A Field Guide to Forgiveness

Dear Sophie: Letters on Grief Sophie's mum got sick a few years back. After lots of treatment, lots of praying, lots of hoping, she died last year. Sophie wrote to her friend, Malcolm, trying to process what had happened. Over the next few months, Malcolm wrote a series of letters in response to Sophie, each unpacking an aspect of grief and faith. Each episode of this podcast explores an aspect of how to live as faithfully and authentically through our experiences of grief. Episode One - Showing Up and Shutting Up Grief can make people say dumb stuff. In today's episode, Malcolm extols the virtue of silence in the face of suffering. Rather than silence being an absence, silence allows for a deeper, more compassionate kind of presence, which takes people's pain seriously. Dear Sophie: Letters on Grief is brought to you by The Common, a community of curious humans from First Church who gather to work out how to make the best of the outrageous privilege of being alive. If you want to know more, or connect, just email [email protected] for more details.

In this, our last episode (for a while) we hear an interview with Malcolm on his journey towards forgiveness, and some people's responses to it. To finish, Malcolm sums up what he has learned and answers the big question: have you learned to forgive yet?

In this episode, Malcolm talks to Phil Halstead, who has literally written a book on forgiveness. Phil is a theologian and a counsellor who engages with both spirituality and psychology to help people forgive. In this conversation, Malcolm asks him to reflect on some key insights from previous guests. If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email [email protected].

In today's episode, Malcolm talks with Darryl Tempero about why forgiving ourselves can be harder than forgiving other people. He explores the importance of community and finding the right people to hear our story and validate our experience. If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Today Malcolm talks to Alofa Lale about learning forgiveness from her dad. Having heard in previous episodes about the harm parents can do, Alofa's story reminds of the possibility of a more beautiful kind of inheritance. Drawing on her Samoan heritage, Alofa offers an understanding of forgiveness that cares about relationships and community. Drawing on her faith, she operates from a conviction that people are loved but flawed - meaning forgiveness is an essential skill in our world. Oh, and she talks about forgiving someone who called her the n-word. A week ago. I know, right! If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.

In today's episode, Malcolm talks with his cousin Teina. Teina's story begins with abuse and neglect, and for many years threatened to repeat that cycle, until she realised she needed to change and that she could change. She started by learning to love herself, and everything else, including forgiveness, flowed from there. If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Today, Malcolm talks to theologian Murray Rae. Murray has written on forgiveness and sees it as a way of breaking out of the well-trod pattern of revenge. Murray draws on Jesus' example to offer us an insight into how forgiveness can open up a new sort of future for us, and for those who hurt us. If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.

In today's episode, Malcolm talks to his friend Geoff, a record producer, originally from Wellington, now living and working in Nashville. In the wake of Geoff's recent marriage break-up, he discovered forgiveness was the path he needed to take if he was going to become the person he wanted to be. If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.

In this episode, Malcolm talks to his friend Kim who works in the world of business consultancy and leadership development. She knows more about forgiveness than Malcolm does and learnt it by finding a way past her pain through curiosity. If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Join us as Malcolm sets up the journey we'll take, describing his mastery of unforgiveness alongside the growing conviction that it is just making him an unpleasant human If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this introduction, please email ⁠[email protected]⁠.