Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera

Love can be real, but life, circumstances, and bandwidth can make the timing impossible.  In this episode, Stacey has an honest conversation about timing, emotional capacity, and the grief of missed connections in relationships after 40.      🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

We often correlate sexual frequency with relationship stability, but the sex only tells part of the story.  In this episode, Stacey dismantles the notion that sex is a crystal ball for relationship health and longevity. While exploring the idea that lower frequency is sometimes an indicator of deepening emotional security.     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Humans seem to have a unique relationship with sex. It's often enmeshed with societal expectations, emotionality, and internal stories. In this episode, Stacey explores the tension between our inherent biology and our need to make meaning and our struggles with sex and intimacy.  Resources related to this episode: Bonobos, our evolutionary cousins who use sex as a social lubricant Dolphins appear to use sex for social bonding Chimps use sex for hierarchy and play  

Our views on sex work often reflect the things we try to tuck away. Loneliness. Shame. Desire. In this episode, we're exploring how adult sex work might be a vital social service, providing a judgment-free space for acceptance, unmet needs, and sometimes deep intimacy.     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Good people are not necessarily good at relationships.  In this episode, Stacey explores the social construct of being a "good person." And how being polite, helpful, and uncruel can bypass the emotional nuance needed for deep relationship nurturing. Resources mentioned: Elizabeth Earnshaw - Therapist: "You can love someone unconditionally and yet find that they can't meet the conditions for maintaining a relationship." All About Love by bell hooks     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Being in a relationship often looks like divvying up the life stuff. Maybe they take on the in-the-house chores, and you take on the outside parts. But who's responsible for sex? You? Them? In this episode, Stacey is talking about why sex should be something you maintain together. And how it can feel loaded if that responsibility falls on one person.      🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

The relationship you have with your body shapes what you're willing to feel, receive, and experience sexually. This episode explores aging, self-perception, and the shift toward neutrality (and maybe even generosity)—and how a healthier relationship with your body can expand your capacity for pleasure.     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Touch speaks its own language. A hand on your belly. Fingers along your jaw. A palm at the center of your back. And the body feels every word. In this episode, Stacey sits with what touch feels like. When it feels like home or an invitation… and when it doesn't. A reflection on love, desire, and the times when your skin doesn't quite feel like your own.     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

Bedrooms don't magically transform into dens of desire after dark. Especially after a full day juggling life sh*t. That's not how desire works—at any age, but especially in relationships beyond 40. In this episode, Stacey explores how the predictability we build to feel safe can drain the tension desire depends on. And how, after years of building a life together, it's easy to stop seeing one another as individual, complex, ever-changing humans.     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

The desire to let go and be uninhibited during sex is pretty common. Yet most of us struggle with it, especially in marriage and LTRs. After 40, we assume the self-consciousness is about appearance. Bellies, butts, and love handles. But what if it's deeper than that? In this episode, Stacey explores how the identities we've spent years building might keep us guarded in bed.   Resources mentioned:  Sex Beyond Yes by Quill R. Kukla From the publisher: " Every discussion of sexual ethics revolves around consent, but is this notion enough to help us understand good sex? How does the dominance of consent help or prevent us from negotiating the complexities of intimacy and pleasure?"     🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/