EP 11: Being Present with the Body after Friendship Conflict [PART 2]
Meet Lise Lønsmann, a trauma-informed somatic practitioner, somatic inner child healing facilitator and an embodied entrepreneurship mentor.
Lise supports her clients with somatic trauma healing and helps heart-led women entrepreneurs & creatives navigate business in deep connection with their body’s wisdom.
2:55 In our society as a whole, we are hyper focused on partnerships, and that is where we put “the work” and then FRIENDSHIPS are supposed to just work.
If there is conflict coming up, we do not know how to handle or navigate it because we have not been taught. When we show up with any sort of trauma, which a lot of us do, then that is going to be activated. It’s going to bring up trust issues, all of the old wounds, and things that actually have nothing to do with the situation.
4:10 Practicing being present with ourselves and with our friends is a profound practice, but it is not something that we are given tools for in our society or in our communities.
6:51 deeper roots in Patriarchy - it’s not a friendship problem, it’s not a conflict problem, it’s a systemic problem of us not learning to be in connection with our emotions, not learning to support each other, women not supporting each other.
7:24 the history of women turning on each other - the witch hunts, the generational inherited mistrust passed down from our grandmothers and mothers. How this is supportive to an imbalanced patriarchy, when women don’t trust each other.
9:50 being present with ourselves, being with our bodies, with our emotions, naming what is here - this is our strongest tool. Practicing being with ourselves is the first step of being able to be with others.
14:10 How to move kindly and open hearted through a conflict, Kat & Lise’s personal story of growth in their friendship.
18:20 in partnerships we have more conversations around what we need, want, expect, but in friendships these conversations often don’t happen.
21:48 “Welcome to therapy!” all of our patterns come up in relationship (yes, friendship is relationship!); what do we expect from other women, what do we expect from mothers?
29:49 we have to learn and practice discernment in friendships; discernment can be challenging, especially when you have a background with gaslighting, manipulation, and other abuse; there can still be toxic behavior in friendships that we see in romantic relationships;
36:00 the messy side - when you are clear with what you want and need, when you are vulnerable and authentic, when you are communicating perfectly, BUT the other person is wearing a mask and saying exactly what you want to hear, teasing you along, and your realize its all just talk, they’re words are not lining up with their actions and they are in fact not authentic or vulnerable like they were saying and talking to be
39:49 when people have the best intentions, but they are incapable of being authentic & vulnerable. Fawning, people-pleasing, the martyr archetype, having to be all for all to earn love and approval, they’re good intentions come off as flakey-ness, dishonesty, and even being a “bad friend”
42:54 if you’re not nurturing your friendships, that is going to show up in your partnership; we are not taught to tend our friendships; we want to have whole lives, so we cannot have single focus, which in our culture is often the romantic partnership, rather than building our whole support system - this is why it is so vulnerable when a partnership falls apart
44:40 it’s not about the thing that doesn’t work, it’s about where are you under-resourced? where have you not tended? the conflict, the hurt, that is just a symptom;
47:38 people listening are thinking, “I don’t have freaking time to nurture my friendships!” we are in survival mode and too tired to live full lives
1:04:00 we live in a world that makes it really hard to be present and to be in our body; shifting to an outlook that this is something we can do daily, we can connect with ourselves daily.
