The Lion, The Bitch and The Wine Box

In the futuristic year of 2017, America is embattled in a civil war that has left it looking like a high school stage adaptation of Mad Max. All is not lost, you see, Pamela Anderson and her impressive collection of leather corsets will save us all. If you enjoy unnecessarily convoluted plots, futuristic contacts and fake nazis you are in for a treat. So grab a drink kids and join us as we discuss the finer points of owning a dystopian approved murder Winnebago 

Why are we still asking this question 20 years later?!? Seriously tho....why? The remix has the same hallmarks as the OG but with added vampires, queerness, an incel and James Franco. The writer of this movie really only needs you to know 2 things: They love Twilight and they wished it was waaaaay more gay. So grab a drink and join us as we try to figure out why having sex in a cemetery is supposed to be cute and not at all unsanitary.  

Ah yes, the movie named after a question that literally no one would ever ask because, eww. This career plateauing vehicle is a whirlwind of clichés and enough cringe to keep you up at night with sympathetic embarrassment. It has all of lifetime's greatest hits: concerned mother, headstrong daughter, controlling man, kidnapping and more. Grab a drink kids and join us as we watch more red flags fly than at a sportsball game.

This movie is a dose of early aughts nostalgia with a heavy sprinkling of high school STIs. It has all the classic clichés: Over bearing working mom, cello playing good girl, a child of divorce and syphillis. The title should honestly just be changed to Syphilis, Slut Shaming and the Merger Mom. Grab a drink and join us as we watch the "French disease" sweep through a high school like it's a 16th century brothel. 

This episode is a Black History Month special treat for me (Chantel). I grew up watching this movie and I honestly just wanted to see if it still held up. In short yes. Who doesn't wanna see Laura Winslow with short hair gettin into shenanigans on a bus? It's goofy and stupid and isn't meant to be serious commentary on blackness, this shit just funny. So pour yourself something to sip and join your 2 best friends while we watch Ride.

Hey lets make Caddyshack but with better music.....ok. Honestly this wasn't terrible but a beloved classic it aint. This seems like the best of the 7 DVDs available at your granny's house (she thinks wifi is a scam/the devil). Is this movie destined to grace Walmart bargin bins and to only be shown on Sundays on BET? YES. is it full of fart jokes and old clichés that are familiar and nostalgic? Also yes. Grab a drink and hangout with your two best friends while we watch Who's Your Caddy? 

This movie is the result of a drunken conversation between Eddie Murphy and Wes Craven....probably. It's not funny enough to be a comedy, not scary enough to be horror and definitely not self aware enough to be a parody. This is basically Blacula 2.0 that is saved but by the grace and power of Angela Bassett's cheekbones. Still better than Twilight tho.  

What happens when you take one of the most popular basketball stars of the 90's and put him in a kids movie full of hijinks and hilarity? You get Space Jam. This is the other one. Kazaam is an SJW panic attack waiting to happen: vaguely Latinx bullies, vaguely Middle Eastern antagonist and a giant black man who is essentially enslaved to a white kid. Not even the nostalgia could save this lazy Aladdin knockoff. So as per usual, grab a drink and join us for this flannel fueled fever dream. 

Are you are a fan of aggressive bulges, rock hard nips and saxophones? If you answered anything other than no, this is the movie for you. Perfect is basically just pre internet fap material with long winded monologues thrown in for, hell I don't know, depth?! This movie is about 80% pelvic thrusting with some eye banging thrown in for good measure. Seriously this movie has more hardcore eye banging than a queer period drama. To be blunt, the movie's title should be changed to Gym Rats be Fuckin'.

Join us while we "watch" a movie that will remind you to watch better movies just like it. I honestly won't try to polish this turd ya'll, this was a rough one but we got really drunk so listen and laugh along. If you like drunken obscure Simpsons references, breaking into song and quoting the aforementioned better movies, please grab a drink and hit play.