Neurodivergent Nook

Helen and Diane talk about ADHD, neurodivergence and addiction, with warmth and without judgment. Diane begins with a chance dinner-table meeting with a couple who have been in recovery for over a decade. From there, the pair explore childhood trauma, dopamine-seeking and the healthy replacements people find. They also talk about why services need to understand neurodivergent brains. Both share personal experiences of loving someone with an addiction. They finish with hope and self-compassion.Note:this episode includes personal stories about alcohol, gambling and addiction in families. These are Diane's and Helen's own experiences and won't apply to everyone. It is a personal conversation, not medical advice. Please speak to a doctor or pharmacist before using any substance to manage symptoms.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookSarah: Hyperfusion (Facebook)Come Neurodivergent Nook us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokMain PointsDiane met a couple in long-term recovery who spoke openly about their trauma and ADHD.Having ADHD doesn't mean addiction is inevitable. Stories of hope matter.Helen says problems with alcohol affect around 15–20% of the general population, and she believes it's double that in the ADHD population.Healthy replacements can meet the same need for dopamine, such as adrenaline-fuelled hobbies, swimming, or the joy of reading again.Services work best when they fit your own profile, including ADHD, autism or PDA, and how motivation works for you.Compassion over judgment: there are "more acceptable" and "less acceptable" addictions.Loving someone with an addiction can feel powerless. It's not about you, and the addiction is the illness.Healing from trauma and self-compassion matter, and support works best when tailored to the individual.Timestamps00:00 Welcome and introductions00:39 Today's topic: ADHD and addiction01:35 Meeting a couple in long-term recovery05:07 Childhood trauma and choosing to seek help07:41 Risks, statistics and why hope matters11:17 Getting services that fit your profile12:07 Helen's brother and the joy of small things13:31 Executive function and motivation to change15:33 Shopping, gambling and healthy replacements17:46 Seeking stimulation and sensory needs19:22 Compassion, not judgment21:58 Self-medication and "acceptable" addictions23:07 Loving someone with an addiction26:43 The addiction is the illness28:29 Self-compassion and tailored support29:38 Closing thoughtsSupportIf anything in this episode touches you or someone you love:UK:FRANK 0300 123 6600 (24/7, talktofrank.com). Alcoholics Anonymous 0800 917 7650. Al-Anon, for families, 0800 008 6811. Samaritans 116 123 (24/7).US:SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 (24/7). 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988.Worldwide:findahelpline.com lists helplines by country, and aa.org and na.org can point you to local meetings. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.

SummaryIn part two of their interview with Sarah Ellis (part one is here), Helen and Diane pick up after the moment Sarah's rehearsal room burst out laughing when she wondered aloud if she had ADHD. Sarah talks about the anger that followed, because nobody spotted her ADHD for decades. She is angry on behalf of a generation of women who were missed. With some empathy from Helen, she also admits to the sadness underneath that anger. She is open about the opportunities she believes she sabotaged and the relationships she stayed in too long. The conversation stays warm and funny throughout, with a washing-machine take on "normal", the unexpectedly literal humour of signs, and Helen's partner's resigned "tick monster."Note: this is about Sarah's experience. We realise this won't apply to everyone's experience of ADHD.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookSarah: Hyperfusion (Facebook)Come Neurodivergent Nook us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokMain PointsNobody was surprised by Sarah's ADHD realisation. Everyone had known for years, which left her feeling she had been left to wander through like thinking she was "a bit rubbish"She was the class clown, but she was too scared of authority to be disruptive, so she went unnoticed.Her message to her younger self: "You're not messing up."Helen reflects that anger is often the outward form of something deeper. Sarah agrees she feels sad, disappointed and let down.Her working-class "get up and get on with it" roots made her resilient, and she teaches that through theatre.Diane's reminder: it's not too late, and self-care and self-compassion can start today."Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine."Sarah's sense of justice, humour and literal thinkingA message to listeners: check in on your artist, creative and small-business friendsSarah plans to be a social change maker for lifeTimestamps00:00 Welcome and recap00:39 "Everyone knew for years": the anger stage begins01:45 Anger at the system, medical misogyny and the girls ADHD missed03:01 The class clown, and Sister Bridget Riley03:32 Diane asks: what would you say to your younger self?04:41 What she needed: validation05:49 Helen on anger and sadness underneath06:56 Sabotaged opportunities and executive dysfunction07:27 "Get on with it" roots: asking for help08:33 Diane on self-compassion09:04 Looking up to each other, and "normal is a cycle on a washing machine"10:05 Being busy, Helen's partner and following energy11:07 Sense of justice, an ADHD diagnosis at nearly 58, and literalness12:09 Funny signs and Eddie Izzard13:46 Injustice as a career, and checking in on your artist friends15:05 Social change maker for life, and the shiny-things detour16:43 Neurodivergent change makers19:07 Call to action on the NHS, medical misogyny and teachers19:37 Sign-off

Helen and Diane welcome their first ever guest, Sarah Ellis. She is the Artistic Director of Theatre Inspiring Change and was diagnosed with ADHD late in life. Sarah describes how she began to wonder about ADHD around 18 months ago, after her daughter asked whether she was sure she didn't have it. Looking back, she sees how many of her lifelong traits she had put down to something else. She also talks about rejection sensitivity, the "you're bright but you don't apply yourself" story she grew up with, and the difficulty of everyday admin. Sarah then describes how the diagnosis gave her a sense of relief, and the permission to be kinder to herself and fierce on her own behalf. This is the first part of the conversation, part two is here.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookSarah: Hyperfusion (Facebook)Come Neurodivergent Nook us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokHighlightsSarah's daughter asked whether she was sure she didn't have ADHD. A rehearsal room full of her colleagues burst out laughing at the idea.Sarah spends working life spotting neurodivergence in others and not herselfThe "square peg" feeling, the manic performer's energy, the crashes afterwards, sleep problems and a weak memory for childhood were all once put down to getting older, depression or trauma.Sarah describes how rejection hits her, and how being a class clown helped her compensate.Now she has a diagnosis, Sarah is going to ask whether some of what she was treated for as depression was actually burnout.Sarah got through years of "just try harder" messages. She has built a business from nothing, yet still finds spreadsheets and holiday booking overwhelming.Diane and Helen talk about how we fixate on the one thing we can't do and overlook everything we do well.The group discusses the fear and freeze that come with one more task.Sarah is fiercely protective of other people. The diagnosis helped her turn that same fierceness on herself.Sarah ran a session at her youth academy on embracing the weird, and diagnosis gave her permission to stop talking negatively.Timeline01:03 Sarah introduces herself and her work01:34 How Sarah first wondered about ADHD02:10 Her daughter's question, and rehearsal room reaction04:14 Working with neurodivergent people but never seeing it in herself05:17 Looking back: "square peg" feelings / humour06:36 Performer energy, adrenaline & crashes afterwards09:13 Rejection sensitivity and compensating as the class clown11:04 Emotions "like a 10-ton truck"11:34 "Bright but you didn't apply yourself"12:14 Spreadsheets, holiday booking and overwhelm13:14 Building a business from nothing14:22 We tell ourselves the negative story15:03 Paralysis of tasks17:17 Fierce protectiveness & standing up for others19:31 Being fierce for yourself20:02 Embracing "weirdo" with the young people's academy21:08 A strong sense of injustice & idealism21:42 Sign-off and next week's

Unmasking, safety, and becoming more authentically yourselfHelen Neale and Diane Frainer discuss unmasking in a neurodivergent context, focusing on what it looks like in everyday life and why it can feel both liberating and difficult. They explore the mental health cost of masking, the importance of safe environments, and the growing confidence that comes from better understanding your own needs. Helen brings her perspective as an autistic ADHD therapist, and Diane shares her experience as an autistic ADHD former headteacher, foster carer, coach, and tutor to neurodivergent teenagers. Together, they talk honestly about identity, regulation, and the slow process of feeling safe enough to show up more fully.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookCome join us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokKey topicsHelen and Diane unpack what unmasking means beyond general idea of “being yourself” & why it can take time, diagnosis, & self-understanding.Diane shares how leaving her role as a headteacher marked the start of her own unmasking journeyDiscussing visible changes that can come with unmasking, including Diane’s more expressive style, dreadlocks, tattoos, glitter, and a willingness to wear what feels joyful.Helen introduces the idea of a “fuck it era,” reframing unmasking as choosing what feels right if it causes no harm to others.Hidden cost of masking for neurodivergent people, especially anxiety, imposter syndrome, overthinking, and scripting.How direct communication can be misread as rude, creating an added layer of social risk and making unmasking harder in workplaces.Diane describes how unmasking might show up at home through singing, humming, making up songs, and other forms of stimming.Connecting masking and unmasking to sensory needs, including texture preferences, food sensitivities, and bodily regulation.They reflect on how unmasking shifts the focus from everyone else’s needs to one’s own needs, without ignoring others, and how that can feel unfamiliar but healthy.The episode closes on the idea that progress can be gradual, safe, and even exciting, both guests acknowledging that unmasking can bring relief, grief, and confidence at the same time.Timestamps00:27 - Introducing the episode and the focus on unmasking00:42 - Diane’s background as an autistic ADHD former headteacher and current coach00:57 - Moving from masking to more conscious unmasking01:26 - What unmasking means in practice05:27 - The “fuck it era” and choosing self-expression07:16 - Mental health cost of masking08:06 - Anxiety, imposter syndrome, and social scripting10:03 - Why safety matters before unmasking10:30 - Direct communication, workplace expectations, and double empathy problem11:27 - The exhaustion of second-guessing every word12:17 - Working for yourself and creating safer conditions13:01 - Unmasking at home through singing and stimming14:30 - Why finding private space matters17:02 - Prioritizing your own needs without ignoring others18:28 - Realizing your needs matter too20:17 - Any progress is good progress

Neurodivergence and Animals: Therapy, Regulation, and JoyThis episode explores how animals can support neurodivergent people through co regulation, calm presence, and connection. Diane and Helen Neal, both autistic and ADHD, discuss what they have seen in schools, coaching, and therapy, from dogs in classrooms to goats, horses, and farm animals in regulated settings.We discuss how animals can help children, young people, and adults feel safer, more settled, and more able to connect without pressure. The conversation also highlights the importance of whole school culture, animal wellbeing, and the way animals can bring out autistic joy.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookCome join us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokKey topicsDiane introduces the episode as a conversation about neurodivergence and connections with animals, drawing on her work as a foster carer and coach for neurodivergent teenagers.Helen shares that she is a qualified therapist with lived experience as an autistic and ADHD adult, bringing both clinical and personal perspective.Helen explains co regulation and how animals can offer a calm, regulated presence that supports nervous system regulation.Diane describes bringing her dog Ebony into school as headteacher, including how the dog became part of daily routines and supported anxious pupils.Whole school approaches come up repeatedly, including the role of staff, parents, leadership, and school culture in making animal support work well.Diane shares how animals are now built into her coaching, including weekly dog walks with a teenager and using goats as part of animal therapy.Helen raises the role of horses and supported therapy for autistic people and those with higher support needs, with Diane sharing a moving story about a boy with level 3 autism who came alive around farm animals and a pony ride.Timestamps(00:00) Introducing the episode & Diane's work with neurodivergent young people(01:06) Helen Neal's background as a therapist with autistic and ADHD lived experience(02:05) Animal assisted therapy and therapy dogs in schools and universities(04:31) Ebony the cockapoo and how a school dog supported anxious children(06:52) Matching the animal to the client's needs and using the dog's calm presence in therapy(07:36) Animals as a way to build trust, responsibility, and emotional expression(08:23) Why animal support works best as a whole school approach(09:09) Forest school, holistic practice, and dog walks as part of coaching(10:02) Goats as therapy animals and the value of cuddles and proprioception(10:39) Safe, quiet animal spaces for neurodivergent people who need comfort without questioning(11:03) Horses and more supported therapy for autistic people and higher support needs(11:28) A farm visit, a pony ride, and a child with level 3 autism communicating clearly through action(12:46) The power of autistic joy & calm regulation around animals(14:18) Belonging, connection, and why animals can be a meaningful form of relationship(15:20) Closing thoughts and the end of the episode

What’s in a Label? — Part TwoIn Part Two, Diane and Helen explore how diagnostic labels can shape understanding, access to support, and self-perception. They reflect on family experiences of schizophrenia and autism, the limits of diagnosis-led systems, and the role of self-compassion in living with neurodivergence.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookCome join us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokIn this episodePersonal reflections on schizophrenia, autism, and missed diagnoses across generationsWhy a diagnosis can open doors to support—but is not support in itselfThe impact labels can have on identity, self-image, and expectationsThe pressure schools and families face to secure formal diagnosesBalancing self-awareness, compassion, resilience, and learned helplessness Timestamps00:01 — Introduction: returning to the conversation about labels and schizophrenia00:32 — Diane reflects on her uncle’s diagnosis and childhood memories02:21 — How understandings of autism, ADHD, and schizophrenia have changed03:01 — Why diagnosis needs to come with meaningful, joined-up support03:35 — The gap between receiving a diagnosis and getting help04:02 — “What do I do with this now?”: being handed a diagnosis without a pathway04:24 — The personal and systemic complexity of diagnostic labels05:11 — Looking beyond diagnosis: context, power, and individual experience06:13 — Changing needs, fluctuating capacity, and a more holistic approach06:43 — Schools, funding, and why families feel pressure to pursue diagnosis07:28 — When a diagnosis becomes tied to access to the right provision08:00 — Seeing the person beyond the list of labels09:39 — Late diagnosis, masking, regression, and learned helplessness10:39 — Self-awareness and self-compassion without pushing beyond capacity11:29 — Does a diagnosis make it easier to offer yourself compassion?12:22 — Challenging unrealistic expectations around memory and productivity13:36 — Resilience, creativity, and recognising strengths alongside challenges14:01 — Closing reflections and farewell

What’s in a Label? — Part OneIn Part One, Helen and Diane explore why diagnostic labels can be both helpful and harmful. They discuss how labels may give people language for their experiences and help open the door to support, while also inviting assumptions about what someone can or cannot do. Using examples from schools, late diagnosis, emotional regulation, and family experience, they argue that support should begin with listening to the person rather than relying on a diagnosis alone. The conversation also considers the stigma attached to schizophrenia and psychosis, the fear that can grow when people lack understanding, and the importance of language, identity, and compassion when talking about neurodivergence and mental health.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookCome join us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokTimestamps — Part One00:00 Welcome and introducing the conversation about diagnoses and labels00:35 Labels as useful information, but also a source of stigma and assumptions02:36 How labels can affect young people’s experiences at school05:21 The importance of asking people what support they actually need06:01 Why diagnoses cannot fully define an individual’s needs08:15 Fluctuating needs, emotional regulation, and lived experience09:20 Stigma, schizophrenia, psychosis, and reducing fear through understanding10:30 Media narratives and the harm of assumption13:00 Identity, language, and changing attitudes to diagnosis13:42 Closing Part OneComing in Part Two Helen and Diane continue their conversation about diagnoses and labels, returning to the questions of identity, language, understanding, and support.

Helen Neale and Diane Frainer unpack what selfcare actually means for neurodivergent kids adults, and how rest can look different. Covering rest, sensory regulation and advocacy too.Connect:Helen: Neurodivergent NookDiane: Olive Branch ConsultingKey Topics:What selfcare meansDiane describes self-care as something she knows she should do more of, rooted in self-compassion and prioritising herself.Helen frames it as understanding your own needs rather than adopting a generic definition.Why rest looks different for NDersDiane explains that active experiences like sea swimming can be deeply regulating and restorative.Helen shares that sitting still does not feel like rest to her, while learning about passions and special interests does.Burnout, sleep & survival modeDiane talks honestly about poor sleep, early waking, and using short morning naps just to get through the day.Discussion draws a clear line between genuine restoration and coping.Passions as selfcareHelen notes working within her special interests is a privilege, also a major source of regulation.She stresses the need to notice when something restorative starts tipping into burnout.Sensory selfcareBoth speakers discuss walking as a form of selfcare, especially when it is intentional and not just a route for problem-solving.Helen shares how sensory elements like wet grass and open-toed sandals can make a walk feel restorative.Self care as a spoken commitmentSaying “this is for me” out loud is presented as a powerful act of self-acknowledgement.Diane compares it to giving yourself a smile or high five in the mirror.Social rest and belongingDiane reflects on a walk with her husband and goats as a different kind of rest, social not solitary.Helen points out that rest can also mean feeling safe, connected, and socially supported.Children needing rest and energyThe conversation shifts to how school and family life often leave children with too little choice and too little downtime.Helen argues that learning what restores your energy is an essential life skill.Support for young people to advocateDiane shares coaching example of a student given an hour of maths homework after a full school day, which the student knew was unmanageable.Young people need support to advocate about executive function and attention needs.School systems and unfair punishmentCritique of schools punishing behaviour that is part of disability.Diane and Helen emphasise compassionate environments and better advocacy.Timestamps00:00 Intro01:42 The Challenge of Prioritizing Self-Care3:32 Different Types of Rest and Their Significance05:22 Active and Sensory Rest as Restorative Activities07:12 Recognizing Signs of Burnout and the Need for Breaks08:40 The Power of Small Acts of Self-Care10:27 The Role of Environment and Sensory Experiences12:17 Supporting Children and Advocating for Needs13:53 Educational environments and systemc challenges15:59 Self advocacy and systemic change17:57 Closing Remarks and Resources

In this episode of the Neurodivergent Nook podcast, Helen and Diane explore the complexities of friendship, social understanding, and relationship building from the perspective of neurodivergent adults. They share personal experiences, challenges, and insights on finding authentic connections, understanding social cues, and developing trust. Whether you're navigating relationships yourself or supporting neurodivergent loved ones, this conversation offers valuable reflections and practical advice.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookCome join us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTok Key topics:Social struggles faced during childhood & how masking influences relationshipsConcept of "double empathy problem" & mutual understanding in friendshipsImportance of authenticity & vulnerability in forming meaningful connectionsRecognizing and trusting your intuition and gut feelings in relationshipsBuilding a support network and finding your tribe, especially post-university or after challenging relationshipsPractical advice for teenagers and young adults on safety, boundaries, and trusting oneselfThe significance of understanding different communication styles within friendships and romantic relationships Timestamps:00:00 - Introduction to the episode’s focus on friendships and social challenges01:50 - The exhausting nature of masking and navigating social expectations02:18 - Impact of social masking and the absence of clear social guidelines03:10 - Challenges schools faced with neurodivergent students before awareness and training04:17 - Communication differences and the effect of bluntness on friendships04:34 - Importance of mutual understanding in comms05:24 - "Double empathy problem" and need for reciprocal understanding06:09 - Building authentic relationships by being honest about neurodivergence07:24 - The value of finding your tribe and role of shared neurodivergent experiences08:07 - The importance of connection in university and early adult life09:18 - The long-term effects of diagnosis and importance of belonging10:31 - Trust and boundaries in friendships, especially for neurodivergent individuals11:04 - Recognizing the difference between acquaintances and true friends12:14 - People-pleasing driven by neurodivergence & trauma15:00 - Recognizing toxic relationships and the importance of safety in relationships16:19 - Trusting instincts / recognising unhealthy relationships19:23 - Practical advice for teenagers on safety, boundaries, and trusting instincts21:14 - The significance of self-worth and not settling for unhealthy relationships22:24 - Listening to internal cues and safety feelings, especially for neurodivergent teens24:46 - The role of trusted friends and familial support in overcoming relationship challenges26:11 - Closing thoughts: trusting oneself and advocating for supportClosing note:Remember, trusting your instincts, seeking support, and understanding your worth are vital steps towards healthy relationships. If you’re navigating similar challenges, know that you're not alone, and support is available. 

Explore the intersection of menopause, autism, ADHD, and neurodivergence in this candid conversation between Helen Neal and Diane Franer. They share personal experiences, discuss the gaps in research, and offer practical advice for neurodivergent women facing hormonal changes.Connect with:Diane: Olive Branch ConsultingHelen: Neurodivergent NookCome join us on social media too:FacebookInstagramTikTokIn this episodeThe impact of menopause on neurodivergent traits like focus and emotional regulationChallenges in communication and medical support for neurodivergent women during menopauseThe importance of self-compassion and understanding your body's signalsHow hormonal fluctuations influence anxiety, fatigue, and brain fogThe need for increased research and awareness about women's health across the lifespanPractical tips: sleep, pacing, and advocating for yourself, andEncouraging open conversations with family and peersResearch on menopause and neurodivergenceExamining the link between ADHD symptoms and menopausal experiences:https://kclpure.kcl.ac.uk/portal/en/publications/examining-the-link-between-adhd-symptoms-and-menopausal-experienc/ADHD experiences in perimenopause and menopause: a qualitative explorationhttps://www-tandfonline-com.uoelibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/full/10.1080/18387357.2026.2673126My own article on my personal experiences as a AuDHDer:https://ncps.com/our-voice/audhd-perimenopause-and-the-coping-mechanisms-that-suddenly-dont-workTimestamps00:05 - Introduction to menopause and neurodivergence01:04 - Neurodivergent traits affected by hormonal changes02:04 - The gap in clinical discussions about neurodivergence during menopause04:00 - Personal diagnosis stories linked to menopause04:27 - Managing emotional regulation and anxiety05:33 - Seeking medical advice and advocating for HRT06:23 - The challenge of supporting neurodivergent health needs08:00 - The importance of self-advocacy with healthcare professionals08:54 - Practical coping strategies: pacing and rest09:54 - Recognizing and normalizing menopausal symptoms12:23 - Accessibility of menopause support (specialist clinics)14:21 - The impact of brain fog and forgetfulness15:37 - Self-compassion and accepting neurodivergent traits16:40 - The importance of community and peer support18:35 - How biological and hormonal changes affect daily life21:38 - Celebrating resilience and everyday achievements23:19 - Importance of open family conversations24:06 - Education in schools about menopause25:08 - Call for increased research and awareness26:03 - Closing remarks and resources