How To!

The trouble began when Sarah put a fern in front of her new condo. Nice, right? The woman who lives in the unit above didn't think so, and without warning sent Sarah a slew of passive-aggressive notes. Sarah thinks it's all a big misunderstanding, but now her neighbor refuses to even speak to her. Sarah is wracked with anxiety, struggling to sleep, and contemplating moving out. On this episode of How To!, we turn to stand-up comedian Tig Notaro, a cancer survivor and host of the new advice podcast Don't Ask Tig, to help Sarah approach the situation with humor and clarity. When things don't go your way, Tig says, you have to take back control of your own story. What would the hero in your favorite movie do? For Sarah, this means gardening with headphones and the Rocky theme on the soundtrack.  Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

In 2025, our listeners contacted How To! for advice about outsmarting student loans, moving to a new city, hosting a low-key gathering, living with chronic pain, quitting a dream job, letting go of ADHD shame, and yes, losing your virginity in your 40s. Today on the show: Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin get updates from some of those advice-seekers—and they check in with Jeff, whose family narrowly escaped an L.A. wildfire this year. Plus, what's ahead for How To! in 2026. How To! is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our senior supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cohabitation can be bliss—except when it comes to your partner's incompatible approach to household tasks. Bonnie likes things clean, organized, and prompt. Vince, on the other hand, is a classic procrastinator. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on self-described "human glitterbomb" Jackie Kelley to offer up some practical "marriage rules" designed to improve everyday communication with the love of your life. If you liked this episode check out: How To Build a Marriage That Lasts  How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship How To Save Your Marriage Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and complex trauma survivor Dr. Ingrid Clayton learned about fawning — the fourth "F" after fight, flight, and freeze — she felt like this was the missing piece that explained her whole life. On this episode of How To!, Ingrid talks to Courtney Martin about what can happen when you find yourself in a chronic fawning response, and how to break free. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Slate staff writer Rebecca Onion wants to improve her singing voice, but she's unsure about belting it out in public. On this episode, How To!'s Carvell Wallace introduces her to G. Phillip Shoultz III, associate director of VocalEssence, for advice on strengthening her voice, performing with confidence, and (gasp!) auditioning for a vocal group. If you liked this episode check out How To Write the Perfect Breakup Song With Ben Folds.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With the year-end giving season underway, you might be wondering how much to donate and where you can make the biggest impact. On this Giving Tuesday, How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Grace Chiang Nicolette of the Center for Effective Philanthropy to explain how to pick the right organizations and ensure your dollar goes as far as possible—regardless of how much you're giving.  You can hear more of Grace on her podcast, Giving Done Right. If you liked this episode, check out How To Harness Your Citizen Superpowers and How To Lead Your Local Nonprofit.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It wasn't long after Melody Warnick moved to Blacksburg, Va., that she realized its nickname—"Bleaksburg"—wasn't a joke. Feeling stuck, she devised a research-based experiment to acclimate to her new city. On this episode: Melody explains how she went from hating Blacksburg to loving it (and how you can deepen your connection to the place where you live).  Listen to part one of our conversation here: How to Move to a New City.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Survive a Disaster and Quick Fix: Meet Your Neighbors Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kerry is ready to leave rural Virginia and move to a walkable, vibrant city. The only problem? She can't decide which walkable, vibrant city is right for her. On this episode, How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong and If You Could Live Anywhere. Melody asks Kerry what she's really seeking in a new place—and introduces a process that can help make such an important decision. Next week, we'll talk with Melody about learning to love where you live. Can't wait for part two? Slate Plus members can listen to that episode in their feeds right now! If you liked this episode check out: Moving Stories from Slate's Death, Sex & Money.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the second half of How To!'s wide-ranging conversation about home improvement, gender, sexuality, and much more, journalist Sam Sanders and author Mercury Stardust (aka The Trans Handy Ma'am) talk with co-host Carvell Wallace about a truly daunting idea: skipping the contractors—and doing the work yourself. This episode is available to Slate Plus members now. Non-members will be able to listen on Nov. 11, 2025. If you missed the first half of this conversation, check out How To Talk to Contractors (With Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust). Mercury's latest book is Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair. And, check out the latest episodes of The Sam Sanders Show. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sam Sanders is many things: journalist, podcaster, pop-culture obsessive, and a familiar voice from public radio. He's also "quite possibly the world's most hesitant homeowner." Sam wants to fix up the house he recently bought, but three things are holding him back: First, he doesn't have a clue where to start. Second, he's not very handy. And third, he's intimidated by the thought of talking with contractors (who might discover the first two things about him). In the first episode of a two-part series, Carvell Wallace brings on home improvement expert and bestselling author Mercury Stardust (aka The Trans Handy Ma'am) to guide Sam in conquering his fears. Mercury's latest book is Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair. Check out the latest episodes of The Sam Sanders Show. Next week: How To Take Charge of Home Repair (with Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust). Can't wait for part 2? Slate Plus members can listen to that episode in their feeds right now!  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices