Episode 350 - The Difference Between Sexuality and Eroticism

Have you ever found yourself wondering why your wife doesn’t seem to be attracted to you? After all, you do everything you’re “supposed” to do, you’ve been told it works, but she still doesn’t seem interested. She still doesn’t seem drawn to you. The spark still isn’t there. She may even seem frustrated by your attempts to connect. Why? In this episode, I’m going to answer that question and help you find that connection with your spouse that you’ve been searching for.

When was the last time you felt alive in your marriage? Has it been a while? The longer we’re married, the more sex can become something else on our to-do list. Something that needs to happen, but doesn’t bring much joy. But sex can be so much more than just the physical urge to have sex. How? When we replace sexuality with eroticism, sex becomes a way to connect with your spouse, to enjoy each other more, to feel more alive. Curious? Listen as we discuss the difference between sexuality and eroticism and what it can do for you.

Men and women have been conditioned to think that the word “objectifying” is bad. True, it can feel unsettling but sexual relationships thrive when there is a sense of desire - a longing for one another that includes, but isn’t limited to, physical attraction. So, how do we navigate the tension between desire and respect? How do we balance celebrating our spouse’s physical presence without reducing them to just a body? That’s what we’re going to talk about today.

In this episode, I am going to explore the topic of Sexual Surrender. What does it mean to fully open up, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally with your spouse? Let’s talk about what sexual surrender is, what it isn’t, why it matters, and how you can gently encourage it within your marriage. It may sound intimidating at first, but it can be a doorway to a richer, more meaningful intimate relationship with your spouse.

As with most things, introverts and extroverts approach sex differently. Where introverts often prefer to have time to prepare, extroverts love spontaneity. So when an extrovert marries an introvert, there can often be hurt feelings and frustration with their sexual relationship. Let’s talk about the differences with introverts and extroverts when it comes to sex, and how to navigate that relationship. Marriage isn’t about changing each other, but coming to understand each person’s needs. This is a great place to start.

We, as humans, are wired for connection, but connection, especially in marriage, is more than just a feeling. It’s the thing that keeps us going through the inevitable ups and downs of marriage. Connection is what keeps us from “living separate lives.” We often crave more connection, but we don’t know how to get it. That’s why in this episode, we’re going to talk about why we need connection in our relationships and how to build that connection in different ways. You’ll come away with actionable steps to get that connection you desire.

Creating a collaborative sexual relationship is so important to your marriage. Collaboration is different from compromise where it’s not just about teamwork, or giving in, but about a mutual commitment to creating a relationship that meets both partner’s needs. The rewards of a collaborative sexual relationship are profound! When both partners participate in building a space that respects and uplifts one another, it strengthens the bond, increases the satisfaction, and deepens emotional intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what a collaborative sexual relationship is, why it’s valuable, how it differs from compromise, and as always, I’ll share practical tips to foster collaboration in your marriage.

Do you find yourself worrying more about your partner during your sexual experience than you do yourself? When we feel overly responsible for other’s emotional or physical experience during sex, we can be affecting our relationship in a negative way. This dynamic is called sexual caretaking. We are taught, directly or indirectly, that we are responsible for their experience. This is not true. In this episode, we’re talking about what sexual caretaking is, where it comes from, the impact it has on our relationships, and how we can shift this dynamic to create something healthier and more fulfilling for both partners.

In this episode, we are going to address a topic that so many struggle with but often don’t talk about: sexual shame. Many carry the burden of sexual shame and it can impact our view of ourselves and our connection with our spouse. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like something is wrong with you for having sexual thoughts, or if you’ve hidden aspects of your sexuality out of fear or guilt, this episode is for you.

Do you know the #1 thing that people google to get to my website? “I’m not attracted to my spouse.” Relationships are a complex thing and it’s natural to have an ebb and flow. Even though we don’t talk about it much, losing attraction or falling out of love with your spouse is a common experience. But it can feel very scary if you’re starting to feel that way. Don’t panic. It doesn't mean that this is the end of your marriage. Listen into this episode where we’ll talk about why this might happen and also what to do if it does. I’ll give you practical tips to work on to get back what you once had. Are you ready? Let’s go!