Tenderoni Hotline #8: From Self-Abandonment to Self-Love: Ending Emotional Outsourcing with Mary Jelkovsky

#369: Do you care deeply about what’s happening in the world, yet feel too exhausted to show up the way you wish you could? What if the problem isn’t that you don’t care enough, but that it’s time to reclaim your political energy? In this episode, I talk about the third pattern in this series: depletion. While some of us freeze and others burn hot with rage, many of us are simply running on empty after years of managing everyone else’s feelings and needs. I explore how emotional outsourcing quietly drains your time, attention, and nervous system capacity until there’s nothing left for the values and causes that matter most to you. Listen in this week to learn how to begin reclaiming your political energy by noticing where your energy is leaking away, returning responsibility for others’ emotions, and practicing small acts of choosing yourself. I also share how reconnecting with your values through tiny, doable actions helps rebuild your capacity to engage with the world in ways that are sustainable, meaningful, and aligned with who you truly are. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/369 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #23: If you know you’re a people pleaser but cannot seem to stop, this episode is for you. In this Tenderoni Hotline, I answer two listener questions that go straight to the heart of emotional outsourcing and nervous system healing. First: “I know I’m a people pleaser. How do I stop?” We explore why people pleasing is not a personality flaw or lack of boundaries. It is a nervous system adaptation. When connection felt conditional, your body learned to scan, adjust, perform, and prioritize others to stay safe. That strategy was brilliant. And now it may be exhausting. Then we move into a second question from a listener with CPTSD who shared that words like safe, belonging, and worthy feel abstract or unreachable in their body. If that resonates, you are not alone. Nervous systems do not organize around concepts. They organize around lived experience. So we unpack what “safe enough” actually means in relational terms, how belonging often gets confused with self-erasure, and why worth is less about self-esteem and more about non-abandonment. This work is not about forcing calm or becoming unbothered. It is about learning to stay with yourself when tension arises. It is about building safety from the inside out so you no longer have to abandon yourself to stay connected. You are not broken. You adapted. And you can learn something new my love. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#368: Are you the one who’s not frozen… but furious? The one whose rage erupts at the dinner table, at work, in organizing spaces, because you are done watching injustice slide by? What if your rage is valid, but not always effective? In this episode, I talk directly to the firebrands. I break down what happens in your nervous system when rage takes over, how sympathetic activation shuts down strategic thinking, and why constant eruption can isolate you instead of building power. I explore how rage and emotional outsourcing are connected, and how reacting from activation keeps you just as hijacked as freezing does. You’ll learn how to recognize when rage is righteous and when it’s discharge, how to regulate without suppressing your anger, and how to channel your rage strategically. I share practical ways to stay connected to your values while deciding when to disrupt, when to educate, and when to walk away. Your rage is fuel. Let’s learn how to direct it. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/ Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/368 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #22: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. Today’s episode holds two powerful questions. First, how do you use grounding and orienting when a space is not actually safe? What does nervous system regulation look like for queer folks, BIPOC folks, and anyone navigating real socio-political threat? If hypervigilance has helped keep you alive, are you supposed to just breathe deeper and calm down? Then we turn to another question. Why do high-achieving, successful, respected professionals still struggle to trust themselves? Why does approval seeking persist even when you have built a career, a reputation, and a life that looks solid on paper? Together, we explore the difference between grounding and orienting, and why neither is about pretending you are safe when you are not. We talk about how to stay responsive instead of reactive in spaces that carry risk, how emotional outsourcing develops in the nervous system, and why marginalized bodies cannot simply think their way into safety. We also unpack how self-trust gets wired or not wired in early relational experiences, how patriarchy and capitalism reward being chosen over being known, and why the very skills that make you professionally competent can quietly erode your embodied sense of worth. You will learn why grounding is not about forcing calm, why hypervigilance is not pathology but adaptation, and how self-trust is built through lived moments of centering yourself without the world collapsing. As always, we keep it practical. You will walk away with small, doable practices to begin shifting from external validation toward embodied self-trust, without shame and without overwhelm. So go ahead and get cozy. I’m so glad you’re here, my tenderoni. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

#367: Have you ever felt that deep yes in your body about speaking up, protesting, or naming injustice… and then frozen the moment someone showed disapproval? What if learning to unfreeze isn’t just about personal healing, but essential for collective liberation?In this episode, I explore how emotional outsourcing keeps us frozen when our values are calling us forward. I break down what happens in your nervous system when disapproval feels like a survival threat, why your amygdala overrides your moral clarity, and how the freeze response makes you disappear energetically even when you’re still in the room. This isn’t about cowardice. It’s about conditioning.Tune in today to learn how to recognize freeze in real time, how to resource your nervous system to unfreeze, why small acts of authenticity build courage, and why community is essential for collective liberation. I also share practical steps to honor your values without collapsing into fear and how choosing integrity over comfort becomes revolutionary, one micro choice at a time.Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/367 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #21: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re unpacking a question that comes up all the time in somatic spaces, yoga classes, and Instagram infographics: Are emotions really stored in the hips? Together, we’ll get curious about where this idea comes from, how it gets flattened into oversimplified slogans, and what’s actually happening in your body when those hips feel tight, tender, or tear-filled. We’ll talk about the difference between emotional release and emotional resolution, what the nervous system has to do with chronic muscle bracing, and why fascia, stress, and safety are central to understanding what your body is trying to tell you. And because you know I love the science and the woo, we’ll explore the origins of this concept across different systems, from somatic psychology to Traditional Chinese Medicine, Ayurveda, and Indigenous frameworks, with care, nuance, and zero appropriation. You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of why this myth persists, how your body actually processes emotional pain, and why healing isn’t about “extracting” emotion but expanding your capacity to feel, soften, and stay present with yourself. So go ahead and get cozy. I’m so glad you’re here. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

#366: Ever been certain someone was mad at you, disappointed in you, or about to leave you… only to find out you were completely wrong? What if that certainty wasn’t intuition at all, but projection?In this episode, I unpack projection through the lens of emotional outsourcing. I walk you through how your nervous system takes fear, shame, anger, or need and unconsciously assigns it to someone else. From assuming your partner is furious, to spiraling over a short email from your boss, to believing a friend doesn’t care about you, you’ll learn how projection distorts reality and quietly destroys your relationships.Join me this week to learn how projection forms in the nervous system, why it feels so real in your body, what it costs you in intimacy and self-trust, and how to interrupt it. I’ll also share practical ways to pause between sensation and story, stay present with your own feelings, and respond to what’s actually happening instead of reacting to old fear.Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/366 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #20: Hello, my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline. Today, I’m joined by the luminous and deeply grounded Rose Zealand, financial planner, death doula, and a radiant graduate of the Anchored program.In this powerful and heartfelt conversation, Rose shares her journey from emotional flashbacks, perfectionism, and the chronic belief that she was “broken”… to a place of embodied healing, nervous system safety, and radical self-acceptance.We talk about what it means to move beyond just talking about healing and into the felt sense of coming home to yourself. Rose opens up about learning the language of her nervous system, redefining boundaries with love, and how she stopped outsourcing her worth to others and started honoring her full humanity, on her own terms.Together, we explore healing from internalized shame, the magic of being witnessed in community, and why this work isn’t about fixing what’s “wrong” with us but remembering what’s always been whole within us.If you’ve ever felt like you were the only one who couldn’t figure it out, the only one “too much” or “not enough,” this episode is for you. So get cozy, press play, and come be held by this beautiful story of reclamation, resilience, and return with Rose.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

#365: Have you ever noticed how often the word sorry slips out of your mouth before you’ve even decided whether you’ve done anything wrong? Sorry for asking. Sorry for taking up space. Sorry for having a feeling. Sorry for existing. If that reflex feels familiar, this episode is for you. This week, I explore why default sorry has nothing to do with politeness and everything to do with a nervous system that learned safety through shrinking. You’ll learn how the habit of saying sorry gets wired into the nervous system, why insight and willpower alone don’t make it stop, and what actually helps your body feel safe enough to take up space. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/365 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #19: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re moving through three questions that speak right to the heart of healing for emotionally outsourced humans: First: What do I do when someone ignores my boundary? We’ll talk about how to respond with clarity and compassion, the difference between miscommunication and disregard, and how to stay rooted in self-trust when boundary-setting feels heartbreaking. Next: Why do I cry so much? And is that actually okay? We’ll explore the nervous system science behind emotional tears, how crying can shift your internal state, and why there is no shame in your body’s brilliant and built-in ways of processing emotion. And finally: What if I’m too broken for any of this to work? Whether you’ve secretly believed you’re the exception to healing or worry you’ve tried everything, this part of the episode is a love letter to the part of you that feels beyond help and the truth that you’re not. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of how boundaries, emotions, and old protective beliefs all tie back to your nervous system’s wisdom. And most importantly, how to meet yourself with grace, curiosity, and care when things feel hard. So go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale