The Desire To Be Seen with Tara Howley

There’s an elephant in the room! Everyone KNOWS there’s an elephant in the room, and they keep glancing at it—except for one person who is highly committed to ignoring the elephant. The elephant is making a mess. It’s taking up all the air and space in the room, and it’s already crushed poor Bob. Yet instead of talking about the elephant in the room, people are afraid to mention that there’s an elephant. Some people get so uncomfortable that they leave the room, but still say nothing. Everyone is hoping that the person who is ignoring the elephant will finally acknowledge it, so they can do something about it, but they aren’t sure how to go about it.In this episode, Brett and Joe unpack the phenomenon of the elephant in the room. They explore:The dynamics that create this situationHow looking directly at these issues can lead to healing and growthThe importance of addressing difficult topics in both personal and professional settingsHow to create a culture where individuals feel safe to express their thoughts and feelingsThe need for leaders to model this behaviorThe significance of conflict in fostering trust and connectionSend us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.comWe invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

Most people never consider that fighting can be a useful and healthy practice for our relationships — and that “fighting well” is a skill that can be learned. We resist conflict until it builds up and we reach a breaking point, and then BAM! Our trauma runs the show and we risk re-traumatizing ourselves and others.  In this episode, Joe and Brett talk about how to fight well. They explore how: • Healthy fighting can actually lead to healing, growth, and deeper connection• The importance of speaking your truth• What to NOT do during fights• The empowerment of a good fight• When to walk away (and how)• When a fight is no longer worth fighting Chapters00:00 - Introduction to Relationships and Fighting03:00 - The Journey of Fighting Well05:51 - Understanding Healthy Conflict09:02 - Navigating Trauma in Relationships12:03 - The Role of Window of Tolerance14:57 - The Dynamics of Emotional and Logical Partners17:53 - The Importance of Speaking Your Truth20:54 - Recognizing Apathy in Relationships24:01 - The Gift of Conflict in Relationships27:02 - The Nature of Truth in Perspectives29:52 - Final Thoughts on Fighting and Love Send us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

What’s all this fuss about experiments? What’s so great about them, and how does one even go about it? Join Joe and Brett for a deep dive on experiments! Hear about Joe’s early experiences that led him to place experimentation at the core of his self-exploration work and what makes them so important to the work we do at AOA.The characteristics of effective experimentsWhy it’s more effective to approach them from a playful perspectiveHow to iterate effectivelyPitfalls to watch out forPlus, learn about some experiments that Brett and Joe are running right before your eyes! Come along for a fun chat about how to, ultimately, have more fun in life.Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Experiments in Life 03:00 The Philosophy of Experimentation 06:00 The Role of Experiments in Self-Discovery 09:04 Characteristics of Effective Experiments 12:14 Mindset for Running Experiments 15:05 Identifying Areas for Experimentation 18:01 Iterating and Evolving Experiments 20:53 Trusting the Process of Experimentation 23:55 Real-Life Applications of ExperimentsSend us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

Joe’s favorite definition of pleasure is the noticing of sensations moving in the body—not just the good ones, but all of them. This week, Joe and Brett talk about pleasure and the role it plays in our lives. They discuss:The misconception that pleasure is separate from other emotionsHow allowing all emotions to be felt can lead to greater pleasureHow embracing intensity plays an important role in pleasureHow societal norms and conditioning can affect our relationship with pleasureThe pitfalls of seeking pleasure as a means of avoidanceTune in for a conversation about the power of pleasure in transforming our lives, and how exploring pleasure can change your world.Send us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

Whether we put authority figures on a pedestal or want to stick it to them, authority issues abound in our society. Joe and guest host Alexa Kistler connect over their shared history with authority issues. Together, they breakdown what the impacts can be for both the authority and the person with authority issues:How it distorts your worldHow it affects businessThe pitfalls of being an authorityWays to approach handling authority issuesNOTE: This podcast was recorded prior to the announcement of Kamala Harris as the Democratic candidate.Send us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

We heard you! So many of you loved Joe and Brett’s last coaching breakdown that we are back with another. This time, they review a rapid-fire coaching session that starts out exploring jealousy but evolves into a deep dive into setting boundaries and fear of rejection. Together, they explore:- Opening the heart to opposing viewpoints- Feeling through fear of rejection- Grieving lost love to find the love that is always presentSend us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

The desire to be seen is a primal human need, and under the guise of many names it drives our behaviors and shapes society. Tara Howley, co-founder of AOA, joins Brett for a conversation about the importance of being seen, why many of us fear it, and how shame colors our experience of it. They also explore the role of curiosity in resolving conflicts and deepening connections, and how our societal mores prevent people from being seen in important ways that have far-reaching consequences. They also cover: • Signs and symptoms of an unowned or unseen desire to be seen • Fear of being arrogant or prideful • The impact of parents not seeing their children's accomplishments • The disallowed parts of ourselves that we need to seeSend us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

What does it mean to be “enough” to have a relationship? In this episode, Joe coaches a woman grappling with feelings of inadequacy in relationships. Through their conversation, they uncover her underlying desire for control and fear of self-abandonment. Together, they examine her beliefs about love, worthiness, and connection.Topics discussed:the importance of self-lovesurrendering controlembracing vulnerability in relationshipsSend us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

Our idea of failure and how we respond to it dramatically shapes our identity and, consequently, how we live our lives. When we fear failure as an end-all-be-all rather than viewing it as an opportunity to learn and iterate, it can significantly hinder our personal growth, creativity, and ability to reach our full potential. In this episode, Brett and Joe explore the transformative power of embracing failure as part of life's journey. They discuss: • How shifting focus from outcomes to effort can lead to unexpected and remarkable results • Strategies for reframing failure as a stepping stone to success • Real-life examples of how embracing what we think of as “failure” leads to better results and breakthroughs Joe refers to the work of Dr. Kyra Bobinet, a Harvard neuroscientist who studies the link between the habenula, our ability to stay motivated when fear of failure strikes, and how to overcome this part of our brain to stay on track with our goals. Send us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community! Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudson Brett on X: @airkistler AOA on X: @artofaccomp Visit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.com We invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore

We’ve all experienced passive aggression and can often spot it when it happens to us. Whether we’re on the receiving end or dishing it out, our unowned anger seeps out of us and gets displayed in sometimes unexpected ways. In this episode, Joe and Brett get into the nitty gritty of passive aggression—what it is, how it comes up, some of the myriad ways it can present itself, and the impact it has on our relationships and morale. They also examine what it looks like to be passive aggressive to oneself, the cultural normalizing of passive aggression, and how to respond to it when it arises. Check out the other episodes mentioned in this podcast: Golden Algorithm: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/podcast/the-golden-algorithm-decisions-series-3Fear Triangle: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/podcast/the-power-dynamics-of-fear-emotion-series-7-3Upright Apology: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/podcast/the-upright-apology-a-tool-for-transformation Send us your questions on Twitter, through our website, or in our Circle community!Joe on X: @FU_JoeHudsonBrett on X: @airkistlerAOA on X: @artofaccompVisit Us: www.artofaccomplishment.comWe invite you to experience our work. Reserve your spot at www.view.life/explore