Intentional Divorce Insights

Technology can create conflict between co-parents when the parenting plan assumes cooperation, but the devices, apps, and platforms assume an intact household. Nicole Sodoma, a family law attorney, explains why digital decision-making deserves the same careful attention as custody schedules, holidays, and child support. Things to Consider:  Why technology can expose gaps in a parenting plan Who should buy the phone and pay the cellular bill Screen time, app permissions, family accounts, and remote device controls Privacy concerns surrounding GPS and location tracking Why parenting plans can be either too vague or too specific Parents should clarify technology rules before a problem arises, rather than making children deliver messages between households. Parents can begin by making a list of technology-related questions and bringing it to their attorney.  Connect with Nicole Sodoma: Website: https://sodomalaw.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/thesodomaway/ YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi51C8Ks0u6xISNhixNKoMg LI: http://www.linkedin.com/company/sodoma-law  Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions: IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/ YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.

Recalculating When the numbers change during divorce, it can feel like something has been taken from you, even when the new information helps create a more accurate plan. In this episode, Leah Hadley uses the familiar voice of a GPS saying “recalculating” to explain why changing valuations, income, account classifications, and other new information can trigger frustration, grief, or resistance. The destination may not have changed. The route did. In this episode: Why new divorce numbers can feel like a loss, even when the original numbers were only estimates How anchoring can cause an early placeholder number to become the standard for judging every later offer Why keeping the marital home may represent stability, not simply square footage How to separate the route from the destination when making housing and financial decisions Why “I’m not the numbers person” may reflect a long-held role rather than a lack of ability How withholding new information can cost trust, time, and money Six ways to stay involved and keep your hands on the wheel during divorce Keep going: Read the companion article, Why Does My Divorce Settlement Number Keep Changing? In the middle of it right now? Start with Going Through Divorce. Want help making sense of numbers that keep changing? Book a divorce financial consultation. Resources mentioned: When It's Just Not Working: A Practical Guide For Stay-At Home Moms Email us at [email protected] for a link to the “Be a Good GPS Guide” for professionals.  Learn more about speaking and educational programs from Intentional Divorce Solutions for bar associations, CLE programs, and professional groups: https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/speaking Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions: IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/ YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.

In the final episode of Season 6, Leah Hadley explains why financial support often disappears after divorce, why friends and family may not be the right source for money decisions, and how to build a support system around four distinct roles. In this episode: Why friends and family may give sincere advice based on their own marriage, household income, and financial risk tolerance  Why financial support from family can make certain conversations more difficult  The difference between someone who can recommend financial products and a fiduciary who is legally obligated to put your interests first  Why a room of women with no history of your marriage can provide perspective, scale, and a place to ask questions without editing  Why knowing someone a little ahead of you can help restore your sense of what’s normal after divorce The warning signs of financial communities that promise certain investment returns What distinguishes a trustworthy room: real answers, healthy disagreement, and people who are comfortable saying, “I don’t know” 14:50 The four roles in a post-divorce money support system: A fiduciary professional for decisions that are expensive to get wrong. A room of women with no personal history involving your marriage. An honest friend who can listen without judgment or pressure to fix everything. A woman who is a little ahead of you and has already navigated the stage you’re entering. How to spot a healthy financial community - Look for a space where: Questions receive information, not only encouragement. Members can disagree without being shut down. People take practical details, such as beneficiary forms, seriously. No one promises certain investment returns. Someone can comfortably say, “I don’t know.” Resources mentioned: Access The FREE Divorce Recovery Guide This guide is intended for people in the rebuilding stage after divorce.  The Empowered Sisterhood offers a community for women working on their money together, including women who are divorced, married, widowed, or have never been married  Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/  YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.

Birthdays and holidays can make the financial and emotional challenges of divorce collide. In this episode, Leah Hadley examines guilt spending, the fear that a child’s other household has more to offer, and the long-term cost of using purchases to soften disappointment. Key takeaways: Why financially capable parents may spend beyond their means during holidays or birthdays  How comparison with the other household can fuel guilt spending  Why waiting, tolerating disappointment, and building self-trust matter for children What parents can control when the other household spends more  The difference between an occasional purchase during a hard season and spending that consistently replaces presence  Three practical ways to interrupt guilt spending: Separate the purchase from the feeling driving it  Stay consistent with ordinary household routines and expectations  Acknowledge that the season looks different while reassuring your children that you will be okay  Remember: “How much you spend on your kids has nothing, nothing to do with how much you love them or how strong your relationship is with them.” Leah Hadley explains why consistency, honesty, and presence can offer children a deeper sense of safety than matching another household’s gifts. Resources mentioned: Schedule a Divorce Financial Consultation: Intentional Divorce Solutions  Free divorce checklist and other resources: Getting Divorced Checklist Intentional Money on Substack: "The Question My Son Asked That Surprised Me, But It Shouldn't Have" Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/  YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights

In this solo episode, Leah Hadley, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Accredited Financial Counselor, explores the complex emotional and financial decision of whether to keep, sell, or rent after divorce. Addressing the deep feelings often attached to the marital home, Leah Hadley helps listeners unpack what’s really at stake, and why the decision goes far beyond dollars and cents. Key Topics Covered:  Emotional Attachment to the Marital Home- Why the house often holds memories, hopes, and a sense of stability after divorce  Unpacking the Beliefs Behind Homeownership- How owning a home can represent identity, success, and security, and why selling can feel like another loss  Financial Realities of Keeping the Home- What "affording the house" really means: mortgage, taxes, insurance, repairs, and more  The Trade-offs: Equity, Liquidity, and Flexibility- Evaluating what you may have to give up, including retirement and emergency savings, in order to keep the home  Renting as an Intentional Choice- The benefits and potential downsides of renting after divorce, including flexibility, ease of transition, and time to plan your next steps  Important Questions to Ask Before Deciding- Leah Hadley shares six essential questions to consider when deciding whether to keep, sell, or rent, covering cash flow, future plans, true motivations, and risks Practical Must-Dos If You Want to Keep the House- Guidance about refinancing, buying out equity, and building a realistic post-divorce budget  Empowered Decision-Making- Encouragement to make your choice for the right reasons, not pressure, fear, or outside expectations  Featured Resources: Empowered Sisterhood Community:- Join a supportive group discussing financial decisions and transitions during divorce. Learn more at https://www.watchherthrive.co/empowered-sisterhood

In this episode, Leah Hadley welcomes Katie O'Toole Smith, also known as "Katie the Car Lady," to demystify the car buying experience, especially for those navigating big life transitions like divorce. Drawing on over 30 years of industry experience and her personal journey as a single mom, Katie shares how she empowers consumers to confidently approach car buying, avoid costly mistakes, and assert control over the process. Key Takeaways:  Katie O'Toole Smith's Backstory - How being a single mom led Katie to the car industry and inspired her consumer-first approach. Why Car Buying Is Relevant During Divorce - Leah Hadley emphasizes why understanding the car buying process is crucial during divorce due to the financial and emotional stress involved. Common Car Buying Misconceptions - Katie debunks myths about leasing, buying, and the supposed lack of transparency in car sales. The Power of Pausing - Why it’s vital to take your time, do your due diligence, and not let pressure influence your purchase. Steps to Prepare for Car Buying - Tips include making a checklist, knowing your overall budget (not just monthly payment), and narrowing choices to avoid overwhelm. Used Car Dangers & Due Diligence - Risks in the used car market and why it’s so important to get vehicles checked independently. Empowering Yourself Financially - Advice on self-advocacy, building your credit, and exploring financing options such as credit unions. When to Buy During Divorce - Leah Hadley discusses the importance of timing your purchase in relation to your divorce proceedings and communicating with your attorney and (if needed) your spouse. Katie O'Toole Smith's Unique, Stress-Free Approach - How her independent dealership provides personalized guidance, transparent pricing, and a welcoming, no-pressure atmosphere. Remote Support & Free Resources - Katie outlines how she supports clients nationally and offers a free car buying guide on her website. Resources Mentioned: Free Car Buying Guide from Katie O'Toole Smith:Download at KatieTheCarLady.comIncludes checklists and must-asks for your next purchase. Listen to Intentional Divorce Insights Episode 104: Protecting Your Credit Through Divorce: What Nobody Tells You. Get a copy of our free credit protection guide at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/protect-your-credit Connect with Katie O’Toole Smith: Website: https://www.katiethecarlady.com/ IG: @katiethecarlady TT: @clevelandcarlady FB: Katie The Carlady Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions: IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/ YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.

In this solo episode, Leah Hadley focuses on credit, why it’s so often overlooked during divorce, how your credit can be impacted, and the concrete steps you can take to protect and rebuild your credit during this transitional time. Whether you’re contemplating divorce, going through the process, or finalizing your split, this episode offers a practical roadmap for safeguarding your financial future. Key Topics: Biggest Misunderstanding About Divorce & Credit- Leah Hadley clarifies that divorce itself does not lower your credit score. Credit bureaus do not track marital status. Instead, it’s the financial events and disruptions surrounding divorce (like missed payments or changes in income) that lead to credit issues. How Divorce Creates Credit Risk- Missed payments, increased balances, and joint accounts left unresolved can all negatively impact your credit, often through simple assumptions or lack of communication rather than malice. Understanding Joint Debt- A divorce decree might say your spouse is responsible for a debt, but lenders are not bound by your divorce agreement. Both parties remain liable until debts are paid off or properly separated. Step-by-Step Credit Protection, Based on Your Divorce Stage Addressing Financial Abuse or Purposeful Credit Sabotage- If your spouse is taking action to damage your credit, move quickly. Provide full documentation to your attorney, freeze your credit, and if necessary, report identity theft. Small Debts Can Hurt Big Dreams- Seemingly minor bills, like gym memberships, utilities, or streaming services, when forgotten or overlooked, are some of the most common and damaging causes of credit woes during divorce. Free Resource: Get the free guide: Protect Your Credit Through Divorce (includes the full 12-step checklist and a joint account inventory worksheet). Download it at www.greatlakesdfs.com/protect-your-credit Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions: IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/ YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.

In this episode, Leah Hadley, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and host, welcomes Nikoo Berenji, a family law attorney, educator, and advocate. Together, they explore the intricacies of navigating divorce with both clarity and a future-focused approach. Nikoo Berenji shares practical advice for choosing the right attorney, common pitfalls to avoid, and the importance of prioritizing long-term outcomes over short-term victories.They also discuss strategies for protecting children's well-being during a divorce and highlight the role of staying organized throughout the process. Key Topics:  Long-Term Thinking During DivorceWhy focusing on principles and minor victories can drain resources and distract from more important long-term outcomes for both finances and parenting  Children’s Relationships Post-DivorceThe significance of considering not just your own relationship with your children, but also the relationship they have with the other parent The dangers of oversharing details of the divorce process with children are also discussed Debunking Divorce MythsNikoo Beremji addresses common misconceptions such as "the court will reward the 'better behaved' spouse" and the myth that fighting harder leads to better outcomes  Selecting the Right AttorneyTips for choosing a legal advocate, including recognizing red flags like cookie-cutter approaches and unrealistic promises  Habits of Clients Who Thrive During DivorceTraits such as being future-focused, receptive to advice, organized with documentation, and strategic in decision-making stand out as contributors to a positive outcome. Cost-Saving StrategiesOrganization can significantly reduce legal costs and stress.The growing supportive role of divorce coaches is also highlighted.  Practical Takeaways: Focus on long-term goals, not just winning short-term battles. Choose an attorney who customizes their approach to your priorities. Be wary of any lawyer promising specific outcomes or giving broad fee estimates up front. Stay organized with your documents to save time and money. Be mindful of what you share with your children about the divorce. Consider your children’s need for strong relationships with both parents. Have patience with the legal process. Rushed decisions are rarely best. Connect with Attorney Nikoo Berenji: Website: berenjifamilylaw.com IG: @BerenjiFamilyLaw LI Berenji Divorce & Family Law Group Serving: Southern California (based in Beverly Hills) Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/  YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.

In this episode, Leah Hadley welcomes Michelle McCoy, a board-certified holistic functional health coach and high-functioning fatigue expert. Together, they dive into the impact of high-functioning fatigue on women, especially those navigating the stress of divorce and midlife challenges. Michelle McCoy offers practical strategies for restoring energy and mental clarity, emphasizing the profound connection between emotional stress and physical well-being. Key Topics Discussed: - What is High-Functioning Fatigue? Michelle McCoy defines high-functioning fatigue as living in a continual state of exhaustion while still keeping up with daily demands. The normalization of exhaustion among women and why it often goes unrecognized. - The Link Between Stress, Divorce, and Physical Health Leah Hadley discusses how the stress of divorce can silently impact health. Michelle McCoy explains how chronic stress triggers fight-or-flight mode, leading to inflammation and system breakdown. - Mindset Traps for High-Achieving Women The four mindsets: Perfectionist, People Pleaser, Push-Througher, Protectionist. How each mindset contributes to staying in chronic stress and exhaustion, and the importance of identifying your dominant mindset. - Simple, Actionable Strategies The “POP to SOS” Method: Pause On Purpose, then Stop, Observe, and Surrender. - Listening to Your Body Why ignoring your body’s signals leads to bigger problems down the road. Tips for checking in with your needs throughout the day. Resources Mentioned: Free Guide: Why You Are Still Exhausted Blueprint by Michelle McCoy Treasured Wellness Podcast  Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.  Connect with Michelle McCoy: Email: [email protected] Website: https://treasuredwellness.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/michelletreasuredwellness FB: https://www.facebook.com/michellemccoy4/  SS: https://substack.com/@treasuredwellness  Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions: IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/  YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights 

Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights, where host Leah Hadley brings clarity and compassion to the complexities of divorce, personal finance, and emotional wellness. In this episode, Leah Hadley is joined by Dr. Carla Caturia, a seasoned mental performance coach and CEO of The House of Rise, to explore how parents can support their children’s emotional well-being through divorce. Together, they uncover practical strategies for building resilience, fostering confidence, and nurturing stronger parent-child relationships during one of life’s most challenging transitions. Whether you’re navigating your own divorce or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers empowering guidance to help your family move forward with intention.  Key Takeaways:  The importance of parents supporting their child’s emotional well-being during divorce, starting with taking care of themselves  How to help children build autonomy and confidence, “allowing them to problem solve and learn through their experiences” Common emotional challenges kids face during divorce: Taking responsibility for the breakup Grief, anxiety, overwhelm, and fear of losing love Strategies for parents to help their kids develop resilience and confidence, including the power of modeling vulnerability and positive mindset. Common mistakes well-intentioned parents make, such as unintentionally increasing a child’s stress by trying to fix everything rather than listening or validating emotions. Recommendations for handling a lack of communication, particularly with teens and tween boys. Addressing slipping grades and balancing family values, grace, and expectations during times of transition  Where to find additional support for your child, including schools, online resources, mental health professionals, coaches, and trusted adults Core message: The importance of identity in driving behavior and the power of lending children your belief in them while they develop self-confidence and resilience    Connect with Dr. Carla Caturia: Website: https://thehouseofrise.com/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/carlacaturia/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/drcarlacaturia/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@drcarlacaturia  Schedule a complimentary coaching session here: RISE Parent Call Scheduling Link   Connect with Intentional Divorce Solutions: IG: https://www.instagram.com/intentionaldivorcesolutions/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahahadley/ YT: www.youtube.com/@IntentionalDivorceInsights Download our free divorce checklist at https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/divorce-checklist.