My Spouse Has Dementia

Host and Producer Zita Christian and Guest Rabbi Matt Field, owner of Right at Home, a home care and assistance agency, discussed how agencies such as his can improve dementia care by treating staffing as a human-centered coordination problem rather than simply filling shifts. Care Standards To help agency caregivers be most effective in their assignments, Matt emphasized the importance of creating individualized, continually updated care plans, thoughtful caregiver-client matching, warm introductions, shadowing, supervision, and ongoing training. Supporting caregivers through fair treatment, mentorship, scholarships, and crisis assistance can improve both the agency's retention of quality caregivers and the quality of care the caregivers provide to their clients.  In times of crisis, such as the COVID epidemic, agency aides can supplement the staff at memory care communities during staffing shortages or when extra one-to-one support is needed during transitions. Access And Change Families may explore long-term-care insurance, Medicare's GUIDE model, veterans' benefits, Medicaid, and local respite programs. Unfortunately, costs remain a major unresolved barrier. Zita and Matt discussed creative policy changes that might create broader, sustainable funding for dementia care, such as a dedicated savings or insurance pool. Matt sees potential for AI-assisted scheduling to reduce administrative workload while preserving human attention for clients and caregivers. Matt's agency, Right at Home, provides dementia training for first-responders as an important community safety measure.   Matt successfully blends the compassion of a rabbi with the responsibility and industry knowledge needed to run a caregiving business. To learn more and to contact Rabbi Matt Field, go to his website: Chicagoland.care  

Until his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Mark Wilson was a human resources executive at Taco Bell. Doctors gave his widowed mom six years to live. Mark retired, moved back home, back to the bedroom of his childhood. And he made a plan.  He drew on his corporate experience to build a caregiving team of five aides who cared for his mother 24/7.  He researched how particular foods might help his mother and he took over the cooking.  He searched for a doctor to help his mother with a painful ailment unrelated to dementia. He found a guru!  These are just a few of the steps he took, all of which are explored in his book, a memoir self-help book titled Breakthrough Alzheimer's Care. With the help of his sister and the breakthrough ideas in Mark's plan, their mom lived 15 more years, not 6.  His website, BoldCareLeader.com, is full of helpful information and free resources.   

From the caregiver's mindset to  making a home safe to understanding the legal side of caregiving, The Caregiver's Advocate is a collection of essays, written by and for caregivers. Debbie DeMoss Compton spearheaded "The Caregiver's Advocate," an international bestselling book featuring 21 authors from 4 countries, offering diverse perspectives and strategies for caregivers. The Caregiver's Advocate Volume 2 features 22 experts from 3 countries who share things they wish they had known sooner in their caregiving journey. Volume 3 will be released in 2026.  In this episode, Debbie talks about the submission process for caregivers looking for a publishing avenue to share their stories. To learn more, visit the website: The Purple Vine  

Lance A. Slatton is a change-maker in the world of family caregiving.  He has the lived experience of a caregiver, the expertise of a professional caregiving services provider, and the wisdom to recognize the power of a caregiver's personal story.  His service to the community can be seen in family-owned homecare services company, Enriched Life Homecare Services.  Beyond that, Slatton is the author The All Home Care Matters Official Family Caregivers Guide, and the host or co-host 4 podcasts about caregiving: All Home Care Matters -- expert guests, valuable resources, insightful tips Conscious Caregiving with L@L -- tackling tough conversations The Care Advocates -- navigating the complexities of long-term care The Caregiver's Journal -- personal, heartfelt stories from caregivers Most recently Slatton became the president of ALZ Authors, a resource hub of books written by and for dementia caregivers.  It's no surprise Lance A. Slatton is known in the caregiving world as "The Senior Care Influencer."   

What's it like to be the caregiver for your parents while raising a young family of your own, and your wife is pregnant? Not easy!  Healthcare journalist Paul Wynn writes about caregiving issues for more than 70 national publications. He also knows what it's like to be a caregiver, sandwiched between two generations.  That personal story is the subject of "Surviving the Sandwich Generation Years: How to Balance Caring for Parents While Raising Kids", one of twenty-two stories in the award-winning anthology, The Caregiver's Advocate: A Complete Guide to Support and Resources, Vol 2, edited by Debbie DeMoss Compton.   In the story, Paul describes life as a boy, watching his mother take care of his grandmother. He noticed his mother's patience and tenderness and how much his grandmother seemed to appreciate his mother's company. Those simple observations would serve him well as an adult.  Here's an excerpt from Paul Wynn's story. It takes place over a ten-day period. At the time, Paul is married, the father of two young children. He and his wife live in New York. His father has died. His mother lives in Pennsylvania. She has dementia. So does his uncle. "...I rented a U-Haul truck and moved my uncle's personal belongings from his home to a Catholic-run assisted living facility where he moved into a studio apartment. The next weekend, Julia and I welcomed our third child."  Every story in the anthology offers a helpful resource or caregiving tip. You can find the book on amazon.  You can reach Paul Wynn at his website.

Imagine you open your computer, strike a few keys, and there's your spouse…who died three years ago – like my husband did. You aren't looking at a photo. Or a video. No. This is more like Zoom or Facetime.   The image you see looks, acts, and moves just like your spouse. Sounds like your spouse, too. You stare in disbelief as the image smiles and says, "Honey, I've missed you."   What's your gut reaction? An AI miracle? Or emotional whiplash?   This past August, I received an email from a man who described a new AI platform he had created. He described the platform's ability to gather photos and voice recordings of someone who died and blend them with memories shared by the deceased person's family.    He wanted to demonstrate his AI tool here, on this podcast. In his own words, "I'd be happy to demonstrate this live on your podcast, or even help you reconnect with someone from your own circle…"   So if I were to use his platform, I could strike a few keys on my computer and my husband would appear on the screen…as though he were alive.  Understand me clearly: I love fairy tales but I don't live in one. The creator claims that what his platform can provide is comforting. I find it cruel.   In an effort to see this issue from another angle, I sought the opinions of friends, family, members of my dementia support group, members of my bereavement group, and health professionals, including nurses and a grief therapist. My opinion has not changed.   

Your loved one is diagnosed with dementia. While you focus on symptoms, tasks and decisions, a long-standing pattern from your childhood is being triggered. That pattern will shape your caregiving style.  That childhood pattern is also being triggered in your loved one. Understanding the pattern can help you understand your loved one's behavior. Understanding can lead to compassion for your loved one and for yourself. From her book, Dementia, Caregiving & Personal History: How to Help, Cope, Connect, and Heal, author Tami Anastasia writes: "Our earliest relationships influence how we connect with others: our need for closeness, our ability to trust, and how we respond to life cirumstanes."  In this first of several interviews, Tami talks about the bonds we formed with the people who cared for us when we were children and how those deep-rooted attachment styles influence our relationships as adults, especially in times of stress or crisis. She sheds light on these four attachment styles:  Secure Attachment: Living with Confidence Anxious Attachment: Seeking Validation Through Caregiving Avoidant Attachment: Struggling with Emotional Closeness Disorganized Attachment: Being Caught Between Love and Fear Tami Anastasia holds a masters in counseling with more than 30 years of experience supporting family and professional caregivers. To learn more about Tami and her book, please go to her website

You will never regret being kind to your spouse.  In a strong marriage, the sexual expression of love is the sinew that ties two hearts together and forms the kind of bond we depend on to get us through life's greatest challenges. As we age, the intensity of physical passion burns more ember than flame, but the bonds of love can be just as strong, even stronger, than ever.  Alzheimer's forces a wedge in the relationship. Caregiver stress is more devastating than you imagined. Frustration and Anger barge into your home and wreak havoc in your daily world. Anticipatory grief destroys your dream of the future.  Whether the dementia caregiving journey takes a few years or a decade or more, love doesn't fade from a strong marriage. The challenge is learning how to express that love in a new way.  After marrying more than 150 couples, publishing 3 historical romance novels with Harper Collins, and being married for 41 years to a man I loved deeply, I've learned some things about weddings, romance, intimacy, and dementia. I share a few of those thoughts in this episode.   Mentioned in the episode:  John van Gurp's YouTube channel: John and Heather's Dementia Journey Be sure to listen to episode 28 about how using improv can help caregivers enter the world of their loved one. Let me know if you'd like to be part of an online improv class where all the participants are dementia family caregivers. I'm working a future episode about how it feels to have to care for a family member with dementia when you would never refer to that person as your "loved one." If that's you, please contact me. Email: [email protected]   

You know that caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's or other form of dementia can leave your mind confused, your body exhausted, and your spirit depressed. Yes, and what if I said there's something simple that might help you survive the caregiving journey? Yes, and what if I said this something is fun and free?  I'm talking about improvisational theater, "improv" for short. Imagine a group of people on stage, making up a comedy skit as they go along. No experience required for what I'm suggesting in this episode.  I've been talking with my nephew, Stephen Gillikin, co-founder of an improv group in Los Angeles and founder of a virtual improv class, about how improv techniques might help family dementia caregivers "enter the world" of their loved one. To read more about what I think could genuinely help family dementia caregivers, read the associate blog post on my main website,  ZitaChristian.com Mentioned in this episode: Stephen Gillikin, Actor, Improv Teacher, my nephew International Women's Podcast Awards (Mentioned because out of almost 700 entries from 35 countries around the world, My Spouse Has Dementia was short-listed for the 2025 annual awards!) Episode 27, interview with Marty Schreiber, author of My Two Elaines In case you're wondering, I generated all of this content. Not AI.  

"None of the books I read conveyed the ugly truth about caregiving: that it can destroy you – even kill you – if you go about it wrong." That's just a taste of the hard-hitting reality conveyed by author Martin (Marty) Schreiber in his memoir, "My Two Elaines." Elaine was Marty's highschool sweetheart and wife of 62 years when she died from Alzheimer's. As a former governor, Marty was prepared for the political responsibilities focused on leading the State of Wisconson. As a loving husband to a wife with Alzheimer's, he floundered. Marty talks bluntly about several aspects of caregiving: the benefits of being told the truth of a diagnosis the unique stress a husband faces when he is the caregiver how asking for help can challenge a man's masculinity how critical it is to enter your loved one's world when trying to communicate  the inevitable anger and frustration of trying to fix the unfixable the danger of trying to cope with alcohol -- what Marty calls, "the caregiver's poison." self-reflection, regrets, and the importance of sharing personal caregiving stories This is a love story. Sad. Strong. Encouraging. Martin Schreiber's website: My Two Elaines If you're caring for a spouse with dementia and are finding it hard to tell family and friends what you're going through, send them this link to  Episode 23: The Caregiver You Love Needs Help