“There are still ways to have these children feel safe and in control while under pressure, as long as you teach them to go inward,” says Lisa Mitzel, mental health coach and author of “Focused and Inspired: Keeping Our Athletes Safe in a Win-at-All-Costs World.” Lisa returns to Dance Dad for Part Two of her discussion with host John Corella. She explains how parents and coaches can best support their children, starting from the car ride on the way to the competition through to the end of the awards ceremony, so that ultimately, they can learn how to support themselves. Kids are never too young to learn their own minds and to speak them, Lisa says, and providing kids with options—including the option to back out—is key to helping them build their own strategy of self-care and self-reliance.
Coaches and parents need to be mindful of the values they are instilling in their dancers and gymnasts about winning, about their role as competitor, and be mindful about projecting onto, and seeking validation from, young performers. Lisa addresses the best way to handle bullying from rivals, teammates and even adults, the importance of nominating a “culture coach,” and how to handle the often dirty politics of winning and losing.
As kindly as we treat ourselves so must we treat our rivals, acknowledging our shared humanity even as we seek to best them. Lisa and John recall American gymnasts Kerri Strug and Simone Biles, who each made very different decisions ahead of their performances at their respective Olympic Games, and what we can learn from both stories muting outside voices and listening to our own.
Quotes
- “What is the strategy here? Is it just to obey and do what everybody tells her to do, or is it to say ‘Hold on, let me think about this?’” (5:47 | Lisa Mitzel)
- “Believe in these kids, in your kid, that they’re going to make a good choice.” (8:45 | John Corella)
- “They also might be feeling, a lot of times, judged that if their kid doesn’t do well, if they’re not presenting themselves in the best light, that all of a sudden people see their flaws, their mistakes, their faults, then they’re going to be judged. That’s the parent needing to work on themselves.” (19:01 | Lisa Mitzel)
- “Anything that you do, you want to be CEO of your own brain, you want to be captain of your own ship, you want to be the leader of yourself. And do you believe an 8-year-old girl can do that? I believe she can definitely learn. I think that’s what we tend to do, we dismiss the 6, 7, 8 and 9-year-olds, we say, ‘Oh, they’re young. They’re so little, they don’t understand.’ Kids are very intelligent.” (28:06 | Lisa Mitzel)
- “How are we raising and developing our kids? Is it that you are only valuable in this world if you get first place? Is that your value in this world?” (32:24 | Lisa Mitzel)
- “As coaches and teachers we want to be thanked, we want someone to appreciate our effort, we want someone to appreciate that we’re putting out time and energy. So, the question is, why are we relying on a child to make us feel good?” (35:56 | Lisa Mitzel)
Links
Connect with Lisa Mitzel:
https://www.lisamitzel.com/focused-books/
https://www.instagram.com/mitzel_coach/
Dance Dad with John Corella on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/dancedadwithjohncorella/
John on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_corella/
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