Beyond Rewards and Punishment: A Conversation with Alfie Kohn (Episode 157)

In this episode, Kyle and Sara explore the power of the Relationship Bank Account (RBA) — a simple but transformative tool for strengthening your connection with your child. You’ll learn:What a Relationship Bank Account is (and why it matters)How to make daily “deposits” that build long-term trust and emotional security10 practical ways to fill up your child’s RBA starting todayWhat to do if your RBA is running low (or in overdraft)How RBA principles protect your relationship through conflict and correction 💡 This episode goes beyond emotional warmth — it’s about smart, future-focused parenting with long-term ROI. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/building-your-relationship-bank-account-the-smartest-investment-youll-take-as-a-parent Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this thought-provoking episode, Kyle and Sara Wester sit down with renowned author and speaker Alfie Kohn—a powerful voice challenging traditional ideas about parenting, discipline, education, and motivation. Alfie doesn’t hold back as he dives into the unintended consequences of using rewards, punishments, and even praise with children. His insights, grounded in decades of research, have radically reshaped how countless parents and educators approach behavior and discipline. This conversation is equal parts challenging and inspiring—and yes, it even moved Sara to tears. Why? Because Alfie doesn’t just critique outdated approaches—he paints a compelling picture of what’s possible when we parent with unconditional love, curiosity, and trust. In this episode, Kyle and Sara explore:Why rewards and punishment may undermine intrinsic motivationHow praise can backfire—and what to do insteadWhat it looks like to support children’s autonomy and growthHow schools and families can foster genuine cooperation, not compliance Listeners will walk away with not only a deeper understanding of why traditional discipline falls short, but how to do things differently—and more effectively.About Our Guest:Alfie Kohn is the author of 14 influential books, including Punished by Rewards, Unconditional Parenting, The Myth of the Spoiled Child, and The Schools Our Children Deserve. He’s been featured on Oprah, The Today Show, and numerous other national platforms. His work has helped parents and educators across the globe rethink what it truly means to raise and teach children with respect and connection.Learn more at 👉 www.alfiekohn.org View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/beyond-rewards-and-punishment-a-conversation-with-alfie-kohn Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode, we’re digging into the quiet beliefs many of us bring into parenting—assumptions we didn’t even realize were shaping how we saw our kids.Kyle and Sara reflect on the messages they heard early on in their parenting journey: from well-meaning friends, family, and culture at large. Many of these ideas—like needing to “control” kids, stop “bad” behavior, or “show them who’s boss”—can subtly influence how we respond to our children’s needs, mistakes, and development.But what if many of these assumptions are wrong?They explore big questions like:Are kids really being bad, or are they lacking skills?Is punishment necessary, or is there a better way?What does research say about how children are actually wired?You’ll hear how shifting your mindset can completely transform the way you parent. They talk about:Why children actually want to succeed and cooperateHow their brains are wired for connection and learningWhy behaviors often signal a lack of skill, not a lack of motivationAnd why labeling kids as “manipulative” or “lazy” misses what’s really going onWhether you're early in your parenting journey or years in, this conversation invites you to challenge unhelpful assumptions and begin to see your child in a fresh way. Get ready! View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/the-parenting-assumptions-we-need-to-rethink Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In Episode #155 of Art of Raising Humans, Sara and Kyle sit down with pediatric neuropsychologists, Dr. Yale Rothman and Dr. Katie Fredriksen, to explore a crucial and timely topic — how to talk with kids about autism. In this episode, we discuss a thoughtful, kid-friendly book co-authored by Dr. Rothman and Dr. Fredriksen that helps children with autism understand how their brains work — and supports neurotypical children in understanding and connecting with autistic peers. This conversation sheds light on:What may be contributing to the rise in autism diagnosesWhy it’s essential for all kids to understand neurodiversityHow parents can foster empathy, connection, and inclusionWhether you're parenting a child with autism or simply want to raise compassionate, informed kids, this episode offers meaningful insight and practical tools. The book we discuss is one every family will benefit from having on their shelf. 👉 Listen now and join the conversation on raising humans who embrace and support every kind of brain. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/how-to-talk-about-autism-with-your-kids Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara explore one of the most common questions they get from parents:“Is it really possible to discipline without punishment or consequences like time-outs, threats, or spanking?”When they became parents, Kyle and Sara struggled to imagine parenting without those tools—they believed punishment was an essential part of discipline. But as they dug deeper into the research and began working with families, they discovered that true discipline doesn't rely on fear or control.They unpack the meaning of the word “discipline” (which comes from disciple) and how that changes the way we show up with our kids. When discipline becomes something we do with our children—rather than to them—it opens the door to connection, emotional growth, and lasting change.They also discuss:What research says about the long-term effects of punishmentHow parents can guide their kids toward growth and responsibility without fear or shameHow to begin reimagining your parenting toolboxThis conversation is the beginning of a much bigger journey—one we’ll continue exploring in future episodes. If this topic resonates or challenges you, stay with us. There’s so much more to learn and grow in together.View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/can-you-discipline-without-punishmentVisit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey.Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comThe Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In Episode #153 of The Art of Raising Humans, we sit down with award-winning author and children’s mental health advocate Jamie Edelbrock. When Jamie’s daughter was struggling, she realized that the best way to support her was to start working on her own anxiety and past trauma. She shares her journey of self-discovery and healing, and how it transformed both her life and her parenting.Jamie is the author of Tangled Up, Be the Sparkle, and The Adventures of Little Selfie. As a Behavior Analyst specializing in ABA therapy and a parent of neurodivergent children, she brings both professional expertise and personal experience to this powerful conversation.In this episode, we discuss:How addressing your own mental health can positively impact your childrenBreaking cycles of childhood trauma and creating a new family legacyWhat parents can do when they’re worried about their child’s mental healthHow Jamie’s experiences led her to write books that help children process emotionsIf you’ve ever felt overwhelmed as a parent or wondered how to best support your child’s emotional well-being, this episode is for you!Jamie's website: http://www.jamieedelbrock.com/Jamie's Instagram: Jamie Edelbrock, Author (@tangledupbook) • Instagram photos and videosView the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/when-my-daughter-needed-help-i-discovered-that-getting-help-for-myself-was-the-best-solutionVisit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey.Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comThe Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In Episode #152 of the Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara tackle one of the biggest sources of division and tension in families—triangulation. They break down what it is, why it fuels constant conflict, and how it can quietly damage family relationships. But more importantly, they share practical, intentional steps parents can take to coach their kids in healthy conflict resolution. Learning to navigate disagreements effectively is a life skill that sets kids up for stronger relationships now and well into adulthood. Don't miss this crucial conversation!Get our video courses at https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com.View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/breaking-the-cycle-how-to-stop-triangulation-and-teach-healthy-conflict-resolution Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey.Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comThe Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara break down the biggest mistakes parents make when supporting their kids in sports and extracurricular activities. They reveal the #1 reason kids walk away and what they really need from us to stay engaged and confident. Whether your child is a serious athlete or just trying new things, this conversation will help you show up for them in the best way possible!Get our video courses at https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com.View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/are-you-making-this-mistake-what-kids-really-want-in-sports-activitiesVisit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey.Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comThe Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In Episode #150 of the “Art of Raising Humans”, Sara and I interview the co-author of a brand new book called “The Way of Play”. She is a nationally recognized play therapy expert. Georgie is the Founder/Director of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens, along with Dr. Bryson, the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. Georgie is also a child, adolescent, and family psychotherapist and maintains a private practice at The Center for Connection.A graduate professor at Santa Clara University and active researcher in childhood play, attachment science, and mental health, Georgie studied play therapy at the University of Roehampton, London and is now in the final phase of her doctoral program.This episode will help all parents have a better understanding of the power or play and how it is vital for a child’s development. Georgie does a great job helping parents engage play in a variety of ways and use it as a tool to more deeply connect and understand their children. Sara and I know how the busyness of life can make it tempting to put play to the side as we frantically complete the to do lists. However, when we prioritize play we notice that getting things done becomes a whole lot easier and more enjoyable.The Way of Play (released Jan 21 and available now): https://playstronginstitute.com/the-way-of-playGeorgie Wisen-Vincent IG: @georgiewisenvincentGet our video courses at https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com.View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/how-playing-with-your-children-is-easier-and-more-important-than-you-think-it-isVisit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey.Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comThe Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In Episode #149 of the “Art of Raising Humans”, Sara and I have a blast getting to talk with Dr. Anthony DeBenedet. Dr. Anthony is a practicing gastroenterologist, author, and behavioral-science enthusiast. He is the author of Playful Intelligence: The Power of Living Lightly in a Serious World, a book about the surprising ways that playfulness influences adulthood. He is also coauthor of Unplug and Play: The Ultimate Illustrated Guide to Roughhousing with Your Kids and The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It, parenting books about the importance of parent–child physical play. His interviews and writings have run in various media outlets, including the New York Times, the Today show, the Washington Post, Psychology Today, and TIME Ideas. Dr. Anthony shares how roughhousing not only deepens our connections with our children but it actually helps wire their brains for emotional regulation. He also shares how this type of play teaches kids to get off of screens and explore more imaginative play. After this episode, parents will have all the information they need to start making roughhousing an important part of their play with their children. Get our video courses at https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com.View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/how-roughhousing-can-dramatically-change-your-relationship-with-your-childVisit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey.Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comThe Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.