Cutting-edge, pioneering conversations on holistic women's health, including sex, birth, motherhood, womanhood, intimacy and trauma with doula, certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Experiencing practitioner, and author of Call of the Wild and the Fourth Trimester, Kimberly Ann Johnson.
EP 143: Jaguar Round Table
1:13:04In this round table episode, three Jaguar course alumni speak about their unique experiences participating in this deep and transformative course. As Kimberly and her team prepare for the next round of the course, these testimonies speak beautifully to the type of experience you might find in the upcoming: Jaguar Wholeness in Fractured Times: A Real World Understanding of the Nervous System and Feminine Sexuality.
EP 142: Yoga, Power and Fundamentalism - Finding Humility and Balance with Richard Freeman
1:12:56In this episode, Kimberly and Richard discuss yoga, spiritual teachings, finding balance within, honoring lineages and history, and community-focused practices versus individualized ones. They discuss the impact of the pandemic on various communities such as the yoga community, acknowledging our shadow selves, and turning our individual yoga and spiritual practices to tangible ways to support and better communities and our world. This episode is rich with Richard’s wisdom and understandings of various yogic, Hindu, and Buddhist teachings and principles, his experiences traveling and learning about these lineages, and philosophies for balancing our inner and outer selves to ultimately benefit others. Bio Richard Freeman has been practicing yoga since 1968. He has taught yoga and trained yogas all over the world. His work joins together a vast array of teachings and perspectives, in keeping with the richness of this ancient tradition. You can find more information on Richard’s teachings on his website. What He Shares: --Impact of pandemic --Fracturing in yoga communities --Acknowledging and finding balance between our shadow and light selves --Understanding histories and lineages in ancient traditions and practices --Teacher/student power-issues in yoga --Contributing to social good through individual practice What You’ll Hear: --Fracturing in yoga community over pandemic --Predispositions toward polarity and fundamentalism --Opposing groups coming together over common enemy --Dealing with unknown and uncomfortable not knowing regarding pandemic --Finding common ground when understand the “other” --Pratipaksha the other wing, bhavana (contemplate the other wing) --Different obstacles where one wing is associated with heavy emotions and cause suffering, contemplate opposite wing of emotion --Practice which visualizes the other in order to cultivate empathy and understanding --Applicable for serious and miniscule problems --Mind slips anything into ego-centered --Not hurting others or yourself --Shadow sides can be projected out or not recognized within oneself --Acknowledging not suppressing shadow potential of own minds --Many yoga/spiritual practices avoid this intellectual honesty --Feel negative emotions in context with other social support to hold and observe --Embody it in a way that doesn’t destroy you or others --Discerning intuition, multiple realities, and fundamentalism --Being open to feedback --Balancing and feeling the middle path physically and intellectually --Experimenting physical practice with intellectual/interior life --Impact of social media on brain/mind/energetic system overall --Some social media beneficial in yoga world --Ego/mind are creative and can be used for good or destruction --Social media fast-paced, scary, and mind-blowing --Done in context of ancient historical traditions of insight done slowly over thousands of years --Benefits of social media for community --Convenience and pace of convenience are part of issues regarding community, climate, etc. --Describes time in India through Middle East and Europe during 1970s --Similarities in people of different religions and traditions --Importance of understanding history in religious traditions around the world --Appropriation versus appreciation through understanding history, honoring lineage, and humility --Dynamic of teacher/student relationship in yoga --Discerning teachers, practices, and other aspects of yoga within commodification --Finding the true Teacher (Beloved) in the heart --Many teachers are attracted to power of being the expert --Good teacher encourages you to stay open minded --Epidemic of problem teachers in yoga and spiritual traditions --Hindu teachings on discernment principles --Two-wing image, supportive of each-other, because of intelligence as one --Patterns of immediate sensation giving birth to story lines and labels --Under-pinnings of practice individual work not necessarily impacting the collective --Practicing for self-improvement or for community improvement --Conceding comfort for tangible benefit of other people --Individual practice branching out to ever-expanding environments --Chant together Resources Website: https://www.richardfreemanyoga.com/
EP 141: Getting to Zero - Resolving Conflict and Practicing Vulnerability in Relationships with Jayson Gaddis
53:47In this episode, Kimberly and Jayson discuss solving relationship conflict through tools and practices Jayson has developed through his work. They talk about healthy relationships maintaining a comfortable baseline where all issues are addressed and resolved. Jayson describes practical ways that include listening, validating, and taking ownership of issues as skills to create long-lasting and satisfying relationships both romantic and platonic, as well as the difference between healthy relationships and codependent ones. Through using the skills Jayson describes, we can shift culture in how we relate to and validate each other. Bio Jayson Gaddis is a relationship expert, coach, founder of the Relationship School, host of The Relationship School podcast, has an M.A. in psychology, and is a dad of two. His work includes effective coaching and provides practical tools and skills that everyone can use to impact their relationships. Jayson’s new book “Getting to Zero” can be pre-ordered through his website linked below. What They Share --Finding a partner willing to grow and be mutually invested --Healthy versus codependent relationships --Tools for solving heated conflicts from “Getting to Zero” --Addressing uncomfortable conversations What You’ll Hear --Monogamy as a spiritual path for personal growth --Ask what you believe you’re wired for (one intimate partner or more) --Stereotypes of non-commital hetero men --Identify who you are and what you really want deeply --Two types of people (willing and unwilling) --Willingness is a spectrum, identify a willing person --Usually pain inspires movement and growth --Misinterpreting others’ attachment styles causes conflict --Two willing people understand attachment styles of other as a journey --Codependency doesn’t have mutual exchange --Healthy attachment is mutual effort and engagement --Many relationships have codependent element where only one person does emotional labor --New book “Getting To Zero” highlights method of working and repairing through conflict in relationship --Failed attempts of conflict resolution dealt with quick apologies and time without meaningful repair --Creating a clear, clean vibe within relationship leaving nothing unaddressed --Created School and goes into schools to work with adolescents in relational literacy --LUFU (Listening to the other Until you Feel Understood) --Validate partner’s feelings, claim ownership in partner’s issue --”That makes sense” as a validating response --One at a time, most resourced person listens first, if partner feels heard --Conflict resolution is a practice which takes time and effort --Need to relearn how to listen and speak to others while under stress --Nester-meditation (Number, Emotion, Sensation, Thought, Resource) during stress --Discomfort threshold and being okay with discomfort, shame, guilt, anger, etc. --Overly bearing emotional work for relationship undermines partner’s growth and enables them to stay stuck --Resentment signals going past responsibility in emotional work of relationship --Community to help us see our patterns --Identify healthy discomfort versus unhealthy discomfort --Understanding inner conflict and outer conflict and how they impact each other --Knowing when to bring up unresolved issues with friends and romantic relationships --High-stakes relationships with mutual investment needs truth-telling --Lead with vulnerability in difficult conversations --Becoming a competent relational leader with time and practice to handle adversity and discomfort --”Stand for three” (self, partner, and relationship) necessary for lasting relationships Resources Website: jaysongaddis.com IG: @therelationshipschool
EP 140: Bullshit, Lying, and the Truth with John V. Petrocelli
1:13:24In this episode, Kimberly and John discuss his newest book “The Life-Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit” which explains the differences between bullshitting, lying, and deciphering the truth. John explains many different facets of how humans are susceptible to bullshit and lying, especially from someone close or familiar to us, as well as how to have a productive conversation with someone who makes biased claims posing as truth. Bio John V. Petrocelli is an experimental social psychologist and Professor of Psychology at Wake Forest University. His research examines the causes and consequences of BS and BSing in the way of better understanding and improving BS detection and disposal. Petrocelli’s research contributions also include attitudes and persuasion and the intersections of counterfactual thinking with learning, memory and decision making. His research has appeared in the top journals of his field including the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Petrocelli also serves an Associate Editor of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. What He Shares: —Difference between bullshitting and lying —How cross-field research is most credible —Questions to ask when someone makes a claim —Humility in seeking the truth —Seeking truth amid echo chambers and polarization What You’ll Hear: —Difference between bullshit and lying —Liar interested in truth in order to tell a successful lie —BSer doesn’t care about truth, could state truth but BSer wouldn’t know it —Liar doesn’t believe what they’re communicating and knows they’re lying —BSer does believe in what they say —We assume BS has no harm or effects and that we cant detect it (false) --Those most confident in detecting BS are most duped by it (research shows) —Those who have strongest beliefs about something can be often most clueless about the evidence & truth --Research behind MMR vaccine and debunked link to autism —Cross-discipline agreements trend as most credible —Confirmation bias is only caring about what appears to be evidence or explanation that confirms our pre-existing beliefs or hypothesis —Preferences va attitudes —Own personal/professional experiences inform our beliefs —Data collection regarding experiences is messy and random --Information we get from personal and professional experience is often counterintuitive and not necessarily data we want to count —When people obtain good information, research shows tends to suggest people are pretty reasonable in inferences they make from information presented —-Major problem treating anecdotal, small data points of interest as much weight as we would give data on a mass scale —How do we know when something is credible? How do we tell inside of ourselves? How do we tell outside of ourselves? —Data shows only need to hear BS one time, mind tends to signal truth i —Mind signals truth is felt familiar (heard before) easily confuse familiarity with truth —Interpersonal BS (people we care about, communicate with frequently) is most potent --People we don’t communicate with is somewhat potent —Who are they? What do they know? How do they know that claim? What is their agenda? —Calling BS and being challenged on our beliefs is rare to occur especially when it’s easy to be locked into our echo chambers —Living in era where vehicles for expression, making recordings and content leads us exposed to many things an equalizer and messiness of truth and reality —Cultural ideas coming to forefront of there is no truth, everything is relative —“Gullability” (when are cues that suggest person isn’t interested in truth) —We feel obligated to have opinions on things at an expanded magnitude from previous times —Passively receiving information vs. actively sorting through information for truth —BSers use abstract explanations/heady values and reasons and less hardcore genuine evidence —HOW do you know this is true? HOW do you think this claim might be wrong? —Listening and communicating to win or prove we’re right doesn’t get us as far —Having intellectual humility —Tribalism we see today resembles cults —Spade for other ways of knowing, mystery, and magic —What can’t be studied or measured (“love”) Resources Website: https://psychology.wfu.edu/about-the-department/faculty-and-staff/john-petrocelli/
EP 139: Attachment Theory, Interdependence, and Rewiring from Threat to Love with Dr. Stan Tatkin
54:21In this episode, Kimberly and Stan discuss attachment theory, styles of learned attachment, and ways to maintain healthy relationships. They discuss attachment theory regarding parent-child relationships as well as romantic partners, differences between codependence and interdependent relationships, and how to work towards mutually beneficial relationships even during conflict. Tatkin believes that with proper understanding and/or coaching, all humans can sustain loving and beneficial relationships despite conflict. Bio Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®. Tatkin has written many books based on his attachment and relationship work such as Wired for Love and most recently Baby Bomb. Tatkin created the PACT Institute in 2010 with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, to train mental health professionals to think and work through a psychobiological lens in their clinical practice. What He Shares: --Definition of Attachment theory --Attachment styles (Islands, Waves, and Anchors) --Co-Dependence vs. Interdependence --Single and step parenting --Handling conflict What You’ll Hear: --Attachment theory is felt sense of safety and security of infant and primary caregiver --Secure and insecure reactions of infant, child, adult --Island, Wave, and Anchors as learned attachment behaviors --Island preoccupied with independence and autonomy --Wave encouraged to stay dependent --Co-dependence as one-way street --Interdependence as two autonomous beings in agreement of stakeholders in relationship --Healthy relationships always being two-person system, not individual --Couples as co-architects creating culture around them --Thinking big picture in a relationship --Importance of vetting before a relationship --Focus on perfect relationship: safety & security, love & affection, admiration & growth --Relationship/children hierarchy --Single parents moving to relationships --Evolution of pair-bonding in herds --Interrupting stress patterns during conflict to remember benefits of other person --Put something in place to remind each other to keep from harming each other --Humans wired for threat, have to work through emphasizing love and benefits for individuals involved Resources website www.thepactinstitute.com IG: @drstantatkin
EP 138: Cultish - The Language of Fanaticism with Amanda Montell
47:09In this episode, Kimberly and Amanda discuss language, cultism, and community. Amanda explains aspects of her book “Cultish” to describe how religious principles still permeate much of our secular culture, how groups such as fitness brands and start-ups use language similar to cults, and how we can give ourselves and each other more flexibility in how we use language, identify with groups, and hold disagreements. Ultimately, they discuss how language is based on context, evolves over time, and requires a genuine understanding as we use it to communicate with each other. Bio Amanda Montell is a writer, language scholar, and podcast host from Baltimore. She is the author of two critically acclaimed books: Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, an indie bestseller about the language of "cults" from Scientology to SoulCycle and Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language. Amanda's books have earned praise from The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Time Magazine, Harper's Bazaar, and Kirkus Reviews, among others, and Amanda is currently developing Wordslut for television with FX Studios, serving as creator, writer, and executive producer. Amanda is also the creator and co-host of the comedy-cult podcast, Sounds Like A Cult. As a reporter and essayist, Amanda's writing has been featured in Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue, Refinery29, DAME Magazine, The Rumpus, and Who What Wear, where she formerly served as the Features & Beauty Editor. She holds a degree in linguistics from NYU and lives in Los Angeles with her partner, plants, and pets. What She Shares: --How religious principles still exist in secular culture --Aspects of cults that can be harmless and harmful --How social media is cultish --Finding space in the grey areas What You’ll Hea:r --American protestant principles infiltrates culture through finding meaning, community, transformation --Fitness brands like SoulCycle and CrossFit act as religions in a secular society --Cult definitions vary despite sensationalized media portrayals --Most cults have not been linked to criminal activity --Everyone is susceptible to cultish influence --Language clues us to cultish groups or communities --Protestant ethic deeply embedded in ideas of meritocracy and cleansing self of badness found in culture --Many cults of 60s and 70s use Evangelical concepts appropriated with Eastern religious language --Obsession with word art is similar to Protestant shift from images to text --Buzz words from psychology, feminist politics, etc. used as codes in various communities --”Thought terminating cliches” as expressions that are easily remembered and shut down any questioning --Semantic stop-signs in conspiritualist circles --Intuition vs. facts --Admitting when we’re wrong and overwhelmed by information --No spaces culturally exist for grey areas of life --Evolving language and incredibly challenging time of reckoning what language feels inclusive and accurate --Cults aren’t always necessarily as extreme as Jonestown but can be exploitative, abusive, and trauma-inducing --Mainstream groups that function as certain dangers and exploitation --”Cult” definition is varied and nuanced --Language is dependent on context --Social media cultivating cultism in ourselves, our interests, our beliefs, etc. --Being able to recognize our full humanity outside of groups and communities Resources Website: http://amandamontell.com/ IG: @amanda_montell
EP 137: Mothering Teens and Pre-teens, Intergenerational Healing, and Badass Girls with Eliza Reynolds
57:19In this episode, Kimberly and Eliza discuss intergenerational relationships, mother-daughter healing, and navigating parent-child dynamics during the preteen and teenage years in order to cultivate more conscious, self-loving, and resilient children. Eliza discusses how she began this work, alongside her mother, Sil Reynolds, as a teenager. They discuss the need for parents to have intergenerational support while parenting and for teens, holding space for rapid developmental changes and intensity through the teen years, and pushing back on negative cultural stereotypes of preteens and teens in order to raise more empowered youth. Bio Eliza Reynolds is a best-selling author, speaker, and professional mentor. She’s the coauthor, with her mom, Sil, of Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years. For almost 15 years, Eliza has been facilitating sold-out workshops for thousands of mothers and their preteen and teen daughters, and now offers online and in-person mentorship programs teaching emotional intelligence, embodiment, body literacy, and more for big-hearted preteen and teen girls at Badass Girls. What They Share --Need for intergenerational support for parents and children --How cultural stereotypes of teen girls impact them --Commonalities between teens and toddlers development --Mature mentorship --Healthy resistance and how to hold space for it from preteens and teens What You’ll Hear --Describes writing book and teaching with mother at 15 --”Full body yes” to teach and facilitate --Dominant culture “mom bashing” from teens and culture --Sil always looking for mentors, intergenerational village for Eliza --Cultural degradation of teenage girls --Not normalizing parents feeling overwhelmed and isolated --False, harmful narrative that teen parenting is only hardship --Preteens and teens need intergenerational village of support --Parents can’t bridge intergenerational gap with teens without the village --Underestimate fracturing of extended family, place, and impact on parent-child --Healthy mentorship and positive power dynamics --”Daughtering” as being active in relationship with your parent --Growing between healthy independence and healthy dependence --Negative stories/stereotypes we tell teen girls about themselves often come true --Sil would never trash talk Eliza to other people --Teenage girls as fiercely loyal, loving, kind, radically inclusive with support --Mothers need other mother/mentor support in community raising preteens and teens together --Children surrounded by peers in toxic mom-bashing culture --Dual shift parents getting parenting in community and mentorship and daughter getting healthy peer community and mentorship --Teens starve for mentorship and want to be in stable and grounded community mirrors back their magic --Badass Girls Academy supports parents and daughters --Pushing through the resistance as parents --Commonalities in parenting, attachment, and rapid development in toddlers and teens --Preteen and teen “tantrums” because of brain development, psyche, hormones, etc. remembering they are not adults yet --Being safe harbor and adult through teen tantrums --Empowering young people to have more conscious relationships to make home easier and less conflict --Building skill-set to consciously communicate through practicing with mentors, scripts, body-centering techniques, etc. --Holding boundaries and containment around preteens and teens --Safety still really important with this age group --Working with healthy resistance as parents, pushing up ways against similarities and differences as parent --Feel safety with parents to express themselves and not taking it personally as parents --Helping teens navigate resistance and intensity --Holding true space for their ‘no’ in order to hold true space for their ‘yes’ --Badass Academy is program private app and community curated by professional mentors all online, monthly themes, being more invested in radical responsibility of respecting and loving yourself Resources Website: https://badassgirls.me/ IG: @eliza.feelings
EP 136: Spirit Work, Conspiracies, Elderhood and Grief with Stephen Jenkinson, Part Two
1:26:48In the second of two episodes, Kimberly and Stephen discuss the roles of parents, grandparents and godparents in raising children. They attend to what might be some of the consequence of this gross fracturing of a sense of commons in the surge of conspiracy theories. And they wander through the territory of elderhood, grief, and awakening in a hope-free world. What You'll Here: —The role of parenting —Grandparenting is not elder hood —Elderhood or grandparenting or godparenting —Opioids- the longing after beauty- “anesthetic” —Seeking not after approval but for blessing —If you choose to choose the world or you, give them to the world —Parents are in charge of custodial duties- the janitors —Closeness and intimacy belies the suspicion of distance —What was everyone on about before there was a vaccine —Euthanasia is consistent with death-phobia —A personal truth? and the I-focus —Conception of God, the serenity prayer —Crisis- the imagined possibilities are frayed and are no more —There’s a clarity comes with crisis that obliges you that’s not available when you are feeling fine —Grief and brokenheartedness in a culture that believes in wholeness only —Fundamental addiction to self-determination —Consequence of this gross fracturing of a sense of commons will last far longer than the conspiracy itself —Heartbreak is how you cleanse yourself of prejudices, you do not rid yourself of them —Origin of our capacity for gratitude —Labor on behalf of a better day without hope —We don’t need people who have an answer for everything —A healthy respect for the unknown —Meaning of the word “Awake”- of the web of consequence that fanned out from everything you did and did not do, and you did and did not say —What is the sound upon awakening that we make?
