Cryptidiots 38 - The Grootslang

Audio drama?! Who gave us the right? No one. We're white men, we do things we're not good at ALL THE TIME. Okay, but for real, Dan worked really friggin' hard on this seafaring horror story he wrote, recorded, and edited about the Umibozu. It's not perfect, but it's home. Let us know what you think. K love you byeeee!

The train has gone fully off the rails, at least for Dan, just somehow managed to, in a rare turn of events, stay on track. But you know what? You get a front row seat to the lunacy! So grab your popcorn and hold onto your butts for this star-studded (*wink*) episode on the alien civilization known as The Pleiadians. K love you bye!!

This one doesn’t suck, but Ludwig does! In this wonderfully whimsical episode for which John did no work (okay, to be fair it was a planned outage because he’s been on set all week) Dan talks about his new idol Nellie Bly and her encounters on the haunted Roosevelt Island, we go to the Earth TV universe, and we pay a little visit to the home of a man named Ludwig the Bloodsucker. Come get it! 

The Idiots investigate the Van Meter Visitor, a nine-foot-tall, bat-winged cryptid with a stench so powerful it may erase your memory. They also discuss the Silurian Hypothesis, play aliterature-themed round of CrypTrivia, and debate whether skunk spray technically counts as a fart, all leading up to the Van Meter Visitor taking on the Mantis Man in a Cryptid-Off that ends with the first coin toss in Cryptidiots histor

Mantis alive! What an ep! Dan and John are separated by time and space, but connected by a love for bringing you all such truly groundbreaking content as Dr Phil, the (unofficial) UFO Ambassador for the US (and that's true), proof of Aliens via a haphazardly scrawled note, and tales of a little Cryptid known as the Mantis Man. So come on in!

The Idiots head into the Ozarks in search of a bear-sized, red-eyed creature with a horrifying howl and the unfortunate possibility of simply being a sick normal animal. Along the way, Dan debuts “Scary Presidential” with tales of Abraham Lincoln’s ghost and a dong-hanging Winston Churchill, reenacts first-hand testimony of someone who encountered the Howler in the 1800s, and diagnoses America’s desperate need for a new Walter Matthau.

AUDIO ISSUES :( Well it happened, a goblin got into the clockwork of John's laptop and poisoned our audio files. But, being the fastidious professionals we are, we recorded a backup! It's just a bit low quality. Nonetheless, please enjoy this episode wherein John updates the world on the Moon, Snake, Jimothy, and podcast traitors while Dan gets tricksy with the Azeban. Okay we love you, say nice things about us bye!

Dan comes back from being gone for weeks bearing a strange incantation from a pocket universe, and a military whistleblower writes in with some unique insight and compliments. The Idiots also discuss some new Bigfoot evidence from an expert named Snake, before covering this week’s cryptid,  the Kandahar Giant, a 13-foot tall gentle giant (if you ignore the murdering) who turned into a modern military legend after soldiers annoyed him while he was minding his own business.

Dan is missing and presumed dead, so this week John takes a solo journey to the far reaches of the Nolanverse. In an episode that doubles as John’s audition to be a sleep stories reader, he covers the epics tales of Jimothy (probably the world’s most famous deformed raccoon) and The Odyssey, including its cyclops character Polyphemus.

The boys are back and better than ever (which we can all agree is a low bar). This week we discuss how we can become millionaires with the next big Cryptid franchise. And we dig deep into the Norse Draugr. Get on in here!