174: Dirty Talk, Bondage, Masturbation and More - Q&A with Dan Purcell

As you know, I love answering your questions all about sex, marriage, intimacy, and more. I recently had the opportunity to answer anonymous questions from my friend Hailey Reidhead's audience. Her listeners sent in questions which I was able to answer on her podcast, "She's a Lady," and Hailey allowed me to share it here with you. In this episode, we're going to address these great questions such as the following: Does hormonal birth control affect libido even after you stop using it? How often are couples actually having sex every week? What to do when one spouse has a much bigger sex drive and it's hard to keep up (and then you feel guilty for not having sex as often as they want) and how it feels bad telling them no so much. How to spice up a long term marriage And more!   I believe building an intimate marriage is one of the most rewarding, most satisfying work we can experience in this life. I also believe strongly that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by husbands and wives and I encourage you to ask questions and seek answers about your sexual relationship.  This is why my team and I have put together the new Get Your Marriage On Program. This program is designed for busy couples that want to fix the difficulties around sex and intimacy in their marriage for good. This program isn't about new positions or ways to spice things up. It's not superficial like that. It's about going much, much deeper. This program is ideal for anyone that is experiencing mismatched libidos, hang ups around intimacy, struggles with good girl or good boy syndrome, facing challenges from pornography use, or want help with communication. People in this program get real results. Check out the details on my website. Looking for more? One way to spice things up in your marriage would be to attend our Next Level Lovemaking Retreat! It's a virtual retreat, so you attend from the comfort of your hotel room, Airbnb, or bedroom. My wife and I hold live sessions throughout the weekend and help coach you through building and practicing amazing lovemaking. Early bird pricing is ending soon, so sign up on our website! And if you'd like an even more immersive experience, try out our in-person retreat this October! More details here.  

Let's get one thing out of the way right up front: dirty talk isn't dirty. It's actually an intimate form of communication to let your spouse into your heart and mind. It's a way to express the erotic part of you with your lover. It's about using your words to arouse. The nice thing about married sex, is that it's a place you can go where things don't always have to be so cleaned up, you don't have to be so buttoned up. You can be less formal with each other and use language with each other you wouldn't use in any other context, creating more arousal, intimacy, and excitement. If "dirty talk" is something you've always found awkward or have no idea where to start, you're in for a treat.This episode with Melanie Studley from the Anatomy of Us podcast will hopefully help you and your lover discover a new way to draw closer together and have some sexy fun! If you would like more help developing arousing language and sexy stories in your marriage, you might want to try our guide: From Awkward to Arousing: A Guide to "Dirty Talking" for Christian Couples. (We recorded this podcast a couple years ago, but with so many new listeners, we wanted you to have a chance to hear it, so I've gone back to the archives so that I can share it with you today. )  If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Next Level Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, July 12-13 Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 >>Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!   

In this episode will get a talk about how to make from behind sex positions, such as Doggy style, better. We'll talk about sex toys. We'll talk about unrealistic sexual fantasies. We'll talk about exploring your own body for sexual understanding. We'll also talk about how to treat delayed or premature ejaculation. This is going to be a really fun episode.   Just the other day, my wife and I were talking about how we, of all people were probably the least likely people on the planet to start a podcast and coaching program with the purpose of helping couples improve sex and intimacy. I guess God really does have a sense of humor. :-) Sex and marriage hasn't always come easy for my wife and I. It's something that we've learned to work towards, and it's something we'll continue to work on because it's very rewarding for us.  Part of the joy comes from the building of something we expect to last beyond a lifetime. We know the work we do in our marriage and family blesses not only our lives immediately, but our children and their children, and their children's lives to with the legacy that we'll leave. And I know we're not alone in this desire.  I appreciate your anonymous questions. If you'd like to ask me a question anonymously, you can submit one on our website. Show Highlights: 01:09 The Power of Marriage Coaching   03:22 Navigating Sexual Fantasies and Morals   07:09 Exploring Self and Shared Pleasure   14:11 Addressing Delayed and Premature Ejaculation   19:03 Mastering Sex Positions: Tips and Tricks   22:04 Choosing the Right Sex Toy for You   24:52 Closing Thoughts and Resources   If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!

After recording last week's episode, but Dr. Glenn and Phyllis hill, we stayed on and chat a little longer. We got started talking about sex dates and how Glen and Phyllis look forward to this time. So I suggested we record another episode to share this fun and creative concept with you. If you miss last week's episode, we talked a lot about emotional connection. This week's episode is all about this sexual connection, and it's a fun one and full of so many nuggets!  If you're like, we should totally do a sex date, but you want some specifics on how to make it amazing for yourselves, then save the dates in your calendar for July 12-14. Emily, and I will be putting on a virtual retreat where you get to join us from the comfort of your hotel room, Airbnb or bedroom. This retreat is focused on enhancing your sexual experiences as a couple. And the details are on our website. Get the Free Core Emotions Wheel referenced in the episode here.  Use code DAN to get a discount on Connection Code courses as well.   If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!  

Understanding and making sense of our emotions is absolutely essential to living well. We have parts of our brain that are responsible for making sense of our emotions. We also have parts of our brain dedicated to mapping the emotional state of those around us. Sometimes couples come to me for coaching because they don't feel emotionally connected to their spouse. There are a myriad of reasons why they're struggling in this area.  So I invited Dr. Glen hill, a marriage therapist, and his wife, Phyllis, onto this podcast to talk about their story and about the role of emotional connection in marriages. One thing I learned is when we use the word connection, we mean it in like, "We're not connected," in a negative connotation.  But the reality is, we are often connected, whether we like it or not. Sometimes we like the way we're connected or sometimes we don't like the way we're adversarially connected and fighting a lot. So learning to understand the difference between connection you like and and connection you don't like is an important step forward in learning how to communicate emotionally with your spouse a whole lot better .  In fact, in this episode, Glenn and Phyllis are so vulnerable and they share a practice about how they relate to each other emotionally. My wife and I have been doing this practice daily for about eight months now, sp I can personally vouch for this. I encourage couples like coach to try this practice as well! Get the Free Core Emotions Wheel referenced in the episode here.    If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!  

I'm humbled that you'd trust me with your most urgent and private questions--I receive anonymous questions every day through our website. We address a handful of these questions today and I'll plan another Q &A episode in a few weeks. Sometimes I'll combine a few related questions together to address things more efficiently. (Go to our website to submit your questions.) As I address these questions today, I hope you see a common thread in everything I share. It's my belief that really good sex and intimacy doesn't come easily because everything of value in life takes consistent effort. Building an intimate marriage isn't supposed to be an overnight task.  I want to invite you to think of it in this way: the obstacles you experienced in intimacy in your relationship is God's way of calling you to step in and grow up a little more in yourself and in your relationship with your spouse. Think of it as an invitation to learn how to take more personal responsibility, to learn to speak up, to learn, to be more humble, to be more honest, to be more patient, to be more kind, to be more compassionate, and to cherish your spouse more deeply than ever. Building a rewarding intimate marriage is indeed spiritual work.  I also believe sex is very core to who we are as an individual. Sex is so very personal. As a marriage coach, I solve sexual issues in the marriage first (with lots of compassion, by the way). These are delicate and real feelings, but if a couple can get the courage to address and work through their sexual difficulties first everything else in their marriage becomes a lot easier.  Whether it be finances, parenting in-laws, faith matters, or what direction the toilet paper roll should be loaded on the dispenser. I'm very grateful you've joined us today! Get ready to dive into these wonderful questions!   If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!  

Picture this. The journey of building an intimate marriage is much like a road trip through winding paths and scenic routes. Sometimes there's traffic jams. Sometimes there are stretches of long, boring highways or lonely, dark nighttime drives. Sometimes there are flat tires and detours. And then there are beautiful vistas, new destinations at thrilling speeds, and awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping scenes that move you in a profound way, leaving you forever changed. My guest today is Dr. Julie Slattery of Authentic Intimacy. She's a psychotherapist that helps Christian women embrace their sexuality. You'll get to hear Dr. Slattery open up about her own adventures and misadventures in marriage. Everything from those awkward honeymoon moments to the deeper challenges of connecting on all levels. She reminds me that while these bumps in the road are common, they're also prime opportunities for growth, not just individually, but together with our spouses.   If you find the important and meaningful work of building an intimate marriage isn't as easy as you think it would have been, don't fret. You're not alone in this. In fact, every couple, even us, faces their own set of challenges behind closed doors. And that's okay. These hurdles don't have to define your relationship. It's about how we overcome these challenges that matters. As I think about my own moments of growth and building an intimate marriage with my wife, Emily, many of these moments were born out of my stumbling blocks that have turned into stepping stones for me.   You'll love hearing about Dr. Julie Slattery's four pillars for a rock solid intimate relationship and stay to the end to hear her black belt sex tip too. *** We just launched our new signature Get Your Marriage On Program! The program not only offers extensive instruction, but it's coupled with lifetime coaching and community! Learn more about it on our website! We have two retreat options coming up: Virtual Retreat: July 12-14. Enjoy from the comfort of your home or hotel. More details coming. In person Retreat: October 10-13 in St. George, UT. Get all the details on our website and register now! As always, make sure you're enjoying our free app, Intimately Us. And join us over on Instagram or Facebook @getyourmarriageon. 

I feel called to this important work that I do in Get Your Marriage On! It is extremely important and meaningful work to me. The changes I've experienced in my own marriage were too good to keep to myself, and I wanted to share it with others. In some ways, I feel like I'm a missionary again--sharing the good news of the gospel to others. In fact, I strongly believe that there are many parallels between sexual development and spiritual development, and I'm not alone in sharing that opinion.  Today, I invited Amy, Greg and Tammy, who are my colleagues and coaches in my programs and also at my retreats, to have a conversation about the most recent retreat as well as our new program. I want you to listen to the passion and empathy behind their voices. These are people that deeply care about you, your happiness in your marriage, and providing every tool possible to help you get your marriage on.  *** We just launch a BRAND NEW PROGRAM today! I hope you'll check it out and take the next leap to take your marriage to the next level! Also, as you'll hear in the episode, we had such a great time at the retreat a couple weeks ago, we've decided to make it happen again this year! Mark your calendars for October 10-13, and register today on our website!

I believe sex is a very powerful language. Just think an immense amount of information is communicated between two people in any sexual interaction. Last year, my wife and I read the book Replenish, by Tammy Hill. Among other things, this book describes a practice called orgasmic meditation.   We went away for a weekend last fall and decided to give it a try. It was amazing for us because it made sex so much more about a meaningful connection and communication between us, rather than just rushing to orgasm.   We liked the orgasmic meditation practice so much that it's become a regular routine in our marriage bed for several months.  Now I wanted to do a podcast episode about it and Tammy Hill, who is a marriage and family therapist and a sex therapist and author of the book I just mentioned, kindly agreed to come on my podcast as a guest. This is a real treat for me to have her here and to share her immense wisdom with me.  We talk about the principles behind slow sex, or orgasmic mediation, how to do it, and why you want to try it out!

Can you relate? Growing up in a good, Christian family, you conversations about sex were mostly about biological reproduction or God's word on chastity.  Perhaps those conversations served you well as a teenager, but after married, you're left with a lot of questions and maybe even painful experiences as the realities of sex and marriage didn't fit with what you thought it would be.  I used to think sexuality and spirituality were incompatible. However, after digging into our own Christian theology, I came to understand that it supports embodiment, sensuality, and sexuality in a very positive way. I look around and I see a God who is powerful, creative, passionate, and very personal. Of all the religions, I think ours ought to be the most sex positive. Even if you're not a Christian, there's no denying that some of the most meaningful experiences we can have is being loved and desired deeply by another person and experiencing a special kind of pleasure. And this experience is spiritual and transcendent.   My guest today is Francie Winslow, a friend and the fellow podcaster. And here's some of what we talk about: Francie's story of sexual healing and growth How frequency of sexual experiences doesn't automatically translate to quality of sexual experiences How sex fits with spirituality Connected to the deeper meaning of sensuality to God's design for us Advice on creating margin in your lifestyle, so you have time and energy leftover to invest in your marriage relationship  Francie's black belt sex tip at the end, which my wife and I have tried it out since the time we recorded this episode. We had such a great time doing it, we're definitely going to make it a regular part of what we do! Find out more! You can also find this episode on our YouTube channel! You may also be interested in following us on Instagram or downloading our free app, Intimately Us!