Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Why do we keep reacting in ways we don’t want to? Forrest sits down with the meditator and poet Yung Pueblo to talk about reactivity, letting go, and what it takes to slow down enough to choose something different. They get into why your first reaction usually isn’t the “real you,” how to stay present with someone else’s bad mood without getting pulled into it, and how to feel your feelings without becoming them. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 01:22: Why aren’t men as interested in personal growth content? 05:29: Your first reaction isn't the real you 15:57: Staying present with someone else’s bad mood 22:47: Thoughts vs. what you feel in the body 28:45: Feeling without becoming the feeling 32:21: What is stress? 38:19: Writing Journey 43:27: Forgiveness without an apology 49:13: Who needs to let go, and who needs to try harder 52:48: Letting go of good attachments 1:02:14: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Try Gusto today at gusto.com/BEINGWELL, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.  Visit beopen.shokz.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products. The offer can be combined with other official promotions. Visit Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's easy to run our lives through a filter of, "What does this look like as I'm doing it?" This constant self-monitoring inevitably leads to self-consciousness and anxiety. In this episode, Forrest explores how we can break out of this “internalized panopticon." He talks about where the feeling of being watched comes from, why modern life has turned the volume up on it, how we internalize that as self-monitoring, and how we can get some freedom from it. He covers the research on meta-perception, and introduces a simple model for figuring out who actually gets a say about how you live your life. Key Topics: 0:00 The panopticon 1:32 What it feels like to be watched 4:55 Meta-perception: the call is coming from inside the house 8:23 Where the watcher comes from 14:24 Why it’s louder for some people 19:05 Context collapse 24:29 The four rings 29:05 How to escape 34:56 Building a backstage 38:20 Who will you give power to? Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. If you want to try Momentous Signature Spec Creatine, head to https://livemomentous.com and use code BEINGWELL for up to 35% off your entire first order.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most relationships, romantic or otherwise, tend to get stuck in predictable patterns of conflict. This episode is about how to resolve that conflict, and get things moving again. Dr. Rick and Forrest draw on Rick's decades of work with couples and families to talk about getting on the same team, healthy boundaries, making clear requests, differentiation, and the pursuer-distancer dynamic. The episode closes with Forrest and his fiancée, associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, on fixing versus feeling, and how they worked through it in their own relationship. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 01:30: What Rick wishes couples did differently 09:22: How to ask for what you want 16:36: Differentiation and family systems 28:33: When both people are right: content vs. tone 37:58: Why fighting can feel good 42:09: The pursuer-distancer dynamic 47:15: Resentment and requests about the future 55:33: Fixing vs. feeling with Elizabeth 1:06:59: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. If you want to try Momentous Signature Spec Creatine, head to https://livemomentous.com and use code BEINGWELL for up to 35% off your entire first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest is joined by Dr. Ashley Mason, a clinical psychologist and sleep researcher at UCSF, to discuss Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for insomnia (CBT-I). They talk about what separates insomnia from a few rough nights, why people with insomnia sleep (on average) only a little less than everyone else but experience the night completely differently, how insomnia develops and what keeps it going, and the five pillars of CBT-I. Dr. Mason walks through what treatment looks like in practice: fixing your wake time, restricting time in bed, working with 2am thoughts, a surprisingly early caffeine cutoff, and why meditation apps in bed are a hard no.  About our guest: Dr. Ashley Mason is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychiatry at UC San Francisco, where she directs the Sleep, Eating, and Affect Lab and leads the insomnia treatment program at the UCSF Osher Center for Integrative Health.  Key Topics: 00:00: Introduction 03:43: What insomnia is, and why it’s not just about hours of sleep 14:06: How insomnia develops 20:40: Sleep hygiene, the five pillars of CBT-I, and caffeine  27:02: What treatment looks like: wake time and time in bed restriction 35:20: Sleep anxiety, tracking, and working with 2am thoughts 39:31: Sleep as a performance category, fear-mongering, and alcohol  46:00: Meditation apps, relaxation, and brain dumping 50:34: How well CBT-I works, and using heat for sleep and depression 1:03:26: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Try Gusto today at https://gusto.com/BEINGWELL, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.  Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/beingwell.  Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to https://Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Visit https://beopen.shokz.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products. The offer can be combined with other official promotions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this second episode on self-acceptance, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on how to accept the parts of ourselves we don’t like. They explain why "just love yourself more" rarely works, walk through a four-step process, and talk about why acceptance gets easier when you can set boundaries with yourself. They also cover accepting the “bad” parts of who we are, how to work with the persona you've built to get through life, and self-authorship: taking a hand in who you're becoming.  The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:31: If I accept myself, won't I get complacent? 10:01: Why "just love yourself more" doesn't work 14:36: Group 1: Authentic parts we don’t like 23:51: Boundaries with your own parts, and sticking up for them 32:07: Accepting the difficult stuff 41:01: Own it to regulate it: mean streaks and near enemies 45:49: Group 2: Working with the act 54:46: Self-authorship 1:01:02: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Check your health the way I do with 160+ lab tests and access to scans through Function, all for only $365 a year. Learn more at https://functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL25 for a $25 credit. Visit https://Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance.  Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Self-acceptance gets recommended constantly, but are we really supposed to accept the parts of ourselves we don't like? Won’t that stop us from changing? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss what self-acceptance is, what it isn't, and why it’s the starting point for real change. They share the four stages of competence (and why conscious incompetence is where learning stalls), the two escape hatches people take from it, why harsh self-criticism is a form of avoidance, and Rick's three circles model of the act, the scared self, and the being.  The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics 0:00: Intro 3:04: What self-acceptance is (and isn't) 6:43: The four stages of competence 10:59: Two bad exits: "idiot" self-acceptance and excessive self-criticism 13:24: Critical self-acceptance: judge the behavior, not the self 22:13: The three circles: the act, the scared self, and the ‘being’ 26:44: The two things people struggle to accept 32:27: Should you accept the act? 43:20: Being with, working with, and the two levels of acceptance 51:35: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to https://Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Go to https://Leesa.com for 20% off select mattresses plus get an extra $50 off with promo code BEINGWELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shame is one of the hardest emotions to work with, in part because it blocks what we need most when we’re feeling shame: self-compassion. Dr. Chris Germer, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to discuss how we can get around that trap. They talk about where shame comes from, how to recognize it when it’s hiding behind other emotions, and practical tools that help us experience less shame.  About our Guest: Chris Germer is a clinical psychologist, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program with Dr. Kristin Neff, and author of the new book Self-Compassion for Shame. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: shame, hiding, and why it blocks self-compassion 2:52: What shame is and why it hides 9:45: How self-compassion changes the inner voice 13:44: The arc of working with shame 18:05: Shame as an innocent emotion 22:57: Backdraft and the wish to be loved 29:50: Self-compassion as exposure 39:43: When people really do judge you 45:33: The "shrug" 47:56: Healthy shame, toxic shame, and the parts of you 58:48: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Try Gusto today at https://gusto.com/BEINGWELL, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the world's most researched, recommended, and criticized form of therapy. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen joins Forrest to talk about what CBT is, its history, its strengths and weaknesses, and why it's gotten such a bad rap. They walk through the common criticisms: that it's spreadsheet therapy, that it's a form of self-gaslighting, and that it has an, er, "complex" relationship with insurance companies. They then apply the best of the CBT toolkit to Ellen's areas of expertise: self-criticism, perfectionism, procrastination, and social anxiety.  About our Guest: Ellen is a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and the author of How to Be Yourself and her newest book, ⁠How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists⁠. Key Topics: 00:00: Dr. Ellen Hendricksen and what differentiates CBT 7:54: Is CBT warm? 10:25: The first wave: behaviorism 19:57: The second wave: cognitive therapy and Aaron Beck 26:18: The third wave: mindfulness driven approaches 31:44: How the same problem would be handled by the three waves 34:53: Issues of fit 38:00: Critique 1: CBT is reductive 42:30: When CBT is a poor fit: trauma, intellectualizers 53:27: CBT for social anxiety and perfectionism 1:01:14: The two ingredients of perfectionism  1:07:46: Perfectionism and procrastination  1:25:07: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! ⁠If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.⁠ Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at ⁠https://shopify.com/beingwell⁠.  MasterClass keeps adding new classes, so there’s never been a better time to get in. Get at least 15% off any annual membership at ⁠https://MasterClass.com/BEINGWELL⁠ Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to ⁠https://Quince.com/BEINGWELL⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five-day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pain psychologist Dr. Rachel Zoffness joins Forrest and Dr. Rick to explore what pain is, why it can persist long after an injury has healed, and what actually helps. Rachel explains why the brain, rather than the body part that hurts, is what constructs pain, the difference between acute and chronic pain, and the distinction between hurt (what you feel) and harm (what's damaged). They get into the biopsychosocial model, the "pain dial" that stress, sleep, mood, and social connection can turn up or down, the disappointing response rates for most pain treatments, why pain is absolutely not “just in your head,” what sham surgery and open-label placebo studies reveal about how pain works, and why the research is so hard to interpret.  This is not medical advice. Please do not start, change, or discontinue any medication based on this episode. All decisions should be made with your doctor. About our Guest: Dr. Rachel Zoffness is a pain psychologist, assistant clinical professor at the UCSF School of Medicine, and the author of Tell Me Where It Hurts.  Key Topics: 0:00 Introduction 1:42 Acute vs. chronic pain 3:41 What is pain? 9:20 The biopsychosocial model 11:11 Hurt vs. harm: the tale of two nails 19:10 The pain dial 23:10 Nociception vs. pain 26:46 Your pain recipe 29:46 The "all in your head" stigma 31:23 Central sensitization 35:53 Pushback from pain patients 40:42 Loneliness and pain 46:51 Pacing 50:48 Reducing distress vs. reducing pain 54:26 Does anything work? 1:00:07 What placebo actually is 1:03:19 Acupuncture, sham surgery, and open-label placebo 1:09:42 Why the research is such a mess 1:14:10 Hopelessness, and trying one more thing 1:17:46 Mindfulness and attention 1:23:02 Advice for friends and family 1:30:22 Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to https://Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Check your health the way I do with 160+ lab tests and access to scans through Function, all for only $365 a year. Learn more at https://functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL25 for a $25 credit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest talk about what separates people-pleasing from the fawn response, and why those differences affect what actually helps. They trace the surprising history behind both ideas, explain each’s relationship with trauma, and answer common questions along the way. They discuss why old friendships pull you back into old patterns, when appeasement is actually the right call, how to assert your needs when people expect you to concede, and how to figure out what you want after a lifetime of tuning into everyone else.  Sign up for Dr. Rick's new Boundaries workshop, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. RickHanson.com/Boundaries Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:05: What’s the difference between people-pleasing and “just being nice?” 8:50: Common signs of people-pleasing 21:00: Where "people-pleasing" and “fawning” come from 27:00: Pete Walker, trauma, and how the two terms got merged 30:45: "Is the conflict causing my anxiety, or is my attachment style causing the conflict?" 39:10: Becoming more assertive  47:30: How to change relationships built on the pleasing version of you 55:15: Emotional neglect, shame, and learning what you want 1:04:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Visit https://Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow.  Visit https://Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices