What I Was Really Looking for Through Sex: Rejection and the Need to Feel Chosen.
Content Note: This episode contains honest discussion of childhood sexual trauma, promiscuity, pornography, manipulation, and unhealthy relationship patterns. Please listen with care.In Episode 9 of Healing Out Loud with Isha Reed, I open up about what I was really searching for through sex.For me, sex was not always about pleasure. Sometimes it was about filling emotional emptiness, numbing childhood pain, feeling desired, maintaining control, and proving that somebody had chosen me.I discuss how having my innocence taken by an older man affected my understanding of intimacy, why I sometimes chose younger men, and how I used sex and manipulation to feel powerful after once being made powerless. I also share what it means to take accountability for my adult choices without blaming or shaming the younger version of myself who was trying to survive.This episode explores:• Why attention, sex, access, and love are not the same
• How trauma can affect intimacy and relationship choices
• The difference between accountability and self-condemnation
• Why control and manipulation do not create emotional safety
• Replacing one habit with another while leaving the underlying wound untreated
• Pornography, soul ties, celibacy, boundaries, and renewing the mind
• Choosing distance when you know an area of your life is still healing
• Learning to choose yourself over temporary attentionThe trauma was not my fault—but healing has become my responsibility.Reference Scriptures:
1 Corinthians 6:16–20, MSG
Romans 12:1–2, MSG
Psalm 51:10, MSG📖 Purchase my book, Healing Out Loud
Available on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and hardcover:
https://a.co/d/01P9oIeO✍🏾 Healing Out Loud Book Signing
Saturday, November 7, 2026
1:00–3:00 PM
Blendsations Beverage Bar
20 S. 16th Street
Wilmington, NC 28401🫖 Empowerment Tea Party—Winter Edition
Pouring From a Full Cup: Reflection, Gratitude & Giving
Saturday, December 12, 2026
12:00–3:00 PM
UNCW McNeill Hall, Room 1030🎧 Listen to Healing Out Loud with Isha Reed on Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-out-loud/id6818512986Healing Out Loud is also available on Spotify, Pandora, and Substack.Until next time, keep choosing yourself, keep trusting God, and remember: healing does not have to be quiet.Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved.