Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast

Do you feel like you're always the one doing everything in your relationship, yet somehow still end up feeling unappreciated?In this throwback episode of Codependency Alchemy, I'm revisiting five warning signs of a codependent relationship that can be easy to overlook, especially when you've spent your life taking care of everyone else.From needing to be needed and struggling to identify your own needs to relationship anxiety, resentment, and feeling selfish for prioritizing yourself, we're exploring the patterns that can quietly leave you feeling disconnected from yourself.I also share how these dynamics showed up in my relationship with Justin, what I learned about my own role in them, and shadow work questions you can take into your own healing journey.Want to go beyond recognizing these patterns and start changing them? Join us inside the Codependency Alchemy membership for guided shadow work, inner child healing, and a community doing this work alongside you.💌 Click here to learn more This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.comHow do you know when you're making a healthy compromise versus abandoning yourself? What happens when you're doing the inner work, but your partner isn't? And why can something as simple as hearing "no" bring up so many feelings of rejection?In this month's live Codependency Alchemy AMA, we're exploring unmet needs, changing friendships, resentment, and the ways we sometimes make other people's choices mean something about our worth.I'm sharing personal stories from my relationship with Justin, along with reflections and shadow work questions to help you recognize where you might be giving up your own needs to maintain connection.COMING IN NOVEMBER: HEALING THE MOTHER WOUNDWe're spending November exploring how our earliest experiences of love and belonging shape our relationships today.🔒 Click here to unlock this episode and join the Codependency Alchemy membership before our November journey begins.

Why do we sometimes get emotionally attached to someone so quickly?In this throwback episode, we’re going underneath anxious attachment to explore what you might actually be attaching to when someone starts to feel impossible to lose. We’ll talk about why someone pulling away can trigger the urge to chase, fix, or overgive, the questions that can help you uncover what’s underneath your attachment, and how to begin tending to yourself when the fear of losing them takes over.Ready to finally learn how to build a safe and secure relationship alongside a community of 500 others doing this inner work together every week? Click here and join the Codependency Alchemy membership! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.comHave you ever gotten into an argument wanting to feel understood, only to find yourself getting defensive, explaining yourself, or trying to prove your point?In this month's guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing practice, we're exploring the fears beneath our protective responses, the younger parts of ourselves that show up during conflict, and what happens when letting our guard down doesn't feel safe.Plus, an important conversation about when curiosity helps create connection and when curiosity alone isn't enough to make a relationship healthy.🔒 This replay is available exclusively to paid Codependency Alchemy members. Click here to upgrade and unlock all the episodes.

Have you ever looked back at the way you acted in a relationship and thought… oh my god, was I the toxic one?In this throwback episode, I’m sharing one of the most vulnerable stories I’ve ever told on the podcast: the situationship that exposed some of my deepest patterns around anxious attachment, codependency, overgiving, fear of abandonment, and trying to control connection.We’re talking about what happened when someone else’s attention became responsible for how I felt about myself, the things I thought were “love” that were actually being driven by anxiety, and how this relationship ultimately became one of the greatest mirrors of my life.Click here to learn more or join our Codependency Alchemy community on Substack. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.comWhat do you do when you can't tell if you're being triggered... or if something actually isn't working for you?In this members-only AMA, we're talking about unmet needs, resentment, boundaries during conflict, being misunderstood after a breakup, grief + relief, fear of being alone, family estrangement, and learning to trust yourself when you desperately want someone else to tell you what the “right” answer is.Plus, I share the very recent moment I caught myself feeling annoyed AF at Justin for not helping me... before realizing I hadn't actually asked him for help. 😅🔒 This episode is exclusively for paid Codependency Alchemy members. Unlock this post and more when you upgrade your subscription.

Are you really good at taking care of everyone else... but wildly uncomfortable when someone tries to take care of you?In this episode, I'm sharing what happened when Justin told me, “I'm going to take care of you,” and instead of simply feeling loved, it brought up fears around dependence, losing my freedom, being a burden, and eventually being resented.We talk about hyper-independence, overfunctioning, the need to be needed, and what it can look like to stop carrying everything yourself and let the people who love you actually support you.This episode is for you if…* You’re the person everyone describes as strong.* You rarely ask for help because you can probably just do it yourself.* You deeply want to feel supported in your relationships but notice yourself becoming uncomfortable when someone actually steps in.* You worry about being needy, dependent, or a burden.Or you’ve ever thought: If I need too much from someone, eventually they might resent me for it.Your invitation…Take a moment to write the following shadow work prompt in the comments:“If I let someone take care of me, then…” (what am I afraid will happen?)Notice what comes to mind, and write it out. And if you want to go another layer deeper:If that happened, what would I make it mean about me?You don’t have to share what you write if you don’t want to, but I would love for you to at least give yourself the opportunity to witness what’s there by writing it for yourself.If you want support practicing this in real time, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where we go deeper through live Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, monthly AMAs, community support, and our full library of guided practices that will help you learn how to build safe and secure relationships.→ Click here to learn more and subscribe on Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.comDo you ever feel like you just need to know what’s going to happen before you can finally feel okay?Maybe you're waiting to know if they'll come back, how much space they need, whether you made the right decision, or what happens next.In this members-only Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing practice, we turn toward the part of you that feels unsafe in the unknown and explore what's underneath the need for certainty.Bring a journal and something you're currently trying to figure out. This isn't an episode to simply listen to. It's a practice to move through with me.🔒 Available exclusively to paid subscribers of Codependency Alchemy → Click here to learn more and subscribe Join the membership to access the full guided practice, monthly AMAs, community support, and the entire members-only replay library.

Have you ever had a stressful week and suddenly everything your partner does starts getting on your nerves?In this episode, I’m sharing one of the hardest weeks Justin and I have had in a long time and the two shifts that helped us stop treating each other like the enemy and start acting like teammates again.We talk about stress, unmet needs, changing plans, self-abandonment, and how curiosity, compassion, and meeting your own needs can completely change the way you move through hard moments together.Your invitation…In the comments, write your responses to these questions. You don’t have to post, unless you’re open to being witnessed in them. But at least write them out for yourself…What am I hoping to get from others that I’m not giving to myself?And then:What is one thing I can do today to begin giving that to myself?If you want support practicing this in real time, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where we go deeper through live Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, monthly AMAs, community support, and our full library of guided practices that will help you learn how to build safe and secure relationships. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever chased connection until you felt rejected one too many times... and then suddenly found yourself pulling away?In this episode, we’re exploring the push-pull pattern that happens when our attempts to feel safe accidentally keep the cycle going. I’m sharing how I learned to use distance to get connection, why we can move between chasing and withdrawing, and the question that helped me understand why the same relationship dynamics kept showing up in my life.If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep ending up in relationships like this?” this episode will give you a different question to ask.This episode is for you if...* You keep finding yourself in anxious/avoidant or push-pull relationships* You chase connection until you feel rejected, then suddenly shut down* You judge yourself for how you’ve behaved in past relationships* You keep wondering why the same relationship dynamic follows youYour invitation…Instead of asking, “Why do I keep ending up in relationships like this?” try asking yourself:“What is the lesson I’m being invited to learn when I find myself in this relationship dynamic?”Actually write the answer down, and if you feel open to sharing, leave it in the comments.Maybe this relationship isn’t proof that something is wrong with you. Maybe it’s illuminating something you’re finally ready to see.And if you want to go beyond understanding the push-pull pattern and actually tend to the part of you living inside of it, last week’s members-only episode is a guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing practice specifically for this dynamic.Click here to learn more and join our growing Codependency Alchemy community on Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe