Ep208: Tying and Being Tied in Rope Bondage with ADHD

Whether or not you think that there is a higher incidence of neurodiversity in the kink scene, research shows that around 6% of adults are affected by ADHD, which means over a rope career if you interact with different partners, at some point you’re likely to tie with someone with the condition. In this episode, we ask listeners to share their lived experience of ADHD, to better understand the potential symptoms, and how it might affect rope - whether you are a top, bottom or self-tier. As ever, we remind us all that individual differences are stronger than group differences, and just because something applies to one person with ADHD, does not mean it applies to another person - the best way to understand your rope partner is to talk to them.

One of Fox’s favourite ties for smexy times is the ‘Crab Tie’, so he’s excited to share some of his ideas, tips and experiences in this episode which focuses on the tie. In the episode discover: • The structure of the tie • How to use it for play versus in a photo • Easier and harder versions for both the top and bottom • How to use the crab tie in suspension • Some on the spot labbing! • What are the risks and tips for safety • Some examples of how Mya and Fox have used it

Bayowolf and Wolfspearl have been married for 42 years and partners in kink for the last 13. Shibari has become a central part of their journey over the past six years, deepening both their connection and their creativity. About a year and a half ago, with open communication and a deep commitment to their marriage, they chose to begin tying with other people—an experience that has expanded their skills and enriched the bond they share. Both live with autoimmune diseases and actively pursue health and strength through clean eating and an intense fitness regimen, showing that resilience, love, and rope can go hand in hand. In the episode Mya and Fox explore with this delightful couple: • Why they decided to tie with other tops and bottoms • How they explored and agreed what rope with others would look like • Their limits and boundaries to ensure they protect their relationship • What the most challenging topics of discussion were in that conversation • The ways in which they built trust in each other and relaxed some of their boundaries over time • The benefits gained and learnings through tying outside their marriage • Differences between tying with each other versus other people • Being each others’ cheerleaders • Integrating into the rope community as a rope top and rope bottom in their sixties • ‘Onboarding’ new rope bottoms safely • Their perspective on why there are so few rope bottoms over 35 in the community • Tips for older rope bottoms and tops integrating into a new rope community • And plenty more

Pearl began her rope bottoming journey in 2019 at the age of 57, attending Bondage Expo Dallas with her husband, Bayowolf. In preparation for Beach Bind 2021, they dove into the local rope scene, attending education-focused meetups to grow their skills. Despite her commitment, Pearl found rope bottoming challenging and noticed a lack of education directed at bottoms in her community, leading her to question whether rope was truly for her. That changed dramatically during an intensive at Beach Bind, where she received her first formal bottoming education from an experienced rope bottom. Learning how to process pain, distinguish between “good” pain and harmful pain, and care for herself during rope scenes transformed her experience. Since then, Pearl has been passionate about sharing what she’s learned, offering her insight and support to help others find empowerment and understanding in rope bottoming. The podcast hosts - both in their forties - are very invested in the topic, and discuss with Pearl: • Her rope journey • What she loves about rope • Why she nearly gave up at the start and how she learned to ‘manage the suck’ • Dealing with psychological hurdles about her age • How her life experiences have influenced her rope bottoming • How she keeps her body and mind healthy for rope • Her autoimmune disease and how it affects her rope bottoming • What it really means to ‘listen to your body’ • Handling the vasovagal response successfully • How rope has changed the way she views her body • Adaptations she uses • And finally the benefits of being an older rope bottom

In this episode Fox and Mya discuss how you might successfully combine rope play with a very popular form of BDSM activity, wax play! This is usually pouring or dripping molten wax over the skin of a play partner, in this case, while they are also tied up. The hosts explore in the episode: • Wax and rope aesthetics • Types of scene you can use wax within • Safety and risks and possible mitigations for these • Considerations for choice of position and tie • Wax removal • Challenges of clean up • Plus hear all about one of Fox’s ‘hottest’ ever scenes…

One of our lovely listeners left this comment for us with the following questions: 1. When it comes to being a rope educator, what are the essential skills someone should have? 2. How do you know if you're ready to teach rope to others? 3. How do you ensure you're not teaching above your own skill level? 4. How do you develop a rope curriculum? In this episode the rope podcast hosts explore these questions, sharing their own opinions and ideas on them, touching on: • Three essential skills before you think about teaching rope • Whether you are really the best person to decide if you’re ready to teach rope • Why being great at doing rope isn’t the same as being great as teaching rope • The skills that matter more than technical • Creating the right physical and psychological container for your class • Pre-requisites and how to position them • Why switches might not always make the best teachers • The difference between creating a rope curriculum and a rope class • Creating coherence in rope curriculums • What the difference is between a community leader and a rope educator • And plenty more.

BondageOtter(he/they) is the founder of Rope Burn SF, the USA’s first ongoing masc-of-center, rope-specific play party + skill share, with his remaining energy spent volunteering for numerous gay organizations. A queer leatherman and rope switch, he maintains a private S/M practice while organizing public education and play programs for the community of people who want to tie masc-of-center bodies. He commits a huge amount of his free time to successfully creating gay rope events and community, and in this episode shares some of his learnings on his journey in this area. In the episode, hear about: • The structure of Rope Burn • Logistics of large rope parties with 50-70 people • Using rope events to invest back in the community • Founding the men tying men conference in 2024 • What the conference experience looks like for participants • Choosing the right educators for the conference • Learnings from year one • Managing safety at this type of big, complex event • What public versus private play looks like for him • And more! Listen now on all podcast platforms. You can alsogo back to Episode 201 to hear part 1 of the interview. BondageOtter (he/they) is a queer leatherman and rope switch who maintains a private S/M practice while organizing public education and play programs for the community of people who want to tie masc-of-center bodies. He is particularly devoted to adapting Eastern aesthetic principles to the tying of larger bodies, honoring the history and feel of Japanese tying while opening it up to the erotic scenarios of the leather bar. While he has studied with many official and unofficial teachers in Japan, Europe, and the Americas, he has primarily focused on the styles of Naka Akira, Akechi Kanna, and Yoroï Nicolas. He He enjoys sharing his style of play with others, aiming for scenes to be both hot and hurty, where the progressive restriction of freedom encourages creative forms of expression for both top and bottom.

BondageOtter (he/they) is a queer leatherman and rope switch who maintains a private S/M practice while organizing public education and play programs for the community of people who want to tie masc-of-center bodies. His education seeks to fuse Japanese aesthetics with the erotics of gay leather culture. The podcast hosts talked to him about how his rope experience in that culture is different from the cis-het/pansexual community, and the unique perspective that, along with hie experience living in Japan and running events, gives him. He also shares some of the implications for tops and bottoms when you primarily tie men. With huge energy, a refreshingly direct and open perspective on rope and sexuality, and strong self-reflection, Bondage Otter is a delight to listen to. In the episode you can hear more about: • His rope journey • A great tip to break into the kink community • Three things he loves about rope • How shame and embarrassment figure in his play • What he does to blend Japanese aesthetics and gay leather culture • How he adapts Eastern aesthetic principles to be sustainable for larger body types • How he ‘reads’ a new partner for pick-up play • Tips for tying cut versus uncut penises • Suggestions for tying men from the perspective of both bottom and top • How to broaden your sources of inspiration for tying • Making the experience of suspending male bodies better for all parties • And plenty more. BondageOtter is the founder of Rope Burn SF, the USA’s first ongoing masc-of-center, rope-specific play party + skill share, with his remaining energy spent volunteering for numerous gay organizations. Listen now on all podcast platforms, and look out for Episode 202 to hear part 2 of the interview.

It’s hard for us to believe, but this episode is number 200 of the Rope Podcast. That’s a lot of ropey goodness! Starting back in 2017, we’ve somehow managed to produce episodes every two weeks on a regular basis. This fun episode celebrates our story so far - a story that in many ways echoes the growth of rope bondage in society at large. We hear updates from some of our guests, including Shay Tizano, Wooden Tiger, Faviola Llervu, RopuNawa, Violet Rain, MistressJ, Chrisian Red, Voudou Ropes, Ebi McKnotty and MarcyVQ, on how the podcast has impacted them personally and their communities. We also share some behind the scenes glimpses that will draw back the curtain on some of our ways of working (think, a lot of blushing for Mya, mostly!). Sit back and enjoy this jam-packed episode now, and use our reminiscences to find new angles on the topic of Rope Bondage once more.

Mistress J is an Australian switch known internationally for her gorgeous decorative rope. In our last episode we explored some fundamentals of the art, as well as getting to know Mistress J and her rope practice. In this episode, we go deeper, and talk to her about: • Pros and cons of mixing decorative rope with other forms of rope • Her inner sadist! • A top tip for performances (that Fox and Mya also implement) • Skills and qualities that a bottom can bring to decorative rope • What she needs to know from her bottom when tying this kind of rope • How tying artistic rope differs from other forms of rope • The starter kit you might need for trying out this rope • The rope gear she started with • Her go-to rope for decorative rope • Practical tips for people who want to tie in this style • What’s challenging about this type of rope • How she engages her creativity in artistic rope • Which ties are her favourite and why • Her fabulous ‘Tie July Challenge’ and why you want to join!