Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

In which Jay remains angry at a font; a person who is obviously Kang the Conqueror is not in fact Kang the Conqueror; the pig men deserve better; and Nightcrawler should never, ever, ever be allowed to attempt grief counseling.

In which Widget takes a heel turn; there is some confusion over sword identification; we appreciate Sir Benedict of the Falls; the Braddock family has a lot going on; and Otherworld changes hands.

In which Banshee is chronically hapless; the team gets new costumes (again); Chamber is a self-fulfilling prophecy; toddlers will sell you out in a hot minute; Moira MacTaggert is definitively not in; we are frustrated by excessive ambiguity; and it’s not Rashômon, but it’ll do.

In which history repeats itself; Senator Kelly prevaricates (and then dies); Magneto keeps the cape on; Mystique does evil science; Post remains irrelevant (and then dies); Pyro saves the day (and then dies); Cable is a large man; Moira MacTaggert does the astral nasty (and then dies); and we really, really, really want to go to Froggy World.

In which t’ieves and assassins dress to impress; Bishop returns; Rogue and Carol Danvers have a moment; and the revolution will be stored on compact disc.

In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka.

In which we sure did that.

In which we meet some delightful monsters; Cannonball is a man who knows how to wear overalls; Domino is the Leslie Knope of X-Force; red liquid babies deserve love, too; and not all British authors know each other.

In which the Twisted Sisters are vanquished by water; there is no way to make Stryfe cool; and the X-Men fight a hurricane.

In which Prosh’s plans sort of come to fruition; we do not know very much about movies; Iceman dies (but is fine); The Stranger gets around; and Toad learns nothing.