The Rollercoaster Podcast

What do you do when the person you love tells you “I love you,” and just minutes later, your entire world falls apart?On June 13, 2024, MaKela Allen lost her husband, Michael, to suicide. Just hours earlier, they were planning their future, preparing to move into a new home, and talking about having another child. There was no goodbye. No warning she could have recognized. Just a final text message that would haunt her forever.I sat down with MaKela for a deeply personal and emotional conversation about suicide, grief, domestic abuse, and the unimaginable reality of raising children after losing their father.In this episode:The final moments before Michael took his own lifeThe warning signs MaKela never imagined could lead to suicideHow she told her three-year-old son his dad was goneThe complicated grief of loving someone who also hurt youFinding the strength to rebuild a life after unimaginable lossWhat struck me most was MaKela’s ability to hold love, anger, heartbreak, and compassion all at once.Her story is a reminder that grief isn't something we simply overcome. Sometimes, surviving means learning to carry what we cannot change.Key Moments:00:00 My husband's final I love you before his death03:42 The family tragedy before everything fell apart07:42 The morning my husband took his own life10:24 I found my husband's car surrounded by police15:19 The moment doctors told me he was dead18:22 Telling my three-year-old his dad was gone21:14 The painful truth about our marriage and domestic abuse24:08 The suicide note my husband left behind27:59 Loving someone who caused you so much pain32:05 Were there warning signs I missed before his suicide?36:27 How I want my children to remember their father40:15 Surviving the worst day of my life43:00 Finding hope when grief feels unbearableConnect with Me:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/Connect with MaKela:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makelaallen/

Britt Del Toro lost her 10-week-old son, Zeppelin. Later, she survived her own suicide attempt and then lost her husband, Troy, to suicide. Britt talks with me about organ donation, the depression that deepened after the funeral, reaching for help, loving Troy through mental illness, and parenting when you can barely get through the day. She doesn't pretend she has grief figured out, and that's exactly why this conversation matters.If you're struggling or thinking about suicide, you're not alone. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, US) or visit https://stayhere.live.Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-applicationIf this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

What happens to your faith when you witness suffering so horrific that you start asking God why He allows it? Alex Barbir, founder of Building Zion, has risked his life to stand with persecuted Christians in Nigeria, where families are being murdered and villages destroyed. He shares what he saw at massacre sites, the mother cradling her murdered son, and how rebuilding villages restores hope for survivors.Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-applicationIf this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

What happens when the person you've loved almost your entire life is suddenly taken from you?My guest today is Ashley Leatham, who lost her husband, Scott, a 39-year-old firefighter, to a rare and aggressive cancer called NUT carcinoma. What started as persistent headaches turned into a devastating diagnosis, and just five months later, Ashley was holding her husband's hand as he took his final breath.They had known each other since they were 12. They built a beautiful life, raised two children, and imagined growing old together. Then everything changed.Ashley opens up about the unimaginable pain of watching her husband fight for his life, the heartbreak of telling their children he was dying, and the final moments she'll never forget.In this episode:The warning signs before Scott's devastating cancer diagnosisHow five months changed their family's lives foreverThe heartbreaking final days before Scott passed awayNavigating grief, widowhood, and raising children after lossFinding purpose, faith, and hope when life feels unbearableThis conversation is a powerful reminder that tomorrow is never promised, the people we love are everything, and even in our darkest moments, there can still be a reason to keep going.Key Moments:00:00 The heartbreaking final moments of Scott's cancer battle03:01 A childhood friendship that became a lifelong love07:50 The headaches that revealed a deadly cancer diagnosis12:44 The hospital visit that changed everything16:14 The rare cancer diagnosis and desperate fight to survive20:11 When chemotherapy led to a terrifying emergency23:05 Seven organs failing and the fight to stay alive27:28 The devastating cancer prognosis that shattered their hope30:18 How facing death changes what matters most35:16 The powerful life lesson Scott left behind38:55 The suspected cancer risks inside the fire station43:23 The heartbreaking news that Scott had weeks to live46:16 The final family memories before saying goodbye49:09 Holding her husband's hand as he took his last breath52:35 The painful reality of grief after losing a spouse56:06 Finding purpose and hope after unimaginable lossConnect with Me:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/Connect with Nick & Cassie:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dsnyash/

There’s a point where you can’t blame your past anymore. You have to look in the mirror and decide who you’re going to become.My guest, Shane Goodbar, has lived both sides of that truth.Shane was sexually abused as a child, learned to hide behind a mask, and eventually found escape through alcohol and drugs. What started as a way to numb the pain spiraled into addiction, broken relationships, multiple DUIs, jail, and a moment where he came terrifyingly close to taking another man’s life.But this isn’t just a story about addiction. It’s about accountability, recovery, fatherhood, faith, forgiveness, and what happens when you finally stop seeing yourself as the victim of your own life.In this episode:How childhood sexual abuse shaped Shane’s identity and need to escapeWhy drugs and alcohol became a way to stop feelingThe rock-bottom moment that finally broke through years of denialHow a two-year therapeutic community completely rebuilt his lifeWhy recovery meant learning to love the man staring back in the mirrorWhat stayed with me most was Shane’s willingness to own all of it. Not excuse it. Not hide from it. Own it.Because no matter how lost you’ve become, your past doesn’t have to be where your story ends. But eventually, you have to take the first step.Key Moments:00:00 The man behind the mask03:18 Hiding childhood sexual abuse06:02 When drugs became the escape09:41 Living two different lives13:15 Addiction starts taking over17:46 The relationship that changed everything21:07 Becoming a father changes the path24:49 The lie he told himself about fatherhood27:07 His fourth DUI and arrest30:04 Ten days after leaving jail33:09 When rock bottom finally hit36:03 Facing the man he had become39:01 Learning to love himself again42:03 The identity crisis facing men45:12 Finding God after years of pain48:26 Why surrender finally brought peace51:03 His message to anyone still lost53:02 What recovery actually gives youConnect with Me:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/Connect with Shane:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sr_goodbar/

There are some phone calls that divide your life into a before and an after.My guest, Kylie Hammonds, was just 26 when she received one of those calls. Her mom, Tabitha, had died suddenly, leaving Kylie and her brother searching for answers about what happened that night.Kylie takes me inside the events surrounding her mother’s death, the fentanyl discovered during the investigation, the questions surrounding her father, and the painful reality of grieving her mom while also grieving a father who was still alive.In this episode:The phone call that changed Kylie’s life foreverThe unanswered questions surrounding her mom’s sudden deathWhy the investigation left Kylie and her brother searching for answersHow she learned to release the anger she carried toward her fatherWhy preserving the voices and memories of the people we love matters so muchBut this conversation became about so much more than loss.Kylie shares what three years of grief, anger, prayer and healing have taught her about forgiveness, giving yourself grace, and how easily we convince ourselves we’ll have more time with the people we love.Later, Kylie’s boyfriend Michael Curtis joins us to share how watching her navigate this unimaginable loss inspired him to create Forevermore, a platform designed to preserve the voices, stories and memories of the people we love.And at the very end, Kylie plays the only voicemail she has left of her mom.It’s only a few seconds long, but when it’s the only chance you have to hear someone you love again, a few seconds is everything.Key Moments:00:00 The phone call that changed everything05:13 Flying home without knowing the truth10:03 Why her brother warned her at the airport15:07 The heartbreaking scene inside the house20:05 Strangers caught entering her mom’s office24:48 Her father’s story starts falling apart29:10 The addiction Kylie never fully understood33:07 Fentanyl changes the entire investigation38:22 The discovery that changed how she saw her dad42:04 Grieving a father who is still alive49:21 What grief taught her about surviving loss57:30 The tragedy that shaped Michael’s view of loss1:02:00 How Kylie’s grief sparked a bigger idea1:12:00 Using AI to preserve a loved one’s voice1:17:00 The questions that uncover your life story1:25:16 Hearing a loved one’s voice after they’re gone1:32:12 What she’d give to hear her mom againConnect with Me:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/Connect with Kylie:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylie_knh/Connect with Michael:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaelrrcurtis/

Nick lost his wife, Anna, to breast cancer. Cassie lost her husband, Cody, to pancreatic cancer just 66 days after his diagnosis. Then they found each other. Before Cody died, he told Cassie he was already praying for the man who would one day love her and help raise their kids. Nick and Cassie talk about losing a spouse to cancer, helping young children through grief, holding onto faith when nothing made sense, and finding love again.Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-applicationIf this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

A few days before 16-year-old Landon took his own life, he spent what felt like one of the best weeks of his life with his cousin, Landon Ashworth.They ate way too much sushi, played golf, shot guns, laughed, talked about life, and dreamed about the future. When the week ended, Landon told him how much he needed it. He seemed happy. He seemed okay.Then came the phone call that changed everything.I sit down with filmmaker, actor, writer, and creator Landon Ashworth for an incredibly raw conversation about suicide, autism, grief, survivor’s guilt, and the things we sometimes don't see until it's too late.In this episode:Losing his 16-year-old cousin Landon to suicideThe warning signs he wishes he had recognized soonerGrowing up autistic, masking, bullying, and feeling misunderstoodThe survivor’s guilt he still carries after Landon’s deathTurning grief into his deeply personal film Go OnLandon opens up about experiencing suicidal thoughts himself and why he now isn’t afraid to directly ask someone if they’re thinking about taking their own life.We also talk about the painful reality of trying to help someone find their way out of the darkness, why emotional pain can feel impossible to escape, and the importance of finding something worth holding onto.This conversation is heavy. But more than anything, it’s about choosing to keep going.Key Moments:00:00 The week before everything changed03:03 When Landon’s future fell apart06:25 The week that made him feel okay again10:02 The phone call no one expected13:43 The guilt of missing the signs17:02 The suicide warning signs he missed20:23 The reality of masking autism24:00 Why other people’s opinions mean nothing29:39 What an autistic brain can feel like34:29 The Hollywood advice Landon couldn’t accept38:00 Why vulnerable people started finding him41:37 Turning Landon’s suicide into Go On45:01 Finding a reason to stay alive48:02 How to get out of emotional hellConnect with Me:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/Connect with Landon Ashworth:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/landonashworthdirects/#SuicidePrevention #AutismAwareness #SurvivorsGuilt

When I called Mya Ludwig, she'd had a double mastectomy and was halfway through chemo. I hung up feeling like she'd helped me. Mya opens up about finding the lump, what treatment is really like, losing her hair, and refusing to let cancer become her identity. We also talk about the traumatic brain injury that taught her lessons she never expected, and finding joy in the hardest seasons.Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-applicationIf this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

As a young police officer, Matthew Griffin was first on scene and performed CPR on two-and-a-half-year-old Benny Jr., the son of a friend. Benny didn't survive. Matt spent 21 years in the military and law enforcement, and that one call followed him for decades: guilt, nightmares, drinking, and losing his marriage and his identity until he no longer wanted to live. We talk about first responder PTSD, police mental health, and what kept him here.If you're struggling or thinking about suicide, you're not alone. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, US) or visit https://stayhere.live.Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-applicationIf this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.