Hour 1: Attila's Horse

It's time for JuJu's Spliff Notes, but first, Stugotz must issue an apology to Dan for not backing him up as he kept talking and talking and talking during the last segment. Then, JuJu explains why he respects Jeremy less after his Salt & Vinegar chip debacle, why the audience doesn't want to hear about sports media, and his misery over losing his parlay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No one knows what the audience wants more than Meadowlark Media consultant Billy Gil. He leads us to The King Charles Algorithm. Then, we have top tier expertise on this week's Against the Spread that includes Ian the offensive line expert dissecting hockey, Lucy's astrophysicist friend Hannah, and a tennis challenger in Bordeaux. Plus, Dan, despite the show working against him, wants to discuss JJ Redick vs. Doc Rivers, Stephen A. Smith's contract year, and the sports media landscape. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tom Brady regrets his Netflix roast because of how it impacted his kids, so we have our resident expert in embarrassing his children, Stugotz, dive into the impact it can have. Then, JuJu stops by to chat with Lucy about an INCREDIBLE Opening Night in the WNBA. Plus, is Nikola Jokic a better point guard than Tony Parker? And why do we feel the need to declare "it's over" before a series is actually over? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sam Morril, our Commissioner of Fandom and Senior Knicks Correspondent, is here to explain how he plans to keep Isaiah Hartenstein in New York with a tour of the city, the Pacers thinking they're tough guys, and why he wants Draymond Green to let him enjoy love. Then, Dan absurdly wants a Panthers Game 7, Roy remains confident despite the Game 5 loss, Jeremy learned hockey just by sitting next to Roy, and Chris thinks Paul Maurice was sexy. An interesting night on the ice... Plus, it's time to name the show penalties that get our crew sent to the Penalty Box. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's cast: Dan, Stugotz, Chris, Billy, Jeremy, Lucy, and Roy. Nikola Jokic put together a masterpiece of sports art last night as he dominated Rudy Gobert and the Timberwolves. Dan, Stu, and the Shipping Container discuss his dominance. Then, what DOESN'T Shaq sell? And does Billy want any of Dan's Marlins junk? Plus, Oklahoma City's greatest strength is kidnapping, and Billy Gil wants to work as Meadowlark Media's latest consultant. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You might think that calling a game is easy. That Tom Brady can do this in his sleep. Jon "Boog" Sciambi, announcer for the Chicago Cubs and "MLB: The Show," teaches Pablo why the human voice is an instrument that requires restraint and distinction to record the first draft of sports history, then pass it down like an heirloom. Come for the PTFO dictionary's debut in the broadcast booth; stay for Nic Cage murdering Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg with a Toyota Outback at Wrigley Field. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dan answers Greg's Gregg Doyel hypothetical AND discusses Harrison Butker's anti-LGBTQ and anti-women's rights comments, but he probably should have been in a costume to do so. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Greg Cote believes the U-Turn is a selfish act, but once he gets done explaining why, Dan sets him up for failure by revealing a pre-show campaign to #FreeGreggDoyel. Greg does his best to explain why he's on THIS particular mission on Day 1 of the WNBA season... Then, has there been a plotting of retirement? Is Dan apologizing to Roger Goodell? And should NBA coaches get back to wearing suits? Plus, as Dan brings things back to the Doyel conversation, Greg Cote gets incensed over the way Dan has characterized his position. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can you solve a problem with a headbutt? Does the woodpecker peck wood? Are you familiar with the woodpecker community? What would you do if you had a hammer? Do Eastern Europeans headbutt more than average? ALL of these questions and more are answered in the first segment of Hour 1 led by Greg Cote. Then, Dan doesn't understand the enthusiasm around the NFL schedule release, but Stugotz and the Shipping Container are all the way in. They discuss what Joe Burrow and Trevor Lawrence have to show them this year, Aaron Rodgers opening the season in San Francisco, and whether or not Tom Brady will be any good at broadcasting. Plus, do actors take roles solely so the studio will pay them to get in good shape? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Professional Speaker Charlotte Wilder joins the show at the peak of her form to discuss the lack of joy in Celtics wins, Boston breaking its stars, dreaming of a clutch situation, and LeBron James sneaking a bottle of wine into the arena. Then, how does the crew register the dominance of both Aleksander Barkov and Sergei Bobrovsky for the Florida Panthers over the Boston Bruins after the way they felt about those players two years ago? Plus, Valeri Nichushkin's suspension, giving Andrew Brunette his flowers after Dan's abusive behavior toward him, and Billy closes the loop. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices