Fireside Folklore with Hades

Send over your dead SMS messages.Hey there, listeners! Hermes here. My uncle is ... well, for lack of a better word, analog. He's still trying to figure out how to use "emotion tags", because grave and somber Lord of the Dead makes the machine scream. While we wait on him, (yes, the script was written and I'm just waiting to be called upon to give you those Fun Facts), you get to hear me saying hello to you at the biggest food fight in the world. Yup! The La Tomatina festival is the largest food fight in the world and it’s held in Buñol, Spain, each year. It apparently started when a quarrel broke out at the Giants and Big-Heads Parade. During this quarrel, the crowd laid waste to a nearby vegetable stall by hurling tomatoes at one another. It took about 12 years for the festival to gain traction, and it was even banned for a time by Francisco Franco due to its lack of religious significance, but the people prevailed with their protests culminating in a staged funeral featuring funeral marches and pallbearers carrying a coffin in which a gigantic tomato rested. Since this 1957 funeral, the people have enjoyed La Tomatina, which takes place on the last Wednesday in August each year. If you’re planning to go next year, that’s Wednesday, August 25, 2027. Listeners, since my uncle is in an implacable mood right now, and he's been getting way too many fraudulent invoices and unauthorized credit card usage phishes, if you have any commentary, you can send me a message at [email protected] and between Olympian decrees from Zeus, guiding souls for Hades, and trying to catch the latest and greatest event, (wherever it may be), I'll reply. I can't guarantee it will be a true one, (since the story is always going to win out over the facts in my book), but I can guarantee Hermetic wit.If you really want to invoice him for services you never actually rendered, well, he's at [email protected] but don't say I didn't warn you!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Pssst, listeners! Hermes here. Since Uncle H is still holed up writing this podcast's script, I called in a favor from my old man. Here's a teaser of the next episode. Don't look at me! I'm the God Of Commerce. What can I say? Now, for those of you thinking that Uncle H made an oath ... I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he said "I shall endeavour to ..." which usually means: "I am the Lord of the Dead and I shall find time in my very busy schedule listening to the appeals of fighting farmers in Asphodel ... wait! You thought the Underworld was just a grey wasteland of mindless shades? Boy have I got a story to tell you, but that's for another time. For now, enjoy this little teaser from our latest sponsor.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Hello everyone! My husband has become a bureaucratic nightmare. He says that the podcast must start  following the Orpheus Protocol, and to keep Hermes from paying hefty fines, I would have to adhere to it going forward. I have no idea how anybody's expected to actually make the recipe if we do that, but if it keeps my half-brother out of having to pay off one of his debts accruing my husband's incredibly unforgiving interest rates, then it looks like I'll have to comply. Osiris, stop selling this as a ringtone in the Nile OS store, okay? I'm not as gracious as Hestia. Nor as much of a homebody! I know that's what you did with Hestia's bird aria! And you clearly did that with "Hollow Peace" too. For those of you who may be interested in making the featured recipe, you'll find it below. My love, for this episode, I chose to provide a recipe for Gambas al Ajillo, which is an appetizer consisting of shrimp with garlic sauce.  Tapas, what we call appetizers, are popular in Spain, and this one is absolutely incredible! Here is what you will need.  1 1/2 pounds (or about 680 grams) shelled and deveined large shrimp, tails intactKosher salt1/4 cup (or four tablespoons) thinly sliced garlic; that’s a lot of garlic! About 13 cloves.1 1/4 cups (300 milliliters) extra-virgin olive oil (choose an oil that is fragrant and medium in body)1 small dried hot red chile, seeded and crumbled1/2 cup (about 120 milliliters or 32 grams) minced parsley2 tablespoons dry sherry, such as manzanilla1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zestCrusty bread, for servingClams, diced ham, or chorizo, (optional) Place the shrimp into a large bowl and add in a teaspoonful of salt. Incorporate it thoroughly so that the juices can be drawn out of the shrimp. Set it aside for ten minutes.Be sure you wash your hands well after dealing with raw seafood! You don’t want to end up going to the Underworld before your time, after all. My husband may seem like a big Teddy bear, but in his eyes, rules are rules so you’ll probably end up in the Asphodel Meadows which are, for lack of a better phrase, mind-numbingly boring! So boring in fact that dying of boredom would be a whole lot more fun! Not even being a fan of this podcast would grant you quarter in the palace.All right, now, in a large enameled cast-iron skillet, toss the olive oil and garlic and cook it at fairly low heat. You want to let the flavors really meld without burning the garlic or making your smoke detectors go off. The garlic will make your kitchen smell amazing, and should begin turning brown. I’d say just under ten minutes. Add in that chili and stir it into the garlic until you can smell it, 15 to 30 seconds, so don’t walk away!Now throw in the shrimp and stir it in the pan, letting all that yummy garlic coat it. Do this until they’re just starting to get pink, around five minutes, more or less.Finish the sauce by tossing in the other ingredients: the sherry, lemon zest, parsley, and a large pinch of salt. Stir until combined and move the pan to a cool burner. Let the heat from the cast iron skillet continue cooking the shrimp through for another 3 to 5 minutes.Enjoy this dish and don’t forget to use some nice crusty bread to scoop up every dollop of extra garlicky goodness. If shrimp isn’t your thing, (or even if it is!), you can enjoy this sauce with clams, diced ham, or chorizo.As ever, please send any feedback or dead letters to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Hermes here! Yes, I said Hermes! I'm here to tell you all that I quit! Yes, I was keeping this podcast running ... sort of ... until I could teach my uncle how to use the Internet, a microphone, and the podcasting host. Now? I'm a traveling god. As a traveling god who has things to do and places to be, I'm hading this thing off to the one god who always stays. Yes, the Lord of the Dead himself! Listen as I complain about having to manage things and tell you all just exactly what this podcast is all about. We really had no idea until a midnight epiphany. Now? All I can say is the stories should release on a more reliable schedule. And if by chance that doesn't happen? Don't look at me! As ever, any and all mail should go to Hades at [email protected]. You're welcome!