The Self-Driven Child

Hey folks, Ned here. If you're anything like me, you're always curious about how the younger generation views the world we're handing them—including the phones we put in their pockets and the social platforms we love to worry about. In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable high school students, Ellie and Flair, to talk not just about screen time and school phone policies, but how they really experience technology, anxiety, education, and what it means to grow up today.Ellie and Flair are bright, honest, and totally engaging. They bring a much-needed perspective on teen tech use, mental health, screen addiction, and the nuanced balance between connection and distraction. This isn’t a conversation about teens—it’s a conversation with them. You’ll walk away with new insight into what our kids are thinking and feeling, and hopefully, how we can better support them. Episode Highlights: [0:00] Welcome and an exciting announcement about the new workbook [1:30] Ellie reflects on generational changes in parenting and tech use [3:35] Meet our brilliant guests: Flair and Ellie [5:16] What BCC High School is like—diversity, size, and school culture [6:17] Launching into today’s topic: phones, social media, and school policies [8:23] What “PMDs” are and how new rules are enforced (or not) [10:49] Why students in advanced classes often self-regulate better [12:03] Calling out the adult double standard in screen use [14:05] Social media as both connection and distraction [17:01] Doomscrolling vs. genuine engagement—mental health reflections [18:17] The healing power of nature and how it competes with dopamine [21:05] How overprotection in the real world may fuel under-preparation [24:51] Discussing “The Anxious Generation” and parental fears [27:52] Does banning phones really solve anything? [29:11] Ellie gets real about anxiety, overdiagnosis, and support systems [33:11] Why blanket policies don’t reflect lived experience [36:16] Can schools craft phone policies with students, not just for them? [40:58] On class, academic support, and how expectations shape outcomes [45:56] Highlighting the MoCAT exhibit and teen voice in action [48:34] Final reflections: What teens really need from adults Links & Resources:The Museum of the Contemporary American Teenager (MoCAT): July 2–7 on the National Mall https://festival.si.edu/2025/youth-future-culture/mocat If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here! This episode is a continuation of our eye-opening conversation with Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, medical educator, and mental health advocate who's making waves in education reform. We dive deep into the hidden stressors in elite academic environments and explore what happens when you challenge the status quo.In Part Two of our discussion, Stuart unpacks his groundbreaking research on high-performing high schools and reveals the sobering mental health statistics that too often go unnoticed. We also talk about real, practical solutions—from pass/fail grading to autonomy-supportive school cultures—that can drastically improve students' well-being without sacrificing academic outcomes. It's a powerful reminder that doing well and being well don't have to be at odds. Episode Highlights:[1:54] - Welcoming back Dr. Stuart Slavin and setting the stage for Part Two of our conversation.[3:38] - Why it's "and," not "or": unpacking social media's role in student stress alongside deeper cultural forces.[6:31] - Eye-opening survey data from 18 high schools revealing staggering rates of anxiety and depression.[9:25] - Students define themselves by grades; extracurriculars are no longer fun—they're just more stress.[11:19] - The "free day" pilot at SLU: one day off every other week led to better mental health and test scores.[13:32] - How principles from positive psychology boosted connection, meaning, and performance.[16:33] - Letting go of false incentives: moving from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation through pass/fail reforms.[17:53] - Challenges schools face in shifting culture and making bold changes.[20:06] - Stuart's upcoming parenting book: offering families a saner, science-based path to raising healthy kids.[22:56] - It's not just the kids: how we're all part of the system that's failing them.[25:49] - Schools must redefine what makes them "good": test scores or student wellness?[29:22] - Practical mental health tools: meditation, breathing, and cognitive restructuring.[33:41] - Real-life stories from students who found unexpected joy outside the Ivy League.[35:26] - The dangers of rigid, narrow goals and the power of reframing.[37:21] - Autonomy, connection, competence: how self-determination theory explains what students need.[41:09] - Schools can change—if they have the courage. The research is clear, the model is ready.[42:33] - A challenge to school leaders: want to try this? We’re in. Let’s make it happen. Links & Resources:If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Stuart Slavin—pediatrician, medical educator, and a true superhero in the world of educational reform. Stuart’s groundbreaking work has shown that yes, we can dramatically improve student mental health without compromising academic performance—and he has the results to prove it.We get into why today's high schoolers are more stressed than med students, how maladaptive perfectionism is quietly damaging our youth, and what it really means to build resilience that lasts. Whether you're a parent, educator, or just someone who cares deeply about kids and learning, you don’t want to miss this conversation. Stuart's work is inspiring, actionable, and—best of all—hopeful. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, "The 7 Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child".[1:08] - Dr. Stuart Slavin on the surprising pressures teens face—more intense than med school.[3:22] - Stuart’s origin story and how a curriculum role led to mental health reform.[5:32] - How adolescent anxiety and perfectionism carry into adulthood.[7:42] - The dangerous cost of maladaptive perfectionism and chronic stress.[8:36] - What Stuart’s research revealed about depression, suicide risk, and medical students.[11:41] - The 3-part intervention that changed everything at Saint Louis University.[14:10] - Can cutting 10% of class time improve both health and test scores? (Spoiler: Yes.).[17:54] - How a 90-minute resilience curriculum taught students to challenge toxic thoughts.[22:01] - Why we must teach kids to recognize and reframe distorted thinking early.[24:20] - Replacing perfectionism with a healthy pursuit of excellence.[26:53] - Ned shares his own experience with depression and the power of having tools.[28:26] - From frustrated parent to systemic change: Stuart’s fight for student well-being.[30:21] - Final thoughts: to help kids thrive, we have to start upstream. Links & Resources:Learn more about Dr. Stuart Slavin's work at ACGME: https://www.acgme.org/ Episode 49 of The Self-Driven Child: How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For AllResearch cited in the episode: Medical student mental health 3.0: improving student wellness through curricular changesFinding the Why, Changing the How: Improving the Mental Health of Medical Students, Residents, and PhysiciansReflections on a Decade Leading a Medical Student Well-Being InitiativeIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here. In this episode, I’m diving into something that feels more essential now than ever—how to be a non-anxious presence for the people who count on you. Whether it’s your kids, students, partner, or even yourself, being that calm, steadying force can make all the difference. I know from personal experience and years of working with families that this isn’t easy, especially when the world feels like it’s spinning off its axis.So, I break down six practical, research-backed steps you can take to help yourself stay grounded, build emotional resilience, and show up as the helper people need—even when things get messy. I’ll walk you through stories from my own life, including the toughest parenting experience I’ve faced, and offer concrete strategies for managing your own stress so you can be that safe harbor in the storm.  Episode Highlights:[1:47] - Opening reflection on “helpers” and what it means to be a non-anxious presence.[4:22] - Step 1: Assessing your own baseline level of stress and why many of us don’t realize how stressed we really are.[7:56] - Step 2: Identifying your personal stress triggers using the N.U.T.S. framework. (Novelty, Unpredictability, Threat, Low Sense of Control).[11:34] - Step 3: Spotting your “tells” and emotional signals when you're not at your best.[14:10] - Step 4: Claiming your space—how to communicate your emotional needs without blowing up.[19:32] - Step 5: Facing challenges by confronting your fears and reframing anxious thinking.[22:18] - Step 6: Emergency and preventative stress relief techniques—laughter, breathing, exercise, and more.[24:40] - Personal story: How my son and I reframed our thinking during his brain tumor diagnosis and what we both learned about resilience and peace.[26:50] - Final thoughts on raising kids to thrive through hardship and modeling courage and calm. Links & Resources:How Exercise Can Calm Anxiety: https://archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/03/how-exercise-can-calm-anxiety/ The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook - Out now! If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud. We dive into a topic that’s been at the heart of so many recent conversations: how schools can do a better job supporting students’ mental health, motivation, and overall well-being.Bill and I have spent a lot of time lately visiting schools, giving talks, and listening—really listening—to what kids are telling us about their experience in today’s education system. We’re talking chronic stress, anxiety, and a relentless pressure to perform that’s robbing too many students of joy and curiosity. In this episode, we explore why this is happening, how schools got here, and most importantly, what we can do to change it. From the science of autonomy to the powerful impact of rethinking homework, we unpack real strategies that can make school a place of growth, not just grades. Episode Highlights:[1:07] – A student’s bold question about homework and mental health gets a thunderous response.[2:25] – Why we took a hard look at public schools in our new book’s bonus chapter.[3:29] – The critical role of autonomy in mental health and intrinsic motivation.[5:03] – Two big opportunities for schools: more voice and healthier environments.[6:16] – Striking data: mental health outcomes are worse during the school year.[8:14] – Students share how their lives revolve around impressing college admissions officers.[11:00] – Why school often ignores what neuroscience says about how brains actually learn.[13:32] – A principal shadows students for a day—and is shocked by the experience.[14:30] – The importance of downtime and unstructured moments between classes.[16:33] – Three steps for teachers to reflect on the purpose and impact of homework.[18:28] – Low intrinsic motivation is linked to nearly every mental health issue.[19:34] – A bold shift: one district makes homework optional and ungraded.[22:17] – How over-emphasizing homework can backfire on learning and wellness.[23:14] – Reducing content, adding autonomy: how med schools improved outcomes.[24:56] – Can we build schools that foster joy, not just performance?[29:47] – Inspire, don’t require: how one school reimagined homework.[34:31] – Collaborating across schools and communities to create real change.[36:14] – Parents can respectfully ask for the evidence behind educational practices.[38:21] – Radical downtime, meditation, and how calmer minds lead to better learning.[39:59] – Final thoughts: Let's reframe schools as places of growth, joy, and human development. Links & Resources:https://www.cdc.gov/classroom-management/approaches/student-autonomy-empowerment.html https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/ https://news.yale.edu/2020/01/30/national-survey-students-feelings-about-high-school-are-mostly-negative If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

If you’ve ever looked at your kid’s school and thought, “Is this really the best we can do?”—this episode is for you. I sat down with the incredible Jenee Henry Wood, a national leader in community-based school design, and co-author of Extraordinary Learning for All. We dive deep into why our current educational system—designed a hundred years ago for a very different world—often fails to meet the needs of today’s young people, and what it would look like to redesign schools to actually serve them better.Jenee brings so much wisdom, humor, and hope to this conversation. We talk about the real challenges of educational reform, how parents and students can become catalysts for change, and what it takes to create schools that are co-owned and co-loved by the communities they serve. Trust me, this isn’t your typical education podcast—it’s a call to action rooted in agency, relevance, and hope. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Introducing the episode and our latest book, The Self-Driven Child Workbook [1:44] - What does it mean to redesign schools—and are today’s schools meeting kids’ needs? [3:01] - Jenee Henry Wood shares her background and mission with Transcend Education [5:46] - The “three big ideas” behind redesigning education: design awareness, prioritizing experience, and community-based transformation [11:15] - Why the old model of school no longer fits the world our kids are inheriting [12:52] - The politics of change: why we stall at the 20% we disagree on [15:07] - What kids and parents really want from school (hint: it’s not just test prep) [17:22] - The power of voice, agency, and building trust in the redesign process [20:56] - A powerful story from North Dakota about shifting from imposed solutions to shared ownership [24:31] - How to start a redesign process—yes, even without a superintendent's blessing [26:54] - Jenee’s message of hope: “Institutions are of us, from us. Change starts with you.” Links & Resources:Transcend Academy Website: https://transcendeducation.org/ Extraordinary Learning for All: How Communities Design Schools Where Everyone Thrives: https://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-Learning-All-Communities-Everyone/dp/1394230540 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this very special episode, I sit down with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud to celebrate the arrival of our third “baby” — our brand new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook. If you’ve ever read our earlier books (The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say?), and found yourself thinking, “I love these ideas, but how do I actually apply them?”—this episode (and this book!) is for you. We created this workbook to help you go beyond the theory and actually make the Self-Driven Child way your way.Bill and I unpack the inspiration behind the workbook and walk through the seven core principles that anchor it. We talk about everything from building calm, connected homes to the delicate art of motivating kids without trying to change them. Along the way, we share powerful stories from families we’ve worked with, lessons from years of practice, and candid reflections from our own parenting journeys. This episode has actionable insights to support you—and your kids—in building a happier, healthier, and more autonomous life. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Kicking things off with the big news: our new book has officially launched![3:00] - Why we wrote a workbook and how it supports parents in putting ideas into practice.[6:24] - How old myths about parenting can derail connection, and why reflecting is essential.[8:39] - Real-life stories of transformation when parents shift their approach.[11:15] - It takes practice to make new parenting habits stick—why this book is about just that.[13:25] - Diving into the first principle: “Put connection first” and why it matters most.[15:00] - Principle #2: Be a consultant, not the boss—fostering autonomy through trust.[16:19] - Communicating healthy vs. toxic expectations—and the power of belief in your kid.[17:33] - Why kids need an accurate model of reality (and success isn't a straight line).[21:03] - Motivating kids without trying to change them—how to be more effective and empathetic.[24:22] - The critical role of being a non-anxious presence and how it strengthens the whole family.[25:14] - Principle #6: Practicing radical digital downtime for mental clarity and brain health.[26:26] - Bonus chapter! What education could look like if we built it around brains, not just grades.[33:51] - Our favorite exercises from the workbook—and how they’ll help you build connection and effectiveness. Links & Resources:To order The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook: https://politics-prose.com/book/9780143138259 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

If you've ever felt like the challenges of school, stress, and expectations are just too much, you’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Riana Alexander, a college freshman and mental health advocate, who turned her own struggles into a movement for change. Riana opens up about her journey—from a high-achieving student battling anxiety and depression to the founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health, a nonprofit dedicated to improving mental health resources in schools. We also dive into her fight for change within her school district, the resistance she faced, and the powerful impact she and her peers have made.We also discuss the misconceptions around mental health, the role schools should play in student well-being, and how adults can better support struggling teens. If you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, this conversation will challenge and inspire you. A quick content note: We do discuss suicidal ideation and suicide in this episode. If you or someone you know needs support, call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.Episode Highlights:[3:10] – Meet Riana: A college student, mental health advocate, and founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health. [5:49] – Riana’s struggle with anxiety and depression during high school and how she found her way forward. [7:55] – The disconnect between academic pressure and mental health—and how schools often miss the signs. [12:45] – The tragic events that sparked Riana’s advocacy work. [15:40] – Facing school board resistance: “This isn’t a school problem”. [25:42] – How student-led advocacy finally pushed the district to take action. [30:29] – The launch of the Hope Institute and its life-saving impact. [32:34] – What adults can do to support struggling teens. [42:16] – The importance of asking direct questions about mental health. [49:27] – Why open conversations and community involvement are key to change.Links & Resources:Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox How to talk to someone who may be in crisis: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-ask-someone-if-theyre-thinking-about-suicide/ Washington Post article featuring Riana Alexander https://wapo.st/3Qvyyd7 Arizona Students For Mental Health: Website: https://azstudentsformenta.wixsite.com/azsfmh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/azstudentsformentalhealth/ Children's Risk of Suicide Rises on School Days: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here! You know how much we all want our kids and students to thrive, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, it feels like we’re stuck in the same old patterns that just don’t work. That’s why I’m thrilled about today’s episode. We’re talking about the concept of student autonomy—why it’s crucial for engagement, learning, and even mental health. And joining me is someone who’s not just talking about change but making it happen: longtime educator and reformer Mike Nicholson.Mike has spent decades in education, from being a teacher to a superintendent to a consultant, and now he’s working directly with schools to help them give students more meaningful control over their learning. We talk about what happens when students have more agency, the impact of constant micromanagement in schools, and how even small changes—like making homework optional—can lead to huge shifts. If you’ve ever wondered why student engagement drops as they move through school or how we can turn things around, this conversation is for you! Episode Highlights:[2:46] – Mike Nicholson’s journey in education and why he’s passionate about student autonomy.[4:42] – The shocking decline of student engagement as they progress through school.[6:44] – Why behaviorism (carrots and sticks) isn’t working in education.[10:49] – What educators discover when they shadow students for a full school day.[14:23] – Would any adult willingly go through what we put students through?[22:04] – What school handbooks reveal about the culture of control in education.[33:09] – The case for making homework optional—especially in math![41:46] – A real-world example of a school successfully giving students more control.[45:51] – Shifting school from something kids "have to do" to something they want to do. Links & Resources:Learning InspirED: https://www.learninspired.org/ Download the Autonomy Breakdown: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13O75KCX6TFUPZ8jK6W2aYOlY7M_eWyLD/view If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

What if some of the people on your team weren’t actually working—but just good at looking busy? In this episode, I sit down with Yegor Denisov-Blanch to discuss a fascinating and troubling trend in the tech world: ghost engineers. These are software developers whose productivity is so low that they barely contribute—yet they manage to stay employed. Yegor, a researcher dedicated to improving software engineering performance, dives into what causes this phenomenon, why it’s more common than you’d think, and how it affects company culture, team morale, and overall efficiency. But instead of just calling them out, his goal is to understand why this happens—and how to fix it.We also explore how the same disengagement issues that plague workplaces show up in schools. Yegor shares his own unconventional education journey, having dropped out of the traditional system at 14, teaching himself to code, and later excelling in university. What does this say about the way we measure productivity and success—not just in work, but in learning?  Episode Highlights:[00:49] - What exactly is a ghost engineer, and why are companies unknowingly paying them?[03:41] - The research behind software engineer performance and why measuring it has been difficult.[06:38] - How ghost engineers operate—are they just lazy, or is there something deeper going on?[10:41] - The surprising psychological and workplace culture factors that push employees toward disengagement.[15:22] - The role of trust in the workplace and why micromanagement can actually increase disengagement.[23:30] - How remote work has changed productivity—for better and worse.[25:18] - Yegor’s unconventional education journey: Dropping out of 8th grade, starting a business at 14, and later graduating top of his class.[32:24] - How personalized learning and self-directed education could prevent disengagement in students before they enter the workforce.[40:30] - The bigger mission: Not just exposing ghost engineers, but fixing the system so they don’t need to exist. Links & Resources:Are ‘ghost engineers’ real? Seeking Silicon Valley’s least productive coders: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/12/08/ghost-engineers-programming-productivity-coding/ Stanford Research: Measuring Software Engineering Productivity: https://dpe.org/sessions/simon-obstbaum-yegor-denisov-blanch/stanford-research-measuring-software-engineering-productivity/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com