Finding A Guy

Most of the bi stories we hear go from straight to bi. Jack’s goes the other way. Jack, 42 and from England, came out as gay at 15 in the late ’90s and lived as a gay man for decades before curiosity about women surfaced in his late 20s and took a heavy toll on his mental health. Sam and Grayson talk with Jack about telling his then-partner and the hurt reaction that followed, being seen as a traitor by parts of the gay community, and how being picked from the audience at a mentalist stage show gave him the confidence to change everything within weeks. Jack also covers his first experiences with women alongside his partner, why being with women makes him feel more masculine, getting turned down on apps for “not enough experience,” finding acceptance in a local kink community, identifying as bi but homoromantic, and his advice for men making the same move.Content note: This episode includes discussion of past suicidal thoughts and childhood abuse. If you’re struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time (US).Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: HomoflexibleSomeone who mostly identifies as gay but is occasionally open to sexual experiences with people of a different gender, without necessarily taking on the bi label.Glossary Heteroflexible: Mostly straight, but occasionally open to sexual experiences with the same sex. Androsexual: Attraction to masculinity; Jack’s term for where he lands. Homoromantic: Romantic attraction to people of the same gender, which can differ from who you’re sexually attracted to.Resources Feeld: Dating app built around open, poly, and alternative relationships, which Jack uses to meet couples FetLife: Social network for the kink community, where Jack found his local group and its social meetupsNext episode: Staying Monogamous. You’ve realized you’re bi and have same-sex desires, but you want to stay monogamous with your partner. Now what? It pairs well with Episode 4, Telling Your Partner.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.Facebook · Instagram · Threads · X · BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky

Alex grew up in the '90s hearing slurs from a father who called the family "warriors," and spent the next three decades unlearning what that did to them. Sam and Grayson talk with Alex about early fantasies that let Alex avoid owning their desires, years of gay panic, a first experience with a high school friend, AOL chat rooms and older men, and ghosting the guys who sparked real feelings. Alex also covers the long road to self-acceptance through therapy, realizing they're non-binary, why pansexual fits on paper but bi is the label that stuck, coming out to their wife more than a decade into the relationship, and later to friends and their teenage kids.Content note: This episode includes homophobia, shame, and a brief mention of past suicidal thoughts. If you're struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time (US).Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: Internalized BiphobiaWhen a bi person absorbs outside myths and pressure to "pick a side" and turns them inward as shame, self-doubt, self-loathing, or hiding. It can show up as impostor syndrome or downplaying your own bisexuality. Biphobia comes from other people; internalized biphobia comes from you.Glossary Pansexual: Attraction to people regardless of gender. Demisexual: Sexual attraction that develops only after an emotional connection. Non-binary: A gender identity that isn't exclusively man or woman.Resources Space Between: Explorations of Love, Sex, and Fluidity: Nico Tortorella's memoir, which helped Alex's wife understand after Alex came out LGBT National Hotline: Free, confidential peer support for all ages at 888-843-4564 (limited hours)Next episode: Another guest shares their bi journey.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.Facebook · Instagram · Threads · X · BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky

Sam and Grayson count down their favorite bi characters in media, whether or not the show ever said the word. Sam's list leans comedy: Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place), Ava Daniels (Hacks), Paul Baker (Adults), Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), and the vampires of What We Do in the Shadows, led by Laszlo Cravensworth. Grayson's leans geek: Tim Drake from DC Comics, Sara Lance (Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow), Oberyn Martell (Game of Thrones), Angela Montenegro (Bones), and Captain Jack Harkness (Doctor Who and Torchwood), with honorable mentions for Poe Dameron and VisionQuest's Tommy Maximoff. Plus: Grayson takes his friend-with-benefits search to Reddit, Sam weighs a three-hour drive for a match who's very much his type, and the hosts name the fictional men they'd happily get with if only they were bi.Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: Bi ErasureThe tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or re-explain evidence of bisexuality so people get sorted into gay or straight buckets: it's "just a phase," they're "confused," or it never gets named at all. On screen, it's the character who dates multiple genders and still gets labeled gay or straight, or never gets a label. The hosts point to Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Brittany on Glee.Glossary Queer coding: Signaling that a character is queer through subtext rather than stating it on screen. Canon: What the official source material establishes, as opposed to fan interpretation. Shipping: Fans rooting for two characters to become a couple, as with Poe and Finn in the Star Wars sequels. Omnisexual: Attraction to people of all genders, with gender often noticed as part of the attraction.Resource mentioned Bi.org's Bi Characters list: Profiles of bi characters across TV, film, and comics, including some who were only ever hinted atApps and sites mentioned Reddit: Local subreddits, where Grayson posted his friend-with-benefits search Tinder: Dating app; its as-the-crow-flies distances can mislead in mountainous areasNext episode: Alex's Bi Journey. Sam and Grayson interview a fellow bi man about his journey.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.Facebook · Instagram · Threads · X · BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky

It's mailbag (malebag?) time! Sam and Grayson open up listener email. Topics include sexy underwear for guys, BateWorld as a good place for bi exploration, how to find a third for an MMF threesome, and bisexual vs. pansexual: which term should you use?Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: EdgingBringing yourself (or a partner) right up to the point of orgasm, then backing off before going over, and repeating to build and prolong the pleasure. It has nothing to do with lawn care or brownie pans.Glossary Gooning: Extended, often porn-fueled edging sessions, sometimes performed on camera. Not the hosts' thing. Third: A person invited to join an established couple for a threesome. MMF: A threesome with two men and one woman. The lifestyle: The swinger community and its apps, sites, and events. Pansexual: Attraction regardless of gender. Its flag is pink, yellow, and blue.Apps and sites mentioned BateWorld: Online masturbation community for gay, bi, and straight men Feeld: Dating app for couples, singles, and non-monogamous connections SLS (SwingLifestyle) and SDC: Swinger sites; which one is busier varies by region Doublelist: Personal ads site Adult FriendFinder and Tinder: Where some couples also look for thirdsNext episode: Sam and Grayson pick their favorite bisexual characters in media.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.Facebook · Instagram · Threads · X · BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky

You found the guy. You did the vibe check. Now what? Sam and Grayson walk through the first in-person encounter with a new male partner: the nerves, the logistics, and the awkward "now what?" afterward. Grayson recounts his first planned meetup, arranged over AOL and set in an adult theater long before smartphones. Sam shares his, which began with an ATM eating his card. They cover what to negotiate beforehand (boundaries, experience level, who hosts, porn or no porn), how to prep if you're hosting, first moves, hand and oral technique, why speaking up mid-play matters, and the swallow conversation you need to have before the moment arrives. Plus: why kissing can feel more intimate than oral, and a cautionary tale about a kiss that ended a threesome before it started.Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: Cut / UncutA two-for-one you'll see constantly in men seeking men profiles. Cut means circumcised; uncut means uncircumcised. It has nothing to do with muscle definition, despite what Grayson first assumed.Glossary Docking: Non-penetrative play where one partner's foreskin is drawn over the head of the other partner's penis. Vibe check: A low-stakes public meetup, such as a drink or a meal, before hooking up to confirm you're both comfortable. Hosting: Whose place the encounter happens at. The alternatives include a hotel, an adult bookstore or theater, or a car. Post-nut clarity: The shift in mood right after orgasm, which can range from relaxed to second-guessing everything.Apps mentioned Sniffies: Map-based cruising platform for gay, bi, and bicurious men; runs in a web browser rather than an app store app Grindr: Location-based dating and hookup app for gay, bi, trans, and queer peopleNext episode: It's mailbag time. Sam and Grayson dig into the questions, topics, and stories you've sent in.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.Facebook · Instagram · Threads · X · BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky

Almost every bi man asks himself this at some point. Sam and Grayson take Kinsey scale and Klein grid quizzes (Grayson retakes his on air), then get into who actually decides. Do you need an IRL experience to count? Do fantasies make you bi or bicurious? What about the bi-cycle, being bisexual but heteroromantic, or being in a straight-passing relationship? They talk imposter syndrome in gay spaces, being told you have to "prove it," and how pop culture from Friends to Seinfeld assumes everyone is one or the other. Grayson's wife gets better at pointing out cute firefighters, and Sam previews a bi night at a bathhouse. The bottom line: there's no test to pass, and labels are a convenience, not a requirement.Heads up: 18+, adults only.Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week (and Resource of the Week): the Kinsey scale and the Klein gridThe Kinsey scale, from Alfred Kinsey's 1948 research, rates sexual behavior and attraction from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual), with 1 through 5 in between. There's no official Kinsey test, but you can take an unofficial Kinsey scale quiz.The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, developed by Dr. Fritz Klein in his 1978 book The Bisexual Option, goes further: seven factors (attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, lifestyle, and self-identification) rated across your past, present, and ideal future. It's a self-reflection tool, not a diagnosis.Other terms:Bi-cycle: the shift in how strongly you're drawn to one gender or another, week to week or even day to day. It doesn't make you less bi.Heteroromantic: romantically attracted to a different gender, regardless of who you're sexually attracted to.Bicurious: interested in or wondering about same-sex experiences.Straight-passing: being read as straight by others, often because of who you're partnered with.Watch: The Bisexual Problem, the video on bi representation in media that Grayson and Sam discuss.Where do you land on the Kinsey scale or Klein grid? Still wondering if you're bi enough? Write in. Spoiler: the answer is yes.Next episode: It's a mystery! And it's spooky season. Meanwhile, what's the most bisexual Halloween costume? Tell us.Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Toys aren't just for women, and nothing you put in your butt changes who you are. Sam and Grayson open their collections and talk through cock rings (silicone, metal, and how to size one), glans rings, masturbation sleeves, dildos, prostate massagers, and butt plugs, plus body-safe materials, flared bases, and why you should never store silicone toys touching each other. Grayson shares how his wife's years selling home-party sex toys stocked his drawer, and why his first prostate massager seemed like a waste of money until he stopped trying so hard. Sam reports back from his first spanking party. Plus: a listener's story of being blackmailed after chatting on apps, and why bi men need community.Heads up: 18+, adults only.Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.If you're struggling: In the US, call or text 988 or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential, 24/7.Find your people: r/BisexualMen on Reddit and its support Discord (not a hookup server).Word of the Week: P-spot — the prostate, a walnut-sized gland a few inches inside the rectum toward the front of the body. It's packed with nerve endings, can be stimulated internally or externally through the perineum, and feels good regardless of orientation.Other terms:Perineum: the skin between the balls and the anus, a.k.a. the taint.Cock ring: a silicone, rubber, or metal ring worn around the base of the penis (and usually the balls) to keep blood in for firmer erections.Glans ring: a ring worn just behind the head of the penis.Flared base: a wide base that keeps a toy from slipping all the way inside. Non-negotiable for anything going in your butt.Body-safe: made of non-porous materials like silicone, glass, or stainless steel. Peepshow Toys' materials guide explains what to look for.Aftercare: the care partners give each other after play, whether that's a hug, rubbing the area, or checking in.Toys and brands mentioned: Aneros prostate massagers (the Helix, Eupho, and Progasm), Primal Rings metal cock rings, Perfect Fit Xact-Fit 3-packs for finding your cock ring size, the Njoy Pure Wand, SquarePegToys silicone plugs, and Fort Troff. Not sponsors.What toys work for you? Tell us, especially if you just tried your first one.Next episode: Am I bi enough? The question almost every bi man asks himself at some point. Join us.Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Our very first guest! Marcus is in his early fifties, married for about 30 years, with two kids — and he came out to himself only a couple of years ago, in the emotional wake of the November 2024 election, blurting it out loud before he'd consciously worked it out. He takes Sam and Grayson through a decades-long slow burn: childhood clues he shelved, growing up in the '80s with no bi representation, a coworker "date" he didn't recognize as one, and a parents'-generation view of bisexuality that stuck with him. Being both demisexual and sapiosexual, Marcus needs a real connection before attraction shows up, which makes hookup apps a poor fit and the search for a guy genuinely hard. And his coming-out story takes a turn none of us saw coming! Plus: a mini-topic on apps versus connection, and how a hookup can slowly grow into a friend with benefits.Heads up: 18+, adults only.Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: Demisexual — someone who feels sexual attraction to another person only after an emotional bond has formed. It says nothing about which gender(s) you're drawn to, just how attraction develops.Other terms:Sapiosexual: primarily attracted to intelligence or someone's mind. Marcus is both demisexual and sapiosexual.ENM (ethical non-monogamy): an openly agreed, everyone-consents arrangement to have more than one partner.FWB (friends with benefits): a friendship that includes a physical relationship.Vibe check: a low-pressure in-person meet (often coffee) to see if you click before anything physical.Apps mentioned: Feeld for open-minded, ENM, poly, and curious folks; Sniffies, a map-based cruising app; and Grindr, the household-name app for gay, bi, and queer men.Next episode: Exploring with toys — butt toys, cock rings, and more (and a certain Transformers thread returns). Join us.Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Sam and Grayson pull back the curtain on j-o clubs — the men's group events that have run quietly across the country since 1980. What they are, why they're one of the lowest-pressure ways for a bi or curious guy to explore in person (no apps, no flakes, no ghosting), how to find one near you, and what to expect inside: the rules, the consent culture, wristbands and first-timer orientations, admission and lockers, and what a typical night looks like — from big, well-run clubs to a smaller one with its own house style. Plus club etiquette, watching vs. joining in, ‘finishing’ considerations, and more. Also: host updates, the Word of the Week, a mini-topic on underwear, and the Resource of the Week.Heads up: 18+, adults only.Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week — Frot: short for frottage (from the French frotter, "to rub"), sexual rubbing between men, usually penis-to-penis, with no penetration. A staple of j-o clubs and an easy one-on-one option.Frot toy: CockBlock Toys makes a two-person frot sleeve.Key terms: "No lips below the hips" (jacking only, no oral) and "no poles and holes" / "nothing goes inside anybody's anything" (no penetration) are the standard club rules. Commando: no underwear.Finding a club: Start with the New York Jacks club list — NY Jacks is the original (est. 1980) and the template most clubs follow. Not on the list? Search your nearest major city plus "jack-off club" or "masturbation group."Clubs mentioned: Rain City Jacks (Seattle) and Stumptown Strokes (Portland).Underwear (mini-topic): Coyote Jocks for briefs and jockstraps.Resource of the Week: The Heart of Jacks podcast, hosted by the founder of Rain City Jacks, on the history and culture of j-o clubs. The series has wound down (no new interviews), but the back catalog is worth a listen.Next episode: Our guest Marcus shares his bi journey.Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us!Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Telling your partner was Episode 4. This time it’s everyone else. Sam and Grayson go wider on coming out — to your parents, your kids, your friends, your coworkers — and the harder question beneath it all: should you come out at all? They cover the factors that actually matter (timing, community, safety, employment, custody), share their own stories and get practical: in-person vs. text, scripting it, and bracing for the questions and biphobia that may follow. Plus a listener email, the Word of the Week on romantic orientation, and a mini-topic: what would you tell your younger self?Heads up: 18+, adults only.Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.Word of the Week: heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic — who you’re romantically drawn to (a different gender / the same gender / more than one), which can differ from who you’re sexually attracted to.Other terms Heteroflexible — primarily straight, open to in-the-moment possibilities. Biphobia — dismissal of bi people, e.g. “pick a side,” “it’s a phase,” “bisexuality isn’t real.” Straight-presenting — a person or couple others assume is straight, like a bi man partnered with a woman.Coming-out support & resources LGBT National Coming Out Support Hotline — free, confidential peer support at 888-688-5428, part of the LGBT National Help Center. Bisexual Resource Center — Coming Out as Bi+, a bi-specific coming-out guide. HRC — Coming Out resources, including a general guide and template.Podcasts mentioned Chaps Out — UK- and Ireland-based podcast where gay and bi men share stories of coming out later in life. Coming Out Stories — real people, unique coming-out stories.Mini-topic: What would you tell your younger self? Email us yours — about your bi journey or anything else!Next episode: jack-off clubs — how they work, why they’re a low-impact entry point for exploring your bisexuality, and some stories. Join us.Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.