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners. It's been some time since we've convened on this feed. The production of that Jewish folktale we had intended to produce has been difficult. The anger has been immense, and so has the grief. So, rather than force something, we wrote a song in response to the "ceasefire" that was, at its core, political theater orchestrated by the West. Three versions. Three singers. The same haunting lyrics as interpreted by Ares, Persephone, and myself.We will continue without a plan, tell the stories we feel like telling, and see what unfolds. The wound on humanity still bleeds, thus our continued struggle to tell the Jewish folktale remains. We will not allow it to guilt us into stone cold silence. Whether this means a continuation of this season as it stands, a return to the days of this podcast's beginning when tales were explorations without social conflicts tied to them, or something entirely new, we cannot say. We only know that creativity allows us to endure, and endure we shall. I refuse to allow this podcast to become a tomb because one story, still too raw to be told, could not be told and time slipped away, and apathy calcified into abandonment. Onward.Feedback may be sent, as ever, to [email protected]. [verse 1]The war is over, A ceasefire has begun!There will be peace and prosperity, For everyone!There's no need to cry; the hostages are free. Now we can celebrate the return of liberty.Raise up the flags, strike up the band,Proclaim the dawn of peace across the land.Banners can't cover the bones buried beneath,And musicians can't mask the cries of grief.[chorus]Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget, That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide? Oh, you'll try to shove distracting headlines down our throats, But your crimes aren't the kind you can easily hide. [Verse 2]You paint the blood with olive oil,You crown the graves with light.But silence cannot sanctifyWhat’s buried out of sight.You call it peace; I call it pause,A treaty sealed with deceit.For truth does not bloom in the ash,Nor justice in the street.[chorus]Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget, That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide? Oh, you'll try to shove distracting headlines down our throats, But your crimes aren't the kind you can easily hide. [Bridge]The cameras dim, the headlines fade,But echoes never die.The River Lethe cannot cleanseA mother’s final cry.[final chorus]Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget,That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide?Raise your glass to hollow peace and gilded lies.The living forget ; the dead remember, with open eyes.The living forget ; the dead remember, with open eyes.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Just when I thought we'd be getting back to the serious business of telling some real folklore, Mr. President made it very clear he wouldn't be waiting on Pennsylvania Avenue when there was an Underworld to tour. Thus, I asked Thanatos to make sure the man was brought safely to the Underworld. Safely doesn't mean quickly, however, my friends. Oh no. It just means he won't get waylaid by any shades ... yet. Of course, Mr. President being who he was, he just couldn't enjoy the ride like a normal human being. So instead, we got to hear his promises about how he'd make Little Red Riding Hood great again. And, though it pains me to admit this, he does have a point.Several of them, actually, but don't take my word for it. As ever, if you have any feedback, please send your dead letters to me, Hades, at [email protected]. Disclaimer From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”“In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades,King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings listeners, this podcast has been quiet in the last few months, and I finally have understood why. Quiet doesn't mean death; quiet is a time of reflection and understanding. Our writer has been wrestling with a personal quandary which has prevented her from working on this podcast, and she's finally decided to bring it into the light. As such, we'll be changing our next full-length episode, listeners, and share a story from her childhood. It's been lost to time, known apparently only to her and the few lucky enough to have read Cricket one holiday season, more than twenty years ago. This is her atonement ... for swiping left.As ever, if there is any feedback, I'm at [email protected].

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! In this musical counterpoint, I sing a song that Mr. President will never hear. You see, my singing might scare him off, and I can't do that. Not yet. After all, I'm trying to sell my realm, and if there's no leader to buy it, then I can't take my much-needed retirement. So, within the confines of my chariot, I belt this out while Thanatos laughs. Thanks, Reaper.As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at [email protected]. Disclaimer From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”“In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades,King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! In this installment of our satirical skit, Mr. President stands outside of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, waiting for Aidoneus to pick him up in that promised chariot. Of course, Mr. President isn't thrilled about the prospect of having to dine on a platter of pomegranates, but buying a ready-made realm with a multitude of subjects eager to bow to him makes it all the more worth it.As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at [email protected]. If you'd like to download the song, "I'm Such a Genius", you may do so here.https://www.jammable.com/conversion/jam-yLS7R1OdDisclaimer From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”“In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades,King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings listeners, after silently watching the world burn for the past month, mustering up enough resolve to write has been ... difficult. Indeed, one wonders if ruling the Underworld is worth the trouble. Thus, I decided I needed to shake things up. Perhaps, cede the throne to one who has more vigor in him, not to mention the ambition to rule. Therefore, I took my trusted rotary phone to reach out to someone in the Upperworld who has clearly shown the world he means business. Hopefully, I'll have more to report after he comes to visit and enjoys our legendary hospitality. As ever, any feedback can be routed to me at [email protected] From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.” “In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades, King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths, and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame