Poly+Amor=Us

We are taking a short break from the podcast for the holidays, but don't worry! We'll be back in January AND we will be interviewing members of the Poly and ENM community! Woohoo! Also, I've been working on a course on how to open up an existing relationship! I get questions about this so often, that I figured it's time to make a course about it. If this is something you are interested in, please sign up here to be the first to know when it's completed!  Lastly, all episodes from this past season will be going up on Youtube! Quite a few people have expressed how much they like watching us and miss seeing that content! So, the episodes will be up shortly. Subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified when new episodes are available! That's all for now! Happy Holidays and we will see you in the New Year! Love, Elisa & Mike    For Peer Support, schedule a 1:1 session with me! If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

This is the final episode of our 3 part mini series about the book Sex at Dawn. Specific topics in today’s final episode include: Comparing body size and mass of males and females in different ape species. So, does size really matter? Yes, it actually does! How often are we and all the other primates having sex? Why does this matter? Known Ovulation vs. Concealed Ovulation Sperm competition and the battle within a woman’s vagina. A woman’s body has the ability to deny a certain man’s sperm if it isn’t compatible with her. Why are women so loud during sex? Why can a woman have multiple orgasms when her male partner can not? Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

This is Part 2 of our mini series about the book Sex at Dawn. We have wanted to do an episode about this book for so long and it’s finally here! There’s so much to cover, so we split our conversation into 3 episodes. Specific topics in today’s second episode include: The origins of Swinging! How physical relationships bond together communities. Modern day diseases and stress don’t exist in modern hunter gather societies. Is our “civilized” society really making us happy? Has hoarding resources become the measure of success in our society? Comparing social structures of chimpanzees, gorillas, bonobos and humans. How the standard narrative has become ingrained in our modern society. Are we living in alignment with our true nature? How religion has punished and shamed society for sexual behavior and how that’s been ingrained in modern society. If monogamy is natural why is it still so hard for people all over the world to stay faithful? Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

This is Part 1 of our mini-series about the book Sex at Dawn. We have wanted to do an episode about this book for so long and it’s finally here! There’s so much to cover, so we split our conversation into 3 episodes. Specific topics in today’s episode include: What is the standard narrative? When did it come about and is it still relevant? Did Hobbs and Darwin know that our ancestors weren’t monogamous? We look at how Flinstonization was used when researching the social structures of our ancestors. Which ape species are we most closely related to, and what does that have to do with our sexuality and social structures? Logistics of hunter gather societies and how hoarding is shameful. Sharing is caring! I tell the story of a modern day hunter-gatherer society and their social structure and how they view sex. Societies that don’t use the nuclear family system have children that never feel isolated, unloved, or traumatized by divorce. What would it look like if we transitioned back to smaller communities within communities, similar to a little compound. Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

This week we talk about what it means to live life in the gray areas. Nothing in life is black and white and that includes our relationships! Specific topics include: As we’ve seen, monogamy works for some people but not everyone. Same with polyamory. So, why can’t we live somewhere in the middle? Humans love to put labels on each other so we can easily understand each other. But not everyone fits into the labels and boxes we’ve created. What is monogamish or monogamy + Do monogamous people actually use “hall passes” or allow exceptions? Exceptions should be normalized if they feel beneficial. But the don’t ask don’t tell rule should not apply. It can be harmful. Get it out of your system vs. enjoy a temporary experience Imagine if we talked about having gray area or wiggle room in a relationship UP FRONT instead of waiting for an attraction to start. What would that be like? We don’t always know what we want out of relationships when they first start. So, rules and boundaries outside of monogamy should be discussed up front. Not all rules and boundaries are set in stone. It’s ok to change to fit your needs! Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

Recently, a lot of people have been asking if we are worried about getting STD’s because we are polyamorous. So, we wanted to dive into this question further! Specific topics include: Polyamorous people are NOT more likely to get an STD than monogamous people. The risk is the same. Many of us are not actually practicing monogamy while we are dating. We sleep with multiple people at the same time until we decide to commit to one person. The risk of getting an STD is just as high or higher than a polyamorous person. Many of us were not being as intentional about our partners at this time, and we were not having conversations about STD’s and safe sex. Sometimes, our intention was to just go out and find a guy to have sex with. Even though we eventually wanted a monogamous relationship, we were not practicing monogamy while dating and go out and having fun. Most polyamorous people are looking for relationships and deep, intimate, emotional connections. Sex is not the main drive, so they are much more intentional about who they choose to have sex with. Always use protection!! This is extremely important no matter what kind of relationship style you are in. Ask new partners if they have any STD’s BEFORE engaging in sexual activity. Talk about your rules and boundaries with your partners. It’s always good to know when your partner is going to become sexually active when a new partner. Everyone should be getting tested regularly. Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

We continue the conversation with my parents! We dive further into the book Sex at Dawn, finish chatting about how my parents felt as they watched Mike and I navigate our new relationship style, and philosophize (my new favorite word) even more! Specific topics include: Are we monogamous by nature? Or have we chosen monogamy because of societal programming? Are we “going against our nature” by being monogamous? My parent’s thoughts and reactions when I first started dating other people. Mike’s dating life, or lack there of, and how we don’t “keep score” when it comes to dating and meeting new partners. Mike is going at his own pace. Could sexual relationships with multiple partners lead to resentment in relationships? Is it hard to meet other people who are polyamorous on dating apps or out in social situations? Our thoughts on polyamory becoming more popular in the future and why. Most people who are dating are practicing non-monogamy. Would my parents consider polyamory if they were 20 again? Now that they know what they know? There aren’t many examples of non-monogamy that are widely seen that are portrayed in a positive light. We need more representation in this area. Will Mike and I always be non-monogamous?  Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

This week we have our first guests ever on the podcast, Elisa’s parents, Hartzell and Ramona! We had so much fun chatting with them that we turned it into a two part interview. We talk about what it was like for them as parents to learn that I had cheated on Mike and their thoughts and feelings as they watched us navigate our relationship and decide to be Polyamorous. Specific topics include: How Elisa’s parent’s (The Parental Unit) felt about Mike when they first met him. The Parental Unit’s reaction when they learned Elisa had cheated on Mike. The Parental Unit’s initial thoughts about Elisa and Mike being Polyamorous which was mostly negative. The difficulties of marriage in general and how most end in divorce. Polyamory and Monogamy both have their pitfalls and bright sides. They are two sides of the same coin and there is no right or wrong. The Parental Unit slowly started to change their minds about polyamory as they watched us work on creating rules and boundaries for our relationship. History of marriage, different kinds of marriages and how they each have pitfalls but can also be very successful. They keys to make any kind of relationship successful: communication, honesty, and boundaries. Hartzell compares learning that we are polyamorous to how other parent’s must feel when they learn their child is LGTBQ+ Elisa finally started dating and it all became real. The Parental Unit’s were pleasantly surprised with how it all worked out. Is polyamory a choice? Or is it inherent? Is monogamy inherent? Or is monogamy a choice? Stay tuned as we continue the conversation next week in Part 2! Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

Dating apps can be tricky to navigate as a polyamorous person. Elisa gets into all the details about her favorite dating apps in a solo episode! Specific topics include: Being “picky” on dating apps is actually a good thing! Dating apps talked about include: Fantasy Match, #Open, OkCupid, and Feeld Fantasy Match is most for people looking for different kinds of sexual experiences #Open is for ENM and Open relationships. There’s not much a profile on this one. Mostly just pictures. OkCupid is an older app that has added new filter features that include non-monogamny Feeld is my favorite app! It has space for a profile and linking a partner’s profile. It also has a blog with tons of great content that is super informative. Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Need more than just community connection, schedule a 1:1 session with me! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

This episode piggybacks off of last week’s episode. If we aren’t able to talk about Polyamory with some of our friends, then finding a community where we can share is super important. That’s why we’ve created The PAC on Mighty Networks. Click here to join! Specific topics include: Mike shares about the active engineering community he is part of, and how he leverages other people’s knowledge and experiences to help him in his work. I think his description of the group is very close to how The PAC is going to be structured. If you’ve never been part of a community on Mighty Networks then you’re in for a treat! We have different forums to chat about different topics like: opening up an existing relationship, dating + polyamory, parenting + polyamory, different types of ENM relationship styles, AMA for myself and Mike, and questions about the podcast and topic suggestions. And we will add more as the community grows! There’s also a group chat feature, like a group text, where everyone can chat about what’s going on with them each day, share what’s on their mind, and connect! Eventually we will host events! Live events in Los Angeles and online events as well. Also, this community is PRIVATE. Everyone who wants to join has to submit a request. This is so we can keep the space safe, and you don’t have to worry about being outed. This is a community space driven by YOU the community members. We want to hear from you about what you want from this community. This is a support system built for you, and we want your input on how to make it beneficial for you! And, if you feel like you need more than just community connection, schedule some time for a 1:1 session with me! Let’s pour ourselves some coffee or tea and chat. Looking for Community? Join The PAC! Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership! Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz! Loving the podcast? Support us! We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at [email protected] or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle Music provided by Scott Holmes Music