Ep 178 A.R.E. you there for your partner?

Zach sits down with Kimberly Crossman, actor, writer, and mental health advocate, and Tom Walsh, cinematographer and creative producer, for a deeply honest and inspiring conversation about love, loss, and partnership across continents.The couple, who split their time between Los Angeles and New Zealand, share how they’ve learned to stay connected while traveling constantly, navigating pregnancy, sobriety, and creative careers. Kim opens up about her journey through depression, anxiety, and miscarriage, while Tom reflects on his own path to sobriety and emotional growth. Together, they’ve built a relationship grounded in curiosity, compassion, and the shared belief that love, like art, is something you keep creating.They talk about running a production company together, how they manage conflict as opposites, and why celebrating small rituals, like handwritten notes and monthly anniversaries, keeps them grounded even when life feels uncertain.Key Takeaways Connection through consistency - Daily check-ins, “good morning” and “good night” messages, and humor help them stay close despite long-distance stretches. Mental health awareness strengthens love - Kim’s diagnosis of high-functioning depression in 2019 opened the door to deeper empathy and communication between them. Sobriety is shared growth - Tom’s decision to get sober after years of travel and industry burnout reshaped their relationship; Kim joined him in solidarity and clarity. Creativity is their glue - Their shared passion for storytelling and visual art fuels both their work and their emotional connection. Rituals of love matter - Monthly anniversary cards, dinners, and handwritten notes give their relationship structure and playfulness. Conflict reveals care - They’re learning to balance different conflict styles: her need for words and connection versus his need for space and calm. Loss leads to perspective  - Their experience with miscarriage deepened their empathy, patience, and gratitude as they prepare for parenthood. Guest InfoKimberly CrossmanInstagram: @kimcrossmanKimberly is a New Zealand–born actor, writer, and mental health advocate known for her work on screen and her candid conversations about emotional wellness. Tom WalshInstagram: @the__tomwalshTom is a cinematographer, director, and creative producer with over two decades of experience in film and television.  Together, Kim and Tom co-run a production company focused on storytelling for small businesses, social campaigns, and documentaries. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Mike and Kim Anderson, coaches and founders of Blended Family Breakthrough https://www.blendedfamilybreakthrough.com/ , to talk about one of the hardest relationship challenges couples face, making a blended family work. After marrying in 2001, Mike and Kim found themselves struggling to balance parenting roles, discipline, and loyalty in a home that combined Kim’s daughter from a previous marriage with their two biological children. What began as love quickly became a crash course in blended family dynamics, emotional triggers, and communication breakdowns. Now, through their coaching practice and podcast, they help other couples avoid the painful mistakes they made. They share key principles like “connection before correction,” learning how to define shared values, and understanding the emotional traps that can divide couples, like the trapped teammate and stranded stranger dynamics. This episode offers a roadmap for couples trying to bring unity, clarity, and compassion to blended family life. Connection before correction - Step-parents should focus on building trust and emotional connection before taking on discipline. Parent from partnership - Couples must agree on shared values and expectations before implementing household rules. The “trapped teammate” dynamic - Bio parents often feel torn between loyalty to their child and loyalty to their spouse. The “stranded stranger” dynamic - Step-parents may feel like outsiders in their own home when bonds between bio parent and child are strong. Define shared values clearly - The same word (like “respect”) can mean different things to each partner; clarity prevents conflict. Bio parents lead discipline - Children accept correction better when it comes from the parent they already trust. Hope is part of the process - Healing and harmony take time, but strong remarriages can model healthy relationships for the next generation. Founders of Blended Family Breakthrough https://www.blendedfamilybreakthrough.com/ , Mike and Kim are coaches, authors, and hosts of the Blended Family Breakthrough Podcast https://www.blendedfamilybreakthrough.com/podcast. Drawing from their own challenges and victories, they help couples strengthen their marriages, unite as parents, and build thriving blended families. Key TakeawaysGuest InfoMike and Kim Anderson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Susan and Tim Bratton, a couple who’ve been together for 35 years and built both a marriage and a business dedicated to helping others experience more fulfilling intimacy. Susan, an internationally recognized intimacy expert, and Tim, her husband and business partner, open up about how their marriage nearly ended before they discovered that great sex and great connection are learnable skills. They discuss their journey from obligation and misunderstanding to joy, exploration, and deep emotional safety. The Brattons talk about how they schedule what they call “erotic play dates,” why they prefer honesty over comfort, and how they use curiosity, compassion, and skill-building to keep passion alive after three decades together. This conversation challenges cultural assumptions about monogamy, sex, and communication, offering a look into what’s possible when a couple commits to lifelong learning. Not just about each other, but about love itself. Key Takeaways Intimacy is learnable – Susan and Tim discovered that sexual fulfillment is a skill that can be developed through education, communication, and practice. From duty to desire – Their first decade of marriage was marked by obligation and frustration until they learned how to reconnect through experimentation and pleasure. Erotic play dates – Scheduling intimacy takes pressure off “performance” and creates time for exploration and connection. Radical honesty builds safety – They credit transparency, even when uncomfortable, as the foundation of their long-term trust and growth. Know your relationship values – Understanding what each partner truly wants (for Tim: passion and fun; for Susan: safety and honesty) changed everything about how they relate. Sex evolves with skill – They emphasize that pleasure pathways are infinite—what worked last time may not work today, and that’s part of the adventure. Growth mindset saves marriages – When something wasn’t working, they didn’t give up—they learned, experimented, and grew together. Guest Info Susan and Tim BrattonSusan Bratton is an intimacy expert, author, and educator who’s helped millions of people transform their relationships and sex lives through her books and programs, including Relationship Magic. She publishes at BetterLover.com and teaches techniques for building trust, pleasure, and passion. Tim Bratton is her husband and business partner—the technical and operational lead behind their digital platforms and newsletter. Together, they run a team that supports their mission to make sexual wellness and education accessible, shame-free, and actionable for couples around the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach talks with Mike and Caroline Neubauer, the husband-and-wife team behind Our Family Invests. From meeting on a Maui beach to building a life of real estate success, family adventure, and deep purpose, their story is equal parts romance, resilience, and intentional design. Mike, a former firefighter turned real estate investor, and Caroline, a realtor and hospitality professional, share how they built financial freedom through smart investing while keeping their marriage and family at the center. They discuss parenting their nine-year-old son, Nico, navigating caregiving for aging parents with dementia, and learning that true success means doing what you love, without sacrificing connection. Throughout the conversation, Mike and Caroline reflect on their evolution as a couple, from best friends to business partners to co-hosts of a podcast inspiring entrepreneurial families to thrive together. Key Takeaways A shared “why” fuels success - Their marriage and business are driven by a mutual vision: creating freedom and impact as a family. Communication is non-negotiable - They schedule time to talk, align on goals, and revisit priorities regularly through “coffee dates.” Boundaries bring balance - Clear work hours, shared calendars, and family rituals like Fun Fridays keep life joyful and grounded. Roles evolve, but the mission stays the same - Each knows their strengths: Mike leads investing, Caroline manages transactions, and they pivot as needed. Caregiving changes perspective - Supporting Caroline’s parents through dementia taught them patience, teamwork, and the value of living in the moment. Success without sacrifice - They refuse to chase money at the expense of harmony, choosing family and purpose first. Grace and growth go hand in hand - They remind couples that no one is “100% all the time,” and giving grace during hard seasons keeps love steady. Guest Info Mike & Caroline NeubauerFounders of Our Family Invests, Mike and Caroline are real estate investors, podcast hosts, and parents living on Maui. Through their show and community, they share insights on financial freedom, marriage, and raising a family rooted in values. Their podcast spotlights entrepreneurial couples who are redefining success without losing sight of what matters most. website - https://ourfamilyinvests.com/ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/OurFamilyInvests  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach talks with Brian and Toby, partners of 13 years, and dads of two daughters. They share openly about parenting, building a household on their own terms, and how their marriage has evolved through different phases, from dating in Manhattan to raising a family in Brooklyn. Brian and Toby talk about splitting household roles, setting expectations, and creating rules that bring freedom instead of friction. They also share how growing up gay shaped their ability to design a marriage without traditional templates, why openness and honesty fuel their intimacy, and how they balance parenting with maintaining fun and connection. Key Takeaways Parenting in phases – From toddlers to elementary-aged kids, parenting shifts from hands-on care to emotional presence, and Brian and Toby embrace each new stage. Custom rules reduce conflict – Alternating mornings, dividing domains like kitchen and bedtime, and setting an “11 a.m. rule” help keep household harmony. Gay marriage breaks the mold – Without pressure to follow traditional timelines, they built their relationship with more freedom and intentionality. From secrecy to openness – Their open marriage evolved from “don’t ask, don’t tell” to full transparency, deepening their trust and intimacy. Compersion in practice – They highlight how celebrating a partner’s happiness, whether in rest, personal pursuits, or relationships, can fuel closeness. Shared values of planning and fun – Their natural organization and commitment to joy give their family structure and spontaneity in equal measure. Guest Info BrianCo-host of the Dads and Daddies podcast. TobyExecutive producer and co-founder of an animation production studio. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Jennifer and Andres, co-founders of Those Coffee People, to share the remarkable story of how travel, serendipity, and coffee brought them together. Jennifer, originally from Connecticut, and Andres, a Colombian with family roots in coffee farming, met in a hostel in Peru and quickly discovered they were better together. What started as a whirlwind travel romance became a shared mission: bridging cultures through specialty coffee. They talk about navigating cross-cultural challenges, balancing Jennifer’s impatience with Andres’ laid-back style, and learning how to turn conflict into connection. Their company, Those Coffee People, isn’t just about beans—it’s about creating bridges between Colombia’s coffee growers and global markets, while also building a marriage grounded in respect, humor, and shared vision. Key Takeaways The “one cup” theory is real – Jennifer insists every non-coffee drinker has one specialty cup that changes their mind about coffee. Love was brewed in travel – Their relationship began in Peru, where they jokingly staged a “first wedding” with a tinfoil ring. Cross-cultural marriage brings both gifts and challenges – Jennifer’s directness and impatience balance Andres’ laid-back, community-oriented approach. Writing helps repair – Andres often follows up arguments with written reflections and plans, which Jennifer appreciates. Business as a love story – Those Coffee People grew out of their passion for connecting cultures and building something they could do together. Vision for the future – Coffee is their “first child,” but they hope to grow their company, raise a family, and expand their impact in Colombia and beyond. Guest Info Jennifer & Andres: Co-founders of Those Coffee People, Jennifer and Andres export specialty Colombian coffee to roasters around the world. Based in Medellín, they combine Jennifer’s global business background with Andres’ family heritage in coffee to create bridges between farmers and international markets. Their story is as much about love and cultural exchange as it is about coffee. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, co-founders of the RaabSmith Team, to talk about their journey from betrayal and addiction to building a thriving marriage and coaching practice. They share candidly about Matthew’s struggles with sex addiction and pornography, Joanna’s experience of betrayal trauma, and the long process of stabilizing their relationship. What began as survival slowly transformed into something deeper, thanks to radical honesty, acceptance, and the development of their “Pyramid of Intimacy,” which helps couples rebuild step by step from honesty to safety, trust, vulnerability, and finally intimacy. Now leading a team of couples who help other couples, Matthew and Joanna demonstrate that it’s possible not only to recover, but to thrive—turning personal pain into a pathway for others. Key Takeaways Addiction doesn’t define the whole story - Matthew explains how accepting his past, rather than hiding it, became the turning point toward freedom and connection. Betrayal trauma is real - Joanna describes how deception and secrecy shattered her sense of safety, and why naming betrayal trauma was key to healing. Honesty is the foundation - Their “Pyramid of Intimacy” begins with honesty, because trust and connection can’t exist without it. Recovery takes time and practice - Small, consistent acts of honesty, even about little things, helped restore safety and rebuild intimacy. Second chances can be stronger - Their “second ‘I do’” is richer and more meaningful than the first, because it’s grounded in truth and intentionality. Purpose, passion, and play fuel intimacy - They emphasize that thriving couples cultivate not just survival, but shared joy and adventure. Guest Info Matthew and Joanna RaabSmithFounders of the RaabSmith Team, Matthew and Joanna are authors, speakers, and coaches specializing in betrayal recovery and intimacy building. Their book Building True Intimacy outlines their Pyramid of Intimacy framework. Together, they lead a team of couples who have walked through betrayal and now help others find honesty, healing, and deeper connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with writer and relationship coach Matthew Fray https://matthewfray.com/, author of "This Is How Your Marriage Ends", and his partner, Jen. Together, they share the story of how their friendship over bourbon turned into a deeper relationship, shaped by lessons learned from past marriages and the blind spots that can quietly erode trust. Matt opens up about how regret from his first marriage fuels his vigilance against repeating old patterns, while Jen explains why she trusted him enough to take a second chance on love. Their candid reflections on ADHD, planning differences, and emotional expression highlight how self-awareness, humility, and accountability create space for a resilient partnership. Zach guides the conversation toward practical insights—why blind spots matter, how humility differs from humiliation, and how relational “paper cuts” can accumulate if couples ignore them. The episode offers a powerful reminder that love after divorce isn’t just possible—it can be stronger when both partners commit to learning and growth. Key Takeaways Blind spots are the silent killers – Most people aren’t malicious in relationships, but their unexamined habits can unintentionally harm trust. Humility protects intimacy – Owning your limitations (like ADHD or defensiveness) allows space for growth without shame. Grace and patience matter – Jen emphasizes that knowing Matt’s challenges means choosing him with them, not in spite of them. Reciprocity in needs – Emotional connection for her and physical intimacy for him form a circle of mutual investment. Coldness vs. stoicism – Jen reflects on how upbringing shaped her emotional availability, and how she works on showing warmth more consistently. Shared values anchor them – A “writer’s brain,” moral compass, and mutual respect form the foundation for long-term confidence in the relationship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach takes the mic by himself to reflect on pets, parenting, politics, passion, and the practice of relationships. Using his playful “P’s and Q’s” framework, he explores everything from why he doesn’t have the “pet gene” to how parenting young adults is harder and more rewarding than raising little kids. Zach also shares candid thoughts on politics, relational responsibility, and the role of men in advocating for the marginalized. He digs into the meaning of sex, asking the often-overlooked question, “What’s it for?”, and discusses polyamory with new nuance. Along the way, he highlights the importance of practice in relationships, celebrating small wins, and even weaving play into partnership. This episode blends personal storytelling, professional insight, and a call for listener connection, inviting the audience to support the podcast, ask questions, and keep showing up relationally at home and beyond. Key Takeaways Pets & Posts: Zach reflects on not being a “pet person” and his writing project, Stuff I Write. Parenting Young Adults: Letting kids launch is harder than raising them, but seeing them grow into people is profoundly rewarding. Politics & Patriarchy: The current system isn’t relational. Zach urges listeners to focus on how they show up at home and in community, especially men. Purpose of Sex: Asking “what’s it for?” reframes sex as fun, passion, or connection rather than obligation or pressure. Polyamory & Possibility: While not for him, Zach explores polyamory as an expression of expansive love and intentionality. Practice & Play: Relationships get stronger through practice, celebrating small successes, and through playful traditions like Iron Chef dinners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Greg and Rachel Denning, parents of seven, world travelers, authors, and coaches who have built a marriage around adventure and intentional living. They share how their story began with adoption, grew through unexpected pregnancies, and expanded into a lifestyle of global travel and immersion experiences for their kids. From living on a shoestring in Nicaragua with six children to now leading retreats, writing books, and running The Extraordinary Family Life Podcast, Greg and Rachel open up about the lessons they’ve learned through risk, resilience, and imagination. With candor and humor, they reflect on the importance of listening, navigating differences in intimacy, and approaching both marriage and travel as a hero’s journey, one that transforms you with every challenge and every chapter. Key Takeaways Adventure as a family philosophy – Travel and immersion became their way to educate, bond, and expand imagination. Cycles and chapters – They’ve lived their marriage in 1–3 year “chapters” of babies, moves, and big shifts, embracing change as part of the design. Rock bottom became a turning point – Running out of money in Nicaragua forced them to commit fully to creating their own path forward. Focus creates reality – Greg learned that “where the head goes, the body follows”, what you focus on is what you feel and create. Listening transforms intimacy – Rachel taught Greg how to listen without fixing, which became a cornerstone of their connection. Balancing needs in sex and love – Rachel reframed physical intimacy as a reciprocal need, equal to emotional connection, deepening their bond. Marriage as a hero’s journey – Just like travel, marriage is an adventure through unknowns, challenges, and transformation. Guest Info Greg DenningCoach, author of The Formidable Family Man, and co-host of The Extraordinary Family Life Podcast, Greg helps men step into their roles as protectors, providers, and present partners. His coaching and writing distill the principles that guided his own transformation. Rachel DenningCo-host of The Extraordinary Family Life Podcast, Rachel is a writer, speaker, and mother of seven who brings wisdom on adventure, family design, and emotional growth. Her candid stories and practical tools empower women to embrace both courage and connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices