No need for Prince Charming

Fiona O’Neil is a fertility and workplace coach, founder of The Fertility Framework, and the kind of person you want in your corner when your boss has no idea what IVF actually involves. A note before we begin: this episode touches on pregnancy loss — including recurrent loss and late loss — experienced by both Alisha and her guest. As always on this podcast, we share these things honestly and without drama. If you’re in a tender place today, please be kind to yourself as you listen. Nobody prepares you for the collision between fertility treatment and your working life. Not your clinic. Not your HR department. Certainly not the two-day bereavement leave entitlement Australia currently offers for pregnancy loss. Fiona O’Neil has lived the long version of this — fifteen years, 21 embryo transfers, every form of donor conception, two anonymous egg donation trips to South Africa, and a late endometriosis and adenomyosis diagnosis that reframed everything. She became a mum through embryo donation; her son is now eleven. And out of all of it, she built The Fertility Framework: a one-on-one coaching and workplace training practice helping people navigate fertility treatment without having to choose between it and their career. In this episode, Alisha and Fiona cover the practical ground that rarely gets spoken about — when and how to tell your manager, what you are and aren’t required to disclose, how to manage the unpredictability of a treatment cycle, what good support from a workplace actually looks like after a failed cycle or pregnancy loss, and the specific pressures that fall on solo mums who are funding treatment themselves. Alisha shares some of her own experience too — including what it was like to go back to work after her son’s stillbirth, and what helped people around her find the right words. This is a practical episode. It will change how you think about the conversation you’ve been dreading. In this episode: What to put in place before your first cycle — treatment schedule, workplace leave policies, and why you need a “warm person” in your corner before you need them Whether to tell your manager — the real pros and cons, and why the calculus is different for solo mums who are funding treatment alone How much to actually disclose — why “egg freezing” might serve you better than “IVF,” and why disclosure doesn’t have to be all or nothing What a good manager conversation looks like — come with a plan, specific dates, a backup for important meetings, and always follow up in writing Managing the unpredictability of a cycle — how to identify your high-stakes commitments in advance and build an agreement your team can actually work with Long-term exhaustion — when to reassess, when to change your specialist, when to change your treatment plan, and when permission to stop is the most important thing you can give yourself What workplaces get wrong after failed cycles and pregnancy loss — why there’s no expiry on support, and what to actually say to someone who is grieving Australia’s two-day bereavement leave entitlement for pregnancy loss — what it means, and why it’s not enough Specific advice for solo mums: who drives you home after retrieval, how to compare clinics on cost (not just success rates), and why choosing to do this solo doesn’t mean you have to do everything solo What Fiona’s one-on-one coaching looks like — prep before appointments, debrief after, advocate in the room, available nationally via Zoom Alisha on going back to work after her son’s stillbirth — and how inviting her colleagues to the wake gave them a language they didn’t have Key Takeaways: The only information you need to give your manager relates to how you’re going to continue doing your job successfully during treatment — nothing more is required Disclosure doesn’t have to be all or nothing — “egg freezing” is a legitimate and accurate framing that protects you from the “mummy track” assumption Always follow up a disclosure conversation in writing — a quick email confirming what was agreed protects you if circumstances or managers change Agree upfront which commitments are genuinely unmovable, and build a clear communication process for the unpredictable days — your team needs a plan, not an apology One in four people is experiencing pregnancy loss. The colleagues around you need to know what to say, and “what would best support you right now?” is always the right starting question When all else fails, pretend you’re your best friend — the advice you’d give her is almost always better than what you’re giving yourself Choosing to be a solo mum is a very empowering decision. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything solo — especially the practical bits like who drives you home after retrieval The goal is to feel like you’re in control — regularly reassessing what’s working and what isn’t is how you stay there Resources mentioned: The Fertility Framework — Fiona O’Neil’s one-on-one fertility and workplace coaching, available nationally via Zoom: thefertilityframework.com.au (confirm URL with Fiona before publishing) Workplace training: Fiona’s sister is a psychotherapist within The Fertility Framework — they offer fertility-aware leadership training, language and culture sessions, and workplace policy review The Bump Membership — Solo Mum Society’s membership for women who are TTC or pregnant solo: solomumsociety.com/the-bump This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here. Currently TTC or pregnant solo? The Bump Membership is built for exactly where you are right now — community, support, and information for women navigating the TTC and pregnancy journey without a partner. Find out more.

Kate was 39, grieving her dad, and finally certain. She’d spent three years in a COVID relationship, lost her father to cancer, watched her partner lose his dad, and felt the whole thing quietly unravel. When it did, the clarity was instant: she rang Melbourne IVF two months before her 40th birthday. What followed was ICSI, 13 eggs retrieved, a failed first transfer, a natural frozen cycle that worked — and then the worst hyperemesis gravidarum her obstetrician had ever seen. Kate was on 13 tablets a day, had IV fluids at home, missed most of a school term, and spent the first trimester in what she describes honestly as anxiety and depression. Her baby was perfectly healthy. She wasn’t, and she talks about it without filters. She also talks about the C-section she loved (favourite song, saw the placenta, best part of the whole process), the Airbnb-for-mum postpartum hack, the triple feeding she stopped at three months, and Oliver Ian — 11 months old, named for her nan Olive and her dad Ian. Trigger warnings: Hyperemesis gravidarum; mental health impact during pregnancy (anxiety, depression); pregnancy movement scare (resolved). In this episode: Grief as the catalyst that made everything clear Choosing Melbourne IVF and Dr Kate Stern ICSI at 40 — why Kate went straight there The pre-op cubicle moment (feeling dad and nan) 13 eggs, failed first transfer, natural frozen cycle Hyperemesis gravidarum — the honest account Elective C-section at Francis Perry Hospital The Airbnb-for-mum postpartum solution Triple feeding, formula feeding, and enormous relief Oliver Ian: three generations in a name Frozen embryos — the home freezer decision Why Kate decided one child is exactly right for her life This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Still considering whether this path is right for you? The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.  

Danielle spent a year travelling solo around Australia in a campervan — her “year of summer” — using the time and the open road to work out whether she was ready to become a solo mum. Now she’s the mum of six-month-old Summer, and she couldn’t be happier. In this episode, Danielle shares her journey from hopeless romantic to intentional solo mum: setting a cutoff age of 35, freezing her eggs at 34, navigating interstate treatment from Tasmania to Melbourne, a chemical pregnancy on her first IUI, a C-section at 38 weeks with her sister by her side, and the moment everything shifted. She also covers some of the practical side: accessing superannuation for fertility costs, choosing a local Australian donor for regulatory and identity reasons, and what it’s like to build a solo mum community in a small state. And her message to Summer, recorded when Summer was just six months old, is not to be missed. Trigger note: This episode includes mention of a chemical pregnancy. This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Still considering whether this path is right for you? The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

Surrogacy is legal in Australia. Most people don’t know that. This week I’m joined by Sarah Jefford — family creation lawyer, egg donor, and surrogate — who has spent the last decade working exclusively in family creation law. No divorces, no custody battles. Just helping people build their families in all the different ways that looks like today. She’s based in Melbourne, works nationally, and has both donated her eggs and carried a baby as a surrogate for a gay couple she met through Facebook. This episode is for any solo mum who has been on a long fertility journey and is now wondering whether surrogacy is the next option — or for anyone who has thought about being a surrogate themselves. Sarah explains how surrogacy actually works in Australia, why it’s so hard to find a surrogate, what you can and can’t legally pay for, how the legal process after birth works (and why it’s more complicated than it sounds), and how to share your story online without falling foul of the no-advertising laws. She also covers overseas surrogacy — including which states make it illegal for their residents to pursue it commercially overseas, and what happens when you bring a baby back to Australia. The numbers are sobering: fewer than 100 surrogacy births happen in Australia each year. Over 350 Australian children are born via international surrogacy annually. The laws haven’t kept pace with how people actually find each other — which is Facebook — and there are no agencies to help match surrogates with intended parents. But it does happen. Regularly. And the advice from someone who has done it — both as a surrogate and as a lawyer — is simply: build community, share your story, make connections. Your surrogate might already be in your orbit. In this episode: How Sarah went from divorce law to family creation law — via IVF, egg donation, and surrogacy What gestational surrogacy (using a donor egg and embryo) versus traditional surrogacy (surrogate’s own egg) actually means Why altruistic surrogacy laws limit the number of women willing to put their hands up — and what intended parents can legally cover Lost income, medical expenses, maternity clothing, acupuncture, lawn mowing — what expenses are covered and what aren’t The post-birth legal process: parentage orders, birth certificates, and what it means that the surrogate is always initially the legal parent State by state: why Victorian surrogacy must occur in a Victorian clinic, why Tasmania requires a Tasmanian surrogate, and why national laws are long overdue The advertising prohibition — and how to share your story without technically advertising Overseas surrogacy: which states prohibit their residents from commercial surrogacy overseas, and the complexity of bringing a baby home How to find a surrogate: Facebook communities, state-based groups, your beautician What the Big Conversations list is and why intended parents and surrogates need to work through it before they begin Pregnancy termination, vaccination, circumcision, home birth — the conversations that need to happen before conception Centrelink and paid parental leave for both surrogates and intended parents What it was actually like for Sarah to carry a baby for someone else, and what she’d say to someone thinking about doing the same Resources: Sarah Jefford’s website Preparing for Surrogacy The surrogacy process in Australia So you want to be a surrogate Key Takeaways Surrogacy is legal in Australia — but finding a surrogate is genuinely difficult, and most are found through social media or existing relationships You cannot advertise for a surrogate, but you can share your story — there is an important distinction What intended parents can cover: medical expenses, counselling, legal fees, lost income, maternity clothing, pregnancy-related allied health, domestic help. What they can’t cover: a profit or payment above actual expenses The surrogate is the legal parent until a parentage order is granted by a state court — this applies even in gestational surrogacy where she has no genetic connection to the baby Each state has different laws — Victoria, Tasmania, and WA have specific restrictions that affect intended parents in those states NSW, Queensland, and ACT residents are technically breaking the law if they pursue commercial surrogacy overseas The counselling is not an assessment of your worthiness — it’s preparation for what could go wrong, and it’s genuinely useful Talk through the hard scenarios before you begin: miscarriage, pregnancy complications, termination, what happens if the relationship breaks down Build the surrogacy community broadly — not just in surrogacy-specific groups. Your best connection might come from somewhere you didn’t expect Over 350 Australian children are born via international surrogacy each year — the laws have not kept pace with reality   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Still considering whether this path is right for you? The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

She does both, and solo is easier. Merryn grew up thinking life would look a certain way. Her parents together, her aunties and uncles together, everyone partnered, everyone staying. She figured the same would happen for her. She spent her 20s travelling Europe, living in Perth, playing football, nursing, having classic terrible dating stories. She moved back to Victoria at 30, booked a fertility check just to see where things stood, and met someone through a friend from work. She thought she’d finally got it right. Two weeks after her son Sully was born, her best friend took her for a walk and told her she’d been contacted by the ex. It turned out Merryn’s partner had been regularly visiting his ex-girlfriend during night shifts and coming home to her while she was pregnant. She kicked him out. She tried to make it work for Sully’s sake. She eventually couldn’t. By the time Sully was 18 months, Merryn had gone back to the fertility clinic. She did two IUIs that didn’t work, then IVF — 22 eggs at 36 and a half, eight embryos. First frozen transfer. Positive. What followed was a pregnancy that started beautifully and got complicated — placenta previa diagnosed at 20 weeks, a bleed at 25 weeks, waters breaking at 33 weeks, and then at 36 weeks an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic for a placental abruption. Sinclair came out at 2.4 kilograms. Merryn’s best friend was in the waiting room because they couldn’t have a support person under general anaesthetic. Sinclair spent three days in NICU, Merryn got a hotel near the hospital so she could feed him every four hours, and they went home. He is now 19 months old, platinum blonde, cheeky, a watcher, doesn’t talk much but is doing things the whole time. The Dennis the Menace of the family. Merryn is now 20 weeks pregnant with a girl — same donor, same clinic, first transfer again. Sully is six and has strong opinions about gender reveals. Sinclair has no idea what’s coming and is currently learning not to hit babies. And two months ago, Merryn moved into a duplex she built next door to another solo mum. Shared backyard, no fence, kids running free, baby monitor working across the wall, dropping each other’s kids at school, nipping to the shops while the other one watches them. Six weeks in and she says it’s already a game changer. She also does both — co-parenting Sully with his dad, and raising Sinclair and her daughter on her own. And she says, unprompted and clearly: solo is easier. In this episode: Travelling, nursing, Perth, football — and a decade of dating that never led anywhere serious Getting a fertility check at 31 out of curiosity — not yet ready to go solo Meeting someone through a colleague, getting accidentally pregnant with Sully at 32, and thinking she’d finally got her life plan back on track Finding out two weeks postpartum that her partner had been sleeping with his ex throughout the pregnancy Staying civil for Sully’s sake and the strength that took — then finding her feet as a solo mum Going back to the clinic when Sully was 18 months old: two failed IUIs, then IVF at 36 with Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility 22 eggs, 8 embryos, a first frozen transfer that worked Placenta previa at 20 weeks, a bleed at 25 weeks, waters breaking at 33 weeks and then an emergency caesarean with general anaesthetic at 36+4 Her best friend waiting outside the theatre — and getting Sinclair’s first cuddle because Merryn couldn’t Three days in NICU, a hotel near the hospital, and coming home Sinclair at 19 months: platinum blonde, a watcher, the Dennis the Menace stage Telling Sully about donor conception — “you’ve got a dad, this one’s got a donor” — and him accepting it completely because his best friend’s family looks similar Going back for number three — same donor, same clinic, first transfer, 20 weeks pregnant with a girl What it’s actually like to do both — co-parenting Sully and solo-parenting the younger two Building a duplex next to another solo mum and what six weeks in actually looks like Shift work as a solo mum — getting government approval for in-home care overnight\ What she’d say to any woman who has a child from a previous relationship and wants more Key Takeaways If you already have a child from a previous relationship and want more — solo is a viable, genuinely easier path than co-parenting again Solo motherhood and co-parenting can coexist in one family — it is hard, but it’s doable and women do it The complexities of being a solo mum almost always come from the co-parenting side, not the parenting itself Building your living situation intentionally — even a duplex next door to another solo mum — is a legitimate, practical, brilliant idea Shift workers who are single parents are entitled to government-subsidised in-home care — it exists, it just takes paperwork Get the process started before you’re sure — Merryn was dating while she was on the donor registry and that’s completely fine Start before 35 if you can — not because it’s impossible after, but because every year matters   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Looking for a way to help explain your family to others? My Perfect Family is the perfect book to show there are so many different ways to create a family, whilst normalising the language associated with donor conception. Perfect for all families who want to show their children that families come in many forms and that not all families look like theirs. Get your copy here.

She always knew Sam walked into a fertility clinic at 24 with her friend as her fake partner, because she assumed single women weren't allowed to do this alone. When the counsellor handed her a booklet with a section on solo mums, she had a quiet revelation: she didn't need to pretend anything. She went on the donor waitlist that day. Then she waited three years. Sam is an emergency department nurse in Canterbury, New Zealand, who grew up in a family with a cycle of difficult relationships and decided early that the best thing she could do for herself — and for a future child — was to do it differently. When she realised donor conception meant she could have a baby without any of that cycle attached to it, she felt, as she describes it, delighted. She was 28 when she finally got the call that a donor was available. She was 29 when she fell pregnant — on her first frozen transfer, the one she called the Easter transfer, the favourite egg that ever existed. She named him Dandy Lion while he was still in her uterus, because dandelions are resilient and they symbolise the sun, moon, and stars. She did her injection in the back of an ambulance. She showed everyone at work a weekly ultrasound. She threw herself a gender reveal party in the emergency department with blue lollies and a balloon pop. She found out she was pregnant on Mother's Day. Her son is now eight months old. Sam recently got back from Fiji — terrible weather, little shacks in the middle of nowhere, best memories she's ever made. She’s found a beautiful Canterbury solo mum community from a Facebook post. She goes to the Solo Mum Society book club at one in the morning NZ time. She's one and only, by choice, and completely at peace with it. This is one of the most joyful episodes I've recorded in five seasons. In this episode: Growing up in a family with a difficult relationship pattern — and deciding to break the cycle Walking into a fertility clinic at 24 with a fake partner because she thought single women couldn't do it alone Going on the NZ donor waitlist at 24, expecting a two-year wait — and waiting over three years Choosing a donor in New Zealand based on why he donated and openness to early contact IVF at 28-29: doing injections between ambulance shifts, finding the whole process genuinely fascinating A fresh transfer that didn't work, then the Easter frozen transfer that became Bubba Finding out she was pregnant on Mother's Day — doing a home test and planning it that way Pregnancy as an emergency department nurse: telling colleagues early for safety reasons, the whole ward adopting him as the ward baby, weekly ultrasounds for the team Pre-labour rupture of membranes at 39 weeks — going in terrified, having the most incredible birth experience Pulling Bubba onto her chest herself and cutting his cord The triple feeding plan in the first weeks — and why breastfeeding was harder than she expected Coming home to just the two of them in a thunderstorm — what the NZ system looks like (Plunket, midwife for 6 weeks, Plunketline) Finding a Canterbury solo mum community via a Facebook post — now she attends monthly meetups The SMS Facebook group, book club, and SMS Membership that filled the gap Being blindsided by how much the village disappears after discharge — the loneliness nobody warns you about Fiji at seven months — terrible weather, magic memories, and why his childhood is her motherhood Choosing to be one and only — and the beautiful logic of treasuring every moment because it only happens once What she says to him every night — and what she'd tell anyone considering this path Key Takeaways You don't have to be certain to start — in New Zealand, you can go on the donor waitlist and stay on it without committing to anything, because it can take years Shift work and IVF can work together — let your clinic know your schedule and they'll accommodate; Sam's clinic moved her to 11am appointments so she could sleep after night shifts The village may disappear after discharge — this is not just a solo mum experience, but solo mums often feel it more acutely. Build your intentional village before the baby arrives. Being one and only isn't settling — it can be a deliberate, joyful choice to give everything to the experience of one She found the Canterbury solo mum community from one Facebook post — if there's no one near you, be the one who starts it His childhood is your motherhood — the experiences you create for him are also the memories you carry The NZ process: Fertility Associates offer free consults with blood tests; Plunket provides early childhood support; Plunketline is a free helpline for new parents Donor conception in New Zealand requires a local NZ donor — there is no access to international donors This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Not sure whether this path is right for you? A Sounding Board Session with Alisha is a one-to-one call to work through wherever you're at — the decision, the process, the fears. You don't have to have it figured out before you book. Book your session here.

Every woman going through donor conception at a fertility clinic in Australia is required to attend implications counselling. And almost every one of them turns up expecting to be assessed, judged, and told whether they're worthy enough to be a mum. Narelle Dickinson has been working in this space for 30 years. She finds that deeply sad. Narelle is a reproductive psychologist, fertility counsellor, and the director of Lotus Health and Psychology in Brisbane. She specialises in the prenatal and perinatal field, works in the surrogacy space, supports families through birth trauma and pregnancy loss, and has spent 25 years doing donor conception counselling — watching the landscape shift from almost exclusively heterosexual couples to a community that now includes far more single women choosing this path as a first option, not a last resort. In this episode she explains what implications counselling actually is, what it's actually for, and how to get the most out of it rather than treating it as a tick-box exercise. She talks about what changes when you're using a known or recruited donor rather than a clinic donor. She explains why people who are using an unregulated recruited donor without going through a clinic should consider seeing a counsellor anyway — and what a donor who refuses to sit in a counselling room should tell you. She talks about the unexpected emotional waves that can come after a positive test, after the baby arrives, and years later when your child starts asking harder questions. And she closes with something worth carrying: the goal of donor conception counselling isn't getting you pregnant. It's helping you build a family. Those are very different things. Narelle and her team offer telehealth across Australia. If you're looking for an implications counsellor, make sure you're using an ANZICA-accredited practitioner — the Australia and New Zealand Infertility Counselors Association — whose reports will be accepted by any clinic. Find Narelle at: Website - lotushp.com.au. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lotushealthandpsychology/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/LotusHealthPsychology/    In this episode: Why the reproductive psychologist field has shifted — from heterosexual couples to increasingly single women choosing this as a first option What women expect implications counselling to be — and why that expectation is almost always wrong What implications counselling actually does: it's not an assessment, it's preparation for the next 20, 30, 50 years How the session is different for a solo mum than for a couple, and why it should be The importance of singing from the same songbook — how everyone around your child needs to be using the same language and the same story What to expect if you're using a clinic-recruited ID release donor — disclosure, donor siblings, future contact What changes if you're using a known donor — role, naming, extended family expectations, what the donor's parents think is happening Why going to implications counselling even if you're using a recruited donor outside a clinic is one of the most important things you can do The red flag that matters most: a donor who won't sit in front of a health professional How the unregulated space works, what family limits mean and don't mean, and why the issue isn't the rules — it's the enforcement When to reach back out for counselling: during a hard IVF cycle, after a positive test you can't quite believe, in the newborn phase, and when your child starts asking questions that don't have easy answers The "I should be grateful" trap — why women who've been through fertility treatment often feel they have no right to struggle Disclosure as your child grows: keeping the channel open, making sure they know they're allowed to ask, and understanding when the story stops being yours and starts being theirs How to find an ANZICA-accredited fertility counsellor — and whether you can use someone interstate for your clinic Key Takeaways Implications counselling is not an assessment of your worthiness as a parent — it's preparation for the decades ahead If you're using a recruited donor outside a clinic, you can still access a fertility counsellor — and you probably should The first red flag with any recruited donor: unwillingness to sit in a counselling room and answer questions in front of a professional Family limits apply to informal home insemination too — the issue is that nobody is enforcing them The urgency to get pregnant is real, but it can't override the need to make good decisions — you aren't just choosing sperm, you're choosing your child's genetic origin and medical history "You don't need a partner, but you do need a village" — and if you don't have one, now is the time to start building it The donor conversation doesn't end when your child is told — it evolves at every stage, and you can go back to a counsellor at any of those stages Make sure your fertility counsellor is ANZICA-accredited — their reports are accepted by all clinics in Australia Telehealth means you don't need to be in the same state as your counsellor This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Pregnant or TTC solo? The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

The Plan Always Had a Next Step Claire always knew she'd be a mum. She told her mum at 18 that if she didn't find someone, she'd do it on her own. Her mum said she wouldn't need to. Claire filed that away and thought: well, if I do, I'm fine with it. At 30 she decided she was financially ready, had ticked off enough of her travel list, and started. She didn't make a big announcement. When she eventually told people, nobody was surprised. What followed was not the quick journey she'd hoped for. A pre-existing endometriosis diagnosis from 19 sent her straight to IVF with her doctor at Monash IVF Bondi Junction — no IUI, no mucking around. But what nobody had picked up was that Claire had a thin endometrial lining — a four or five, when the transfer window needs a seven to ten. Medicated cycles were cancelled last minute. PRP (platelet-rich plasma) treatment was tried repeatedly. There was no clear reason why. The Mirena she'd had in was the best guess. The first IVF cycle itself went beautifully — 12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos. And then none of them worked. She went through all five. Two of the transfers resulted in early losses at five weeks. She didn't know yet that she'd got COVID during her injections cycle. She still wonders. Second cycle. New protocol. PGTA testing this time. Four embryos. And then — right as she was preparing for her next transfer — she was caught in the NSW donor audit. Her overseas donor had been over-allocated to NSW beyond the state's family limit. The clinic emailed: we don't know if you'll be able to use this donor anymore. Possibly ever. She had just had a miscarriage. She had no next step for the first time in the entire journey. It was, she says, almost as hard as the losses. A solo mum she'd never met found everyone affected, organised them, told them who to email and what to say, and kept going until the clinic made an exemption. Claire had two vials of sperm left and was permitted to continue. On the 22nd of October, she transferred. Augie arrived nine months later. He is nine weeks old, already looks entirely like his donor, and has Claire's blood type — and that, apparently, is it. At 36 weeks Claire moved from Sydney to Orange to live with her parents for the year — her mum is a midwife, lactation consultant, and child and family health nurse, which turned out to matter enormously in the first weeks of breastfeeding. She'll move into her own place in January, set up a home daycare, and take Augie to Bali in between. She's the first to say she's more capable than she thought she'd be. In this episode: Always knowing she'd be a mum — telling her mother at 18 that she'd do it alone if she had to Deciding at 30: financially ready, travel list ticked, let's go Endometriosis diagnosed at 19 — going straight to IVF, no IUI Discovering a thin endometrial lining — cancelled cycles, PRP treatment, no clear cause 12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos — and all five failing to implant or take Two early losses at five weeks — processing grief by going within, and the friends who knew when to leave Getting COVID during her injections cycle — and wondering if that changed something The donor audit: what it was, the email she received mid-miscarriage, and the solo mum who got the exemptions overturned Second round with new protocol and PGTA testing — four embryos, including a fresh transfer A positive on the first transfer of the second round — October 22nd — and still not quite believing it throughout the whole pregnancy Bleeds until 14 weeks and demanding scans every time, just to check Finishing work at 36 weeks and moving from Sydney to Orange at 37 weeks pregnant Living with her parents — what's worked, what's been harder than expected Her mum the midwife/lactation consultant being the best possible person to have there for breastfeeding Going to the first-time mums group in Orange and being the only solo mum — and the moment they asked about traits from the father One solo mum found in Bathurst — otherwise connecting with the community will mean trips back to Sydney Planning a home daycare in Orange from January Bali booked — now with mum coming too, in separate accommodation Already more capable than she thought she'd be — and what she'd tell someone about to do this alone Two embryos in the freezer, one more vial of sperm, and thinking about whether there'll be a second Key Takeaways Starting earlier doesn't guarantee it'll be quicker — but it does mean there's more time to work through what comes up A thin endometrial lining can be the hidden barrier that no one mentions until you're already in treatment — ask about lining thickness early Five AA-grade embryos all failing is not a sign of failure — it's a sign the process is complex and the next round might look different When you lose access to something you've relied on as a next step, that limbo is its own grief — name it The solo mum community shows up for itself in remarkable ways — the NSW donor audit result happened because one woman refused to let it stand Breastfeeding is genuinely hard and there's no shame in finding it that way — get a lactation consultant early You are more capable than you think — if it's just you and you have to do it, you do it Moving home temporarily is a practical and sensible choice — the trade-offs are real but so are the benefits   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Still considering whether this path is right for you? The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

The wake up call Brooke spent most of her 30s in a relationship with a man who already had a child and didn't want more. She told herself she was okay with that. She spent 10 years telling herself that. And somewhere in those 10 years, quietly, she started filling out IVF paperwork in the background. She never did anything with it. COVID arrived. She went back to it in 2021. She saw a counsellor, got on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, found the Facebook sperm donation groups deeply uncomfortable, met a recruited donor and drove home knowing that wasn't right either. And then her brother had a brain aneurysm. He survived. But she was 42, and she looked at him and thought: I have one shot at life, and I am going to regret this forever if I don't try. She was 43 when she finally had her egg collection — 11 eggs retrieved, 7 viable embryos — numbers that will give every woman in her 40s something to hold onto. She did not take any special vitamins. She was, in her own words, very much "if it's meant to be." Three transfers. The first didn't work. The second — which she didn't tell anyone she was doing — didn't work either. A reading over Christmas that gave her hope, then didn't. A D&C to prepare the lining, and then a fourth transfer she barely planned for, fitted in between a work secondment in regional Victoria and a visit back to Melbourne. She didn't tell anyone she was doing that one either. It worked. Mia was born in November, 10 days after Brooke's 44th birthday. During the pregnancy, Brooke found out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer. He made it to meet Mia. He got to see her smile. He passed away when Mia was four months old. Brooke has a photo of the two of them smiling at each other. In the months after Mia arrived, Brooke experienced postnatal depression — triggered by a sleep school programme that went against every instinct she had. She recognised it quickly, got onto a helpline that night, and got help fast. She talks about it openly because she wants other women to know it doesn't mean you're a bad mum, and it doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. Mia is almost two. Her name means "mine" in Italian — chosen because Brooke's nonna is Italian, and the donor's family is too. She co-sleeps most nights, wakes three or four times, and is a very determined, very independent little girl who drags a vintage Cabbage Patch doll around the house. There are three embryos still in the freezer. Brooke is thinking about them every day. In this episode: A decade-long relationship with someone who didn't want more children — and what that quietly cost her A gynaecologist who told her she was "too old" to freeze her eggs at 36 — and why she should have found a different doctor sooner Starting IVF paperwork in the background of a relationship that was still ongoing COVID hitting just as she got serious about it — and restarting in 2021 The Facebook sperm donation groups: why they felt wrong, and what meeting a recruited donor in regional Victoria taught her Getting on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, the three-month access windows, and finding her donor with 24 hours left on her final access Her friend who told her to just hit the button — and the glass of wine that finally made her do it Her brother's brain aneurysm at 42 as the moment she stopped waiting Starting IVF at 43 with Dr Weng Chan — 11 eggs, 7 embryos, remarkable results without any special vitamins or protocols Three failed transfers, a chemical pregnancy she discovered on Christmas morning, and why she told no one about transfers two, three, or four A D&C to refresh the lining, and a fourth transfer she almost did on a whim during a work trip Making peace with not getting pregnant — and what that peace did for her body Getting pregnant on the fourth transfer and finding out at her mum's house ("Have you got COVID?") A complication-free pregnancy — and finding out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer in the middle of it Dad meeting Mia before he passed, and the photo Brooke will always treasure Mia's name — what it means, and the Italian connection shared by grandmother and donor Postnatal depression triggered by sleep school — recognising it the same night and calling a helpline Co-sleeping, no sleep training, waking three to four times a night — and why it works for them Three embryos in the freezer and the daily internal debate about a second child What she'd say to Mia, and what she'd say to anyone letting fear stop them Key Takeaways A wake-up call doesn't have to be your own health scare — watching someone you love nearly die can be more than enough Doing paperwork in the background isn't crazy — it's forward motion when you're not fully ready to commit yet 11 eggs at 43 without any special vitamins or protocols — the fertility cliff is real, but it is not a guarantee Making peace with the possibility it might not work is one of the most powerful things you can do during IVF Telling nobody about a cycle removes the pressure of having to update people — and sometimes that's exactly what you need PND after solo motherhood doesn't mean you made the wrong decision — getting help early changes everything A gynaecologist who tells you you're too old at 36 is not the right specialist for you The fear you think will be hardest — bringing a child into the world without another parent — disappears the moment they arrive This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   TTC or pregnant and looking for your village? The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.

From the Very First Try to Six Months In Some women come to this decision with a clear plan. Alex came with a deadline: if I'm still single at 30, I'm doing it on my own. She hit 30. She went to Bali to celebrate. She came home and got her AMH checked. It was on the lower end of normal. That was enough. What followed was three years, a recruited known donor in Victoria, two early miscarriages, a laparoscopy that found stage two endometriosis she never knew she had, multiple egg retrievals across a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland and then their full service program, unexplained implantation failure, a double embryo transfer that finally worked, and a pregnancy spent anxious and cautiously hopeful. All while working full time in a state manager role in child protection — and parenting a 16-year-old foster daughter who has lived with her for the past three years. Ollie was born on the 23rd of January via planned caesarean — except the plan didn't go to plan. Nineteen attempts between the cannula and the spinal tap, a previous spinal surgery that made anaesthesia almost impossible, a general anaesthetic she didn't want, and a best friend waiting outside the theatre. He was out and detached from the anaesthetic in under four minutes. He had some trouble breathing, went briefly to special care, and eventually came up to Alex's room that night. He is now six and a half months old. He has a cow's milk protein allergy requiring prescription formula. He has been to Canberra, Bali and Darwin and is heading to Europe next month. He sleeps through the night. He gets his morning cuddle from his big sister before he's even properly awake. And Alex calls him a unicorn. This is a two-part episode — Part 1 covers the journey to 25 weeks pregnant, Part 2 picks up from birth to now. In this episode: Working in child protection and becoming respite carer to two children at 21 Her 16-year-old foster daughter who now lives with her full-time — and the younger one who comes every fortnight Deciding at 30 to stop waiting — AMH results, initial fertility investigations, and the decision to try a recruited known donor first Finding her donor on Facebook: the legal agreement, the counselling, the interstate coordination, and why doing it properly mattered Getting pregnant on the first try — and an early miscarriage Nearly 12 months of home insemination with two early losses, a referral to an early miscarriage specialist, insulin levels treated at a lower threshold, and metformin Moving to a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland — out-of-town scans in Adelaide, flying up for retrievals and transfers, three bulk bill cycles Stage two endometriosis found during a laparoscopy — no symptoms, no history, discovered during an egg retrieval Moving to the full service program: 16 eggs, six or seven embryos, and still unexplained implantation failure Genetic testing the embryos — half weren't chromosomally normal, three tested normal A double embryo transfer (one tested, one C-grade untested) — one took. She'll never know which. Early pregnancy with anxiety, a suspected ectopic, a bleed at 5 weeks, a night in hospital A gender reveal, a boy, and a dad who is very excited about his first grandson Ollie arriving at 38 weeks via general anaesthetic — 14 cannula attempts, 9 spinal tap attempts, and a best friend waiting outside Ollie in special care, feeding journey, and the lactation consultant who gave Alex permission to formula feed Cow's milk protein allergy, prescription formula, and why Alex now advises every pregnant woman to bring a tin to hospital just in case Circadian rhythm sorted by two weeks, sleeping through the night by six weeks, napping properly from three months Bali at four months — what worked, what didn't, and the five-dollar porter who changed everything A 16-year-old who gets Ollie up every morning, takes the backseat in the car, and saves her wages to buy him presents Keeping one-on-one time with the older one after Ollie arrived Promoted during maternity leave, planning a second baby, and wondering whether Ollie the unicorn has been a false reference point for what's coming Key Takeaways If you're going to use a recruited known donor, do it properly: legal agreement, counselling for both parties, STI and genetic testing — these things filter out the people who aren't doing it for the right reasons Unexplained implantation failure is one of the most frustrating IVF diagnoses — PGT-A testing of embryos can provide valuable information even when everything else looks normal A general anaesthetic can delay milk supply and impact oxytocin — knowing this beforehand changes how you approach the early feeding days Bring a tin of formula to hospital regardless of your feeding intentions — having it there removes one decision from a very full first night Formula feeding is not failure — a rested, mentally well mum is the best thing for your baby Circadian rhythm can be established very early with intentional day/night light exposure A foster child can be an extraordinary addition to a newborn's life at the right age — the 16-year-old / newborn dynamic Alex describes is genuinely beautiful You can foster and have a biological baby — the foster care agency had no issue with Alex's plan Recruited known donor to IVF is a natural escalation — try what's available to you first, and escalate when you need to This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   TTC or pregnant and looking for your village? The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.