Middle Fingers Up

Today is a solo Gup Shup conversation.No guest. No expert. Just me sharing what's been sitting heavily on my mind as a parent, a racialized woman, and someone who spends a lot of time thinking about the kind of humans we're helping our children become.This episode starts with hockey, but it isn't really about hockey. It's about culture.It's about what happens in dressing rooms, group chats, classrooms, and friend circles when adults aren't around. It's about the gap between what we think our children are experiencing and what they're actually navigating. And it's about the role we play as parents, coaches, and communities when harmful behaviour gets normalized in the name of competition, tradition, or "that's just how kids are."After my son experienced racism and bullying within his hockey environment, I found myself asking bigger questions:What are we actually teaching our kids about strength, courage, empathy, belonging, and accountability? In this conversation, I look at the culture surrounding youth sports, the social and moral development of our children, and the lessons they're picking up about respect, identity, empathy and belonging. We talk about parenting beyond punishment, understanding intent versus impact, peer pressure, speaking up when someone is being harmed, and helping our kids develop the judgment to take responsibility for their actions and treat others with care.Throughout this conversation, I share personal stories from our family's experiences in youth sports, reflections from my ongoing journey of unlearning internalized racism, and questions I'm asking myself as a parent raising teenagers.I  don't care about whether my kids become star athletes as I do about whether they become people who stand up for others, take responsibility for their mistakes, and know how to care for those around them.As the MFU collective, we've always challenged ourselves to go deeper. To look beneath behaviour. To ask harder questions. To examine the culture we're creating instead of pretending it doesn't exist.This episode is an invitation to do exactly that.Support the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

We took a short break this week and spent some time digging through the archives. In the process, we found the unreleased video recording of EP.100 with JRDN! @MFUPodcast on YouTube and SpotifyThere are a few minutes of audio only at the beginning. The video kicks in around the 3:36 mark.Once again, thank you to JRDN for being part of such an important milestone for the podcast. We're now on our way to Episode 200, and this week we thought we'd share this special find with all the JRDN fans out there.REPOST:100th episode celebration! We’ve hit a major milestone, and we couldn’t have done it without YOU! To all our listeners, thank you for being part of this journey. Your support has brought us here, and we’re celebrating this special moment with none other than Canadian musician JRDN!With Men’s Health Awareness around the corner, we  chat  about men’s health, mental well-being, and the journey of fatherhood in today’s world.In this special episode, JRDN opens up about his life, from his love for music to the lessons he’s learned as a parent. He reminds us, “Whatever you’re doing in life, lead with love and a kind heart,” and reflects on how “You are your parents as well.”“Hip hop raised me, but R&B saved me,” says JRDN, as he shares his personal journey, offering wisdom on growth, love, and staying grounded—even when things don’t happen overnight.Tune in to hear his inspiring thoughts on fatherhood, music, and navigating life with kindness.Links:jrdnmusic @JRDNmusic ​Support the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

We hear it all the time: What we do as parents today will impact our children's tomorrow. Okayyyyyy, and what does that actually mean? As a mom raising two teenage boys, I keep coming back to something: I'm just one of the many voices shaping who my children are becoming. So where are they getting their information? Who is influencing how they see themselves, other people, and the world? And what am I teaching them through the way I show up, not just through what I say?I invited Moses Farrow back to Middle Fingers Up for a conversation that took us from parenting and the manosphere to AI, patriarchy, moral development, and what makes us uniquely human. We talked about raising children who can think critically, own their feelings, question what they've inherited, and recognize that other people have lives and experiences outside of their own.And maybe one of the most important questions we can ask our kids is also one we need to ask ourselves: How am I showing up for you right now? And how can I show up better? Oof, but also necessary. We don't have all the answers. But we do have more influence than we sometimes realize.This conversation is an invitation to parent with intention, question what we're passing down, and think about the humans we're helping shape. What comes after patriarchy? What comes after the systems we've inherited? And what role are we playing in creating what comes next? Moses Farrow returns to Middle Fingers Up. Connect with Moses:Website: MosesFarrow.com  Instagram: @mosesafarrowYouTube: Adoption DeprogrammedSupport the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

There are things we carry for years without realizing where we learned them. The ways we try to fit in. The parts of ourselves we change to feel accepted. The line "be the bigger person, don't say anything"  The assumptions we make about ourselves and other people and so on.Sometimes, it takes hearing someone else's story to recognize parts of our own.In this episode I sit down with Judith Lam Tang, author of Muted Colours: Uncovering Internalized Racism on the Journey to Reclaiming Racial Identity, for a conversation that is very personal to me. We explore how racism can shape not only how the world sees us, but how we see ourselves and other racialized  people.Through Judith's own experiences and the stories of 13 racialized women, we talk about internalized racism, assimilation, belonging, colourism, and then some. We also get into friendships, accountability, the guilt that can come with unlearning beliefs we've carried, and what it means to raise children who understand both racism and the messages they may absorb along the way.If you're a racialized person who has been working through some of mentioned, I hope parts of this conversation remind you that you're not alone in figuring it out. And if you've never thought about how racism might have shaped the way you see yourself or others, maybe something in this conversation will help you recognize an experience you've never quite had the words for.I know for me, that recognition is where we begin to understand ourselves differently.Connect with Judith Lam Tang: Pre order: Muted Colours: Uncovering Internalized Racism on the Journey to Reclaiming Racial IdentityInstagram: @judithlamtangFacebook: Judith Lam TangAs always, we'd love to hear from you. What have you had to unlearn about yourself, your community, or the world around you? Let's keep talking.Support the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

After taking some time away to look after my own mental health and navigate the absolute roller coaster of perimenopause, it feels really good to be back having conversations with real people about real life.And we're starting with something that touches every single one of us. Grief.My guest, Shermin, lost her daughter, Manal, at just 18 and a half years old. Since then, she's become certified in grief coaching and trained in trauma-informed practices, hoping to help others better understand grief and how we support those experiencing it.This conversation isn't only about loss. The mourning period ends, the visitors leave, and everyone else goes back to their lives. The person grieving is still grieving.We talk about the expectations we place on grieving people, the difference between moving on and moving forward, and why our communities can be so good at showing up for the rituals but struggle with what comes afterward.We also question something many of us have been taught: that mentioning someone who has died will make the grieving person sad. Maybe saying their name, sharing a memory, or asking about them is exactly what they need.And we get to meet Manal through her mother's stories. She is so much more than the loss her family experienced.We all experience grief, but we don't all experience it the same way.I hope this conversation gets us thinking about how we show up for one another. Not just when someone dies, but in the months and years that follow.Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is simply keep showing up.Connect with Shermin:Instagram: grieving_mom_yyc, menaal4lifeSupport the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

PART 5 OF A 5-PART SERIESOkay, here we are. The final conversation in this series with Moses Farrow.We've talked about the story, the system, the language and the impact.And now we're bringing it all together. We talk about what happens when you start seeing things differently.Moses talks about false narratives, the layers of pain that can come with separation and loss, and why so much of that pain can go unrecognized.We also get into some bigger questions about what we do with what we've learned.- What does it look like to question what we've been taught?- What does it mean to do our own learning?And: Where do we go from here?Connect with Moses:Website: MosesFarrow.com  Instagram: @mosesafarrowYouTube: Adoption DeprogrammedSupport the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

PART 4 OF A 5-PART SERIESIn Part 4 we're getting into the impact.We talk about adoption trauma, identity, loss, truth and some of the things happening in the world around us.Moses also shares some really personal stories about the loss of three siblings.We also get into some bigger territory, like how are some of these things connected?Connect with Moses:Website: MosesFarrow.com  YouTube: Adoption Deprogrammed Instagram: @mosesafarrowSupport the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

PART 3 OF A 5-PART SERIESThis time, we're talking about language. The words we use and the meanings we attach to them.Take gratitude, for example.When we talk about adoption, words like saved, chosen, lucky, grateful, better life and forever family come up a lot.Moses says: “Really pay attention to our language.”So that's what we're doing. Just talking about it. Asking questions. Looking at some of the words we might not think twice about.Why do we say it that way?Connect with Moses:Website: MosesFarrow.com  YouTube: Adoption Deprogrammed Instagram: @mosesafarrowSupport the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

PART 2 OF A 5-PART SERIESIn Part 1, Moses Farrow and I went back into the history of adoption and started unpacking the “better life” narrative.In Part 2, we move from the story to the system. What happens behind the scenes?We talk about how easy  child removal has become over years  through poverty, missionary work, White  saviorism, cultural bias and the role of hospitals, churches and social services.I also bring in some of what I witnessed during my years working in mental health and child welfare, because some of these systems are closer to home than we might think.Moses says:“Adoption didn't start off as a child welfare solution. It started off as a trafficking solution.”So I wanted to slow down and ask:If this is an industry, what does the system actually look like?We're peeling back another layer.Connect with Moses:Website: MosesFarrow.com  ( articles discussed in EP available on website)YouTube: Adoption DeprogrammedInstagram: @mosesafarrowSupport the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

PART 1 OF A 5-PART SERIESOkay so we thought we were talking about 'adoption'.But the more Moses Farrow and I talked, the more I realized there was so much more we needed to understand. I got the sense based on the feedback from Moses' previous time on the pod, that you wanted more of this conversation too.So we decided to do a 5 part series.  In Part 1, we're going back into the history to understand how we got here. How did we get to a place where "adoption is the option?" What were we taught to believe about children, mothers, families, race and what makes a “better life”? And how much of all of this do we move through every day without thinking twice about it?This 5-part series is about slowing down and unpacking just that. We're going into the history. The systems. The language. The impact. And eventually, some much bigger questions about humanity and our future.I'm not coming into this conversation pretending I have all the answers. I'm learning too. And honestly, there were moments where I found myself thinking…Do I really want to unpack this?But if we're committed to pursuing the truth, we have to be willing to look at the things we've been taught to believe  and ask how we got here.This is Part 1. And we're just getting started. This deserves more time.Support the showIf you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.