Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child.
In the 3rd and final episode of this series, you'll find out why it's important to go through the steps in order, and not to enter Step 3 prematurely.
By the time you get to this last step, you should already have completed 90% of the work of reconnection -- even without your adult child's participation.
Tina cautions that many rejected parents go through the steps backwards, expending energy in fruitless efforts for which they haven't yet built a foundation.
You'll also hear about three different traps that parents can fall into, in trying to repair an estrangement.
Once you've spent constructive time in Steps 1 and 2, you'll be prepared for Step 3, which should be the easiest of the three, if approached in order.
More episodes from "The Reconnection Club Podcast"
111. "Why do I have to heal first?"
7:09An episode for parents with trauma in their history, or any parent who identifies as feeling "broken." Show notes are at https://reconnectionclub.com/111
110. Knowing vs. Doing
9:46If only we always did what we know we should do, instead of what we somehow end up doing despite our better judgment. When it comes to reconnecting with estranged adult children, many parents have good information to go on, and even better intentions. They know what to do, whether it be listening more, reaching out less, or something else. But if you’re like the rest of us, you don’t always put what you know into practice. What gets in the way, and what can you do about it if you haven’t been following your best protocol to solve the estrangement of your adult child(ren)? In this episode, Tina talks about two big obstacles that keep knowing from becoming doing. Show notes at https://reconnectionclub.com/110
Happy New Year and New Schedule Announcement
1:37Starting this month, The RC Podcast will release new episodes every other week instead of weekly.
109. Common Obstacles, Part 2
11:16Over two episodes, 108 and 109, Tina touches on six obstacles that challenge parents trying to reconnect with their estranged adult children: Confusion, comparison, defensiveness, paralysis, emotional reasoning, and fear. Part 1 (Episode 108) addressed the first three and Part 2 (this episode) the second three. Over and over, these six internal stumbling blocks keep parents from making progress. Tina explains the difficulties and what you can do to get past them. While there may be external obstacles between you and your estranged adult child, start where you have the most power; dismantle internal obstacles first. A self that is whole has more power to overcome challenges than one in pieces.
108. Common Obstacles, Part 1
9:27Over two episodes, 108 and 109, Tina touches on six obstacles that challenge parents trying to reconnect with their estranged adult children: Confusion, comparison, defensiveness, paralysis, emotional reasoning, and fear. Part 1 (Episode 108) addresses the first three and Part 2 (Episode 109) the second three. Over and over, these six internal stumbling blocks keep parents from making progress. Tina explains the difficulties and what you can do to get past them. While there may be external obstacles between you and your estranged adult child, start where you have the most power; dismantle internal obstacles first. A self that is whole has more power to overcome challenges than one in pieces.
107. Staying Present In Their Absence
11:07Estrangement from your adult child(ren) presents a special sorrow during the holiday season. Part of the suffering is inevitable for parents; the loss of connection to one’s own children hurts. But there’s another aspect of estrangement that you can do something about today. And that is to reconnect with yourself, through the practice of staying present. In this grounding episode, Tina reminds us that there’s always someone home inside us. Even when we’re missing other people, it’s important that we show up for ourselves. Three ways for unwillingly estranged parents to stay present during the holidays (and every day) are explained in this episode. But as Tina points out, there are many more. Happy holidays to everyone; may we all find many moments of peace, meaning and connection. For many more practical tips on how to repair an estranged relationship with your adult child(ren) and yourself, see Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join at ReconnectionClub.com.
106. Estrangement and Sibling Rivalry
10:09Sibling rivalry is an unfortunate fact of life in many families. It can contribute to estrangement from parents as well. There are two situations where this is especially true, which Tina addresses in this informative episode. One is when your estranged adult child accuses you of playing favorites, either in childhood or on a continuing basis, thereby promoting sibling rivalry. Another is when two or more of your adult children aren’t getting along with each other. Often this type of conflict is due to, or exacerbated by, the estrangement of one sibling from parents and possibly other family members. In this episode, Tina makes suggestions about how to handle each of the above scenarios. You as the parent have more power than you might think in both cases.
105. Making Necessary Changes
11:32To work your way back to a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with your currently estranged adult child, there might be changes you wish to make. Something went wrong in the relationship you share. To repair your damaged bond, you may wish to show up in a different way for your adult child. Typical changes desired are for parents to listen more, criticize less, reduce or increase expectations placed on the adult child, etc. Many changes requested by estranged adult children are ones that could benefit the parent as well. For this reason, and because the relationship may depend on it, you need to know how to actually change – not just to talk about it, but to do it. This episode outlines four specific steps to making a change. Be ready to take notes!
104. Let Young Adults Be Young Adults
9:08It can be nerve-wracking, launching a young adult. You’re still a parent, but your child has reached the age of majority. Suddenly, your influence is legally nil. But your attachment is no less strong. How can you continue to help and support a young adult if they no longer seek your counsel? What can (or should) you do if you think they’re making poor decisions? In this episode, Tina normalizes the emotional challenge of parenting young adults, while inspiring you to be there for your adult child(ren) in a way that’s appropriate to this new stage of their lives. You may not be able to guide your adult child’s path from this point forward, but you can still have a positive continuing influence as a supportive parent. And remember that everything you’ve ever taught them, and the personal example you’ve set, will live on in your child’s life.
103. "What Should I Apologize For?"
11:13If you don’t know what to apologize for when it comes to your estranged adult child(ren), it may be that no apology is needed. But if you sense that an apology would be healing, then there’s work to do. Knowing what to apologize for is the result of effort; you have to try to understand what happened in the relationship and why your child currently prefers distance. Tina suggests in this episode that if you don't know what to apologize for, it's probably too early for an apology. Since premature apologies can do more harm than good, Tina outlines steps you can take to acquire the knowledge you need.