knocknahay police. A marching clone parade comes onstage to close the spectacle.  The next morning... the artists sit down for a final meal. TERESA is now the lady of the house and NORA rings the gong. AGNÉS donates the 10 million she got for the sculpture to fund the retreat. DAMIEN pledges that his history book has been published and that FREDA, his ghost writer will get all the credit for her writing. BARNEY has quit his job to join MARY to produce a musical of Waiting for Godot. MARY is free from A.R.S.E.'s constrictions.  SHANNON and BRIGIT have begun a blog and online shop for Druidic healing. They all join hands for BRIGIT's final blessing. The real ghosts appear revealing themselves as... TERESA 's parents singing Down By The Sally Gardens. END OF SEASON 1. 🍀 Outro song: Down By the Sally Gardens Voices: Aoibheann McCann, Andi Ipaktchi, Fred McCloskey, Gavin Morgan, and Helen Gregg. Audio: Yassaman Sarhangi RETREAT is an Irish/Irish-American comedy series that depicts artists and writers at an Irish arts residency in a dilapidated manor house. Deceitful corporate sponsorship arrives with a promise to spruce-up the residency in exchange for the artists' detailed audio diaries of their creative process.  Six 20-minute episodes, written by the female, comedy duo: Aoibheann McCann and Andi Ipaktchi.  RETREAT has a playful look at the commercialization of the arts, genealogy, Irish history, cloning, heritage, ecology, globalization, the life cycle of stoats & the 1%. Season 1 launched in September 2022. It is available for download on audio apps like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and others.