Building The Giraffe

We’re still stuck on the oil rig, but we got one of those Starlink satellites to bring you more movie pitches! Have you ever wondered why they don’t make Have you ever wondered why they don’t make a dark version of Batman? One so bleak that it would make millions and millions of dollars just because people go see it so they can shake their head in wonderment that it exists? Well, we answer that question by pitching “Thee Batman,” an unhinged version of the beloved character featuring Ezra Miller and all the ultra-violence you crave! Feel free to email us at [email protected] and we’ll try to answer you if we even figure out how.

In an effort to refresh the RSS feed and get people back to listening we are reposting some of our favorite episodes before we start recording again, little did we know we would predict the love of using the same needle drop in movies over and over and over in a 2 hour span. These days there are many torture porn reboots coming in the pipe but what if we didn’t do a reboot but instead created a whole new thing using Rupert Holmes’ “Escape” as the foundation for horror? Well now is the time for you to find out. This one is a bit shorter but it’s also incredibly insane. Thanks for listening and rate us on Apple Podcasts and subscribe on Spotify.

In an attempt to refresh the RSS feed and get you guys back into the show before we begin recording again we are posting some of our favorite episodes, including this one where we accidentally predicted “Titane”. In episode 5 of Building The Giraffe we attempt to placate TJ Moneybags by exploring the broad comedy that can come from combining of two classics There’s Something About Mary and Dude, Where’s My Car? into a movie that both the average fan and car fetishists can enjoy. We think we did it this time so we won’t be back but, just in case we aren’t correct, please rate us on iTunes anyway!

In an attempt to bring the RSS feed back to life and give you a refresh before we start recording again, please take a listen to this very first episode of our show! Little did we know how prescient this episode would be not long after we made it. In our inaugural episode we explain how we came to be in the business of pitching movies to our benefactor/enslaver TJ Moneybags, Esq to possibly fund for production and then we weave you the tale of The Last Shot a movie that we believe will play well to not only doomsday prepping anti-vaxxer maniacs but their children as well, assuming they live to young adult age, of course. Thank you for listening and join us every Monday for more film genius!

Did you wonder what happens when you change the plot of a classic board game that has no plot into a high stakes interstellar sci-fi action movie? Did you also wonder what would happen if you put John Malkovich in that movie and pitted him against The Rock and Kevin Hart? Well, we did, so strap in for the sure to be tour de force that is Sorry! Thanks for listening, feel free to email us at [email protected] and we will hopefully never be on your feed again!

Did you ever wonder what might happen if you pitted an inter-dimensional traveling Elton John who is actually Santa Claus’ brother that is played by Paul McCartney against a Paul McCartney played by Daniel Day Lewis for the very soul of our reality and of Christmas itself? Too bad, we did! Come Step Into Christmas with Kaiser and Justin. Also please email us at [email protected]!

Did you ever want the Kevin James extended universe to be a thing? Where Paul Blart can meet the Zookeeper and can hang out with I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? No, you didn’t, but we did! So we bring you a soft reboot/sequel to Kevin James seminal work Here Comes The Boom, only this time it is crossed with the violence you might find in modern movies like The Joker. Will Kevin James redeem himself? Is Pete Davidson ever going to have a role where he doesn’t poop? Will David Spade save us all? Listen to this episode and find out. Also email us at [email protected]!

Did you ever feel like jobs sometimes feel like indentured servitude? So do we, but mostly because are rightfully allowed to do so. In keeping with that idea we present to you a hybrid between 12 Years A Slave and Glengary Glenross, one that we think turned out very well. Thanks for listening and email us at [email protected] and tell us your possible ideas!

Welcome to season 2 of Building The Giraffe. While many sequels to old properties are coming out at the theaters these days and Cats is on its way we felt that we should work our way into both categories with our Willem Dafoe vehicle Phantom of the Opera 2: Nosferopera. Thank you for listening and should you like to get ahold of us please email us at [email protected].

Had you wondered exactly what this podcast was about? Find out now before Season 2 begins. In this episode we break character so we can explain to you exactly what the overarching story surrounding the pitches. Thanks for listening and email us at [email protected].