Coffee, Cults, and Empires

The Not Actually Players RPG Crew

An "actual" play comedic narrative RPG podcast where the players are themselves characters living in a world built in a lab.

40 Episodes

Episode 039 - Y'all Wanna Do This Again the Next Time the World Ends?
5/17/2026
Okay, part 2 of 2 of the finale! As in, the last one! Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 038 - Sorta the Beginning or Middle of the End?
5/3/2026
Yes, this is the finale episode... but part 1! Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Don't miss an episode of “Coffee, Cults, and Empires” and subscribe to it in the GetPodcast app.
Episode 037 - Demanding Answers
4/19/2026
There's another voicemail from the Boss, and this one is even more upsetting. Things are getting weird in the world, but they resolve to go ahead and play since they can't do anything about it. The crew faces Achhiut, who is not Amtonit. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 036 - The Weirdest Battle I've Been In
4/5/2026
The Weirdest Battle I've Been In Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 036 The Intern has a system for not being so sleepy, but someone keeps making noises at night waking him up. We learn more about Tanam's relationship with coffee. The crew reviews the evidence and actually sorta takes action? Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 035 - Not Technically a Trap
3/22/2026
Not Technically a Trap Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 035 A very tired Intern is still sleeping on the floor. The crew is more determined than ever. Vafrus has Calumn try something that he's never done. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 034 - Double Breakfast and Other Things in Our Way
3/8/2026
The Intern is still on the floor. Vafrus tells us some Calumn lore. Double breakfast looms, but it is only the first of many challenges. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 033 - Nope Seems like the Way to Nope
2/22/2026
Nope Seems like the Way to Nope Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 033 The Boss calls with some worrisome news. The crew works together to cushion the sudden arrival of Tagak and Teep. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 032 - Take That, Thistleroot!
2/8/2026
Take That, Thistleroot! Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 032 The Intern complains about how long it takes the crew to do anything at all. The crew demonstrates this, by taking forever to do a thing, but it's about the friends you made along the way, right? Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 031 - Ill Gotten Gongs
1/25/2026
Ill Gotten Gongs Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 031 The Boss doesn't think that Ikky's should be talked about any longer. The crew visits one of Urekas's cult hideouts. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .
Episode 030 - They Don't Teach Klaoil History in Jersioil
1/11/2026
They Don't Teach Klaoil History in Jersioil Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 030 The Intern wants to travel by catapult. Don accidentally reveals some things about himself. Urekas leads the party through Klaoil. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account https://www.instagram.com/Woody.Banter . Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas. Find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chelseacomedy . Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chrisgrumbles, but it's just one picture of his cat’s eye and a drinking bird sipping a cocktail. Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena (and Justice). Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort. Check out his RPG where you get to the good parts of roleplay faster at https://readysetrole.org/ Meet Sylas for real and chat about stories and games at https://silverstoriesondiscords.org/ Hear more of his silly nonsense ideas about worldbuilding at https://youtube.com/@sylassilver1 . Mark E. Phair as Tanam the DM. Find him at https://markephair.com . Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss. Follow him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/isaacpendergrass . Edited by Mark (Tanam) and Desiree (Rozafeen). Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at https://kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/kvw.makes He also plays clarinet in Glitch Kibbitz https://glitchkibbitz.bandcamp.com . Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at https://carmandaartsthings.com . Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at https://dominiquedickey.com/ , https://www.twitter.com/DomSDickey , and https://www.instagram.com/DomSDickey .

More Episodes

Get the whole world of podcasts with the free GetPodcast app.

Subscribe to your favorite podcasts, listen to episodes offline and get thrilling recommendations.

A company from

Coffee, Cults, and Empires

The Not Actually Players RPG Crew

40 Episodes

Episode 039 - Y'all Wanna Do This Again the Next Time the World Ends?

Episode 038 - Sorta the Beginning or Middle of the End?

Episode 037 - Demanding Answers

Episode 036 - The Weirdest Battle I've Been In

Episode 035 - Not Technically a Trap

Episode 034 - Double Breakfast and Other Things in Our Way

Episode 033 - Nope Seems like the Way to Nope

Episode 032 - Take That, Thistleroot!

Episode 031 - Ill Gotten Gongs

Episode 030 - They Don't Teach Klaoil History in Jersioil