Sex Talks With Emma-Louise Boynton

On this week’s episode of the podcast we wanted to talk about love, specifically how we move away from our societal obsession with romantic love and instead cultivate a more expansive, inclusive notion of love. One that releases us from the pressure to find “the one” and instead encourages us to find the romance in our platonic relationships. According to Pew Research, one in four people will now remain single for their adult lives; the number of people getting married has fallen significantly (in the US have decreased by 60% since the 1970s and 90% of the world's population now live in countries with falling marriage rates). Meanwhile, birthrates are falling globally and have actually halved since 1963. Yet, despite these changes in the extent to which coupledom, marriage and the traditional family structure are changing, culturally we are still seemingly fixated on romantic love as the pinnacle form of love. For women in particular, there remains so much pressure to find a husband and hence become a wife and a mother, as though our societal worth is pegged solely upon those two things.  And then there’s the so-called ‘single tax’, aka the aka the additional finances single people shoulder by virtue of not having a partner. But this wasn’t a depressing conversation about the perils of being single. Quite the opposite. Instead it felt to us like a much needed, deeply galvanising discussion about all the ways in which we can find great romance in our lives outside of the prism of marriage and the traditional family structure. It was a reminder to all of us that there is so much to be celebrated in designing your life on your own terms and not waiting for someone to come along in order to create the life you truly want.  Joining Emma-Louise on the podcast was writer, poet and author of Arrangements in Blue, a book exploring a life lived in the absence of love, and Poppy Jay, the Bafta award-winning director and co-host of the Brown Girls Do It Too a BBC Sounds podcast. Book tickets to the next live recording of the Sex Talks podcast here. And subscribe to the Sex Talks Substack here.

On this week’s episode of the podcast, I’m joined by the wonderful Anna Mather.  She’s a psychotherapist, bestselling author and someone intent upon taking therapy out of the therapy room and into the real world, offering therapeutic insights via her instagram, online courses and in-person events and also through her podcast The Therapy Edit. She joins me today to discuss her brand new book: The Uncomfortable Truth, which tackles head on the ten unavoidable truths that sit at the heart of so many of our most common fears.  From learning to face rejection and getting more comfortable with vulnerability, to overcoming perfectionism and learning self-acceptance, Anna articulates how we can apply her approach to overcoming fears to the context of dating and relationships. You can purchase Anna’s book here. Enjoy!

Cindy Gallop is the founder of Make Love Not Porn, a platform for people to post real-world sex videos. It’s not porn, she says, it’s social sex. Now, she’s on a mission to raise $1 million in crowd funding in oder to build a sex education academy that will operate alongside her Make Love Not Porn. Set to launch later this year, the Academy will will cover a broad range of topics, including masturbation, LGBTQ+ sex and relationships, first-time sex, menopausal sex, period sex, disability sex and erectile dysfunction. Users will have access to a vast range of sex education content, all vetted by human curators and searchable by age appropriateness, cultural sensibility and comfort level. During this live recording of the podcast we delved into the problems with our broken sex landscape, how parts of the mainstream porn industry have fed into the rise in toxic masculinity and rape culture, the value of good sex education and what we need to do to create a better culture around sex for everyone.  We were also joined by actor, presenter, activist and the CEO of IWeigh, Jameela Jamil, who is an early-stage investor in the MLNP Academy, and digital consultant and former journalist, Freddie Feltham.  If you are affected by the issues discussed this please seek help via the below: Rape Crisis are open 24/7 for anyone who has experienced something sexual without their consent. Call free on 0808 500 2222 or visit their website here. Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. You can visit some Samaritans branches in person. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day). 116 123 (freephone) [email protected] Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS samaritans.org

*Trigger warning* we discuss issues around sexual violence, rape and assault in this episode, so please take care while listening. As always, I’ve put resources in the show notes for anyone who has been affected by the topics discussed.  In this live recording of the Sex Talks podcast I wanted to address a question that has been on my mind a lot of late: why do men hate women?  It is provocative, I know, and intentionally so. But amidst the seemingly relentless series of news stories about male violence, It is a question I just can’t shake from my head.  After all, this conversation takes place against a backdrop of ongoing, high profile sexual abuse and rape cases with the likes of Dominuqe Pelicot; Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs; the late Mohammed Al Fayed; and the former CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch Mike Jeffries, amongst some of the high profile names currently under investigation for allegedly committing the most unimaginable crimes.   What’s more, the scale of violence against women and girls is so high police chiefs have declared it a National Emergency here in the UK. So, the purpose of this discussion was thus to try and better understand what is going on, why and what needs to be done now to end this epidemic of violence. I was joined by the brilliant Laura Bates - activist, writer, speaker and journalist. She is also the founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, an ever-increasing collection of over 200,000 testimonies of gender inequality. Launched in 2012, the project raises awareness of sexism, provides a cathartic and empowering space for survivors’ stories to be heard and believed, and uses those stories to create real-world change in partnership with politicians, businesses and organisations from the United Nations to the Council of Europe.  She is currently writing her 11th book. I was also joined by Ben Hurst, Director of Facilitation at Beyond Equality, an organisation that is rethinking masculinity and engaging men and boys in the gender equality conversation. If you are affected by the issues discussed this please seek help via the below: Rape Crisis are open 24/7 for anyone who has experienced something sexual without their consent. Call free on 0808 500 2222 or visit their website here. Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. You can visit some Samaritans branches in person. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day). 116 123 (freephone) [email protected] Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS samaritans.org

On this week’s live recording of the podcast, Emma-Louise was joined by journalist, presenter, podcaster and author, Josh Smith to discuss his brand new book: Great Chat. The importance of communication is something we talk about ALL the time at Sex Talks, not least because - as we know - it's the key to great sex and deeper intimacy.  So when Josh published a book all about the art of great conversation we knew we had to sit down with him and extract all his tips and insights.  As a celebrity interviewer, Josh has talked with people of every background, mood and personality, (think Oprah, Victoria Beckham and Pamela Anderson) and they really open up to him. He's the master of creating a space that invites and nurtures vulnerability, which is critical to hosting a great interview but also cultivating a deep relationship with somebody. In this episode Josh shares everything he’s learned about Great Chat in his many years working as a journalist; his two cents on how to translate this to the context of dating; and the best piece of advice he's ever received (from none other than actress Hayley Atwell). We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we did. You can buy Josh's book here and find out when the next live recording of the podcast is here.

On this week's episode of the podcast, Emma-Louise was joined by OG creator, author and body positivity advocate, Megan Jayne Crabbe. Together they discuss the impact of our restrictive body image ideals, growing up with an eating disorder, how body image issues affect our relationship to sex and pleasure, the power of the body positivity movement and what it means to finally come home to your body. As Megan said on the podcast: "You don't have to love your body. You don't have to think your body's wonderful. You don't even have to think, yeah, this is the body that I want. "But at the very least, our bodies deserve some kind of respect, because they are doing their best up against a culture that convinces us to hate them." For this episode of the pod we partnered up with the team at Fenwick, Kingston where we hosted the recording live from their gorgeous, and newly redesigned, lingerie and nightwear section. You can watching the recording on Youtube here. Trigger warning: this episode discusses eating disorders, anorexia and body image issues. Please take care when listening and if you've been affected by anything discussed you can seek help at Beat below. (Call) England 0808 801 0677 Email support for England: [email protected] You can purchase tickets to the next live event here. And subscribe to the Sex Talks Substack here.

On this week’s episode of the podcast Emma-Louise is joined by Nicole Vignola - a neuroscientist and brain performance coach who specialises in making neuroscience tangible for the masses. She is also an author, having recently published her debut book, Rewire, designed to give you the mental toolkit you need to break negative cycles and achieve peak mental wellbeing. Nicole joined Emma-Louise on the podcast to talk all things sex, dating and relationships through the prism of brain science which really was as fascinating as it sounds.  From explaining why we go for the same people again and again even when we know they’re bad for us (it’s because of confirmation bias, says Nicole); to the power of the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves; to what exactly happens in the brain when we orgasm, this episode was rich in the sort of nerdy, neuroscientific insights we all need in our lives. We recorded this live at Soho House House. You can purchase tickets to the next live event here. And subscribe to the Sex Talks Substack here.

On today’s episode Emma-Louise is joined by a truly incredible woman: Lucia Osborne Crowley.  She’s a Journalist, reporter and the author of three books including ‘The Lasting Harm: Witnessing the trial of Ghislane Maxwell’, which they discuss in length during this episode. It was one of the best books we read this year, FYI. Her prior two books, I Choose Elena (2019) and My Body Keeps Your Secrets (2021) both explored the myriad ways in which trauma affects the body. Prior to becoming a journalist, Lucia trained as a lawyer and worked as a paralegal before jumping over to the reporting side of things as a court reporter. She now balances her brilliant investigative work with a full time job at Law360, a US newswire covering courts and crime across the world. This was one of the most powerful, poignant and heart-wrenching interviews we’ve hosted at Sex Talks. Not least because of how personal Lucia’s reporting is to her own experience of sexual abuse. While Lucia and Emma-Louise delve deep into the Maxwell trial and what it took to cover such a monumental court case, it was Lucia’s very personal description of trauma, of the way it changes a survivor’s relationship to their body, to their sense of self, that proved the most important and affecting part of this conversation.  Someone commented at the end of the event: “the tension of overwhelming compassion and female rage bubbling in the air was palpable.” We think that's a perfect description of this event. Trigger warning: this episode contains mention of sexual abuse; eating disorders and trauma, so please take care when listening. If you’re affected by anything you hear in this episode please seek help via the below: Rape Crisis are open 24/7 for anyone who has experienced something sexual without their consent. Call free on 0808 500 2222 or visit their website here. Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. You can visit some Samaritans branches in person. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day). 116 123 (freephone) [email protected] Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS samaritans.org

In this episode, Emma-Louise sits down with journalist and author, Olivia Petter, to discuss Petter's debut book of fiction, Gold Rush.  The book covers so many vital and indeed urgent themes surrounding sexual abuse, trauma and the toxicity of celebrity culture, all of which they delve into during what is a totally fascinating interview.  “We give celebrities a power they don’t deserve," Petter writes, "a Power they haven’t earned. What happens when they exploit it?” You can purchase tickets to the next live event here. And subscribe to the Sex Talks Substack here. *Trigger warning: this episode discusses themes around sexual abuse and assault. Please see below for resources and where you can access support if you've been affected by anything discussed.* For more information about reporting and recovering from rape and sexual abuse, you can contact Rape Crisis on 0808 500 2222. If you have been sexually assaulted, you can find your nearest Sexual Assault Referral Centre here. You can also find support at your local GP, voluntary organisations such as Rape Crisis, Women's Aid, and Victim Support, and you can report it to the police (if you choose) here. If you are worried that you or someone you know is being groomed, you can access Victim Support’s Children and Young People Services. You can contact your nearest Victim Support office, call the 24/7 Supportline, contact them via live chat, or if you are 16 or older, you can create a My Support Space account.

In the second solo Sex Talks pod Emma-Louise delves into the topic of last week's newsletter: new research on the orgasm gap, what it reveals about our broken sex culture, and, importantly, how we fix it. Touching on the work of sex educator and author, Emily Nagoski, Emma discusses how we can re-write our sexual script in order to foster a better, individual relationship to sex, and why this is so important in improving our overall sexual landscape. You can subscribe to the Sex Talks newsletter here and keep up-to-date on forthcoming events here.