Saying "No" Is Also Work

Amy and Margaret tackle one of women's most exhausting challenges: the nonstop onslaught of small asks, random requests, invisible labor, and mental load that quietly drains them. They break down why saying "no” to additional responsibilities is not laziness, and why "just say no to" is actually not a realistic option in many situations. Drawing on real-life examples, Amy and Margaret explore the emotional calculus behind every “yes,” the hidden costs of over-accommodating, and why moms often feel pressure to be endlessly available. They offer practical scripts, boundary strategies, and mindset shifts to help you pause before automatically agreeing, tolerate the discomfort of disappointing others, and value your own limits. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Corinne Low Our episode "Getting Better at Saying No" Katharine Ridgway O'Brien: "Just Saying "No": An Examination of Gender Differences in the Ability to Decline Requests in the Workplace." Kristin Wong for the NYT: Why You Should Learn to Say ‘No’ More Often Kate Manne on Substack: Our Boundaries Will Not Save Us Kate Manne on Substack: Your Annual Reminder: You Do Not Have to Be a Giving Tree We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you.  What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parenting boundaries, saying no as a parent, invisible labor, mental load, emotional labor, moms and burnout, parenting overwhelm, how to set boundaries, family stress management, sustainable parenting, decision fatigue, time management for parents, household labor imbalance, parenting scripts, avoiding burnout, saying no kindly, realistic parenting expectations, parenting advice, family dynamics, parent mental health Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is "helicopter parenting" actually a definable thing? Or is it just what we call parents who are being annoying? Overparenting is something that it's easy to be judgey about in other people, and a lot harder to identify in ourselves. Parents have to help. It's what we're there for. So how do we manage without micromanaging? In this episode, we discuss: The conditions that trigger parental anxiety (probably the true cause of overattentive parenting) Allowing struggles and disappointments to be part of our kids' journeys How to discern for yourself if you're maybe helicoptering more than helping Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Bayless for Parents Magazine: ⁠"What Is Helicopter Parenting, And How Does It Impact Kids?"⁠ Julia Schønning Vigdal and Kolbjørn Kallesten Brønnick for Frontiers in Psychology: ⁠"A Systematic Review of “Helicopter Parenting” and Its Relationship With Anxiety and Depression"⁠ ⁠Our Fresh Take with Camilo Ortiz⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you.  mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, helicopter parent, snowplow parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trigger warning: this episode contains mention of child abuse and suicidal ideation. Amy and Margaret talk with Glen Henry—creator of Beleaf in Fatherhood and author of the new book Father Yourself First—about breaking cycles, reimagining fatherhood, and learning to parent with intention, grace, and community. Glen shares his journey from growing up in a difficult household to becoming a present, emotionally attuned father, and how mentorship, open communication, and self-work helped reshape his parenting. They discuss navigating hard conversations with children about race and safety, deconstructing the voices we’ve internalized from our own parents, and why parents must learn to “father themselves first.” Glen also explores the importance of modeling real family life, finding mentors, building community, and creating an inner voice rooted in compassion instead of fear or old wounds. This moving conversation is especially powerful for parents who didn’t grow up with healthy models and are working to create something new for their own families. Here's where you can find Glen: @beleafmel on Instagram @beleafinfatherhood on YT @beleafinfatherhood on TikTok Buy FATHER YOURSELF FIRST: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781400252558 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you.fatherhood, modern fatherhood, Beleaf in Fatherhood, Glen Henry interview, Father Yourself First book, parenting after trauma, breaking generational cycles, conscious parenting, gentle parenting, Black fatherhood stories, raising resilient kids, having hard conversations with kids, talking to kids about race, parenting with intention, family mentorship, parenting community, emotional regulation for parents, healing your inner child, reparenting yourself, raising confident children, fatherhood mentorship, parenting support, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What words, phrases, or annoying habits do you wish your family would just quit once and for all? Here's what our funny mom friends had to say. Amy and Margaret discuss: What rules work in Margaret's house What behaviors cause them to "catch a bit of an attitude" Which tropical islands they would run away to if given the chance ⁠Read the original thread on Facebook here⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anxiety expert Lynn Lyons and co-host Robin Hutson created the podcast ⁠FLUSTERCLUX⁠ to help anxious kids and anxious families, which are usually one and the same. Lynn Lyons has trained hundreds of teachers, school nurses, counselors and parents about managing anxiety. In this episode, Lynn, Robin, and Amy discuss: Why reassurance doesn't always placate kids' anxieties Why anxiety craves certainty– and how we can unwittingly "do the disorder" in trying to reassure anxious kids How to model moving through uncertainty for our kids How perfectionism feeds anxiety in kids Here's where you can find Robin and Lynn: ⁠flusterclux.com⁠ @flusterclux on FB and Instagram Buy Lynn Lyons' book The Anxiety Audit ⁠"Flusterclux" podcast⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, anxiety in kids, parenting podcast, Lynn Lyons, FLUSTERCLUX podcast, anxious families, childhood anxiety, parenting anxious kids, managing anxiety, perfectionism in kids, emotional resilience, anxiety and uncertainty, reassurance and anxiety, helping anxious children, modeling calm for kids, parenting through anxiety, mental health for families, anxiety coping skills, parenting perfectionists, raising resilient kids, breaking anxiety cycles, child emotional health, anxiety triggers in kids, supporting anxious teens, mindfulness for parents, family anxiety dynamics Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting today feels harder than ever—information overload, online anxiety, and constant pressure to “get it right.” Dr. Michael Milobsky, a pediatrician with 25 years of experience and host of the podcast "Your Kids Will Be Fine, " joins Amy and Margaret to talk about how raising kids has changed in today's society, and how parents can feel more confident. Dr. Milobsky tells us how to separate the noise from the signal, and what pediatricians really wish parents understood about their own kids. From picky eating to teen mental health, this is a grounded, compassionate conversation for parents who just want to do their best. Here's where you can find Dr. Mike: www.yourkidswillbefine.com Listen to the "Your Kids Will Be Fine" podcast @pedsatthemeadows on IG @dr_mikem on TikTok @Dr_Michael_Milobsky on YouTube We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. Parenting advice, pediatrician interview, Dr. Michael Milobsky, parenting anxiety, digital parenting, childhood vaccines, picky eating, neurodiversity, autism diagnosis, teen mental health, adolescent anxiety, parenting in the information age, trusting your instincts, parental overwhelm, modern motherhood, fatherhood, pediatric medicine, parent-doctor relationship, raising resilient kids, social media and parenting, What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy and Margaret share their and their listeners' best tips for making the holidays less stressful and more joyful. They discuss how to reimagine old traditions, simplify family gatherings, and the “law of holiday attrition," and how it work in your favor. From tackling family expectations to choosing what to let go of (and what’s worth keeping), this episode helps you create holidays that work for you. You’ll learn: The secret to surviving hosting duties without losing your mind Ways to make holiday meals easier (and more fun!) How to navigate changing family dynamics See all of our listeners' holiday hacks in this Facebook thread! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. holiday hacks, holiday stress relief, family holiday traditions, Thanksgiving tips, Christmas planning, stress-free holidays, parenting podcast, holiday family dynamics, hosting Thanksgiving, gift-giving ideas, simplify the holidays, parenting during the holidays, letting go of traditions, holiday overwhelm, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week, we're revisiting our interview with Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld. In the revised edition of their book ⁠HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS⁠, Dr. Maté and Dr. Neufeld explain the crucial importance of remaining attached to our children as they grow. Dr. Gordon Neufeld is an internationally renowned psychologist and foremost authority on child development, and founder of the Neufeld Institute. Dr. Gabor Maté is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Amy, Dr. Maté, and Dr. Neufeld discuss: Why "peer orientation" doesn't actually have to be the way things go How cultural shifts in society have accelerated the rise of peer orientation How we can reattach to our children and remain their most important role model Here's where else you can find Dr. Maté and Dr. Neufeld: gabormatemd (IG); @DrGaborMate (X); Gabor Maté (FB) @NeufeldInst (X); Neufeld Institute (FB) Buy HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS:  https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780375760280 Free resources from Dr. Gordon Neufeld: ⁠https://neufeldinstitute.org/resources/free/⁠  See presentations and talks from Gordon Neufeld: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@neufeldmedia⁠ Follow Dr. Gordon Neufeld's work on: Facebook:⁠ https://www.facebook.com/NeufeldInstitute⁠ Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/neufeldinstitute/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. Hold On to Your Kids, Gabor Maté parenting, Gordon Neufeld attachment theory, parent–child connection, child development, peer orientation, parenting teens, attachment parenting, emotional connection with kids, maintaining attachment with children, adolescent psychology, parenting challenges, family relationships, emotional intelligence in children, connection over correction, raising resilient kids, attachment and independence, conscious parenting, Neufeld Institute, parenting podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy and Margaret talk with Kate Baer, three-time New York Times bestselling poet, about her new poetry collection How About Now— a book born out of a season of unexpected change. From sudden health crises to the shifting identity of motherhood, Kate invites us into the raw material of her life — and shows us how poetry can hold what the forms and boxes of everyday life cannot. We talk about how time begins to accelerate in midlife, how our bodies both betray and reveal us, and how friendship, marriage, and motherhood become the scaffolding for truth-telling. Kate Baer's work makes the ordinary sacred and the chaotic strangely comforting. Here's where you can find Kate: https://www.katebaer.com @katejbaer on IG and Threads https://katebaer.substack.com Buy HOW ABOUT NOW: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063306080 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you.Kate Baer, How About Now, What Kind of Woman, motherhood, poetry, midlife, body image, female friendship, creativity, nostalgia, marriage, parenting, women’s voices, self-expression, What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy and Margaret discuss two new studies on boys and their lives online—in social media and gaming—and how today's digital culture shapes boys’ mental health, relationships, and ideas about their bodies and about masculinity. We discuss why gaming fills social and emotional needs for many boys, why the time spent may be of more concern than the content, and how parents can stay involved without over-policing. You’ll learn practical ways to become an “ask-able” parent, set boundaries, and how to know whether their time spent online is more harmful than helpful. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Gottfried, Jeffrey & Sidoti, Olivia for Pew Research Center: ⁠⁠Teens and Video Games Today⁠⁠ Clair Cain Miller & Amy Fan for the NYT: ⁠⁠“How Video Games Are Shaping a Generation of Boys, for Better and Worse”⁠⁠ Oxford Internet Institute: ⁠⁠“Violent Video Games Found Not to Be Associated with Adolescent Aggression⁠⁠ Boston Children's Digital Wellness Lab: ⁠⁠Pulse Survey: Digital Gaming and Social Interaction⁠⁠ Claire Cain Miller for the NYT: ⁠⁠It’s Not Just a Feeling: Data Shows Boys and Young Men Are Falling Behind⁠⁠ Federica Pallavicini et. al for Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking: ⁠⁠The Effects of Playing Video Games on Stress, Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness, and Gaming Disorder During the Early Stages of the COVID-19 Pandemic: PRISMA Systematic Review⁠⁠ Wenliang Su et. al for Computers in Human Behavior: ⁠⁠Do men become addicted to internet gaming and women to social media? A meta-analysis examining gender-related differences in specific internet addiction⁠⁠ Kirk M. Welker for JAMA: ⁠⁠Video Games—Cognitive Help or Hindrance?⁠⁠ Kara Alaimo for CNN Health: ⁠⁠What your teenage son is really seeing on social media, according to new survey⁠⁠ Common Sense Media: ⁠⁠⁠Boys & Gaming: What Parents Need to Know⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Fresh Take: Jean Twenge⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Why Kids Get Obsessed—And Why It's a Good Thing⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Laura Vanderkam's time-tracking spreadsheet⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Sign up for our newsletter to get monthly recs/goodies from us! ⁠⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. boys and social media, boys and gaming, boys mental health, digital culture and masculinity, parenting boys online, raising boys in the digital age, video games and boys, healthy screen time for kids, social media effects on boys, parenting advice for tweens and teens, online friendships and gaming, emotional development in boys, helping boys navigate technology, positive masculinity, how to talk to kids about gaming, setting digital boundaries, boys body image online, supporting boys’ wellbeing, parenting in the digital world, tech and teen mental health, What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices