Stories for Robots

The rest of the original Beauty and the Beast, told to two silly robots with strong opinions about fart whistles. A funny story for kids 5 to 11. New here? Start with Part 1.Beauty arrives at the Beast's castle (Vector recommends a scissor kick to the face) and finds candles that light themselves, rooms that grant her every wish, and a handsome prince who visits her dreams each night. The Beast, meanwhile, asks her to marry him every single night at dinner. Spark figures out the original's biggest twist: Beauty is half fairy.Adapted from Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve's 1740 original, by way of Andrew Lang's 1889 Blue Fairy Book.Up next: the two-part season finale, The Snow Queen, with both parts released together.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/beauty-and-the-beastChapters00:00:00 Welcome Back00:02:15 Fireworks at the Castle00:05:00 The Treasure Room00:07:06 Dreaming of a Prince00:10:29 Dinner with the Beast00:14:00 Beauty Misses Home00:16:14 A Mad Dash00:19:39 Who Were Those Ladies?If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

The original Beauty and the Beast starts with a dad of twelve, a blizzard and one very expensive rose, told to two silly robots. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.In Part 1, a rich merchant with twelve kids loses everything when his ships are lost at sea and his mansion burns down. (The robots blame Little Jimmy, a youngest brother they make up on the spot.) Years later, lost in a blizzard, he stumbles into an empty, magical castle, picks a single rose for his youngest daughter, Beauty, and meets its very angry owner. Vector thinks a death sentence for picking a rose seems fair, right up until he gets scared and hugs Spark to test Spark's "structural rigidity."Adapted from Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve's 1740 original, by way of Andrew Lang's 1889 Blue Fairy Book.The story continues in Part 2.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/beauty-and-the-beastChapters00:00:00 Meet the SAC-MATS00:02:08 Naming the Dad00:05:00 Introducing Beauty00:07:38 Lost in a Blizzard00:12:08 One Very Expensive Rose00:14:39 A Brave ChoiceIf your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

The original Rapunzel: a tower with no door, 70 feet of hair and the world's slowest escape plan, told to two silly robots. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.A craving for a sorceress's lettuce costs a couple their baby, and later a prince lands in a rosebush. Vector wants to know how much lettuce a baby is worth. The older version ends in a chase with magic acorns that Vector calls the 1600s version of a high-speed car chase.Adapted from the Brothers Grimm's 1812 original, plus the ending of Giambattista Basile's even older Petrosinella.New to the show? This is a great first episode.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/rapunzelChapters00:00:00 Meet Spark and Vector00:02:15 The Grimm Story Begins00:08:20 Tower with No Door00:14:13 The Slowest Escape Plan00:19:39 The Older Ending: Petrosinella00:23:51 What’s the Lesson?If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

The original Aladdin, Part 2: he wins the princess, then loses her, the lamp and an entire palace. A funny story for kids 5 to 11. New here? Start with Part 1.The sorcerer whisks them all halfway across the world, and the robots have strong opinions about evil facial hair. Spark demands respect for the overlooked ring genie. Vector would like to know whether murder is customary in human culture.Adapted from the original in Antoine Galland's One Thousand and One Nights (1710s).Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/aladdinChapters00:00:00 Welcome Back00:02:11 A Sneaky Vizier00:04:19 An Impossible Request00:06:43 The Sorcerer Returns00:10:11 Rescuing the Princess00:14:20 An Even Worse Brother00:19:18 What Did We Learn?If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

The original Aladdin has two genies, a very suspicious uncle and pants full of treasure, told to two silly robots. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.In Part 1, a lazy kid named Aladdin meets a stranger with a thin mustache, a soul patch and a claim to be his long-lost uncle. Soon Aladdin is trapped underground with a magic ring and a dusty old lamp. Vector eventually works out that the uncle is lying. Spark insists Aladdin and his friends are playing toilet tag.Adapted from the original in Antoine Galland's One Thousand and One Nights (1710s).The story continues in Part 2.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/aladdinChapters00:00:00 Meet Spark and Vector00:03:24 A Very Suspicious Uncle00:07:34 Into the Mountains00:11:46 Inside the Treasure Cave00:14:45 Two Genies00:18:45 Aladdin Falls in LoveIf it made your family laugh, tell one other family about it. That's how kids' shows grow.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

In the original Cinderella, the fairy godmother is a bird. Two silly robots decide she's a pigeon and name her Marge. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.There's no pumpkin coach. Instead there's a hazel tree on her mother's grave, a ball three nights in a row, and stepsisters who will do almost anything to make a golden slipper fit. Spark wants to know where Cinderella's dad is. Vector calculates the tears.Adapted from the Brothers Grimm's original, Aschenputtel.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/cinderellaChapters00:00:00 Vector Speaks Robot00:02:31 Meet the Stepsisters00:05:03 Marge the Fairy Godpigeon00:07:08 The Lentil Challenge00:11:47 Off to the Ball00:14:04 The Prince’s Sticky Plan00:19:13 Wedding DayIf it made your family laugh, tell one other family about it. That's how kids' shows grow.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

The ending of the original Little Mermaid, told to two silly robots who are not ready for it. A funny story for kids 5 to 11. New here? Start with Part 1.The little mermaid has legs at last, but every step feels like walking on knives, she can't say a word, and the prince keeps calling her his "foundling." Spark is outraged. Vector thinks sleeping on a pillow outside the prince's door sounds comfortable and practical.Adapted from Hans Christian Andersen's 1837 original.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/the-little-mermaidChapters00:00:00 Welcome Back00:02:10 Life at the Palace00:04:13 The Friend Zone00:06:58 The Royal Wedding00:10:27 Surprise in the Sky00:12:41 Happy Ending or Not?If your family enjoyed it, hit Follow so new episodes show up on their own.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

The original Little Mermaid, told to two silly robots. One wants to put the shipwrecked prince in a giant bowl of rice. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.In Part 1, the youngest mermaid princess finally turns fifteen, swims to the surface, and saves a prince from a shipwreck. Then she makes a very big decision. Vector insists on doing his own underwater sound effects.Adapted from Hans Christian Andersen's 1837 original.The story continues in Part 2.Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/the-little-mermaidChapters00:00:00 Meet Spark and Vector00:03:20 Six Mermaid Princesses00:06:25 A Shipwreck Rescue00:09:38 Watching the Prince00:12:33 The Sea Witch’s DealIf your family enjoyed it, hit Follow so new episodes show up on their own.Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.comGrown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobotsWritten, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected] ★ Support this podcast ★

Spark and Vector are robots. Silly robots. Sure, they’ve read the whole internet, but humans are still so confusing. Like, what are hot dogs and…why? And what’s up with wearing pants? To find out, they’re learning the old-fashioned way: with stories. Join them as they hear some of humanity’s most timeless tales with plenty of laughs and surprisingly insightful questions along the way.We all grew up with the same classic animated movies: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Cinderella… you know the ones. In Season One of Stories for Robots, you’ll hear those same stories. But also totally not.Every week, I tell my two robot pals, Spark and Vector, the original stories that inspired the movie classics. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You probably won’t hurl. But you will be shocked at how wildly different, slightly weird, and utterly enchanting these stories are.Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools. ★ Support this podcast ★