You Can’t Be Intimate and Freaked Out at the Same Time: Or, How to Solve Relationships and Politics in a Single Phrase

If you’re married, did you write your own vows? Our guest in this episode, Stephanie Wise, is a therapist who provides therapy to couples. And she also works with couples in another way, to help them craft their vows before marriage. As we discuss in the episode, it’s not just about coming up with the right words. Rather, it’s about recognizing that committing to being in a couple over the long term involves learning the skills of loving. Stephanie’s website is https://www.sageandvinecounseling.com/. Her Instagram handle is @officialstephwise. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. Bruce’s self-paced video courses are now available! More information: https://brucechalmer.com/courses. Use the coupon code “ctin7” for 20% off! Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/mFqHJEivHS0. #CouplesTherapyInSevenWords #ctin7 #DrBruceChalmer #JudyAlexander *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

David Gottfried, our guest in this episode, is well-known in the world of green buildings, having founded the U.S. Green Building Council and the World Green Building Council. Why, then, is he a guest on our podcast that focuses on couples issues? It turns out that the ideas David has been developing have relevance not only to the world of architecture, but also to the world of relationships. David talks about his own experiences, including the abrupt dissolution of his marriage, that have shaped his understanding of what he calls the architecture of love. David’s website is http://www.regen360.net/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. Bruce’s self-paced video courses are now available! More information: https://brucechalmer.com/courses. Use the coupon code “ctin7” for 20% off! Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/4JnbT37kpaM. #CouplesTherapyInSevenWords #ctin7 #DrBruceChalmer #JudyAlexander *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a way of communicating originally developed by Marshal Rosenberg. Our guest in this episode, Micah Salaberrios, first encountered NVC when a colleague in a project he was working on used it to help calm a volatile situation, and he was so impressed with its effectiveness that he ultimately became a teacher of NVC himself. Micah tells us about how to use “Emergency Empathy” to defuse situations, and how this and the other skills of NVC have helped him in his own life. Micah’s website is http://artofnvc.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. Bruce’s self-paced video courses are now available! More information: https://brucechalmer.com/courses. Use the coupon code “ctin7” for 20% off! Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/0t9N4aauFL8. #CouplesTherapyInSevenWords #ctin7 #DrBruceChalmer #JudyAlexander   *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/Db2MhycBH50. How might AI help couples have better relationships? What are the advantages, and what are the dangers? Our guest in this episode, Lior Illouz, tells us about the app his company has developed, and what he and his colleagues have learned about relationships from how their users have interacted with the app. Lior’s website is https://heybonds.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. Bruce’s self-paced video courses are now available! More information: https://brucechalmer.com/courses. Use the coupon code “ctin7” for 20% off! Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.   #CouplesTherapyInSevenWords #ctin7 #DrBruceChalmer #JudyAlexander *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

Download the free 4-page Relationship Clarity Check or explore my video courses at: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com When Gary Chapman first published The Five Love Languages, it became a massive best-seller because the idea that we offer and receive love differently deeply resonated. However, over time, that framework became oversimplified nonsense, trapping couples into rigid boxes. The truth is, we don't fall neatly into single categories—we all need all of them to build a thriving, secure partnership. In this episode, renowned sex educator, intimacy expert, and advocate Susan Bratton returns to the show to introduce a powerful antidote to traditional relationship labels: The Five Lust Languages (using the acronym FLESH). Unlike rigid relationship tests, Susan’s framework isn't a scheme for putting people into boxes. Instead, it offers a multi-dimensional way of understanding sexual compatibility, desire, and emotional intimacy. Together with educator Judy Alexander, we dive into how exploring your unique lust languages can transform your communication skills, deepen your bedroom connection, and help you stop fighting over intimacy mismatches. Explore my video courses, including "Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again", "Discernment: Work On It, Or Call It Quits?", and more at: brucechalmer.com Resources mentioned in this episode: • Visit Susan Bratton’s intimacy website: https://betterlover.com • Explore Judy’s biblical erotica book, The Blue Tent by Laria Zylber: https://lariazylber.com For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/tvE-Rp_Cpng. Topics covered in this discussion: • The myth of the Five Love Languages • Understanding Susan Bratton’s FLESH framework • Why sex is more than you think it is   *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

Download the free Relationship Clarity Check or explore Bruce’s video courses at 👉https://brucechalmer.com Our guests in this episode of "Couples Therapy in Seven Words" are Pete and Kalindi, partners in life and work, devoted to helping individuals and couples experience deeper connection, intimacy, and truth in their relationships. We talk about the ideas of tantra, how couples can regain their connection, and some simple but powerful ways of bridging the gap when a couple has been feeling distant. Pete and Kalindi’s website is https://www.livinginlove.co.uk/. Find out more about the video course "Reigniting the Spark: Stability, Intimacy, and Healing" at https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/. You can find out more about Judy's book at https://lariazylber.com. For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/aFBFEzjdGfY. *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/kIgLpVpu8mM. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a way of working with people that recognizes that, metaphorically or literally, each of us is made up a whole bunch of parts, sometimes vigorously disagreeing with each other. Our guest in this episode, Kirsten Davidson, explains how she uses the insights of IFS in her work with couples. Kirsten’s website is https://mindthegaps.co/. As we mentioned, Judy’s book is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.   *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/IP-pNKMlzyY. Is it possible those wonderful qualities of the person you fell in love with—that perfect match for you—could also be the source of problems in your relationship? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Andrea Medaris, tells us how that can happen, and how to handle it when it does. We talk about Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, and how that can help couples find each other again when they’re feeling disconnected. Andrea’s website is https://theemotionallogic.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message.   *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/TUXfsCRa0Sw. Does Artificial Intelligence have a place in couples therapy? That thought is both intriguing and horrifying, at least to us! Our guest in this episode, Keith Jordan, has developed an app that incorporates AI, with guardrails, to enable clients to get some help between sessions. Keith’s website is http://www.ctadeliveryllc.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message.   *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/iUELr23ilxY. Long-time listeners of our podcast, or those of you who follow my (Bruce’s) work, might recognize that title, “Reigniting the Spark,” as the title of my first book on relationships. Now I’ve created a self-paced video course based on a lot of the same ideas. In this episode, Judy and I talk about why couples might lose the spark, and how it’s possible to get it back. I talk about some of my favorite ideas: stability, intimacy, and the passion paradox; the need to tolerate anxiety without dissolving into panic; the role of faith as the antidote to panic; and more. Our podcast website is at https://ctin7.com.   *** RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER: If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps. 📊 Free Relationship Assessment (Clarity Check): Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide. 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/   💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness): If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/   🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment): Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/   🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark): If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/ 👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/ Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.