E209: Cleaning Up You and Your Child's Mental Mess: Lies You’ve Been Told About Your ADHD Brain, Building Habits, and Finding Mental Peace with Dr. Caroline Leaf

We all know someone who has an emotionally immature parent.  The one who lays on guilt trips. The one who never shows up. The one who struggles with demons bigger than their kids. Maybe it’s you.   Maybe it’s your neighbor or your best friend. As a mom, it hits different.  You see the pain, the nuance, the struggle a little more clearly. And yet you still can’t fix the other person. But you can make changes in your life and for your own children. Today, I’m not holding back from the tough conversation of emotionally immature parenting and breaking the cycles of brokenness in your family.  I want you to know wholeheartedly that when you’re taking care of yourself, you ARE caring for your family, too. Self-care is the opposite of selfishness. By learning how to take care of yourself, you can teach your kids those same invaluable skills.  Listen to this week’s episode and let’s do the hard work of breaking and rebuilding cycles together. Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-223-building-a-stronger-healthier-adhd-family-for-generations Current parenting workshop series: Your Gifted Child! A donate-what-you-can fundraiser for my kid’s school. Register at patriciasung.com/gt

What “should” you have done already?   Finish your degree?  Pass your driver’s license test?  Make that doctor’s appt?  Left the house for school pickup? If you’re constantly thinking “I’m behind!”, this episode is for you.   Often it’s literal, as in, “I’m 20 minutes late to my appointment!” But it’s also in the big things, like you “should” have more kids by now or gotten that promotion.  You’re not alone! Feeling behind has come up in several discussions recently both in my Lighthouse Group ADHD Coaching, and in Successful Mama Meetups. What are the patterns showing up in this pervasive problem among women with ADHD? Here’s how to move forward both logistically and mentally. It’s time to take care of you, mama: A whole weekend for you to relax and get away from all your weighty responsibilities, to understand your ADHD mind in community with moms who get it. Drop your name on the waitlist for the 3rd annual ADHD Moms Weekend Retreat in October 2024, and I’ll take care of everything once you arrive!   Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-222-4-reasons-why-you-feel-behind

Do you ever feel like an emotional sponge, absorbing the feelings of others around you? Especially when you’re with someone you care about? Especially when you’re in certain parts of your cycle? Extra especially when they are agitated, frustrated, angry, or anxious? In this episode, we dive deep into understanding emotional regulation, stress management, and the unique challenges faced by moms with ADHD. From absorbing everyone else's emotions to navigating the stress ladder, we'll explore the struggles and I’ll offer practical strategies for finding balance and grace in the midst of the storm.  You CAN learn to hear your own signals and trust them, as well as build your stress tolerance to help you regulate during the day, in spite of the rest of your and your family’s stressors! And once you know how, you can teach your kids how to increase their stress tolerance, too.   Stop Medusa Mom in her tracks with these 10 tips to calm down before you lose your cool! Watch (or read) the free video here: https://www.patriciasung.com/medusa-mom.   Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-221-frustrated-easily-adult-adhd-meltdown-mood-swing

Sometimes you need a reminder that it’s okay to spend a little money on yourself, especially when the guilt of the last 3 wasteful impulse buys are still weighing on you. In this episode of Motherhood in ADHD, we're diving headfirst into why self-care is NOT selfish. I want you to know that putting yourself on the budget’s priority list is worth it - without guilt creeping in and talking yourself out of it before you ever get that much deserved break. Often that guilt (or fear of something else) also prevents you from bringing up the topic of money with your partner.  I’ll cover how you can prepare for a money conversation with your partner and set the stage so it’s as smooth as possible.  If even thinking about money conversations or putting yourself first gives you hives, this episode is a great first step toward ditching the guilt, as we dive into two uncomfortable conversations in today’s episode.   Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-220-spend-money-on-yourself-guilt-free-how-to-talk-to-your-spouse-husband-partner-about-the-budget     New workshop alert! Your Gifted Child: a 3 workshop series to help you understand your gifted child better, parent them well without losing your sanity, and learn the skills to help them be calm, well-rounded and successful. We'll talk about 2e, comorbidities, emotional regulation, and executive function skills.  Come to the live workshops OR listen to the private podcast version OR watch the replay.  In case you’re new around here, I'm a certified K-12 GT teacher and taught middle school for many years before becoming an ADHD Coach, so I’m using my years of experience teaching gifted & 2e kids to support my boys’ school GT program. It's donate-what-you-can admission! Sign up here: patriciasung.com/gt

Watching your child struggle is pretty much the worst. Not knowing what to do about it is more than icing on the doo-doo cake. I've got your back, mama! In this episode of Motherhood in ADHD, I dive into the rollercoaster of emotions and challenges of parenting a struggling child. When your child needs help, but you don’t know where to begin, this episode is for you. From dealing with overwhelming chaos to understanding the unique dynamics in a family affected by ADHD, here are my key tips to help you navigate the stress. So, buckle up, mama, because we're about to unpack the struggle bus and turn it into the ambulance you need for support during a crisis. In this episode, I’m sharing the five essential C's for helping your struggling child. First up, we zoom in on crisis management and understanding what’s on fire before taking action. Then, we delve into the critical aspect of self-care for moms because, let's be honest, we can't pour from an empty unicorn mug. We also explore caring for our kids, making sure they find their own spaces to shine and thrive. Plus, we emphasize the importance of building strong connections and boosting our kids' confidence, because every little victory matters. So, put on your driving gloves, grab a cup (or 40 oz travel mug) of coffee, and get ready to drive into a world of empathy, support, and practical advice on nurturing your struggling child. If you want to join us in person, we’re discussing parenting WITH ADHD in March & April in Successful Mama Meetups. Because among the chaos, you're already a fantastic mom who’s trying her best, and you're not alone in this bumpy journey. New workshop alert! Your Gifted Child: a 3 workshop series to help you understand your gifted child better, parent them well without losing your sanity, and learn the skills to help them be calm, well-rounded and successful. We'll talk about 2e, comorbidities, emotional regulation, and executive function skills.  Come to the live workshops OR listen to the private podcast version OR watch the replay.  In case you’re new around here, I'm a certified K-12 GT teacher and taught middle school for many years before becoming an ADHD Coach, so I’m using my years of experience teaching gifted & 2e kids to support my boys’ school GT program. It's donate-what-you-can admission! Sign up here: patriciasung.com/gt   Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-219-parenting-struggling-child-with-adhd-how-to-help-kid-in-crisis

It’s here again… that awful feeling: I’m behind. You swore this year you’d print those adorable Christmas cards with your family’s smiling faces in front of a glowing tree, but it’s December and you haven’t even started.  Your friends are sending you theirs, and just seeing them makes you feel guilty.  You’re scrambling to shop for presents online, wondering how you’re going to fit it into your budget.  And that damn elf on the shelf? Hasn’t moved for days.  Mama, the holidays are a stressful time for most people.  But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be quite this bad.  If you’re feeling behind, and like you can’t rest because there just.isn’t.time… this episode is for you.  We talk about: How to clean up after the holidays without feeling overwhelmed Why you feel “behind” and what to do about it Relearning how to rest, when adulting made you forget How to make time to recharge when there just isn’t any time There’s no law that says holidays have to be hard. Join me in choosing calm over chaos this year.  Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-218-holiday-self-care. The cure to your holiday hangover: quick & easy steps to get your home back to its normal level of chaos after the holidays! https://www.patriciasung.com/holiday-hangover   Looking for a quiet fidget to help keep you and your kids peaceful when life feels uncomfortable? Calm Strips are the way to go! Touch, scratch or trace the textured surface to regulate restless energy, increase focus, and remind yourself to breathe. Head over to CalmStrips.com and use the code MOTHERHOOD20 for 20% off orders of $20 or more.

Ever feel like making friends is a puzzle you can't quite solve?  You're not alone, mama!  In this episode of Motherhood in ADHD, we unpack the nuances of friendship with our guest Caroline Maguire.  Caroline is a leader in social skills development and the author of the book, “Why Will No One Play With Me?” – a handbook on how to communicate social skills training for your kids… and yourself! If you’ve ever felt like your ADHD impacts how you make and keep friends, this episode is for you.  We're talking about those oops-did-I-say-too-much moments and the I-have-no-idea-what-to-say ones.  Caroline answers questions from listeners like: What do I do when I’ve been ghosted? How do I reach out when I’ve been distant due to my ADHD? How should I approach talking to my friends, co-workers or bosses about how my ADHD affects my communication style? How do I help my kids have successful friendships without pushing them too hard? Our relationships shape our lives – but they’re not easy when you have ADHD. So let’s dig in and figure it out together.  Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-217-adhd-and-friendships-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire What’s your ADHD Parenting Style?  Find out at patriciasung.com/quiz because you’re not your average mama bear! Looking for a quiet fidget to help keep you and your kids peaceful when life feels uncomfortable? Calm Strips are the way to go! Touch, scratch or trace the textured surface to regulate restless energy, increase focus, and remind yourself to breathe. Head over to CalmStrips.com and use the code MOTHERHOOD20 for 20% off orders of $20 or more.

How do you feel when you think about taking ADHD medication? Nervous? Hopeful? Overwhelmed? The process of obtaining and finding the right medication can feel like A LOT. First, you have to approach the subject with your doctor (who may or may not be well-informed about ADHD) -- and then there is finding the right type and dosing of medication, dealing with potential side effects, and the whole process of trial and error. It never goes perfectly. But it can go more smoothly -- when you take a few steps to plan and prepare for it. On this episode of Motherhood in ADHD, I share all my best tips and strategies for starting ADHD medication that I learned the hard way -- from tackling that first conversation with your doc, to riding out your first few months. You'll learn: Tips for remembering to take your medication daily (No more, "Ugh, did I actually take that today?" moments) How to take your medication for maximum effectiveness How to work with your doctor to start and stop medication safely Tips for finding the right dosing What to do if you can't afford your ADHD medication Tips for approaching the topic of ADHD medication with your doctor (No, you're not a "drug seeker"!) And so much more! Your first go-round with ADHD medication doesn't have to be a disaster. You deserve to feel confident, informed and fear-free while you find a treatment plan that works for you. **This material is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your doctor or a trained medical professional to find the treatment plan that best fits your personal situation.** This episode is part of our Best Of Series by your requests and originally aired in June 2022. Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-216-what-i-wish-i-knew-before-taking-adhd-stimulants-best-of-series  What if you could feel productive and accomplished, knowing you showed up for the people and things you love most? What if you could look back at your day, and know you did what was on your to-do list?  It’s possible with the Daily Planning for Moms with ADHD course, where I teach you how to keep a calendar and organize your to-do lists in a way that makes sense for your ADHD brain.  Join today at: bit.ly/adhdplan

“I’ve tried everything!”  When you’re dealing with a particularly frustrating problem that’s gone on for years, like parenting your exasperating child, looking for relief from a chronic health issue, or advocating for your child struggling at school, you start to run out of energy AND optimism. When you’ve got a situation that feels hopeless… When you’ve run out of ideas… When you’ve looked under every rock and barked up every tree… Should you just give up?  Sigh. Except you REALLY want to find a solution. You’re not ready to give up on your kid, your health, the things that truly matter to you. What’s a mom to do?  My kindergartener surprised me with his fresh take on counting last week, and it made me think twice about how I look at the same-old-same-old.  In today’s episode, I’m sharing five valuable ways to find a fresh perspective when you feel overwhelmed or stuck. Let’s look outside the box and past the same advice you’ve heard 37 times to find what you actually need or could use.  These are the kinds of problems that are worth another go. You’re worth it, too.   Get some cheerleaders in your corner and join our free Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/motherhoodinadhd   After our first session together, you’ll know how to stay cool when your Uncle Roger starts with his political BS at the next holiday party. It won’t ruin the day for you. Early Bird Registration of my next round of Lighthouse Group ADHD Coaching ends today! Registration reopens in January. The group starts in 2024, so put your name on the waitlist now to get signup details, so you’ll know that after the holidays are over and the kids are back in school, you are ready to get your life together and your emotions in control. You’ll learn the skills you wish you knew growing up to make adulting easier as someone with ADHD and you’ll be able to teach your kids how to live well with ADHD.    Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here: https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-215-dont-know-what-else-to-do-how-to-solve-hopeless-problems-feel-stuck   Thank you to our sponsor, Skylight Calendars, whose support allows me to share this podcast with you for free! I only partner with brands I know and love, so I bet you’ll love this amazing digital calendar as much as I do - it will help keep your family coordinated and less stressed. Use the coupon code PATRICIA to get 10% off your family calendar at SkylightCal.com

What’s your story of working under an unqualified or unsupportive boss? I’m sharing a few of my terrible boss experiences.  But today’s episode is not just about the bad bosses in the workplace. As a parent, we often feel underqualified. You don’t want to be a “bad boss”, but no one handed you an instruction manual when your children arrived!  What do you do when you don’t know what to do? When you don’t feel sure of your choices, it starts to seep into your confidence level. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) shows up to make you doubt your parenting decisions, increasing the guilt around what you should have done, and layering in the shame on how you’re ruining your kids forever with your mess ups.Yikes! RSD also taints how we relate to our partners, which can stir up the same conflict over and over again. It influences how we react to the slightest eyebrow raise and every “what if” scenario. It makes you scared to bring up important conversations.  Knowing it’s not just you is half the battle. Let’s dive into how we can better support and care for our families and partners, by starting with ourselves.   Stop Medusa Mom in her tracks with these 10 tips to calm down before you lose your cool! Watch (or read) the free video here: https://www.patriciasung.com/calm   Find links to everything mentioned in this episode & read the transcript here:  https://www.patriciasung.com/podcast/episode-214-parenting-lessons-from-bad-bosses-when-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-adhd-rsd-affects-parenting-partners    When you know how to stay calm, your child’s meltdown over leaving the holiday party won’t ruin your day. You can respond firmly and lovingly because you’re in control of your emotions. Next week, Early Bird Registration of my next round of Lighthouse Group ADHD Coaching is open to the waitlist for 3 days only. The group starts in 2024, so put your name on the waitlist now so you’ll know that after the holidays are over and the kids are back in school, you are ready to get your life together and your emotions in control. You’ll learn the skills you wish you knew growing up to make adulting easier as someone with ADHD and you’ll be able to teach your kids how to live well with ADHD.   Thank you to our sponsor, Skylight Calendars, whose support allows me to share this podcast with you for free! I only partner with brands I know and love, so I bet you’ll love this amazing digital calendar as much as I do - it will help keep your family coordinated and less stressed. Use the coupon code PATRICIA to get 10% off your family calendar at SkylightCal.com