Create a Happier, More Peaceful Home Using Music (Episode # 189) with Valaura Arnold
SHOW NOTES:Links mentioned in the episode:For $50 OFF Troomi Wireless cell phone, use code: HAPPYVidAngel - 30 day free trial with code: HELPINGLily & Thistle Art Makes Me Smart (just launched!) $100 OFF Lifetime Access with promo code: HELPINGOFHAPPINESS$5 OFF The Monthly Art Makes Me Smart Membership from @lily_and_thistleWhat’s inside the Art Makes Me Smart Membership? So many cool things, but our favorite is the Around the World section.Travel the globe through art! Explore 25+ countries with hands-on projects, music, recipes, book lists, and more. Each lesson helps kids connect deeply with cultures around the world, no passport (or planning!) required. Our family has LOVED learning from this Watercolor School for years!!How to Use Music to Create a Happier, More Peaceful HomeHow Can Music Help Create a More Peaceful Home?One of my favorite things Valaura said during our conversation was:"We don't have to be great singers to sing. As a teacher, I don't believe in people saying they can or can't. Open your mouth and let the joy come out."I love that!! We have about half natural singers and half people who can't hear anything on key at our house. But that doesn't stop anyone from singing!Valaura shared how music can completely change the atmosphere of a home. Think about those afternoons when the kids come home from school, everyone is hungry, homework needs to get done, and you're already feeling overwhelmed.Instead of adding more noise or trying to fix everyone's mood, what if you turned on some peaceful music?Valaura told me about her very colicky baby who would cry and cry. She started playing piano music by George Winston, and it helped him settle down. Now that little baby is 33 years old, and he still loves that music, isn't that the craziest thing?!I think that's so sweet. Not only did the music help in a difficult moment, but it became something that connected them years later.* Try this in your home : Find some instrumental music that you enjoy and put it on during the busiest part of your day. Maybe that's when everyone gets home from school, during homework, or while you're making dinner. See how your family responds.The Science Behind Music and Our EmotionsThis part of our conversation was fascinating to me!Valaura explained how closely music is connected to our emotions and memories. Music can activate parts of the brain involved in emotion and memory, and research suggests that enjoyable music can help improve mood and reduce stress.She talked about dopamine, cortisol, and how music can affect our physical responses as well as our feelings.But here's something I especially appreciated: not everyone finds the same music calming.Valaura loves performing opera, but that doesn't mean she wants to listen to opera when she's trying to relax. What makes one person feel peaceful might drive someone else crazy!This is so true in my family! My husband loves country music, and I enjoy it in small doses. But after listening to it all day, I'm ready for something else. Give me some 90s country, though, and I'm happy! Maybe that's because it takes me right back to my teenage years.The point is to pay attention to how music makes you and your family feel.Valaura suggested finding your favorite calming music when you're already in a good mood. That way, when things get stressful, you've got something ready to turn on.And that leads us to one of my favorite takeaways from this episode.Make a Playlist for the Days When Everyone Is GrumpyWe all have those days. The kids are arguing, someone is discouraged, dinner needs to be made, and we're feeling a little frazzled ourselves.Music isn't going to solve every family problem, but it can be one more tool in our parenting toolbox.Valaura shared that when her daughter came home discouraged from junior high, she would turn on music and they would bake cookies together.I love this because it wasn't a big production. They weren't planning an elaborate family activity. They were just spending time together, creating an environment where her daughter could feel better and they could talk.Valaura also told me that her family's go-to happy music included Michael Bublé, 70s and 80s music, and "Fishin' in the Dark" by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band (some of my faves as well!).Whenever someone was having a crummy day, they knew what to turn on!Here's your assignment this week: Make a playlist of songs that help you feel peaceful and happy.You might even want a few different playlists:Peaceful afternoons: Instrumental piano, acoustic music, or whatever helps your family settle down.Happy cleaning music: Upbeat songs that get everyone moving. Cleaning is a lot more fun with a little dancing!Family favorites: Songs everyone knows and loves to sing together.Sunday music: Songs that help your family slow down, feel closer to God, and prepare for the week ahead.You don't have to make all of these at once. Just start with one!How Music Creates Family Memories That LastThis might be my favorite part of our whole conversation.Valaura talked about how music can bring back memories from years ago. Sometimes all it takes is hearing a few notes of a song, and suddenly you're right back in a specific place or time.This happens to me all the time. There are songs that take me straight back to riding the school bus, going to school dances, or driving in the car with my dad.And it makes me think about what our kids are going to remember from their childhoods. What songs will remind them of home?Valaura shared a story that I absolutely loved. On Sundays, she always played Christian music, including the Tabernacle Choir and other uplifting music. Her daughter sometimes complained about it growing up.But when she went away to college, she called her mom and said:"Mom, can you send me the playlist from all that music? I miss Sundays at home."Isn't that the sweetest thing?Her daughter wasn't just missing the songs. She was missing the feeling of being home.That's exactly what I want for my kids. I want them to have those little things that bring them right back to the happy memories we made together. And most of the time, those memories are being created in the most ordinary moments.Simple Musical Family Traditions Your Kids Will RememberYou don't have to be a professional musician or have kids who play instruments to make music a meaningful part of your family life.Valaura shared some wonderful traditions from her own family:Sing to your kids at bedtime.When her children were little, she sang to them every night. Now her grown children sing those same songs to their own kids!One night she was singing a lullaby to her three-year-old granddaughter, who started getting teary-eyed. When the song ended, her granddaughter said:"Lala, I just love it so much, and I love you. It's so beautiful, my heart's crying."Oh my goodness. That story just melted me! It doesn't matter if you have a beautiful singing voice. Your kids love your voice.Have family singalongs in the car.Valaura's family still sings together in the car, now with grandchildren joining in! They've passed their favorite songs down to the next generation.Turn on music while you clean.I love the idea of putting on upbeat music and making cleaning a little more fun. Valaura said her family would turn on 80s pop, dance, and sing while they worked.Make music part of your holidays.Her family used to take cookies to neighbors and go Christmas caroling. Those simple traditions became part of what Christmas meant to her kids.You can make up your own silly songs, sing while you're cooking, have dance parties in the kitchen, or let your kids choose the music for a family drive.The important part isn't how good it sounds. It's the connection you're creating.Music Can Help Us Through Hard Times, TooMusic isn't only for happy moments.Sometimes it's the thing that helps us through the really difficult ones.Valaura is currently caring for her mother, who has Alzheimer's. She shared that her mother sometimes doesn't remember who she is, but when Valaura plays a familiar song, her mother can still sing every word.That really touched me.We also talked about how music has been part of some of our most emotional family experiences.When my grandfather passed away, I was asked to sing "You'll Never Walk Alone," at his funeral, which had been a special song for my grandparents. I couldn't get through it without crying.Then I was asked to sing "The Lord's Prayer," which was another of his favorite songs.My grandfather was the one who paid for my voice lessons when I was young. He would come to my lesson every week and then head straight to his AA meeting. It was our little routine.Somehow, when I sang "The Lord's Prayer" at his funeral, I was able to get through the entire song. I really felt like God gave me strength in that moment.I don't know why one song was so difficult and the other brought me so much peace, but it reminded me how powerful music can be.Valaura shared something similar from her own life. When she moved away from her children to care for her mother, she struggled with feeling lonely and overwhelmed. She had left behind so much of her musical life.One day she finally turned on some of her favorite music and lay down to rest. She described feeling an overwhelming peace and being reminded that God had been with her all along.Her words at the end of our conversation were beautiful:"The music opens us up, and then he can talk to us. I believe with all my heart he's in the music."I love that perspective. Sometimes we don't have the answers to the problems our kids are facing. Sometimes we're exhausted ourselves. And sometimes we just need a little peace. Music can be one way to make room for that.You Don't Have to Be Musical to Have a Musical HomeOne thing I hope every mom takes away from this episode is that music isn't just for talented people. You don't have to play the piano, sing in a choir, or know anything about music theory to bring these benefits into your home. You just have to turn it on. Sing along. Dance with your kids. Find the songs that make your family smile. Easy!Valaura said something toward the end of our conversation that I think sums it up beautifully:"It doesn't make everything good and everybody happy, but it brings the agitation down."Isn't that what we're looking for sometimes? Not a perfect home, just a little more peace and a little more joy.Your Family Happiness Challenge This WeekSo go act on our challenge! Make one playlist that helps bring peace into your home.Choose the songs when you're feeling calm, so they're ready for the moments when everyone needs a little help resetting.Pay attention to how your kids respond. Ask them what songs make them happy. Maybe even make a family playlist together!Years from now, those songs might be the very things that remind your children of home.And that's what we're trying to do here at Helping of Happiness: find simple ways to bring our families together, make meaningful memories, and build relationships that last long after our kids grow up.Listen to my full conversation with Valaura Arnold on the Helping of Happiness Podcast for more ideas on using music to bring peace, joy, and connection into your family life.READ TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST HERE!