EP 135: Spirit Work, Conspiracies, Elderhood and Grief with Stephen Jenkinson, Part One
1:16:13In this first of two episodes, Kimberly and Stephen look at what happens when we normalize these uniquely troubled times, as well as how we got here. Together they wonder about grief, parenting, elderhood, me-first culture and conspiracies in times of crisis. Stephen places emphasis on how relationship to history informs our present circumstance and meaning making. What do we gain by normalizing times such as these? Where does health come from? How do we reckon with our me-first world in a time so desperate for community and culture? What You’ll Hear --Plague is not an easy thing to normalize, 1919 is the last time --Spirit work is a response to troubles of the times, not freedom from the troubles of the times --How wisdom is distinguished from prejudice --Our spirit work is our response to the world, not our feeling tone about the world --A puritan about your own fundamentalism --The last thing a conspiracy theorist does is imagine that their conspiracy is conspiratorial --Mania of challenging everything rarely gets challenged --Culture orchestrated around appealing to and buying and selling to 17 year olds- inherited from the 60s --What do our kids do with what we’ve given to them --Etymology of the word Fate- from the Latin word from the verb “to speak” What the Gods had said.” --Now that the Gods have spoken, what shall you do- what are the obligations? --Origin of the concept of “bucket list” --Skillfulness or ability to be good, “good” is not a temperature of your character or indwelling possession --Where does your health come from? --What happens if we imagine that the differences between us are problems to solve? --You are incapable of generating the meaning of your life --The meaning of your life is assembled when you die, what a village minded person owns their neighbors --You don’t get to know your legacy, it’s not yours, it’s the consequence of your death --Your act of dying is your last act of citizenship --The word “therapeo” to cure, you require a malady --Preoccupation with self is the principle malady of the times --What’s the source of the enthronement of the self and social media --Elderhood as a check-and-balance on the regime of self-absorption --What will happen if you don’t know how to die? --Death as a great act of humanity and its fullest incarnation or an insult to humanity --Willingness to work is a casualty of the “me first” movement --The moral quandary of having children --Inclusivity is a blowing apart of the capacity to distinguish, inclusivity shames discernment --Culture work versus personal work --Dominant culture of North American founded by flight risks, people on the run, casualties --"The world" doesn't exist, place does Resources Website: www.orphanwisdom.com
EP 134: Discovering Your True Genius, Embracing All Emotions, and The Upper Limit Problem with Gay Hendricks
1:02:18In this episode, Kimberly and Gay discuss his revolutionary term “upper limit problem,” which describes when a person’s capacity for feeling positive emotions is immediately followed by conflict or a dip. They also discuss how Gay discovered this phenomena and his life’s work regarding relationship building, aligning oneself with pure consciousness, and his passion for helping people discover their “genius” or true creativity. Gay discusses his experience being a thought leader of transformational psychology early in academia and mainstream culture and his thoughts on being an elder in today’s society. Gay Hendricks is a psychologist, author of forty books (including “The Big Leap” and “Conscious Loving”), teacher, and therapist on all things regarding relationships and body-mind transformation. He received his PhD from Stanford University in Counseling Psychology and taught for twenty years at University of Colorado. With his wife, Dr. Kathleen Hendricks, he founded The Hendricks Institute where they coach teachers and conduct workshops on relationships and wellness. They have been featured in a number of radio and television shows as well as many conferences and seminars. What He Shares: --Gay’s personal awakening in mid 20s --The Upper Limit Problem --The Genius Zone --Embracing all emotions and opening towards pure consciousness --Relationships for mutual healing --Discovering your true genius and creativity What You’ll Hear: --Describes beginning of academic career from PhD studies to professorship --Negative fantasy that caused worry despite feeling good and being successful --Growing up overweight and body image issues with dieting --Turning point moment of pure consciousness recognized blocking of negative emotions with food --Opening significant new territory within ourselves is major life event --Upper limit problem occurs when intense feelings of goodness are followed by intense feelings of not feeling good (reached upper limit) --Upper limit problem in relationship --Societal upper limit problem from 60s-70s --Expanding with fear instead of contracting with it --Pay-off is living in peaceful flow of positive energy within relationships --Steady relationship, not a lot of ups and downs --Zero-criticism relationships --Criticism as attack on your being instead of actions --Become masters of fear and moving through waves of fear --Staying open to the collective with hearts open not closed towards others’ suffering --Sitting in pleasure without spiritual by-passing, using pleasure to heal trauma --New book describing extension of upper limit problem --How to feel flow and connection all the time --Creativity important in relationships for individuals to grow “your genius” --Everybody has same desire inside to bring forth their “genius,” their true creativity --Finding genius in relationship --Pre-order copy of upcoming book --Being an elder in our culture --Planning for what you want in older age --Choosing creativity instead of stagnation; Choosing integrity instead of despair --Experience being a thought leader and academic in New Age time from 1960s-70s to now --Leaving his legacy Resources Website https://hendricks.com/ IG: @hendricks.gay