How to Survive Mass with Little Saints
As a former high school theology teacher and perpetual theology student, I like to think of myself as a Catholic theology nerd. I like to write papers on obscure, confusing Old Testament Bible passages that I’ve studied, and I love sharing what I learn about God, His Word, and His Church with others. So, when I became a parent and my infant son did every single thing a baby could do during the one hour Mass (including pooping LOUDLY during the consecration), I was both shocked and frustrated. ‘I just want to pray!’ I exclaimed internally. This was my one hour per week to get out of the house and experience the beauty of Mass! I thought: ‘Finally, it was my turn to be encouraged and spiritually fed.’ Instead, I fed someone else.Fast forward four years, and my husband and I have three children under 5 years old in the pew with us, and our funny stories about the things that have happened during Mass could fill a book and make you laugh till your sides hurt! From chasing a toddler track star down the main aisle to a child bursting into tears after receiving Lenten ashes saying between sobs, “But I don’t want dirt on my face!,” no Sunday Mass with the Ferguson family is ever boring. Sometimes, just sometimes, I’m able to detach from my embarrassment long enough to laugh. More often than I’d like to admit, I find myself tired, weary, and overall just at a loss for how to survive Mass with my little saints. Recently, the Holy Spirit filled me with an idea; ‘Ask other moms what works for them.’ So, I did. I polled every mother of small children I knew, and what I got in return was nothing short of pure mom genius! In speaking about Mass with small children, many of the moms pointed out that the frustrations we parents often feel in Mass are normal and reasonable.One mom said, “It's OK to feel sad about [how different Mass is with children compared to going to Mass before having kids] because it is frustrating and can start to feel like spiritual dryness if you aren't able to devote the same amount of attention to [Mass] as before.” “This is a new season of life to get used to,” a different mom explained, “and you probably won’t be able to pray the same way at Mass as you did before motherhood. Accepting that means less frustration, … There will come a time again when the kids are older and aren’t as needy and you can focus on the Mass again.”Mass as a parent with young children will not (and should not) look the same as Mass when you were a single adult. It could be that for many Sundays, we parents just won’t hear the homily, or we miss the readings and the Eucharistic prayer because someone got fussy or needed to be changed, or said they needed to go potty for the fourth time in an hour.During these years, still another explained, “You may not ‘get much’ out of Mass for yourself. Think of it as a season of ‘giving much’ at Mass. Don't guilt trip yourself over being distracted by your kids, just offer it to the Lord. In a way, you are offering more to Jesus by coming to Him when it is difficult and you don't get much spiritual sweetness - not to mention that you are bringing Him your children, the most precious gift you can bring to the Church!” Personally, I like to imagine the rest of the parish community saying, ‘You care for that precious baby or toddler, we’ll handle the Mass responses.’ After all, everyone present prays the Mass together, as a community, so when my attention is divided, someone in the pew next to me can focus on my behalf, and pray on my behalf. Still another mom put it this way: Caring for your children during Mass “is your mission work. It’s okay if they whine and talk, … They’re little and can only handle so much. They’re going to have times where it’s too much! … Sometimes it’s okay if [it feels like] the only good thing about Mass was that you showed up.”How powerful it is to ponder the difficulty overcome by parents who continue to show up to Mass, week after week, when they know it will be a struggle! Acknowledging the challenge and continuing to bring your children to Mass is truly a commendable endeavor! The Greatest ‘Catholic Mom Wins’Overall, I received responses back from 17 young moms with littles ranging from newborns to toddlers across half a dozen states. When asked, “What tips or tricks do you have that helped make attending Mass with little ones easier?” From parent to parent, here’s their best advice: “Choose a Mass time that works for your family. I liked going first thing in the morning … because our kids were fresher in the morning.” “I tried to plan nap time around when Mass started.”If you choose to attend an early morning Mass, “set [out] outfits the night before (even for myself).” “We tried different areas of the church until we found “our spot”. We like sitting [in] the back row of [the] church so there aren’t any distractions behind us. And if our kids are crying or need to use the restroom we can get out quickly. … For the big kids we try to have a Catholic coloring sheet or some small toys they can play with quietly until they become of age to be able to pay attention more fully. We’ve also tested different Mass times and found that our kids do best at the Noon Mass.” “We have a church book bag that we keep in the car, [and] the [books in that church bag] are only books they see at church; they seem “new’ and not something that is played with all the time. I use books … that are religious based like a Noah’s ark book or Toddler missal, etc. … I also have realized that sitting where they can see what is going on really helps too. Basically we can explain what is happening a lot easier this way.” For babies, we always bring “a clip and tether that keeps the teether [or pacifier] attached to the child.” If you have more than one child, “sitting between children [helps a lot], so as they [do] not get each other overly excited.” Bring “Books about Mass! Books about saints or Bible stories for them to look at during [the Mass]. A couple of favorite small toys or a favorite stuffy (keep it light. Don’t get overwhelmed with their stuff), definitely a snack or two and water!... [and] Talk to them about everything that’s happening in Mass!” “When managing kid behavior, prioritize silence over stillness. If a kid is screaming or making noise, that's distracting others, so … [you can] take them to the back. But if kids are walking up and down the aisles a bit, it's not a big deal. I have boys and it's simply not realistic to expect them to sit still for an hour … But they can usually fidget or color quietly. And when they can also participate noisily (Alleluia, Great Amen, etc.) encourage and model it! … Sitting up front helps my kids behave better because they can see what's going on and get interested to participate, and I think also because they are visible to others, … a certain amount of ‘stage fright’ tones them down.” Finally, “remember to ask Mary to help you mother them like she mothered Jesus.” Author:Meg Kanatzar Ferguson, D.Min. is the Curriculum Coordinator at the Catholic Apostolate Center. She helps develop online course materials and curriculums and assists with the development of Catholic Apostolate Center publications. Resources:Listen to On MissionRead the Ad Infinitum blogMarriage and family resources
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