Natalie Haynes Stands Up for the Classics

No togas today please. Natalie celebrates the mid-winter festival of Ancient Rome, Saturnalia. According to Catullus, it's the 'best of days'. Expect cross-dressing, sweets, drinking games and the wearing of special pyjamas. Oh and anarchy and jokes. Sounds a bit like a Christmas pantomime? Not surprising, according to veteran pantomime dame André Vincent, who traces the origins of panto back to the fifth century. Early in that same century - late antiquity - a Roman Christian named Macrobius wrote the most comprehensive extant guide to Saturnalia, which was celebrated in some places, in one way or another, until possibly the eleventh century.You are invited to be part of this festive show which includes gifts for the entire Radio Theatre audience (cue noisy rustling of sweet bags) and the wearing of traditional Saturnalian pointy hats (the 'pileus') to celebrate. Even Professor Llewelyn Morgan has one. Honest.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Tacitus is the great historian of imperial Rome. His writing is beautiful, unsettling, extraordinarily persuasive. We know many of his likes and dislikes about people and politics, but facts about his personal life? Not so much. His memoir of Agricola tells us much fascinating detail about Roman Britain: that it's an island (the Roman fleet sailed all the way round, just to check), that it's very close to Spain (with only Ireland in between); that invading Anglesey was a great victory for the Romans. He notes that it rains a lot, but omits to mention the Druids. He is also, he says, dedicated to writing impartially. Natalie may disagree. Who needs evidence when you have Tacitus' persuasive prose? It's not as if we can cross-check, because so little of the written record of the time survives to us. Natalie's guest, (modern) historian Dan Snow, finds this hard to fathom. Her other guest, Professor Llewelyn Morgan, knows it's unwise to lament the lost work. We should value what remains and hope that some new bits of Tacitus may appear in the future. And it turns out that by boat, Britain IS actually close to Spain. Travelling overland was hard going in Tacitus' day, so compared to that, the sea journey to Spain was easy.'Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Aesop is probably the most famous author from antiquity, judging by the ongoing sales of his fables about animals. It should be easy to do a show about him, thinks Natalie. But it turns out that everything we know, or think we know about Aesop, is contradicted somewhere. He may have been Thracian, Phrygian or Ethiopian; mute - or talkative; clever, provoking and possibly blasphemous. It's a complicated story, and fables aren't even a Greek invention. With guests Edith Hall and Adam Rutherford, Natalie also takes advice from comedian Al Murray.'Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Natalie stands up for the goddess Artemis. She's a predator, a hunter, an archer. Goddess of wild creatures, the moon to her brother Apollo's sun, she's not averse to the odd human sacrifice. And if you forget her in your prayers, she's liable to send a really big pig to dig up your orchards.'Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

The Greek goddess of love, sex, desire and beauty, Aphrodite is mostly depicted naked and/or wet. And depending on your age and taste, that could be by Botticelli, Bananarama or Lady Gaga. Born from the sea foam, you can still visit her rock in Cyprus, where there's always a crowd of tourists. No one is immune to her charms, says Hesiod. In fact we can all learn from Aphrodite's stress-busting strategy: when something annoying or stressful happens, she goes to Cyprus - for a bath.'Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Natalie stands up for the prize-winning Greek poet, cataloguer of gods and author of a flatpack wagon manual, Hesiod. She's joined by Professor Edith Hall and poet Alicia Stallings.Hesiod is highly regarded by the ancients for his sublime poetry, and he won a prize for his Theogony, a detailed account of the origins of the gods. He also wrote a farming manual, including the wagon-building instructions, and an epic on how to pickle fish. Hesiod rails at the hardship of the farming life in autobiographical references in his poems: he is not a fan of his home town of Ascra in ancient Boeotia, and he describes being cold and hungry at low points in the year.'Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Natalie Haynes returns with a new series of sparkling stories from the ancient world which shed light on the world today.Cleopatra was a brilliant politician, a ruthless leader and a massive brain-box, who spoke nine languages. The Queen of Egypt had charisma to burn, but she probably didn't look like Elizabeth Taylor. Her intelligence and magnetism were more than enough to attract the attentions of the world's most powerful men, and to keep her in power - in a notoriously lethal dynasty - for over twenty years. Guests Jane Draycott and Llewelyn Morgan join Natalie to make sense of the Ptolemaic family naming system, to discover what it took to stay at the top for so long in dangerous times, and to find out just how besotted Mark Antony was with the Egyptian Queen. Cleopatra knew exactly how to make an impression: she entertained the war-weary Antony on a gold-covered luxury barge, fragrant with burning spices, decked out with fairy lights. She made him rub her feet at a banquet for losing a bet and he famously wandered out of an important lecture because Cleopatra was passing and he preferred to talk to her. 'Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Livia was the first Empress of Rome, a faithful wife, excellent friend and trusted advisor. So why is she still best known as a serial killer?Natalie is joined by guests Dr Emma Southon and Professor Llewelyn Morgan to discuss the life of Livia. Her marriage to the Emperor Augustus (Octavian) was a love-match. They were both married to other people when they first met, but that didn't last long, despite the added complication of her pregnancy and existing child. Before he became Emperor, Octavian was a powerful war lord who got what he wanted. He wanted Livia. He adopted her two sons and numerous other children but had none of his own. The family was unlucky in losing many members to untimely death, and Livia seems often to have got the blame, however unreasonably. But Augustus appears to have respected and loved his wife and not to have listened to the rumours. Their marriage lasted over fifty years, but still she was accused of poisoning him (in a mysterious fig-painting incident) when he died at the ripe old age of seventy six.Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Athene is charismatic and bloodthirsty, goddess of wisdom, war and...handicrafts. Owl-eyed Athene is not interested in love, although she is very fond of the hero Odysseus and gives him a leg-up whenever she can. War is Athene's thing, the bloodier the better. She's perfectly happy to humiliate and degrade her enemies, including the feisty and talented weaver Arachne, who challenges Athene to a weaving competition. Athene loves a scrap so it's game on: looms at dawn. She weaves a depiction of her own glorious success over Poseidon in the battle for Attica. Arachne creates a tapestry which shows scenes of gods tricking, seducing, assaulting and kidnapping mortal women. Her message is that the 'protection' of the gods is not worth the cost. Athene is speechless and it's clear who has won the challenge. But Arachne has to pay a price for victory. Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Natalie tells the powerful and painful story of Demeter's fight to get justice for her daughter Persephone. Hades conspires with his siblings Zeus and Gaia to abduct Persephone and force her to live with him in the underworld as his wife. Many versions of this story are sanitized for children but the original is not. It is clear that Persephone is tricked and trafficked, that she hates and fears Hades and never becomes accustomed to life among the dead. And that her mother Demeter is furious and grief-stricken. The light is gone from Demeter's life and consequently from the world: crops fail and the people starve. It's only now that Zeus takes note of her pleas to get Persephone back. He doesn't really care about the people but he misses their gifts and praise.In a tour de force solo performance recorded at the Hay festival, Natalie reclaims the goddess' story for our times. A story of a mother's love and fury that speaks painfully to us across millennia.Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery