dYsReGuLaTiOn & Activation Are Not The Same Thing

I (Amanda) signed up to chaperone my kindergartener's field trip. Then childcare fell through. Suddenly I'm responsible for my feral 2-year-old AND five other 5-year-olds. My nervous system panicked—heart racing, adrenaline spiking, pure chaos mode. But here's the thing: I wasn't dysregulated. In this episode, I'm using my chaotic morning to show you what nervous system regulation actually looks like in real life (hint: it's not about staying calm).In this episode, you'll learn:Why activation and dysregulation are NOT the same thing—and why confusing them keeps you stuckThe real questions that determine if you're regulated: Can you reset? How quickly? How long do you stay stuck?What to do when life throws you a curveball and your nervous system ramps upWhy building capacity matters more than eliminating stress3 Takeaways:Activation is not dysregulation. You can feel stressed, overwhelmed, or burnt out and still be regulated—regulation is about whether you can reset and move through it, not whether you feel it at all.The real markers of regulation are flexibility and resilience. Ask yourself: How long do I stay activated after the stressor passes? What's my capacity for discomfort or change without spiraling? Can I still access choice when I'm activated?A regulated nervous system isn't a calm nervous system—it's a flexible one. It can access energy when you need it and release it when you don't. That's a skill you can build.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Ever feel like you're failing, no matter how hard you try to organize, optimize, or just push through? In this deeply personal and vulnerable episode, Amanda pulls back the curtain on her own postpartum season—navigating life as a new mom of three while running a business. She shares the story of a recent "crash out" spiral and the unlikely tool that gave her the reality check she desperately needed.In this episode, you'll learn:Why the feeling that you’re constantly "failing" is often a sign of an impossible equation, not a personal flaw, and how to spot the signs of a capacity crash out.A practical, step-by-step exercise to get an objective look at your true workload vs. your actual capacity (and why a robot might be the mirror you need).How to dismantle the cultural myth of "doing it all" and start separating your self-worth from your productivity.The two strategic choices you have when the math doesn't add up, and how to start implementing them with self-compassion.3 Takeaways:Do the Math on Your Life, you might be trying to solve an impossible equation without even realizing it.You have two options: Do less or get more support (usually both)You're not the problem, the expectation is. Sometimes the most regulated, aligned, grounded thing you can do is tell yourself the truth about what’s possible and what’s not.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

 A deeply personal exploration of eldest daughter syndrome—the invisible load that comes with being the responsible one, the second mom, the example. If you're an eldest daughter who learned that being helpful mattered more than being carefree, this episode is for you. We explore how love and responsibility got tangled up early on, the connection to anxiety and depression, and the path toward healing while honoring both the gifts and the weight of this role.In this episode, you'll learn:Why eldest daughters are more likely to struggle with anxiety and high-functioning perfectionismThe research behind birth order, gender, and anxiety ratesThe "wolf pack metaphor" and why eldest daughters often walk in front, taking the hitsHow nervous system regulation creates space to hold both/and truths about your childhoodPractical steps for healing over-responsibility and self-abandonment patterns3 Takeaways:The Eldest Daughter to High-Functioning Anxiety Pipeline is Real: Research shows firstborns with siblings are 48% more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety.You Can Love Your Role AND Grieve the Cost: It's not either/or—you can have had good parents AND experienced unintentional hurt. You can cherish being the big sister AND be healing from the weight of it. When your nervous system settles, you gain the capacity to hold both truths without one invalidating the other.Healing Requires Reclaiming Play and Rest: Far too early, many eldest daughters stopped playing and started managing. Healing means experimenting with "good enough," letting things go undone, and proving to your nervous system that rest and play are survivable—not frivolous.Practical Steps for Healing:Name the pattern out loud: "I learned to be hyper-responsible and that my worth comes from what I do"Practice both/and thinking rather than either/orLearn to regulate your nervous system to access nuance and self-compassionExperiment with asking for help in low-stakes situations // Ask yourself: "What would 'good enough' look like today?"Play 1% more, rest 1% moreIf you have kids, model that responsibility doesn't mean carrying everything alone—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In the final episode, Amanda tackles the most empowering part of the equation: the “Underestimation of Ability.” Discover the science behind why we forget our own capacity and resources in the exact moments we need it most and learn how to actively reconnect with your deep well of resilience.In This Episode, You'll Learn:Why anxiety makes you shrink and feel like a younger, less powerful version of yourself.That stress hormones can temporarily block your access to memories of past successesHow to recognize your everyday actions as powerful evidence of your capability.The game-changing mindset shift from asking "What if?" to knowing "Even if..."Tools to Reconnect With Your Ability:Evidence Gathering: Make a list of hard things you’ve already survived. Your track record is proof of your strength.The Resource Reality Check: Actively list your resources—skills, knowledge, and especially the people you can turn to for co-regulation and support.The "Good Enough" Reminder: Ask, "What would handling this 'good enough' look like?" This frees you from the paralysis of perfectionism.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Welcome to part two of our series! Today, Amanda’s diving into the first half of the anxiety equation: the “Overestimation of Threat.” Learn why your brain is wired to assume the worst-case scenario and discover three practical tools to help your nervous system calibrate to the actual level of danger, not just the perceived one.In This Episode, You'll Learn:Why your brain’s “negativity bias” is a survival skill that’s poorly adapted for modern lifeHow childhood experiences can turn your internal alarm system up to the highest settingThe connection between your nervous system state and the stories you tell yourself about what’s happeningTools to "Right-Size" the Threat:The Reality Check Question: "What do I actually know to be true right now?"The Percentage Game: "If I had to bet money, what's the real percentage chance of the worst-case scenario happening?"The Friend Filter: "What would I tell my best friend if they came to me with this exact situation?"—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Ever wonder why anxiety shows up and feels so overwhelming? In this episode, Amanda kicks off a mini-series by re-introducing a game-changing formula that makes sense of it all, what she calls, “The Anxiety Equation”. Once you see anxiety as a math problem, you realize you have the power to change the variables.In This Episode, You'll Learn:The simple but powerful Anxiety Equation: Anxiety = Overestimation of Threat + Underestimation of CapacityHow this equation plays out in real-life scenarios, from a stressful email at work to a toddler’s meltdown at the storeWhy understanding this formula gives you two clear starting points for reducing anxietyA preview of what we'll cover in the rest of this mini-seriesThis Week's Practice:When you feel anxious, get curious. Ask yourself:What is the specific threat my brain is perceiving right now?What is my brain telling me about my capacity to handle it?—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

I woke up anxious today and this conversation is about what I did to not let it ruin my day. 4am kid wake up, a bad dream, excitement, crappy sleep, all had my system wired from the minute I opened my eyes. I'd love to tell you I used this magic tool to regulate my nervous system and get on with my day, but instead what I want to share is the roller coaster of regulated, and re-regulated, and re-regulating that my day called for.ps. This is an episode re-post from 2024. It got deleted in a tech glitch and I wanted to give it back a place on the podcast.In this episode, you'll learn:How to do a quick nervous system check-in when you wake up activatedThe difference between "urge parenting" and "regulated parenting"Why your system might default to urgency even when you're not actually running lateHow to shift from sympathetic to parasympathetic states using breath, vision, and movementThree takeaways:Having a regulated nervous system doesn't mean you're regulated all the time. Part of regulation means having the ability to notice and ride those waves throughout the day.Moments of activation aren't points of failure, but points of practice. If you've spent a lot of time in survival mode, it's normal that your system is still primed for urgency—rewiring takes time and repetition.Your state determines your story. When you're dysregulated you  sees problems, when regulated you see solution and collaboration.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

When hard things happen to our children (our ourselves), our instinct is often to protect them from discomfort at all costs. But what if the goal isn't to shield them from difficult experiences, but to support them through those experiences in ways that build resilience? In this episode, I share a recent scary experience with my 5-year-old son getting industrial paint in his eye, and how understanding nervous system principles helped turn a potentially traumatic moment into an opportunity for connection and growth.In this episode, you'll learn:What happened when my son got industrial paint in his eyeHow fear and urgency can hijack our parenting in the momentThe three elements we need to feel safeHow to support nervous system repair after overwhelming experiencesWhy the goal isn't to protect our kids from hard things, but to support them through themThe three elements children need to feel safe during and after difficult experiences3 Takeaways:Hard experiences become traumatic when context, choice, and connection aren't available or restored afterward. Repair is more important than preventing ruptures.Co-regulation is your most powerful tool. Your calm, regulated presence after a crisis helps your child's nervous system settle and process the experience in a healthy way.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Have you ever felt like you're chasing symptoms across your body—from anxiety and depression to gut issues, chronic fatigue, or autoimmune flares? In this episode, we discuss the direct biological link between your mental and physical health. We explore how a dysregulated nervous system can be a root cause of both chronic anxiety and chronic illness, and why healing requires a whole-person approach that looks beyond siloed symptoms to support the entire system.In this episode, you’ll learn:How chronic anxiety and stress can directly lead to physical issues like gut problems, hormone imbalance, and low immunity.The common root causes—like past trauma and gut health—that can trigger both mental and physical symptoms at the same time.Why mindset work alone often isn’t enough to heal symptoms that have a physical root cause.A whole-person approach to healing that addresses your body and mind as one interconnected system.3 Takeaways:Your mental and physical health are deeply intertwined. Nervous system dysregulation can trigger physical illness—and physical illness can reinforce dysregulation.Healing one area supports healing in others. When you do nervous system regulation work, you're supporting immune function, reducing inflammation, and creating optimal conditions for physical healing.A "both/and" approach works best. The most effective healing combines nervous system support with appropriate medical care, emotional healing with physical treatment, and symptom management with addressing root causes.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

To wrap up our series on nervous system states, we move from theory to real life. This special episode features a powerful voice message from a listener named Brit, who shares a personal story of navigating a stressful travel day with her family. Her experience perfectly illustrates what it looks like when nervous system concepts become a lived reality. If you've ever wondered how this work actually unfolds over time, this episode offers a hopeful and practical look at the messy, imperfect, and beautiful journey of healing.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why nervous system healing is a gradual, layered process that takes time to integrate.What it looks like to move from intellectually understanding the tools to intuitively applying them in a stressful moment.How regulating your own nervous system positively impacts your family and relationships.Why the goal isn't to eliminate stress or never get activated, but to build flexibility and choice in how you respond.Key insights from the entire series to support you on your ongoing journey.3 Takeaways:Trust your own experience & be patient with the timeline.Start where you are & remember that setbacks are part of the process. The goal is flexibility and choice, not elimination of difficult experiences.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise