Shameproof Your Desires

Are you waiting for your partner to read your mind? In the final part of this mom series, Auntie Carmen, the Desire Midwife and certified sex and relationship coach, shows you how to stop waiting and go first.You'll learn why waiting for your partner to bring it up is just another way of waiting for a permission slip that never comes. Carmen explains what it really means to be shameproof. Shame might still show up, but it doesn't get to make your decisions.Then she walks you through how to share a desire as an invitation instead of a confession. You'll get simple ways to start, like "I've been thinking about something that turns me on, and I want to explore it with you." Not kinky? Even "I miss when we couldn't keep our hands off each other" counts. You'll also get tips on timing, starting small and the one question that makes asking easier: "Who is this for?"What if your partner says no? Carmen shares the story of a client who wanted to go to a BDSM workshop. Her husband said no right away. She didn't argue and she didn't hide. She went anyway and came home lit up. Watching her come alive made him curious, and their marriage got better.Whether you're a mom, a couple who feels more like roommates or single and practicing for the next person, this episode helps you give your desire a voice.Get $200 off Shameproof Your Desires course for women and Committed to Craving, the new couples course, here: https://linktr.ee/shameproofyourdesires

Last episode we talked about the drawer where so many moms stuff their desires. Today Auntie Carmen gets into the lock on that drawer, and for a lot of us that lock is motherhood.I’m too tired. There’s no time. We can’t, the kids are home. Maybe when they’re older. Some of the time these are 100% true. Motherhood is bone-deep exhausting. But sometimes “I’m too tired” means “I’m tired of the sex we’re having.” Sometimes “the kids are home” means “I’m scared of how he’ll react if I say what I really want.”Motherhood makes a great shield because nobody argues with it. But that shield isn’t protecting you from being tired. It’s protecting you from being judged.Carmen shares the time she told a partner about her submissive desires and got shamed for it. She also talks about the quiet silence in her first marriage and how silence slowly turns into distance and resentment. For the single moms, she explains why exploring on your own is not a consolation prize. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your pleasure.You’ll walk away with one simple practice for this week. Notice your shield, check if it’s the whole truth and do one small thing for your own desire.A new freebie for women figuring out why they’re not having the sex they wantStart with the Offering, a free 30-minute practice for couplesCommitted to Craving, Carmen’s new 30-day couples course. It starts December 1st and is $797 (down from $997) when you sign up in November.https://linktr.ee/shameproofyourdesires

Do you feel bad mom guilt every time a kinky fantasy pops into your head? You’re not alone. So many moms have a “drawer” where they stuffed their desires the day they became a mother, with a label that says “Not right now, you’re a mom.” In this episode of Shameproof Your Desires, Auntie Carmen, the Desire Midwife and certified sex and relationship coach, opens that drawer.Carmen talks about the unwritten good mom rules: be available, be patient, be nurturing and never want too much. She explains how those rules quietly put your sexuality on hold. You’ll learn about the Madonna/Whore complex, the old idea that a woman can be pure or sexual but never both. You’ll also hear why shame gets even louder when your desires are kinky. Wanting to be dominated, tied up or in charge after a long day of caretaking doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a whole woman.Carmen shares her own story of reclaiming her sexuality after motherhood. She describes the moment her libido came roaring back and the guilt that came with it. She also talks about the good girl conditioning that kept her waiting for a permission slip that was never coming.This episode also looks at how mom guilt affects your relationship. When you see yourself as “just Mom,” your partner often does too. Carmen invites you to imagine what could change if you were the one to reclaim your desire first. Single or partnered, your desire belongs to you.If you’re a kink-curious mom wondering whether it’s normal to have kinky fantasies, this episode is for you.Learn more about the Shameproof Your Desires course here: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

What does your life look like once you’re impossible to shame? For Auntie Carmen it looks like a balcony over a lake in Italy at 5:30 in the morning. In part 3 of my travel series, she shares how she now plans trips around pleasure instead of the must-see list. And she shares how her D/s rituals keep her passion alive at home after 10 years together.If you’re kink-curious, already kinky or just want to feel close and turned on with your partner again, this episode is for you. She talks about:Romantic travel for couples and why her #1 checklist item is a gorgeous view with enough privacy to get it onHow knowing what turns you on lets you plan adventurous sex, date nights and trips around your desiresA little bit of naughty risk: a balcony at sunrise, a rented boat, a roadside stop in the French countryside and church bells through an open windowWhy a "hell yes" partner shows up when you stop toning down your sexualityThe daily dominant and submissive rituals that keeps her power exchange marriage so juicyHow sexual shame and kink shame keep you from even knowing what you wantDesires are not the problem. Shame is.Want to make this possible for yourself? Shameproof Your Desires walks you there in four weeks: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-courseLadies- join Camp Claim It on Skoolhttps://www.skool.com/campclaimit/aboutFor couples looking to reconnect and turn up the heathttps://www.skool.com/ritual-reverence-5086/about

When I got divorced, I just wanted intimacy. I had no idea I was a woman with kinks. In this episode I share how the very first person I slept with after my divorce made me curious about power. It took me from “no man will ever control me” to loving sexual submission in a consensual D/s relationship with my husband.If you’re kink-curious and stuck asking “why do I like this?” or “is this just trauma?” this one is for you. We talk about:How to discover your kinks when you don’t even know where to startWhy things you used to hate can become a turn-on once you have full consent and a real choiceThe “I want to be taken” fantasy so many women have and how to explore it safely with consent and trustWhy kink shame and sexual shame shut down your curiosity and why shameproofing comes firstYou can’t get curious and judge yourself at the same time. Ready to become impossible to shame? Shameproof Your Desires: Become Impossible to Shame, Claim Your Kinks and Have the Kind of Sex You’ve Been Craving is my four-week course. You get short mini lessons five days a week. https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-courseWant my kinky origin story? Listen to Season 2, Episode 6 (August 11, 2026). [link]

I once stood in front of the most romantic fountain in Rome all by myself, on a trip with my husband. In this episode I share what that morning taught me about shrinking, staying busy and telling myself "it's fine." If you have been toning down what you want, this is your wake-up call. Ready to stop? Shameproof Your Desires is my four-week course to help you become impossible to shame, claim your kinks and start having the sex you want.https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

In this episode, Auntie Carmen brings together the three patterns covered in the last three episodes, the good girl lane, fantasies under lock and key, and expanding and contracting, and shows how they're actually stages of the same underlying problem: shame. She introduces the full PACT method she teaches inside Shameproof Your Desires and how it addresses all three patterns at once.Topics covered: recap of the three shame patterns, how shame evolves across stages, the PACT method, course introduction, becoming shameproofKeywords: sexual shame patterns, claiming your kink, becoming shameproof, PACT method, join shameproof your desires, kink coaching for women🔗 Join Shameproof Your Desires: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

In this episode, Auntie Carmen names the pattern she calls Expanding and Contracting, the cycle of getting brave, opening up, and then retreating right back into hiding the moment judgment shows up. She shares her own experience with this pattern after her divorce, why it happens even after you've done real shame work, and what changes once you become genuinely unshakable in your desires.Topics covered: fear of judgment, retreating after vulnerability, internalized shame, sexual identity integration, becoming unshakable, becoming shameproofKeywords: fear of judgment, retreating after vulnerability, external shame, internalized shame, becoming shameproof, unshakable confidenceShameproof Your Desires Course: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

Auntie Carmen breaks down why women keep their fantasies locked away, and what becomes possible the moment you finally say them out loud.Keywords: hidden fantasies, suppressing sexual desire, communicating sexual needs, sexual autonomy, co-creating pleasure with a partner, fear of judgment sex, kink communication, sex coach for women, shameproof desires, uncovering desireJoin my free community Camp Claim It on Skool here: https://www.skool.com/campclaimitFor women who know they are kinky or kink-curious but still find themselves allowing shame to make their decisions, take my self-guided course. Learn more here: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

In this episode, Auntie Carmen names the pattern she calls the Good Girl Lane, the invisible habit of waiting for permission before claiming the sex and desires you actually want. She breaks down why this pattern forms, what it quietly costs you in real relationships, and what shifts the moment you stop waiting for a green light that was never coming.Topics covered: good girl conditioning, waiting for permission, sexual autonomy, resentment in relationships, becoming shameproofKeywords: good girl conditioning, waiting for permission, claiming your kink, sexual autonomy, women and sexual shame, shameproof desiresJoin Shameproof Your Desires: [course link here]Join Camp Claim It on Skool for free resources: [Skool link here]