Food Addicts In Recovery Anonymous

Despite growing up in a home full of love, this budding food addict was in a cycle of sneaking, hiding, and shoplifting food from as early as age six. She came to learn that no amount of love could have prevented her food addiction and no amount of love could have cured it. Her parents and siblings were moderate eaters, and they tried to help curb her addictive behaviors around food. She had dreams of waking up thin, just for a single day. As an adult, her husband was her “eating buddy”, and their social life – dinner parties, holidays, and vacations – revolved around food. Despite turning to nutritionists, doctors, a hypnotist, commercial diets, and intense exercise, she still ended up weighing over 290 pounds. The real turning point came with motherhood. At that time, the physical and emotional toll of her food addiction had relegated her to a role on the sidelines – a spectator in her own life. Then she found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). There, meetings gave her a place to share secrets she had never told before about the way she ate. She heard hope for a better life. She got started with an FA sponsor and lost 160 pounds. It is now ten years later, and she hasn’t seen those numbers on the scale since. Today, she knows she is not alone, and she is no longer living life on the sidelines.

I am a 73-year-old Asian-American woman from New England and, I can promise you, I’ve quit almost everything I’ve started in my life except for the Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) program. I found FA at thirty-three and have benefitted from this program for more than half my life. By 11 years old, already consumed with fear and worry about my weight, I plunged into extreme restriction with week-long fasts that left me undernourished and dizzy. By 15, I started to binge and watched the weight pile on in just a few months. In college, I hid my eating, leaving campus by bus to find stores and restaurants where no one would recognize me. I fell into a depression that left me unable to shower, comb my hair, or brush my teeth. Feeling hopeless, with nowhere to go, I found FA and learned how to ask for help. This program taught me how to walk through my fear and become willing to trust in a power greater than myself. First, we put down the food, then we do the steps, and then the changes come, one day at a time. I am truly thankful for my wonderful life of gratitude, service, and freedom from food addiction.

I grew up in a very diet-centric household; we were always on some kind of diet. At an early age, I started rebelling against the rigid household rules, finding every way I could to get the food I wanted. When my parents divorced, I would ride my bike over to my dad’s house to steal change for treats at the corner store. By 8th grade, I was obese. Wherever I was, I wanted to fit in - or hide. My life was like wanting to be invited to a party, but never wanting to go. Then I met someone who brought me to a meeting of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). I walked into that room and felt a peace I had not known before. I wasn’t sure if I could ever change, and I was scared! But I stayed, and I listened. My journey has been nothing short of amazing. I’ve maintained a 140-pound (63-kilo) weight loss for 26 years, almost half of my life. To be someone who now eats with a fork and a knife is a miracle. I’ve learned to walk through this world feeling really good about who I am. I thought I’d never get married, but I’ve now been married for ten years to a partner who one-hundred percent supports my recovery. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous is the community I never knew I wanted, and the FA people have become my chosen family, my true friends.

I was born and raised in Ireland. When I was 11, my family moved away from the big city to a rural area. Always in search of my identity, I thought that if I found out who I was, everything would feel better. But I had a spiritual hole inside of me, and I tried to fill it with food. I thought my big social life and ambitious jobs would help me feel complete. Instead, they only led me to perfectionism, self-criticism, and large quantities of food. After eight years in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I have learned that no matter what happens, I’m going to be OK. FA taught me how to love myself first, then how to love others, and finally, how to receive love. Today, I practice the daily tools of the FA program, let go of being perfect, and feel blessed that the hole inside of me has been filled with a rich, spiritual life. I’m grateful to have a healthy relationship with food and to understand that life can be many things at once: authentic, messy, and very human.

In first grade, I weighed 120 pounds, and by fifth grade, I had high triglycerides, high cholesterol, and a fatty liver. Never feeling like I fit in physically or socially in my hometown of Brooklyn, NY, I was bullied over how “different” my family and I were. Four summers in a row I was sent to weight-loss camp, which put my parents into debt. By the holidays every year, I was back to bingeing. Then, at fourteen years old, my parents brought me to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), and finally, I was home. Recovery in FA has taken place at many levels for me. I was diagnosed with depression, ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and a chronic illness that impacts my daily experience, and I am now receiving help and treatment for all of these things. I also know that I am not defined by any one of these diagnoses. Now in my thirties, I have learned to face whatever comes my way, which allows me to have a ridiculously amazing life. I have found the partner of my dreams, a job that I love, a home that we own, and the perfect fur baby. Today, I feel blessed and lucky to have the life I have. Thank you, FA!

A sneak eater and a speed eater from the jump, I literally made friends with kids based on what they had in their fridge and pantry. When I was around food, I couldn’t rest until it was finished. My earliest memories are food-related, and they are painted with a lot of shame, fear, and low self-esteem. I thought if I got down to a magical weight, everything would start going my way. Instead, I ate my way to 300 pounds, while blaming everyone around me. When it came to a point where numbing myself with food stopped working, I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). The physical recovery never gets old; I can hike, do yoga, and I’m in better shape in my late fifties than I was in my twenties. I fit into the same size clothes year in and year out, and no more sleep apnea or CPAP machines either! But the emotional and spiritual recovery are the true gifts of this program. FA is the answer for me. My life just keeps getting better, and I can’t imagine living any other way.

My whole life was about dieting, restricting, and waiting to be thin. When I’m thin, then I’ll be happy, I thought. I was sure Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) was not for me – too time consuming, and there was that whole “higher power” thing. I’ll just go to the gym more often and I’ll keep doing this commercial weight-loss program, I told myself. In actuality, my "weight loss program" meant going to the bakery, buying a dozen items, eating half, and throwing the other half out the car window on the way home. Dieting got me up to 185 pounds, and I was constantly at war with myself. It was my grown daughters who first joined FA, and I watched as they both lost weight and became more sensible people, unrecognizable from when they started the program. It took me seven long years of thinking about FA before I was convinced. By then, I was so desperate that I followed every suggestion my sponsor offered. I lost 50 pounds, and my life got better. At 78, I am a healthier person both mentally and physically, living a happy, productive life. 

Standing at the refrigerator looking for something—anything—to change the way I felt, I heard myself admit, “I do not know how to eat,” and I started to cry. Ironically, I was the class clown, the jokester, and above all, I wanted you to like me. I lost weight after gaining the freshman 50 in college, and I thought that would solve my problems. It didn’t. Then, I thought getting married would make everything better. It didn’t. In another Twelve Step program, I listened to people talk about obsession, compulsion, and negative thinking. My truth was that I knew all of these things were very much alive in me. I also realized that I was sitting in those meetings high on sugar, wondering, am I really even sober? When I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I was given the gift of open-mindedness. Having always been a rebel and a hippie, I liked to do things my way. In FA, a still, small voice said, “Take your sponsor’s suggestions.” It was then I decided not to joke around anymore, and no questioning, litigating, or fighting either. To my surprise, I’ve found amazing freedom in that. Today, I live in a healthy body, with a spirit that shines.

At the age of thirty and weighing 207 pounds, I was living a hopeless life. My existence was one of self-loathing, never feeling like I belonged. As a young person, I started hiding food, which began a cycle of guilt and shame over my eating. I fantasized that by going away to college I would make myself over into a new person. Instead, college was defined by a lot of eating, a lot of drinking, and a lot of crushes on men who didn’t know I was alive. After graduating, I continued finding myself in unfulfilling relationships and jobs that sucked the life out of me. When you think you are worthless, it’s really hard to make rational decisions. When I finally found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), my sponsor encouraged me to talk about myself instead of hiding behind a protective, permanent grin. I learned to put myself and my recovery first. In FA, I grew physically smaller - by 60 pounds! - but my voice grew much larger. In fact, I’m singing again, which is bringing me great joy. Today, I am becoming someone I never even dreamt I could be, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

At nine years old, eating five meals a day and snacking in between, I thought I was ugly and I hated my body. In high school, at 217 pounds, my friends thought I was the strong one, but I never really showed what was happening inside. My twenties were a complete blur. I started a new diet every Monday morning, but by 10 a.m., I’d say, “forget it.” I’d try again on Tuesday without any luck, and by Wednesday, I’d rationalize – “It’s almost the weekend, so I’ll just start again next Monday.” Repeat, repeat, repeat. Diets, self-help books, podcasts, motivational speeches, yoga retreats, I even became a life coach – and wound up at 265 pounds. Then, I met a woman who’d been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for over twenty years. When she shared how much she loved herself, I decided right then – “Whatever she’s doing, I’m doing it, too.” Today, I’m in a healthy body, I’ve found peace and joy in living, and I truly love myself. It feels like a miracle the way FA has transformed my entire life. Believe me, FA works. And if I can do this, so can you.