Reclaiming The Record

Before Binx. Before the 37 days. Before the courtroom. There was a decision. A social worker offered Kristina Miller the option to adopt only the two little girls she had loved for a year, and close the file. She said no, and chose to keep a sibling group of four together. Her adoption disclosure said the agency was unable to obtain records from her son’s therapist and psychologist. Those records held a written recommendation that he not be adopted without appropriate treatment, and if adopted, only adopted alone, without his siblings. In this episode, Kristina lays the disclosure and the records side by side, and reads the federal sibling placement law and the laws on adoption disclosure. She also speaks directly to adoptees about the harmful belief that adopted children are inherently troubled, and why her son is not the villain of this story.If this is your story, or the story of someone you love, find us at www.untiltheyreallsafe.com. Subscribe wherever you listen. And send this to anyone signing adoption paperwork this year, so they know what to ask for.Content noteThis episode discusses adoption, child psychiatric illness, dissociation, and a threat of violence. If you are in crisis tonight, call or text 988 in the US, or find a line in your country at findahelpline.com.Resources* Until They’re All Safe: www.untiltheyreallsafe.com* 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988Laws and cases referenced* 42 U.S.C. § 671(a)(31), from the Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008: reasonable efforts to place siblings together unless the state documents that a joint placement would be contrary to the safety or well-being of any sibling.* Code of Virginia § 63.2-1208: the report to the circuit court must state that all reasonably ascertainable background, medical, and psychological records were provided to the adoptive parents, and list them.* Code of Virginia § 63.2-1217: knowingly and intentionally providing false information in writing and under oath, material to an adoptive placement, is a Class 6 felony.* 45 CFR § 1356.40: a Title IV-E adoption assistance agreement must be signed and in effect at or before the final decree of adoption.For the foster parents considering adoption, here are seven things to do before you sign I’m not a lawyer, and this isn’t legal advice. It’s what I wish someone had told me.* Ask for everything, in writing. Every psychological evaluation. Every therapist’s notes and treatment summaries. Every psychiatric record. Every recommendation from every clinician who has worked with this child. Every letter from prior foster families. Every concern raised about this placement, and what was done about it. Not a summary. The records.* Treat “unable to obtain” as a red flag, not a gap. Ask in writing: which records, from which provider, when were they requested, by whom, and what was the response? A real gap has real answers. A convenient gap gets vague ones.* Ask the placement question directly. In writing: has any clinician, therapist, psychologist, or prior caregiver recommended against this placement? Has anyone recommended that these siblings be separated, or that this child be placed alone? Keep the answer.* Talk to the providers yourself, if you can. Ask for the names of every provider who has treated this child and what consent you need to speak with them. Then ask what they’d want an adoptive parent to know.* Ask for the court report’s list. The agency’s report to the court must say all reasonably ascertainable records were given to you, and list them. Compare that list to what’s in your hands before finalization. Other states have their own rules.* Get your support in writing before you finalize. A federal adoption assistance agreement must be signed and in effect at or before the final decree. Negotiate services, therapy, and residential treatment coverage before you sign. After finalization, your leverage is gone.* You’re allowed to slow down. You can say not yet. You can say not until I see those records. That doesn’t make you a bad foster parent. It makes you the parent who will still be standing when the hard part comes. Get full access to Kristina Miller at risingwithkristina.substack.com/subscribe

Four years ago, my son killed our cat. Before that day, I had five independent evaluations warning that someone would get hurt. Everyone saw it coming. Nobody could do anything about it. This is the story of how a child carrying trauma no one would treat, and a family begging for help, were failed by every system meant to protect them.This is where Season 1 begins. Not at the beginning of the story, at the moment everything became undeniable. I take you inside a house where my children were living two stories at once, through four facilities that sent us home in the dark, and to the three words that told me everything.If you have ever carried a folder no one would read, this episode is for you. You were not overreacting. The system had no mechanism for what you were living.Please note: This episode discusses the death of a pet, child psychiatric crisis, and the child welfare system. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. Get full access to Kristina Miller at risingwithkristina.substack.com/subscribe